Another Question About Teenage Dating

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Ok, so this is mainly about two things.

If a teenager is not psychologically ready for a marriage, but has every intention as they grow to become so, do you think they could date, court, whatever you want to call if serious marriage discernment is involved?

I mean, when it becomes clear that marriage couldn’t be an option with a person, I know dating/courting or whatever you wish to call it should stop. But, if it is clear that though a person isn’t ready for marriage YET, but that it is possible in the future once they grow, which they intend to do, would that be allowed?

I mean, I’d say yes, because otherwise, teen dating/courtship would likely be entirely impermissible.

I am asking for a teen I know. He wants to know, and I didn’t have an answer. Thanks for any help!
 
No one is ready for marriage when they start dating someone. That’s what the entire dating and courtship process is about. Teenagers have a different reason for not being ready, but that just adds considerations, it doesn’t make it wrong for them to start dating.
 
Inquiry said:
No one is ready for marriage when they start dating someone. That’s what the entire dating and courtship process is about. Teenagers have a different reason for not being ready, but that just adds considerations, it doesn’t make it wrong for them to start dating.
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This is the truth.
 
It depends on what is meant by dating. I think people can go to the movies, grab ice cream together, and get to know each other without calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Mostly, I just think a lot of heartbreak can be avoided if people start having serious conversation early on about intended futures and Catholic virtues, especially before signs of affection.
 
Nothing is stopping them from courtship and dating, it would be a lot more of a challenge though. I mean from my own experience, I was alot less knowledgeable about marriage and dating when I was in highschool just like 3 years ago. If I were to go date someone before, I’d be spiritually weak to understand how to handle situations.

But everyones different and if its God’s will, he will show them. I would reccomend courtship first. Im in a similar situation sort of but Ive been advised to wait, im not ready and God is still preparing me for whatever his will is. So for me I cant just say im ready and go start dating this certain girl Ive noticed at church because I myself say Im ready, but am I truly ready in the eyes of God? Im not yet. We have to leave that up to the Lord, but best advice I can give is for them to discern and pray alot in front of the blessed sacrament, learn alot of apologetics and about courtship. Go to mass together! 🙂
Pray for me please! Ill do the same, hope I helped a bit!

EDIT: also figuring out where God wants to take them, starting a family down the road requires a financially stable income, so that means for them to keep doing good in school 🙂
 
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Understanding yourself and what’s important wrt a partner is vital in marriage and life in general. Dating contributes to the experiences needed to figure these things out.
 
The dating experience helps people to grow and mature. It helps them learn the qualities they want in a person they eventually marry.
I started dating late compared to most people, and it was really awkward, leading me to a bad marriage. After my divorce, I started dating different people and learned a lot, while holding myself back from getting too involved with someone for a while. When I did meet my now wife, I knew she was the woman for me, and I love her more each day!
 
I don’t think it’s wise to date when you’re a teenager. Supposing the person you date is wonderful, now you’re stuck waiting for marriage for maybe four to eight years as you get your education in order. A few people can attend university while married with a child. But most people need to be entirely devoted to their studies.

If a couple marries at say 21, they often end up postponing having children or worrying about not having children.

I would say just enjoy the one time that you don’t have to be responsible for others and do things like travel, get a pet (before you meet that special someone who is allergic to cats), move houses a lot and all the good things about being young.
 
I would say to definitely date as a teenager, if the opportunity presents itself. Dating is how you learn to interact in ways other than platonic or familial. Dating is how you learn what you like in someone with the potential to be a partner (not talking about sex, here). It is how you learn general protocols for dating relationships, before you are old enough for it to be awkward that you don’t know these things. And dating can be a lot of fun and enrich your life. Keep it wholesome. Engage in fun activities that are age appropriate. Follow your parents rules. In my days, as a teenager, it was no “car dating” until 17, and my parents had to know the boy and his family quite well. Group dating was the most fun.

If you don’t date as a teenager, what can happen is that you land into adulthood with some skills missing. Your goal should be to work towards developing into a well-rounded person. Don’t be afraid of moving through the phases of life as you work towards that goal.
 
If by “well-rounded person”, you mean pregnant, sure. And if by “skills missing” you mean the skill of going to the doctor to check for sti’s.

Most teenagers do not understand how quickly things can escalate. It’s better to be over 19 when you date if you’re a Catholic. There’s no reason to know “protocols” before you’re ready to handle the consequences. “Protocols” today have more to do with how often you should text or whether it’s rude to “ghost” somebody. All teenagers end up talking to members of the opposite sex at school and that is enough for them to learn how to interact.
 
