Luke 9:24, “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever will lose his life for my sake, the same will save it.”
If you abandon yourself, giving up of yourself in ways that actually hurt, like a one or two week long fast from all food, or spending several hours for a few days helping out in a charity, or spending the money to go on a retreat where there is so much grace and healing to be had, these are acts of self-abandonment, the rejection of the flesh or what
you want to be doing, and they will free your spirit to rejoice in the presence of God. If you really want God and freedom from your troubles, really go and get Him! As St. Teresa of Avila says, “Abandon your little works! Stop walking and start running!” My goal in saying this is not to criticize but to offer you the hope that what you are seeking is fully within your grasp. You just have to reach out and take it by offering yourself up as “a holy and living sacrifice” for God, just as the Apostle Paul tells us to. When you abandon your flesh, how can it rule over you? Your flesh has no chance of ruling you and drawing you into deeper sin if you have crucified it. And that is what you have to do. When you put your desires in a real way second to the desires of God, suddenly He has room to do what He desires in your life.
“If anyone would come after me, he must take up his cross and follow me.”
The nails of that cross stab into our flesh, and like Christ, we accept the pain of our own voluntary decision because we consider the prize worth having.
The flesh is like an anchor tied to our legs, when we’re tossed into the sea. It pulls us straight down. We need to go at those ropes with the Sword of the Spirit and cut that anchor away from us, even though it hurts to abandon the flesh by actually abandoning things we like or spending our time in a way that doesn’t please our desires. When we cut that anchor off of ourselves, it falls away, and freed of our burden, we float upward to the top of the ocean.
I feel certain that if you abandon yourself by doing the good you don’t want to do, in so doing putting God first, you will find yourself on the path to freedom with speed that amazes you. Do something that really hurts for God, something that makes you exert some real effort and put yourself lower to put God higher, and see if He will reward you with His presence! I am certain He will and your spiritual life will swiftly leap into full bloom again.
DON’T let things continue to slide as they are. This is deadly. You’ve said your faith is dead. That is a terrible place to be at, and it leaves you with a decision to make, whether you want genuine freedom from your sins (habitual and otherwise) or want to do your own thing more. You need to decide whether you’re willing to do what it takes to be free. Are you really willing to sacrifice yourself where it hurts to be free? Because if you aren’t willing to endure pain for your freedom, your flesh is an idol for you that you’ve placed before God. If that is the case, you cannot let it stand. You only have one life to live and we would be crazy if we didn’t use it to try our best to prepare for eternity.
If you give up yourself, you will find yourself in Christ, but if you hold onto yourself, you will steadily continue to lose yourself as you feel you’re doing now. The harder you hold onto yourself, the more you’ll lose yourself, but the more liberal you are in self-abandonment, the more room God will have to fill you with His power and life. I really, really hope you make the right decision.
Here’s a relevant passage about abandonment of the flesh and its results.
Matthew 18:7-14:
Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come!
If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire.
And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna.
"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father.
What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray?
And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.
In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost.
It is not God’s will that you remain as lost as you feel. He tells us what to do that we might be saved, cut off arms or legs and whatever it takes.
Abandon the flesh in real ways that actually involve pain or sacrifice so that our flesh might be subject to us rather than us subject to it! Then, as the Scripture above says, God will leave behind all His other sheep just for us and pick us up and rejoice over us more than He does over all His other sheep that did not stray.
He loves us and does not will that anyone lose Him or the Paradise He has in store for humanity. However, to receive that great heavenly reward, we must, absolutely must, abandon ourselves.
Remember what it took for Jesus to redeem us. He had to endure much more than we have to endure. Regarding sin… we need to do all we can to cut it out of our lives. Have you ever read CS Lewis’ “Great Divorce”? If you have not, I recommend it, there’s a part in it about a man who struggled with a similar type of sin. God bless
Well done. I’m very glad to hear you’re taking firm steps to fight the enemy. Getting the information you need is an essential first . . . I really love how you’re working for God, now, rather than despairing.