Another Gay Thread

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You know, I was just thinking; if someone went through therapy to become heterosexual, and married, would that be possible grounds for annulment if the marriage didn’t work out because of related sexual issues?
That’s a good question. I’m sure that could definitely become a factor for some. By the way, I love your baby-gaga thing at the bottom. I’m praying you have a healthy, happy baby!!

Peace,
Kolbe
 
Some very interesting things have been posted here since I signed on last!

First, I want to emphasise a point that was made earlier:
**
Remember, the opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it is holiness.**

This is such a wonderful sentiment and moves nicely into a discussion on repentance.

What makes a homosexual sinner repentant? Is it living a chaste life or is it becoming a heterosexual? This seems to be a central point to page 4 of our discussion board. What do you think?

Perhaps many of the frustrations we, as homosexuals, face stem from this debate.
 
That’s a good question. I’m sure that could definitely become a factor for some. By the way, I love your baby-gaga thing at the bottom. I’m praying you have a healthy, happy baby!!

Peace,
Kolbe
Thanks! So far it’s been a pretty painless pregnancy and everything has gone really well. It’s just keeping up with the other two that’s a bit tricky!
 
What makes a homosexual sinner repentant? Is it living a chaste life or is it becoming a heterosexual? This seems to be a central point to page 4 of our discussion board. What do you think?

Perhaps many of the frustrations we, as homosexuals, face stem from this debate.
This is what the Church says:

2357 [The sin of] Homosexuality refers to relations [rather than merely attractions] between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,140 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

It is the behavior, rather than inclination, that is the sin. Thus, repenting from the sin of homosexuality (which is a sexual act) is repenting of the behavior, which includes avoiding the near occasions of sin. To do so requires disinterested friendship (as noted by the catechism). However, such disinterested, fraternal, and intimate friendship is very hard for someone who has SSA to find among other Catholics who are aware of his (or her) SSA.

In my own experience, it is much easier to find pornography than it is to find such fraternal friendship!
 
I have often wished that they would give other examples of things that are intrinsicly disordered - not acts, but something eqivalent to attractions. Because any way I try and understand what they mean, if I carry it to it’s logical conclusion I end up with something that doesn’t make sense. For example:

Does it mean that it is somehow outside what God has created? Comes from some other source? Clearly that is not correct.

That it represents an act of the will which is misdirected? The CC says no, so they can’t mean that.

If it means that it shows a kind of imperfection caused by genetics or environment, like diabetes, or attachment disorder, than there are a ton of things that could fall under that. (But no one seems to talk about them that way.)

If it involves an attraction or inclination to a certain kind of sin (an act) which is by nature disordered, than very many things could fall under that. (But no one seems to talk about them that way either.)
 
This is what the Church says:

2357 [The sin of] Homosexuality refers to relations [rather than merely attractions] between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,140 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

It is the behavior, rather than inclination, that is the sin. Thus, repenting from the sin of homosexuality (which is a sexual act) is repenting of the behavior, which includes avoiding the near occasions of sin. To do so requires disinterested friendship (as noted by the catechism). However, such disinterested, fraternal, and intimate friendship is very hard for someone who has SSA to find among other Catholics who are aware of his (or her) SSA.

In my own experience, it is much easier to find pornography than it is to find such fraternal friendship!
Like you, BobO, I experience same-sex attractions, and I cannot agree more with your evaluation of the difficulties. The attraction is quite taboo, because our society assumes that any person who experiences an attraction acts on it. So if you’re a kid, and you start feeling this stuff, the last thing you’re inclined to do is be honest about it.

But God has such grace for us! In my situation, I have been delivered from an addiction from pornography, and I have been blessed with a loving wife and family. (In some ways, my situation was simplified because I’m attracted to women too.)

A comment on “reperative therapy”: I don’t want to give a blanket condemnation, but it does strike me as a bit naive. You see, I am capable of being attracted to men and not sinning. Why? Because I am a child of God, with free will. I know that God accepts me fully, in spite of my temptations. Temptation is not sin.

Why act as if same-sex attraction is a curse? We do so because we misunderstand all sexuality. It is very true that sexuality is about our identity, but it is a damn lie that your sexuality is defined by the object of your attraction. At root, sexual desire is the desire for *ultimate *fulfillment, a desire that can only be satisfied by unity with God.
 
