Another "should I attend a wedding" with a twist

[maryjk]

Ok, I have read most of the other threads about invalid weddings. But this one has a twist.

I have been invited to an invalid wedding. This is his third time and her second. They both have children from the other times. As far as I know the first and second wives/husbands are still alive.

Ok, so I don’t go, right.

Now the twist. The groom is my husband’s boss.

I say, still don’t go. My husband says that it is not that simple.

Is it?

 

[Karin]

Ok, I have read most of the other threads about invalid weddings. But this one has a twist.

I have been invited to an invalid wedding. This is his third time and her second. They both have children from the other times. As far as I know the first and second wives/husbands are still alive.

Ok, so I don’t go, right.

Now the twist. The groom is my husband’s boss.

I say, still don’t go. My husband says that it is not that simple.

Is it?

and you know that none of the previous marriages had Decrees of Nullity?

 

[FCEGM]

Ok, I have read most of the other threads about invalid weddings. But this one has a twist.

I have been invited to an invalid wedding. This is his third time and her second. They both have children from the other times. As far as I know the first and second wives/husbands are still alive.

Ok, so I don’t go, right.

Now the twist. The groom is my husband’s boss.

I say, still don’t go. My husband says that it is not that simple.

Is it?

Yes, it is. It’s one of those cases where one’s Catholicism goes from theory to practice. (It reminds me of the thread here about whether one can be “bought.”) You, of course, don’t have to go into detail why why you are unable to attend.

 

[whatevergirl]

hmmm…hmmm…this is tough! I say go…to be polite. God knows your heart. I don’t think attending a wedding means you condone the behavior…or does it?

 

[mosher]

Ok, I have read most of the other threads about invalid weddings. But this one has a twist.

I have been invited to an invalid wedding. This is his third time and her second. They both have children from the other times. As far as I know the first and second wives/husbands are still alive.

Ok, so I don’t go, right.

Now the twist. The groom is my husband’s boss.

I say, still don’t go. My husband says that it is not that simple.

Is it?

If you know for sure that they are entering into an invalid union then yes it is that simple. If you don’t know for sure then it is a judgment call.

 

[az_4_faith]

1. Are they Catholic?
2. Are they active Catholics (as much as they’re permitted)?
3. Do they have any religious affiliation?

Only reason I ask is that if they are Catholic, you should explain why you cannot witness the marriage, one Catholic to the other.

If they have no religious affiliation, politely, but firmly explain why your faith requires that you not witness their marriage ceremony. Wish them well, and if you choose, attend their reception.

We can’t teach our faith unless we embrace teaching moments. This is one.

My husband and I did exactly this with a family friend who asked us to attend his third marriage ceremony (secular) in Las Vegas. We simply explained that, in good conscience, we could not witness a third set of vows.

Believe it or not, he was impressed that we “practiced what we preached”. He told us that he didn’t agree with us, but respected our decision based on our faith. Of course, we’re still friends.

 

[kage_ar]

Decline the invitation, be polite and RSVP with regrets and a prior commitment. (This would be your commitment to your faith).

 

[MilesXpisti]

hmmm…hmmm…this is tough! I say go…to be polite. God knows your heart. I don’t think attending a wedding means you condone the behavior…or does it?

Yes, but men do not. And to attend this wedding, provided that there are has been no annulment for any of the other marriages, is to give tacit approval to it and could be construed as an assent to scandal. A similar thing happened at my workplace not too long ago, and I politely declined, with no explanations. The man understood, I can only assume he thought I had other plans, and there were no ill effects. But even if your husband’s boss doesn’t react well, it’s still a matter of doing what’s right. You and your husband will be in my prayers.

 

[maryjk]

To answer some questions:

They are not Catholic.

They are being married in a Methodist Church.

I am pretty sure that they have not received decrees, since they are not Catholic.

 

[mosher]

To answer some questions:

They are not Catholic.

They are being married in a Methodist Church.

I am pretty sure that they have not received decrees, since they are not Catholic.

Well, the point is even graver since their original marriage is assumed to be valid.

Also it brings up the other issue of attending non-catholic weddings - which is an issue of conscience. I personally do not go to non-catholic weddings as a rule.

