I see.
I am truly loathe to try to give advice that overrules not one but two priests who are actually
in situ while I am answering an anonymous query on the internet.
The response of the parochial vicar is problematic in that, yes we are obliged to chastity. If, however, we pronounce a vow regarding chastity, be the vow public or private, we have assumed an obligation over and above the virtue of chastity itself. That is one of the main reasons for making a vow.
The pastor you spoke with, on the other hand, would be correct IF he determined that what you did fell short of the category of a private vow. He would be incorrect if he thought that private vows
in se are not actually binding.
You will forgive me for saying this as I don’t mean to offend you and I am trusting that you are relating as faithfully as you can what the priests said but, I am not speaking directly to the priests but whatever they said is being filtered by someone who is not a canonist or a theologian…which is different than if I were speaking to them directly. All that to say that I can’t know what actually is as it is coming to me by hearsay.
Hmm.
May I suggest you send a simple note to the diocese’s vicar general. Please God, he has a doctorate. Explain:
- You are a member of the lay faithful of the diocese
- At a time when you were spiritually inexperienced you made what, in conscience, you believe and understand were two distinct private vows…one regarding perpetual and perfect chastity and one regarding your prayer life.
- You are now discerning being called to the married state.
- You petition him to dispense you from the private vows according to the norms in Canon 1196…and copy and paste the above text of the canon that I gave you into the request. You may also find the text here: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P4E.HTM
- That you make the request to him since he has the delegated executive authority of the bishop, by grant of Canon Law.
That would be my counsel in this situation.
Of course, your other recourse is simply to ask the bishop himself, either in writing or email or when you attend one of his Masses and have the opportunity to speak to him.
Given the circumstances, this is not an involved grant – there is no decree to issue. This is not a public vow. It is a very simple act. It takes a matter of seconds. Far less than this correspondence :yup:
