Another In Love with Co-Worker - Need Help

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curtisb

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Hello,

I am just seeking some advice from some unbiased parties as to how to handle my current situation.

I work with a woman that is a very devoted catholic. She does not miss a day of church EVER… She is a wonderful woman, has 2 wonderful children and unfortunately is a woman that I fell deeply in love with. She is also married and has been for 7 years however her husband is not the father of her two children. She was previously widowed.

I was married to my wife for 18 years up til last September and have two children as well. Anyway, last January we went on the first of three company trips together for some training. I had feelings before these trips for her but it was more of a very strong friendship thing. We were both very good friends. The three trips made me realize that I truly loved this woman and on the 3rd and last trip I decided to let her know how I felt. I think that was my first mistake. And don’t get me wrong, I have openly admitted and am in no way saying that I did not majorly screw up in this deal so I accept any blame or harsh comments you wanna throw at me.

After the trips she said that she felt that she was treated very special and the sad thing is that I did not really do anything different. Opened doors for her at restaurants, showed her around, walked her back to her room from the pool, etc.

So, anyway, as the summer went on an emotional affair started happening. She realized that she has been emotionally neglected for the majority of her marriage and started to fall for me. Up until January, we would text and she would tell me how much she hates the weekends, wanted to be at work, husband hardly says 3 words to her, etc. She has openly told me that she cares very deeply for me and at a point around Thanksgiving asked me “How do I know it is love?” and she said “I think about you all the time”. There has never been any actual physical affair other than touching and things of that sort. Sometimes I wish there would have been because I know her husband would probably walk then.

Her husband knew this was going on back in about September and might have know earlier. She actually had a talk with him and said something along the lines of “I am not going to lie to you, I have strong feelings for him”… He chose to not ask any questions and chose to bury his head in the sand. She told me many times that he must believe this is just going to go away by him burying his head in the sand. Seems that is what has happened. She also used to say to me “If he would just start talking to me”, I always wondered what that meant. I think I now know…

Anyway, come January she went home one evening and told her husband she wanted a divorce. This is when my life turned completely upside down or did a few 360’s or something along those lines. He started talking to her, bending over backwards to please her, etc. and all communication with me essentially ceased. The reply I get now is that I have this ring on my finger and am married.

I lost my marriage due to this, my wife was not so tolerant of me having an emotional affair and loving another woman and immediately asked for a divorce. No forgiveness, nothing… I work with this other woman day in and day out and we work on exactly the same work. What does one do???

I sometimes feel like she is using her religion as a cop out. She has already violated her vows as she has committed adultery. Or at least that is what I see and you can correct me if I am wrong. Hard to tell you all of what has gone on but I sure feel like I drew the short straw. Her and I both believe that everything happens for a reason and we keep asking what that reason is. She says if somebody could just tell her why this happened the decision to go through with the divorce would be easy. She can’t fathom the divorce now because that essentially means she is booted from the church and that would ruin her. I tend to differ a little from her in our beliefs, I believe that the dear lord gives us a certain amount of free will and it is up to us to do with that as we see fit, she believes that he guides us in everything we do.

Alright, enough of my book. Any advice??? I love this woman more than anything in life but I am between a rock and a hard place.

Thanks.
Curtis
 
No, she won’t be booted from the church…but there is no way she can fully be a part of the church and receive the Eucharist again unless she:

A) Confesses to everything and is forgiven (which she will be)
and
B) Repents, learns from her mistake, works out her marriage and forgets about you (which it looks like she will do).

You sound bitter because you ended up with the divorce and she didn’t. Unfortunately you both went for the affair and rolled the dice. You both sinned and you both paid for the mistake.

Transfer jobs? Go back and try to make amends with your wife? The fact is…the two of you would not have been able to get respective divorces and marry each other in the Church and live happily ever after…it doesn’t work that way and I hope you both know that.