Why act as if same-sex attraction is a curse? We do so because we misunderstand all sexuality. It is very true that sexuality is about our identity, but it is a damn lie that your sexuality is defined by the object of your attraction. At root, sexual desire is the desire for *ultimate *fulfillment, a desire that can only be satisfied by unity with God.
Very good point, and I think you are quite right. At the heart of sexuality is the desire for that ultimate fulfillment. It’s something only God is capable of fulfilling. At the heart of it, I see it as a desire to love and be loved. In today’s society that desire has been sadly twisted into a desire for sex and a belief that sexual intimacy is where the fulfillment must be found. Sexual intimacy and fulfillment can be found in the marital embrace. I believe that those with a homosexual orientation can find (and are called to) that same fulfillment and that same level, if you will, of love in service and giving of themselves. It has nothing to do with sex but it is no less beautiful.

If we can see sexuality as it should be seen (as you pointed out) then even a homosexual orientation can be seen not as a hindering limitation but a beautiful opportunity. Right now, there is almost no support for those trying to live a Catholic life with a homosexual orientation. I have never seen any type of support group or organization in any parish I’ve ever attended. The group Courage, while doing a lot of good, is like a clandestine organization. Two of the three spiritual directors I have had never heard of it. I’ve never seen it advertised in a bulletin or heard it spoken of at church. I live in a major U.S. city and would still have to drive 3 hours to go to a meeting. There is an overwhelming need for ministry in this area.

Peace,
Kolbe
 
I have often wished that they would give other examples of things that are intrinsicly disordered - not acts, but something eqivalent to attractions. Because any way I try and understand what they mean, if I carry it to it’s logical conclusion I end up with something that doesn’t make sense. For example:

Does it mean that it is somehow outside what God has created? Comes from some other source? Clearly that is not correct.

That it represents an act of the will which is misdirected? The CC says no, so they can’t mean that.

If it means that it shows a kind of imperfection caused by genetics or environment, like diabetes, or attachment disorder, than there are a ton of things that could fall under that. (But no one seems to talk about them that way.)

If it involves an attraction or inclination to a certain kind of sin (an act) which is by nature disordered, than very many things could fall under that. (But no one seems to talk about them that way either.)
The belief of the Church is that something that you do not willingly choose, is not a sin. Since a gay person does not choose same sex attractions, he or she is not culpable for those feelings. Those feelings stem from an unknown cause, as the CCC says. There are as many theories out there are there are gay people, everything from genetics to mental illness. However, all of them have a flaw. Therefore, the Church does not subscribe to any ot them, but leaves the door open until someone can find a definitive explanation for same-sex attractions.

Howerver, the fact remains, that it is the execution of the attraction is what constitutes a sinful act, because it is a free choice. The attraction is not a free choice anymore than a heterosexual attraction is a free choice.

You are right that many other situations can be described in this manner. The reason that the Church pays special attention to same-sex attractions is because it has become a “front-page” issue and she felt that she had to speak to it. But the rule that the Church applies here is the rule of St. Alphonse Ligouri for determining when one is or is not culpable of sin. The same rules are applied to every situation.
  1. The matter must be grave, not by the laity’s definition, but by the Church’s definition.
  2. The person must have full understanding (knowledge) of the gravity. Just hearing what others have said or what the Church has said does not constitute knowledge. That’s information. Knowledge is actually understanding.
  3. The person must have full control over the thoughts or actions. Full control means that the person chooses them.
It is number three that liberates the individual from culpability. On the other hand, entertainment of any immoral act, sexual, hate, anger, or other, is freely chosen and does constitute a sinful act. A spontaneous reaction to something, such as looking at an attractive person and feeling attracted, is not sinful, as it is spontaneous, not chosen.

I hope this helps.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Three cheers for you for striving to live a chaste life! 👍

I do agree there is a double standard and homosexuals are treated unfairly. And yes - I don’t think heterosexual people having continued unrepentent sexual relationships out of wedlock should be receiving communion either. But it’s not my place to make that determination or judgement either.

I also know that God loves you - right now, in whatever state you are in. And he wants you to return to Him and do your best to be chaste.

I think the reason for the double standard is lack of understanding. Here is what I’ve come to learn - I know that same sex attraction (SSA) is not a choice. I also know that it can occur in very normal families. I also know that you were not born this way (although it feels like you were). But when the roots of homosexuality are explored there are usually things missing - for a male it could be a distant father, a mean brother, lack of affirmation due to poor athletic skills.

