Another giving question

[Kathrin]

How seriously do you take giving to whomever asks?

If a guy comes up to me and says “Give me 100 dollars!” am I in some way morally obliged to give it to him?

 

[Robbinson]

How seriously do you take giving to whomever asks?

If a guy comes up to me and says “Give me 100 dollars!” am I in some way morally obliged to give it to him?

As I work in NYC, i think about this often given the shear number of homeless who approach me for assistance. I try (and I need to try harder) to try to be responsive, but “responsibly so”. You certainly don’t have to give him $100 as requested. I try to give when I can and when I don’t feel like I’m being taken advantage of.

Blessings,

Brian

 

[EmeraldWings]

the idea is giving to those in need, but nowadays you even have to be careful with that, because if you give money to any bum on the street, they might end up buying drugs or booze with it, which would be bad.

in giving we must decide carefully, decide if in giving, would you compromise the well being of your family? or would you possibly be causing the person your giving to, to sin?

it just takes common sense and wisdom i think…

one thing about giving is, you don’t always have to give exactly what someone is asking for,
if someone is asking for money, but you’re afraid they might buy something with it that will hurt them, then instead ask them what they are going to buy, and buy it for them.

but specifically answering your question, no you should not give money to someone who just walks up to you and asks you for it, because it’s the same as doing something you think might be a sin,
if you think something might be a sin, but you do it anyways, then you have committed a sin, because you show that you are willing to greatly offend God by doing something that may be wrong.

your moral obligation is not in giving money, it is more specifically in loving your neighbor, and if you think someone might sin, or hurt themselves by giving to them, then you show love to them by denying their request.
and what you should do to help, if there is nothing you can physically give, is just pray for them.
there are many ways we can love our neighbor, it’s just a matter of learning, which we also have to pray for.

ok, hope that helps. tc.

 

[BlestOne]

What would be more important than giving money to this person? How about hope? If I had the means to give monetarily, I don’t think that I would even then give cash to a person on the street that asked… I would find out why they felt that $100 would solve their problems. Then I would try to direct them to perhaps a soup kitchen that I contribute to, or a shelter that I feel could help them. I would also pray for this person and if possible establish a relationship/dialog with them to see how else I could help them.

 

[jmcrae]

How seriously do you take giving to whomever asks?

If a guy comes up to me and says “Give me 100 dollars!” am I in some way morally obliged to give it to him?

No. In the Didache, the Apostles said, “Let thine alms stick to thy palms, until thou knowest to whom thou givest.”

We aren’t required to be taken advantage of by the unscrupulous, and in fact it might be a sin to give them anything, since it encourages them in their sins.

 

[Kathrin]

if someone is asking for money, but you’re afraid they might buy something with it that will hurt them, then instead ask them what they are going to buy, and buy it for them…

I have done that quite a few times.

Ok, but then again, if they then say they want a meal at a restaurant that costs a lot, and you yourself don’t eat out because you’re on a budget… then it is difficult again.

Again, somebody who is homeless may need a warm meal just to warm up.

you should not give money to someone who just walks up to you and asks you for it, because it’s the same as doing something you think might be a sin, .

I am not sure I understand that completely?

if you think something might be a sin, but you do it anyways, then you have committed a sin, because you show that you are willing to greatly offend God by doing something that may be wrong…

Except if you’re overly scrupulous and tend to “always” think something might be a sin.

Thanks for the reply!


And everybody else too!!

 

[EmeraldWings]

if someone is asking for money, but you’re afraid they might buy something with it that will hurt them, then instead ask them what they are going to buy, and buy it for them…
I have done that quite a few times.

Ok, but then again, if they then say they want a meal at a restaurant that costs a lot, and you yourself don’t eat out because you’re on a budget… then it is difficult again.

Again, somebody who is homeless may need a warm meal just to warm up.

that is not charity, that’s called exploitation, and it’s only giving to the selfish desires of another and being taken advantage of, it’s an uncharitable act because it does more harm then good, to both you and the person you’re giving to.

try remembering this little saying - beggars can’t be choosers.

you should not give money to someone who just walks up to you and asks you for it, because it’s the same as doing something you think might be a sin, .

I am not sure I understand that completely?

that was explained by what i said after that. basically if you think someone might sin by giving them something (since you don’t know them or their intentions) then you risk sin taking place, whether it’s by you or them…more likely by them.

if you think something might be a sin, but you do it anyways, then you have committed a sin, because you show that you are willing to greatly offend God by doing something that may be wrong…

Except if you’re overly scrupulous and tend to “always” think something might be a sin.

yeah, that would be a problem, but that’s something a person has to overcome as well,
but even little itty bitty sins should be avoided.

 

[DL82]

Just to give an alternative opinion here, we also have to remember the universal destination of goods.

That means all goods exist to help all people. In this way, St Basil argued that the rich man is a thief, because he stores up for himself what he doesn’t need at that moment for his own good, and deprives those who need it.

If someone who clearly needs money asks you for money, your obligation is to give alms. Christ tells us ‘give to all who ask of you, and ask nothing in return’ - and asking nothing in return means not even asking for the ‘warm glow’ we get when we know they’ve got something good out of it.

Personal agency means that if someone else chooses to buy drugs, that’s their responsibility, not mine. They will answer for that. If I choose not to give money to someone who begs me for it, that’s my responsibility, and I’ll have to answer for it.

Think of your employer, s/he has an obligation to give you your salary at the end of the month. He can’t come to you at the end of the month with a box of food and clothing coupons instead. He can’t come to you and say “I’m taking my money back because I’m not happy that you give it to the church/ use it to buy beer/ use it to put gas in your SUV”. An obligation to give alms is the same as an obligation to pay salaries.

At the same time, that doesn’t mean don’t be smart with your giving too - give to agencies that help the homeless, and of course, don’t just throw money in a cup, more often than not, human contact is what people who beg are most in need of, not small change.

 

[kage_ar]

Again, somebody who is homeless may need a warm meal just to warm up.

Educate yourself about the programs available in your community. I can direct people in my town where to go to get a hot meal for lunch, and another place that provides hot supper every day.

 

[jmcrae]

An obligation to give alms is the same as an obligation to pay salaries.

That’s true enough, but, keeping in mind the dictum of the Apostles to know to whom we give, it’s better to give to the Church, and then let the Church distribute our money according to the need, rather than try to help each individual beggar by ourselves.

At the same time, that doesn’t mean don’t be smart with your giving too - give to agencies that help the homeless, and of course, don’t just throw money in a cup, more often than not, human contact is what people who beg are most in need of, not small change.

Yes, exactly. Eye contact is more important to these people than money - they have many Church-sponsored agencies they can go to for help, if they truly want it. The proper thing to do is make eye contact with them, speak to them in a friendly voice, and let them know where these agencies are, so that they can get the meal, bed, shower, and change of clothes that they need.

 

[Kathrin]

that is not charity, that’s called exploitation, and it’s only giving to the selfish desires of another and being taken advantage of, it’s an uncharitable act because it does more harm then good, to both you and the person you’re giving to.

Wow, thanks for this perspective. This is really something I have been struggling with often!

 

[Kathrin]

Educate yourself about the programs available in your community. I can direct people in my town where to go to get a hot meal for lunch, and another place that provides hot supper every day.

Oh yeah, I do that too! I am actually quite educated about things like that, volunteer myself, etc.

However, often the place will be too far, it might be the wrong time, or sometimes somebody says they have been kicked out of the place. (? might or might not be true).

Kathrin

 

[Kathrin]

On another note here: What do you think about letting a homeless person sleep in your room? Somebody you know a little bit, but not too well?

A rpiest told me sicne I have only a small room myself (residential hotel) it is ok to protect my space because I probably wouldn’t get adequate rest with a stranger sleeping or passed out on my floor. (A woman whom I let stay before - was kind of tedious experience but that was a cold winter night and felt right - has been asking me again. I haven’t been feeling well so one night I helped her get a room somewhere else, and then the last two nights she camped out again as far as I know.)

Again, it’s a question of how much of our own health etc do we sacrifice???