Affairs aren’t grounds for annulment and a good priest would have told her that, would have said “You have been married for 18 years with 2 kids? Go back and work on your marriage.”
I know my pastor would have said that.

Best advice I can give you? Move on from her, pray often, go to confession, try to make amends with your wife.
 
curtisb said:
Hello,

I am just seeking some advice from some unbiased parties as to how to handle my current situation.

I work with a woman that is a very devoted catholic. She does not miss a day of church EVER… She is a wonderful woman, has 2 wonderful children and unfortunately is a woman that I fell deeply in love with. She is also married and has been for 7 years however her husband is not the father of her two children. She was previously widowed.

I was married to my wife for 18 years up til last September and have two children as well. Anyway, last January we went on the first of three company trips together for some training. I had feelings before these trips for her but it was more of a very strong friendship thing. We were both very good friends. The three trips made me realize that I truly loved this woman and on the 3rd and last trip I decided to let her know how I felt. I think that was my first mistake. And don’t get me wrong, I have openly admitted and am in no way saying that I did not majorly screw up in this deal so I accept any blame or harsh comments you wanna throw at me.

After the trips she said that she felt that she was treated very special and the sad thing is that I did not really do anything different. Opened doors for her at restaurants, showed her around, walked her back to her room from the pool, etc.

So, anyway, as the summer went on an emotional affair started happening. She realized that she has been emotionally neglected for the majority of her marriage and started to fall for me. Up until January, we would text and she would tell me how much she hates the weekends, wanted to be at work, husband hardly says 3 words to her, etc. She has openly told me that she cares very deeply for me and at a point around Thanksgiving asked me “How do I know it is love?” and she said “I think about you all the time”. There has never been any actual physical affair other than touching and things of that sort. Sometimes I wish there would have been because I know her husband would probably walk then.

Her husband knew this was going on back in about September and might have know earlier. She actually had a talk with him and said something along the lines of “I am not going to lie to you, I have strong feelings for him”… He chose to not ask any questions and chose to bury his head in the sand. She told me many times that he must believe this is just going to go away by him burying his head in the sand. Seems that is what has happened. She also used to say to me “If he would just start talking to me”, I always wondered what that meant. I think I now know…

Anyway, come January she went home one evening and told her husband she wanted a divorce. This is when my life turned completely upside down or did a few 360’s or something along those lines. He started talking to her, bending over backwards to please her, etc. and all communication with me essentially ceased. The reply I get now is that I have this ring on my finger and am married.

I lost my marriage due to this, my wife was not so tolerant of me having an emotional affair and loving another woman and immediately asked for a divorce. No forgiveness, nothing… I work with this other woman day in and day out and we work on exactly the same work. What does one do???

I sometimes feel like she is using her religion as a cop out. She has already violated her vows as she has committed adultery. Or at least that is what I see and you can correct me if I am wrong. Hard to tell you all of what has gone on but I sure feel like I drew the short straw. Her and I both believe that everything happens for a reason and we keep asking what that reason is. She says if somebody could just tell her why this happened the decision to go through with the divorce would be easy. She can’t fathom the divorce now because that essentially means she is booted from the church and that would ruin her. I tend to differ a little from her in our beliefs, I believe that the dear lord gives us a certain amount of free will and it is up to us to do with that as we see fit, she believes that he guides us in everything we do.

Alright, enough of my book. Any advice??? I love this woman more than anything in life but I am between a rock and a hard place.

Thanks.
Curtis
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Curtis,

You abandoned your marriage because you were in love with someone else; she nearly abandoned hers but is now having second thoughts. You are no different than many people throughout the years that become emotionally attached to someone other than your spouse. In all fairness to you–these things sometimes happen because marriage is hard work, spouses sometimes neglect and hurt one another–and the romance dissipates or gets buried.

If you love her more than life, abandon your desire to possess her for yourself. She made a commitment to another, and whether things are wonderful for either of you is not the most important thing; what God wants for you both is the most important thing; and He wants your faithfulness to Him above all things.