There are also numerous examples of people who have been able to explore these reasons and change. But satan doesn’t want you to believe this is possible. he wants you to think it is the church’s problem for not accepting you. he wants you to believe that those who have changed never were really gay in the first place.

Please consider being part of a group that offers prayers and support of those suffering with SSA.

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=205

Good luck in the struggle and keep the faith. Remember, the opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it is holiness.

God Bless you,
John Marie Philomena
I used to believe that homosexuality was not genetic, but after hearing a lot of homosexuals i know talk about it, I feel it is. I feel a lot of empathy for those that are, because to be in a relationship with someone of the same sex is kind of pointless as a Catholic, because it would be a sin to marry them. It just seems to me that they are born with those feelings, because a lot of gay people i know definitely do not wish they were. I mean, maybe the reason is because of some sort of loss in their life which caused them to have those feelings, i don’t know. But, just hearing homosexuals talk about it, sounds to me like it is genetic. Also, I read an article awhile ago in a Catholic magazine (not sure which one), and a gay man wrote about how he was homosexual, but wanted to live by the word of God, so he ended up marrying a woman and had children, and said that he was very happy with that choice. Is that wrong that he married a woman, even though he admitted to being a homosexual???
 
Also, I read an article awhile ago in a Catholic magazine (not sure which one), and a gay man wrote about how he was homosexual, but wanted to live by the word of God, so he ended up marrying a woman and had children, and said that he was very happy with that choice. Is that wrong that he married a woman, even though he admitted to being a homosexual???
I worry about this gentleman and his family. Though many studies, such as the Kinsey Report, have demonstrated that sexuality is fluid and can change and vary in levels of sexual attraction over time, I do not feel that this man made the right choice. Perhaps he was not a true homosexual, but his sexual feelings were more evenly distributed between the two genders. I do not know, and do not want to speculate on his inner emotions. I worry, however, that this type of “solution” can lead to terrible familial relationships. What will happen to his relationship with his children when one of them stumbles across that article? What about his relationship with his wife should he ever slip up and become a homosexual adulterer? I can only imagine that that would be much more difficult to move past than heterosexual adultry.

Celibacy is the only theologically correct solution to this issue I believe.
 
Also, I read an article awhile ago in a Catholic magazine (not sure which one), and a gay man wrote about how he was homosexual, but wanted to live by the word of God, so he ended up marrying a woman and had children, and said that he was very happy with that choice. Is that wrong that he married a woman, even though he admitted to being a homosexual???
This is a good question and I tend to agree with mbc’s answer. I was 28 years old before I told my family about my sexuality. Up to that point I lived as “straight” as anyone else. I dated a few women. Never because I wanted to but because I felt I had to in an effort to appear normal. Each time I felt terrible for them. I contemplated marriage many times. My desire for a family and a chance to raise children of my own was overwhelming. That desire still is the heaviest burden. I came to a realization that physical attraction, while certainly not the reason for love and marriage, is an integral and very important aspect. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t have the attractions we do. I felt that if I was to hide my sexuality and marry a woman I would be betraying both her and the sacrament of marriage. Thankfully, I decided against that.

I truly believe there are more homosexual men and women married and with families than we can even imagine. How many of them are sincerely happy is a question we’ll probably never have an answer to. I tend to think that a homosexual spouse would be as rock solid of a reason for an annulment as there could be, in the case of a divorce. That alone brings to question just how sacramental a marriage like that could be. It’s definitely a good question.

Peace,
Kolbe
 
Also, I read an article awhile ago in a Catholic magazine (not sure which one), and a gay man wrote about how he was homosexual, but wanted to live by the word of God, so he ended up marrying a woman and had children, and said that he was very happy with that choice.
One other comment since it has to do with what we’ve discussed. This man, had he undergone reparative therapy would, by most of their standards, be considered “cured”. I think that is one of the major reasons for debate over reparative therapy. Is it truly “repairing” a person’s sexuality or is it simply behavior modification?