Lara said:
If by “well-rounded person”, you mean pregnant, sure. And if by “skills missing” you mean the skill of going to the doctor to check for sti’s.

Most teenagers do not understand how quickly things can escalate. It’s better to be over 19 when you date if you’re a Catholic. There’s no reason to know “protocols” before you’re ready to handle the consequences. “Protocols” today have more to do with how often you should text or whether it’s rude to “ghost” somebody. All teenagers end up talking to members of the opposite sex at school and that is enough for them to learn how to interact.
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Wow. Just wow.
 
I think finding someone to share your life with early on could be worth way more than college. Unless someone is really passionate about a career that requires a degree, they probably shouldn’t even go to college. There are plenty of jobs that don’t require a college degree that can support a nice comfortable/humble lifestyle.

I went to college just because that’s what everyone is told to do, especially if they perform well academically, and I’m probably not even living more luxuriously with how much of my income goes towards the debt. My wife went to college and will probably never use her degree as a stay at home mom. I don’t think college is God’s will for everyone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start a God-centered family as soon as possible.
 
I agree if neither person wants to attend college, it’s very doable to marry young. It’s not wise though. By the way, your wife uses her education in her approach to motherhood, and may one day need to go back to work.

People who marry very young have high divorce rates. ( From the CDC: 59% of marriages to women who were younger than 18 at the time of marriage will end in divorce within 15 years) Also, it’s better to wait til you’re over 25 because your prefrontal cortex is one of the last parts of your brain to reach maturity at age 25.(Maturation of the Prefrontal Cortex | Bridges2understanding) This part of the brain controls such things as exercising good judgement.

Today, I’m very concerned about the high rate of addiction to pornography which makes men far less capable of dating properly.

Before they are ready to date, Catholics need to study natural family planning, and much more (not to use with a prospective date but to be aware of how a woman’s cycle can influence her dating, and to know why marrying a person from another faith could cause a rift).

For instance, how many of you are aware of the red pill movement? A girl could really get herself into a heap of mess if she dates an adherent. They do such things as grade women by appearance (she’s a 7), advocate for spinning plates (trying out a bunch of girls), expect women to fit their “frame” (which suggests they don’t grow together with you, but expect you to follow them) etc… How many seventeen- year olds know about that? How many would know if they’re being groomed to be sex-trafficked? How many would recognize red flags for physical, emotional, and verbal abuse?

Most teenagers are too naive to be dating.
 
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Lara said:
How many seventeen- year olds know about that? How many would know if they’re being groomed to be sex-trafficked? How many would recognize red flags for physical, emotional, and verbal abuse?

Most teenagers are too naive to be dating.
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Oh my. I guess we have different ideas about dating. I am thinking about Billy from geometry class asking Suzie to get a burger and see a movie. I am not sure what your experiences are to make you fear red pill treatment or the other things you mentioned. I am really sorry if you are speaking from experience.

Parents need to always be vigilant, of course.
 
I see your point and could quip that a burger isn’t so serious (to bring levity). But I think Catholics need to be wary of all dates even when they’re 60 or 80. It’s serious stuff. One senior I know lost thousands of dollars to a male “suitor.”

I would like to open a chaperone company for patrons of all ages. I would carry my notebook to warn people of any problems while they’re experiencing the evening.
 
Lara said:
For instance, how many of you are aware of the red pill movement? A girl could really get herself into a heap of mess if she dates an adherent. They do such things as grade women by appearance (she’s a 7), advocate for spinning plates (trying out a bunch of girls), expect women to fit their “frame” (which suggests they don’t grow together with you, but expect you to follow them) etc… How many seventeen- year olds know about that? How many would know if they’re being groomed to be sex-trafficked? How many would recognize red flags for physical, emotional, and verbal abuse?

Most teenagers are too naive to be dating.
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I’m dimly aware of the red pill movement, though I thought it had more to do with legal arguments about unequal treatment of men. What you describe sounds more like pickup artists.

And yes, teenagers need to be aware of the dangers of pickup artists and sex traffickers, but beyond being made aware of the psychological manipulation techniques, their best defense is actual experience with normal people. That is to say, their best defense is some reasonable dating experience.
 
My question is, if teenagers are not, what is it about adults that makes them better at it? And the only answer I come back to is experience with other people, opposite sex included.
 
IMO, only, the purpose of courting is to discern marriage. Is your teen friend imminently ready to support a family (or, I suppose in theory, would the couple be ready to support a family)? If not - - i.e., four years of college or two years of trade school lie ahead - - then no, should not be dating.
 
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