Any opinions on this?
And yes, I did tell her to go to a shelter, I don’t think she wants that.
Today she had an appointment with some social agency so hopefully something else will work out for her.

 

[jmcrae]

Oh yeah, I do that too! I am actually quite educated about things like that, volunteer myself, etc.

However, often the place will be too far, it might be the wrong time, or sometimes somebody says they have been kicked out of the place. (? might or might not be true).

If they were kicked out, it would have been only for a period of time, while they were drunk, or while they were doing some kind of unacceptable behaviour (swearing, fighting, etc.)

As to “the wrong time,” they aren’t going to starve to death in the next four hours until the next meal time - and quite often those places have snacks that they give out in between meal times.

 

[DL82]

On another note here: What do you think about letting a homeless person sleep in your room? Somebody you know a little bit, but not too well?

A rpiest told me sicne I have only a small room myself (residential hotel) it is ok to protect my space because I probably wouldn’t get adequate rest with a stranger sleeping or passed out on my floor. (A woman whom I let stay before - was kind of tedious experience but that was a cold winter night and felt right - has been asking me again. I haven’t been feeling well so one night I helped her get a room somewhere else, and then the last two nights she camped out again as far as I know.)

Again, it’s a question of how much of our own health etc do we sacrifice???

Any opinions on this?
And yes, I did tell her to go to a shelter, I don’t think she wants that.
Today she had an appointment with some social agency so hopefully something else will work out for her.

I’ve struggled with this lately.

I used to always make excuses, first I was living in student halls, then in a shared flat, then living at work as a hall warden, so I kept telling myself it wasn’t really my space to give.

But now I rent my own flat, and it’s 2 rooms, so could easily let someone sleep on the sofa in my living room. Only problem is, I’m up and gone by 7.20am, so would either need to kick them out early or risk that they might steal my computer and all my things. My bedroom doesn’t lock, nor does the living room. I also know that my dad would be really worried if he thought I was letting homeless people stay with me.

I’ve also told myself that when people go to proper homeless shelters (and I know, I volunteer at one) they get access to services, connections to resettlement workers who will try to find them a more permanent place, drug workers, employment services, etc. If I let someone stay with me, it’s just a stop-gap, and it might then be hard to get rid of them again.

Truth is, all the excuses were just that, excuses. I’m too scared, too attached to my own space, my own stuff, etc. to be properly charitable. I still don’t know how to overcome those fears though.

 

[jmcrae]

I’ve struggled with this lately.

I used to always make excuses, first I was living in student halls, then in a shared flat, then living at work as a hall warden, so I kept telling myself it wasn’t really my space to give.

But now I rent my own flat, and it’s 2 rooms, so could easily let someone sleep on the sofa in my living room. Only problem is, I’m up and gone by 7.20am, so would either need to kick them out early or risk that they might steal my computer and all my things. My bedroom doesn’t lock, nor does the living room. I also know that my dad would be really worried if he thought I was letting homeless people stay with me.

I’ve also told myself that when people go to proper homeless shelters (and I know, I volunteer at one) they get access to services, connections to resettlement workers who will try to find them a more permanent place, drug workers, employment services, etc. If I let someone stay with me, it’s just a stop-gap, and it might then be hard to get rid of them again.

Truth is, all the excuses were just that, excuses. I’m too scared, too attached to my own space, my own stuff, etc. to be properly charitable. I still don’t know how to overcome those fears though.

Quite honestly, unless the homeless person is a blood relative, these are perfectly rational fears.

We are not required, nor even asked, to get homeless people to live with us in our houses - rather, what Jesus wants us to do is to help them get their own houses. It’s not just about having a roof over one’s head, since as you’ve pointed out, the homeless shelters do this quite adequately, in most cases. Rather, it’s about restoring the person’s human dignity - which means, a place of their own, that they can call home.

Homeless shelters are the stop-gap between seeing the need, and meeting the need. None of us are asked to risk our own security and our own dignity by giving our own homes over to them.

 

[notsmart]

How seriously do you take giving to whomever asks?

If a guy comes up to me and says “Give me 100 dollars!” am I in some way morally obliged to give it to him?

no