Peace,
Kolbe
 
I used to believe that homosexuality was not genetic, but after hearing a lot of homosexuals i know talk about it, I feel it is. I feel a lot of empathy for those that are, because to be in a relationship with someone of the same sex is kind of pointless as a Catholic, because it would be a sin to marry them. It just seems to me that they are born with those feelings, because a lot of gay people i know definitely do not wish they were. I mean, maybe the reason is because of some sort of loss in their life which caused them to have those feelings, i don’t know. But, just hearing homosexuals talk about it, sounds to me like it is genetic. Also, I read an article awhile ago in a Catholic magazine (not sure which one), and a gay man wrote about how he was homosexual, but wanted to live by the word of God, so he ended up marrying a woman and had children, and said that he was very happy with that choice. Is that wrong that he married a woman, even though he admitted to being a homosexual???
I would highly recommend that you watch the video on the homepage of www.homosexuality101.com.

This video is not meant to be all-inclusive, and thus may not apply to some with SSA, but it is certainly very relevant to many with SSA.

Many times genetics plays a part (although mostly indirectly).

Many who have SSA recall having a subjective sense of feeling different from their same-sex peers early in life. This does not means there is a direct genetically cause, but perhaps shows an indirect influence.
 
I would highly recommend that you watch the video on the homepage of www.homosexuality101.com.

This video is not meant to be all-inclusive, and thus may not apply to some with SSA, but it is certainly very relevant to many with SSA.

Many times genetics plays a part (although mostly indirectly).

Many who have SSA recall having a subjective sense of feeling different from their same-sex peers early in life. This does not means there is a direct genetically cause, but perhaps shows an indirect influence.
There is no doubt that many people fit the situation this doctor is speaking of. The thing that concerns me about this theory on what causes homosexuality is what to do about those who don’t fit into the theory? How do we explain those who don’t fit into any of the environment categories (and there are plenty who don’t)?

She explained that at puberty it’s as if the boy’s, “wires get crossed.” I think she is saying that the environmental factors contribute to this sudden wire crossing. A longing to have male friends and a longing for masculinity suddenly becomes a sexual attraction. Personally, I don’t buy it. From my own experience, it seems as though the wires were crossed long before puberty. Could I be wrong? Absolutely. It’s all very interesting, that’s for sure. Thanks for the link!

Peace,
Kolbe
 
I’m noticing something in this thread, and it’s hard to express exactly what it is. For lack of a better term, let me call it reducing. Let’s see if I can explain. 🙂

When you say that someone has homosexual attractions, this is either a) true, or b) false. It is a simple fact of the matter, which can be easily known.

When you say that someone “is homosexual”, or “is gay”, you have just said something profoundly diffuse. Similar to the terms “liberal” and “conservative”, the terms “homosexual” or “gay” do not describe any person (or any person’s actions) in any reliable way. Some self-defined gay people experience very little sexual attraction at all. The term is simply a self-definition, and therefore entirely meaningless – at very least, it is meaningless if we are trying to understand.

Is “homosexuality” genetic? Why does it matter? If God made someone to have same-sex attractions, that does not tell us anything about how they should act. Likewise, if same-sex attractions are entirely based on life-experience, why does that necessarily give us cause to condemn them? Biblically, we have no cause to condemn any set of attractions, but we find significant cause to avoid certain actions.

Likewise, we cannot paint with a broad brush and say that “no homosexual person should marry a straight person.” Why not? For one, because both terms “homosexual person” and “straight person” are arbitrary designators. There is no such thing as a “straight person”, nor could there be. There are only sinners, sinners with attractions as beautiful and dangerous and diverse as God’s creation.

We are obligated to be decent and loving to one another. In order to do this, we must consider deeply what our own weaknesses are. Perhaps that weakness is speaking too strongly or authoritatively on a subject we do not yet understand. I, for one, admit that the area of human sexuality is far too complex for my little mind to comprehend.

All I know is this: Whatever other desires we experience, we must desire God more than any earthly thing. This is not just possible; it is inevitable, if we set our eyes on Him.
 
Is “homosexuality” genetic? Why does it matter? If God made someone to have same-sex attractions, that does not tell us anything about how they should act. Likewise, if same-sex attractions are entirely based on life-experience, why does that necessarily give us cause to condemn them? Biblically, we have no cause to condemn any set of attractions, but we find significant cause to avoid certain actions
I’m not proposing these ideas to try to condemn.

The reason why I think it is very important to understand the potential causes and influences of SSA in one’s life is to understand how to change one’s approach to life.

For example, I have noticed that my SSA has a lot to do with my craving for male bonding. I have noticed that during the football season, when I played football in high school, my SSA was much less than what it was in the off season when I didn’t have as much male bonding. I further noticed that when I got to know the other players on the team on a personal level throughout the season, my SSA toward them was greatly reduced.