I don’t want to sound harsh, but you must love through sacrifice. Sacrifice your own pleasure and desires for what God wants for you. Divorce is not what God wants (with rare exceptions if there is abuse, good reasons for an annulment; and not "he doesn’t talk to me). Be the man Christ wants you to be. Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him. In the end, living God’s will is the only way to true, lasting happiness, perhaps in this life–but most certainly in the next.

God Bless. I’m be praying for you all.
 
Go to confession, find another job, try to win your wife back, in that order.
 
Sorry to hear what you’ve gone through. The problem with married women is that they’re married. There’s pain if you go there, and it’s easier never to start than to get out of it. You’re married too, at least as long as you aren’t a Catholic in a merely civil marriage. Try to make up with your wife like your friend did.
 
curtisb said:
Hello,

I am just seeking some advice from some unbiased parties as to how to handle my current situation.

I work with a woman that is a very devoted catholic. She does not miss a day of church EVER… She is a wonderful woman, has 2 wonderful children and unfortunately is a woman that I fell deeply in love with. She is also married and has been for 7 years however her husband is not the father of her two children. She was previously widowed.

I was married to my wife for 18 years up til last September and have two children as well. Anyway, last January we went on the first of three company trips together for some training. I had feelings before these trips for her but it was more of a very strong friendship thing. We were both very good friends. The three trips made me realize that I truly loved this woman and on the 3rd and last trip I decided to let her know how I felt. I think that was my first mistake. And don’t get me wrong, I have openly admitted and am in no way saying that I did not majorly screw up in this deal so I accept any blame or harsh comments you wanna throw at me.

After the trips she said that she felt that she was treated very special and the sad thing is that I did not really do anything different. Opened doors for her at restaurants, showed her around, walked her back to her room from the pool, etc.

So, anyway, as the summer went on an emotional affair started happening. She realized that she has been emotionally neglected for the majority of her marriage and started to fall for me. Up until January, we would text and she would tell me how much she hates the weekends, wanted to be at work, husband hardly says 3 words to her, etc. She has openly told me that she cares very deeply for me and at a point around Thanksgiving asked me “How do I know it is love?” and she said “I think about you all the time”. There has never been any actual physical affair other than touching and things of that sort. Sometimes I wish there would have been because I know her husband would probably walk then.

Her husband knew this was going on back in about September and might have know earlier. She actually had a talk with him and said something along the lines of “I am not going to lie to you, I have strong feelings for him”… He chose to not ask any questions and chose to bury his head in the sand. She told me many times that he must believe this is just going to go away by him burying his head in the sand. Seems that is what has happened. She also used to say to me “If he would just start talking to me”, I always wondered what that meant. I think I now know…

Anyway, come January she went home one evening and told her husband she wanted a divorce. This is when my life turned completely upside down or did a few 360’s or something along those lines. He started talking to her, bending over backwards to please her, etc. and all communication with me essentially ceased. The reply I get now is that I have this ring on my finger and am married.

I lost my marriage due to this, my wife was not so tolerant of me having an emotional affair and loving another woman and immediately asked for a divorce. No forgiveness, nothing… I work with this other woman day in and day out and we work on exactly the same work. What does one do???

I sometimes feel like she is using her religion as a cop out. She has already violated her vows as she has committed adultery. Or at least that is what I see and you can correct me if I am wrong. Hard to tell you all of what has gone on but I sure feel like I drew the short straw. Her and I both believe that everything happens for a reason and we keep asking what that reason is. She says if somebody could just tell her why this happened the decision to go through with the divorce would be easy. She can’t fathom the divorce now because that essentially means she is booted from the church and that would ruin her. I tend to differ a little from her in our beliefs, I believe that the dear lord gives us a certain amount of free will and it is up to us to do with that as we see fit, she believes that he guides us in everything we do.

Alright, enough of my book. Any advice??? I love this woman more than anything in life but I am between a rock and a hard place.

Thanks.
Curtis
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It is up to you to decide.
If you do not decide you will suffer.
If you do the right thing you will suffer.
Either way, you will suffer a lot.
This lady is not yours: she is your co-worker and should be treated as such. Cut, cut, cut radically. You will suffer less. She is a professional as you are. Period. Do not let one inch of advance. You do not love her: you want to have sex with her. Am I wrong?

Make mends with your wife. She is a no-nonsense lady so do not approach her without having all the business solved with the other lady. Make sure you are 100% with your wife.
You love your wife. Love is not pleasure, opening doors, the kinda. Love is stand by the loved one on gay and groom days, to be at her side even you do not feel anything for her. It is to the Father of her children. Love is not sex, not pleasure, not feelings. Love is WILL. Now, it is up to you: what do you WANT?

Stand in the middle of life and life will crush you like the train crushes people in the middle of the line.

It is either left or right.

Will. It is the will to choose, not the feelings. Will the right thing and stick to it.

God will help you…
 
You got dealt the short straw, sorry but your wife did in my opinion. Don’t know what to tell you, except I would not want a man emotionally tied to another woman who is married.
Like the other posters said repent and get another job.
 
What in the world kind of advise are you looking for?

Really? After clearly reading the OTHER In-love with Co-worker thread? Your question is what? Should you try to influence this woman to break up her family like you did yours?

:eek::eek::eek:

You should encourage her to seek marriage counceling to improve her boring marriage. her RELIGION is NOT a cop out to NOT sin. Her Faith in God, her belief structure tells her she knows she’s been WRONG! That’s not copping out. That’s getting REAL! And smart!

How on earth do you NOT GET that you were both in the wrong. Do you love her so much you want to drag her down?

The guy from the other thread should, however, read your thread… WOMEN have a difficult time forgiving the emotional affair. You are proof. He is in for your path if he doesn’t straighten things up. He has MUCH to lose. Little to gain.

Men more often than not tie up an affair with sex. You have not done that. Her husband realizes he still can get her back. You have NO BUSINESS interferring with that.

You feel jilted? You got what you deserve. She deserves being tossed out too IMO. Her spouse is more forgiving. 🤷

You need to focus on God and what he wants of YOU. Fortunately, when you’re sorry, he is very forgiving! You still have a chance with eterinity.
 
curtisb said:
I sometimes feel like she is using her religion as a cop out. She has already violated her vows as she has committed adultery. Or at least that is what I see and you can correct me if I am wrong.
Click to expand...
This could have come straight from the pages of the Screwtape Letters. :rolleyes: Let me translate your double-speak into everyday English.

Sometimes I feel like she’s choosing God over me. She’s already a sinner, so there’s no hope of salvation or cooperation with God for her. At least, that’s the way I see her and want her to see herself so she’ll dump that loser of a guy who’d marry a widow and care for her orphaned children and work to improve his marriage by forgiving her sins and continuing to love her and encourage her to walk in the way of Christ. Who do they think they’re kidding when I’m standing here with my amazing offer of adultery with a married man who can’t even keep his own wife happy? She’d be an idiot to choose him over me! The only possible reason she’d do so is because she’s listening to God. I’ve got to get her to see herself as a hopeless cause, separate this faithful woman from the Church that gives her the support to stay with her husband and continue in her vocation, and then she’ll be so discouraged and her existence so pointless that she’ll think she has nothing better to do than be with wonderful ME!

As Nathaniel Hardy said in his First General Epistle of St. John the Apostle Unfolded and Applied: “Thou art not ashamed to defile thyself, and yet thou art ashamed to be made clean; indeed, it is a shame whereof thou hast reason to be ashamed, since, as it doth much hurt, so it can do no good. As to that which thou desirest, all excuses are but fig-leaves and paper-coverings.”
 
CDB1718 said:
This could have come straight from the pages of the Screwtape Letters. :rolleyes: Let me translate your double-speak into everyday English.