I have further noticed that I tend to become more attracted to those who are emotionally distant to me.

In short, my observations of potential causes of my SSA tend to help me.
There is no doubt that many people fit the situation this doctor is speaking of. The thing that concerns me about this theory on what causes homosexuality is what to do about those who don’t fit into the theory? How do we explain those who don’t fit into any of the environment categories (and there are plenty who don’t)?

She explained that at puberty it’s as if the boy’s, “wires get crossed.” I think she is saying that the environmental factors contribute to this sudden wire crossing. A longing to have male friends and a longing for masculinity suddenly becomes a sexual attraction. Personally, I don’t buy it. From my own experience, it seems as though the wires were crossed long before puberty. Could I be wrong? Absolutely. It’s all very interesting, that’s for sure. Thanks for the link!

Peace,
Kolbe
There is no way a 17 minute video like this could be all inclusive on a topic as complex as this. The “wires get crossed” phrase exemplified that. An interesting theory about how the “wires get crossed” was proposed by a psychology professor at Cornell called “Exotic Becomes Erotic” can be found at dbem.ws/Biological%20Correlates.pdf. It is by no means perfect (even the person who proposed it admits it isn’t perfect) but it is an interesting theory that is thought provoking nonetheless. It is just about the only theory on the transition itself.

In a perfect world there would be no lack of knowledge. Unfortunately we do not know why many people have SSA. In general in psychology (or in other fields of study) there are a certain amount of times when the causes are unknown (which would probably occur more frequently in the realm of sexual attraction).

I have found these theories applicable to me. I could imagine it would be very difficult to not have an apparent cause for your SSA.

I’m just wondering what you meant by “From my own experience, it seems as though the wires were crossed long before puberty.” I’m not saying your wrong, I’m just curious. Topic like this, and other psychologically related things tend to catch my interest (which is why I recently started contemplating switching my major from philosophy and theology to mental health and theology).
 
I’m not proposing these ideas to try to condemn.
I didn’t think you were. :confused:
The reason why I think it is very important to understand the potential causes and influences of SSA in one’s life is to understand how to change one’s approach to life.
For example, I have noticed that my SSA has a lot to do with my craving for male bonding. I have noticed that during the football season, when I played football in high school, my SSA was much less than what it was in the off season when I didn’t have as much male bonding. I further noticed that when I got to know the other players on the team on a personal level throughout the season, my SSA toward them was greatly reduced.
I agree that it is well worth considering what types of things influence one’s attractions. The point isn’t to “prove that homosexuality isn’t genetic,” but rather to consider what kinds of need and brokenness underlie our own “personal issues”.

Men in out culture tend to be very physically awkward around each other, which is not good. Personal affection (which includes physical affection) is a human need. A society that associates men expressing affection for each other with homosexuality is a very distorted society.

The point is not that “affection isn’t sexual”, because sometimes it is, in some way, shape or form. The point is that “sexual isn’t genital.” There are ways to be a sexual being, without even considering sexual activity as the slightest possibility. Everything that we do with our bodies is, in some sense, sexual. (This is, by the way, a very Catholic teaching, as the Theology of the Body expresses).
 
I’m noticing something in this thread, and it’s hard to express exactly what it is. For lack of a better term, let me call it reducing. Let’s see if I can explain. 🙂

When you say that someone has homosexual attractions, this is either a) true, or b) false. It is a simple fact of the matter, which can be easily known.

When you say that someone “is homosexual”, or “is gay”, you have just said something profoundly diffuse. Similar to the terms “liberal” and “conservative”, the terms “homosexual” or “gay” do not describe any person (or any person’s actions) in any reliable way. Some self-defined gay people experience very little sexual attraction at all. The term is simply a self-definition, and therefore entirely meaningless – at very least, it is meaningless if we are trying to understand.

Is “homosexuality” genetic? Why does it matter? If God made someone to have same-sex attractions, that does not tell us anything about how they should act. Likewise, if same-sex attractions are entirely based on life-experience, why does that necessarily give us cause to condemn them? Biblically, we have no cause to condemn any set of attractions, but we find significant cause to avoid certain actions.

Likewise, we cannot paint with a broad brush and say that “no homosexual person should marry a straight person.” Why not? For one, because both terms “homosexual person” and “straight person” are arbitrary designators. There is no such thing as a “straight person”, nor could there be. There are only sinners, sinners with attractions as beautiful and dangerous and diverse as God’s creation.