Sometimes I feel like she’s choosing God over me. She’s already a sinner, so there’s no hope of salvation or cooperation with God for her. At least, that’s the way I see her and want her to see herself so she’ll dump that loser of a guy who’d marry a widow and care for her orphaned children and work to improve his marriage by forgiving her sins and continuing to love her and encourage her to walk in the way of Christ. Who do they think they’re kidding when I’m standing here with my amazing offer of adultery with a married man who can’t even keep his own wife happy? She’d be an idiot to choose him over me! The only possible reason she’d do so is because she’s listening to God. I’ve got to get her to see herself as a hopeless cause, separate this faithful woman from the Church that gives her the support to stay with her husband and continue in her vocation, and then she’ll be so discouraged and her existence so pointless that she’ll think she has nothing better to do than be with wonderful ME!
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/epic
 
CDB1718 said:
This could have come straight from the pages of the Screwtape Letters. :rolleyes: Let me translate your double-speak into everyday English.

Sometimes I feel like she’s choosing God over me. She’s already a sinner, so there’s no hope of salvation or cooperation with God for her. At least, that’s the way I see her and want her to see herself so she’ll dump that loser of a guy who’d marry a widow and care for her orphaned children and work to improve his marriage by forgiving her sins and continuing to love her and encourage her to walk in the way of Christ. Who do they think they’re kidding when I’m standing here with my amazing offer of adultery with a married man who can’t even keep his own wife happy? She’d be an idiot to choose him over me! The only possible reason she’d do so is because she’s listening to God. I’ve got to get her to see herself as a hopeless cause, separate this faithful woman from the Church that gives her the support to stay with her husband and continue in her vocation, and then she’ll be so discouraged and her existence so pointless that she’ll think she has nothing better to do than be with wonderful ME!

As Nathaniel Hardy said in his First General Epistle of St. John the Apostle Unfolded and Applied: “Thou art not ashamed to defile thyself, and yet thou art ashamed to be made clean; indeed, it is a shame whereof thou hast reason to be ashamed, since, as it doth much hurt, so it can do no good. As to that which thou desirest, all excuses are but fig-leaves and paper-coverings.”
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Double epic.

👍
 
To the OP, I’m gonna paste the same post I posted in the other thread (similar to yours):

What happened to the Commandment that says you shall put God ABOVE anything or anyone else? Please stay strong in the Lord and don’t fall in love with sin. Run to your wife and hug her, show how much you love her and cherish her, BEG her for forgiveness. Do it but not for her, not for you, not for your children, do it for the the love of God. Do it for Him. Sacrifice your desires for Him! ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, to enlighten you. CRY OUT TO JESUS!.

In addition, LOVE is NOT a FEELING. LOVE is an ACT that comes from the WILL. LOVE is DOING what’s BEST for the person. (and what’s best for her is that she is in good terms with her husband) LOVE is all about SACRIFICE.
Satan is sneaking and trying to LURE YOU and what you are going to DO? you’re going to SAY NO TO TEMPTATION, and YES TO GOD. For GOD, for the LOVE of Him, LOVE your wife, talk to her, be sincere and honest with her. SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

**You say that everything happens for a reason and you don’t know yet? I know!! All this happened so she could tell her husband that she wanted a “divorce” and THOSE words made him change and save their marriage!!! Leave her alone with her spouse! Forget about her, go get your wife! **

“So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds.” (James 4:7-8)

“Therefore, beloved, since you are forewarned, be on your guard not to be led into the error of the unprincipled and to fall from your own stability. But grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” ( 2 Peter 3:17-18)
 
CDB1718 said:
This could have come straight from the pages of the Screwtape Letters. :rolleyes: Let me translate your double-speak into everyday English.

Sometimes I feel like she’s choosing God over me. She’s already a sinner, so there’s no hope of salvation or cooperation with God for her. At least, that’s the way I see her and want her to see herself so she’ll dump that loser of a guy who’d marry a widow and care for her orphaned children and work to improve his marriage by forgiving her sins and continuing to love her and encourage her to walk in the way of Christ. Who do they think they’re kidding when I’m standing here with my amazing offer of adultery with a married man who can’t even keep his own wife happy? She’d be an idiot to choose him over me! The only possible reason she’d do so is because she’s listening to God. I’ve got to get her to see herself as a hopeless cause, separate this faithful woman from the Church that gives her the support to stay with her husband and continue in her vocation, and then she’ll be so discouraged and her existence so pointless that she’ll think she has nothing better to do than be with wonderful ME!

As Nathaniel Hardy said in his First General Epistle of St. John the Apostle Unfolded and Applied: “Thou art not ashamed to defile thyself, and yet thou art ashamed to be made clean; indeed, it is a shame whereof thou hast reason to be ashamed, since, as it doth much hurt, so it can do no good. As to that which thou desirest, all excuses are but fig-leaves and paper-coverings.”
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Totally “This”… 👍
 
Realised that I truly loved this woman
Click to expand...
Facepalm. Another infatuated guy chasing a rainbow.
“How do I know it is love?” and she said “I think about you all the time”
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Seriously… [Blech]
I’d respond about how stupid the question is and what a misunderstanding it is, but I just give up.
my wife was not so tolerant of me having an emotional affair and loving another woman and immediately asked for a divorce.
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At least with George, the wife was part of the problem. However, your wife stayed with you 18 years despite the fact that it appears you haven’t grown up one bit.
Hard to tell you all of what has gone on but I sure feel like I drew the short straw.
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It was your fault. You chased the rainbow. You got rained on.
Her and I both believe that everything happens for a reason and we keep asking what that reason is.
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[Retches]. How many clichés can you put into such a small space? The reason was cause and effect. The cause was your stupidity. The effect was disaster. The lesson to learn is that if you haven’t grown up by the time you get to your age, you will draw the short straw.
Alright, enough of my book. Any advice??? I love this woman more than anything in life but I am between a rock and a hard place.
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“Son, I am disappoint”

OK. This woman you fancy, she’s with another man. Her husband. Stay the hell away from her and leave their marriage alone.

You. Deal with the consequences of your stupidity. Grow up. Then, maybe, try to reconcile with your wife. I’ll let others answer that.
 
Well, all I can say is I definately wouldn’t wish to be the third OP, to post … “I’m in love with my co-worker…and…need some advice/help.” (Ha,ha)
 
I really doubt the authenticity of this thread, but…
40.png
CDB1718:
This could have come straight from the pages of the Screwtape Letters. Let me translate your double-speak into everyday English.

Sometimes I feel like she’s choosing God over me. She’s already a sinner, so there’s no hope of salvation or cooperation with God for her. At least, that’s the way I see her and want her to see herself so she’ll dump that loser of a guy who’d marry a widow and care for her orphaned children and work to improve his marriage by forgiving her sins and continuing to love her and encourage her to walk in the way of Christ. Who do they think they’re kidding when I’m standing here with my amazing offer of adultery with a married man who can’t even keep his own wife happy? She’d be an idiot to choose him over me! The only possible reason she’d do so is because she’s listening to God. I’ve got to get her to see herself as a hopeless cause, separate this faithful woman from the Church that gives her the support to stay with her husband and continue in her vocation, and then she’ll be so discouraged and her existence so pointless that she’ll think she has nothing better to do than be with wonderful ME!

As Nathaniel Hardy said in his First General Epistle of St. John the Apostle Unfolded and Applied: “Thou art not ashamed to defile thyself, and yet thou art ashamed to be made clean; indeed, it is a shame whereof thou hast reason to be ashamed, since, as it doth much hurt, so it can do no good. As to that which thou desirest, all excuses are but fig-leaves and paper-coverings.”
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I bow to you good sir. :bowdown:

And nine hells E_7! Do you really need to green my eyes to death? 😉
 
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