We are obligated to be decent and loving to one another. In order to do this, we must consider deeply what our own weaknesses are. Perhaps that weakness is speaking too strongly or authoritatively on a subject we do not yet understand. I, for one, admit that the area of human sexuality is far too complex for my little mind to comprehend.

All I know is this: Whatever other desires we experience, we must desire God more than any earthly thing. This is not just possible; it is inevitable, if we set our eyes on Him.
Yes, it is usually necessary to define what we mean by homosexual in order to be clear. For the purposes of a discussion like this, I tend to think that the best definition is a person who is primarily or exclusively physically attracted to members of the same sex. I also think it is often true to say they are mentally and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex.

For a person who is attracted at least somewhat regularly to members of both sexes, the issues that homosexuals have are much simplified, as far as I can tell; it isn’t dissimilar to the majority of people who may often be attracted to people who are not available for some other reason. One isn’t cut off from the possibility of family life or children, or faced with permanent celibacy being enforced upon them.

As far as marrying - I would say that to marry without the possibility of genuine sexual attraction, both physical and mental, is a bad idea. It can be low key, but sexuality is an important bond in marriage, and the particular emotional/intellectual attraction that is related to it. There can be serious difficulties in this area with couples that have no issues related to SSA, due to changes in hormones, feelings, etc. and they can be very hard to work out. Adding something else into the mix seems like a bad idea. So I would say, as long as the people honestly feel the possibilities are there for sexual attraction, then they are in the same position as other couples.
 
I am blessed - I have been married to the love of my life for 24 years now. Before marrying, I had another life. I was a militant lesbian in a series of relationships and I was convinced that the lesbian lifestyle was for me.
Somehow, God changed my heart without me even realizing it. First, I had a yearning to be like “everyone else” and have a “normal” life. I noticed that all my gay friends were basically promiscuous (with a few exceptions) and had lives that were like soap operas; melodramatic is a good description. I did not want that for myself. I wanted a “one-and-only” and I knew without a doubt that I wanted children.
I considered carefully what I wanted for my future children. I realized I wanted the best for them, so they would need a father. That threw me for a loop for a while, because I wasn’t attracted to men at all. What to do?
Well, God has a way of turning things around. Along came a man that was a bit older than I was, experienced, sophisticated, with a great career, and clearly in love with me. I was wary at first, but decided to go on a few dates to see what would happen. My friends were stunned. But this guy was so nice that my friends loved him instantly! It took me a while to trust him. It took me even longer to realize that I loved him. When I realized it, I was absolutely gob-smacked. Me? Love a MAN? How crazy!
He was very patient with me. I eventually confided in him my past life, and he accepted me completely. He was understanding, but persistent that he wanted to marry me.
By this time, I had no feelings for anyone other than him, and I was madly in love. So we got married, which was the happiest day of my life, and ended up having the babies I wanted so badly (four in all).
I have had problems with my old self rearing up and wanting to take over, and I will freely admit that. There are times that I have felt bereft because of lesbian feelings. There have been times that I have been sorely tempted. Friendships with women are tricky at times, because of my past.
What I focus on is that I love my husband and will not do anything to break up our marriage. I also rely on my Catholic faith to get me through.
Marriage for homosexuals is not out of the question. There does have to be sexual desire, however, or the marriage will never work. But I am convinced that God can turn that tap on. He did for me, and I was as lesbian as it gets.
With God, anything is possible!😉
 
When is the last time you saw a heterosexual person who is sexually active being denied communion or asked not to participate in church events? It seems unfair to me. Why do you think people put so much greater emphasis on homosexual acts rather than heterosexual acts?
I haven’t read through the entire thread, but just wanted to answer the OP’s original questions.

The pastors of both parishes I attend regularly – one with my son, and one where I play the piano – have brought up on numerous occasions this sins of heterosexual couples. Specifically, they’ve mentioned adultery (e.g., divorce and remarriage), fornication (e.g., living together before marriage), and other sins (e.g., contraception), and they have made clear the Church’s teaching that those in these situations should not receive Communion. One couple I know stopped receiving Communion but still attends Mass regularly. Another couple I know just keep receiving Communion.

Incidentally, I have only heard homosexuality mentioned maybe two or three time at mass by any priest or deacon. And it was always mentioned in the context of listing many sins, not just one.

Gertie
 
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