 

[bluerose]

Are your husband and his boss personal friends? If not, I’ll need to double-check with Emily Post and Miss Manners, but I always thought bosses were not supposed to invite employees to private occasions (weddings, birthdays, etc.) where a gift is expected.

Or maybe I’m just old-fashioned?

 

[maryjk]

Are your husband and his boss personal friends? If not, I’ll need to double-check with Emily Post and Miss Manners, but I always thought bosses were not supposed to invite employees to private occasions (weddings, birthdays, etc.) where a gift is expected.

Or maybe I’m just old-fashioned?

On the invitation, there is a statement, “Your presence is the only gift we ask.” So they aren’t asking for a gift.

Also, the entire department is invited. I would be surprised if most of the company was invited. It is a very small company. There are maybe 60 employees.

 

[queen_anne78]

Jimmy Akin uses a maxim on his blog to answer questions such as these…Should I go to that baptism…this wedding?

“If God is showing up for the sacrament, then so can I.”

For example, an Episcopal couple invites you to their baby’s baptism. They use the Trinitarian formula, and the Church recognizes their baptisms as valid. God will be there. You can be there too.

In this case, these people have been married, and (it appears) were baptized Christians at the time…therefore their 1st marriages were sacramental, and thus rendering this current marriage invalid. God will not be there. You should probably not be there either. Marriage and baptism are the 2 hardest sacraments to screw up (because the majority of christian communities get the form and matter correct quite easily).

As others have mentioned, you don’t have to inform the boss exactly WHY you won’t be there, you can just send your regrets (unless you feel called in this situation to be more evangelistic and explain your reasons. prudence and prayer are the order of the day here).

 

[Mom_of_5]

Do you know that God is not there for sure? They may not have had their marriages officially anulled, but may have been good candidates for annullment. (If they were Catholic.) Obviously you don’t really know the story behind these failed marriages. If you know that these two broke up their former marriage to be together, then for sure don’t go, but there may be too many unknowns to shun the pair. (Only my opinion,) I wonder, what will staying away from the wedding do to help this couple?

If this were the first marriage of both parties, married in the Methodist Church, would you go? There is nothing wrong with going to a wedding in a protestant church as long as the people marrying are not Catholic or if one is Catholic, having a dispensation (if that can be done) to marry in the protestant church. Protestant marriages are valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church if they meet the requirements of validity.

When the newly weds invite you to dinner at their home, will you go? How about the company picnic?

Love and peace,
Mom of 5

 

[MilesXpisti]

Do you know that God is not there for sure?

Good candidacy for annulment is neither here not there. Unless annulment has been granted and affirmed by a tribunal, they are still married to their respective spouses. And given that the bride and groom are methodist, the chances of them having sought an annulment is extremely remote. So in this instance, one can say with enough prudence to warrant abstaining attendance that, no, God will not be sacramentally present.

 

[Mom_of_5]

Lest we forget, these folks are not of our religion or belief. If we wrap ourselves in a cacoon and do not accept that others have different belief systems, we, as Catholics will not make much of a n impact in this world. We cannot shove our beliefs on others and shake our fingers at the sinners, then turn around and question other religions that do the same thing. We are to give good example showing our love, not hostility. We will make no inroads if we stay away from all that is protestant. athiest, etc.

When we married, some family friends of all religions, including LDS came to celebrate our marriage. They really didn’t care that our marriage had been annulled, how many times either of us had been previously married. They were there to show support and help us through all the years we will have together as man and wife. We all need to stop making assumptions as to whether God is or is not blessing a marriage. As I said in my previous post, we do not know enough about the couple to judge them. Perhaps if the couple does not attend his boss’ wedding, he will not be comfortable in doing anything with his boss or boss’ family. He should perhjaps consider quitting his job since his religious beliefs do not mesh with his boss’. Lets live our life as Catholics and allow others to live theirs. Many ways we can show who were are and get respect, perhaps gain converts, shunning is not the answer.

Love and eace to all

Mom of 5

 

[mosher]

Lest we forget, these folks are not of our religion or belief. If we wrap ourselves in a cacoon and do not accept that others have different belief systems, we, as Catholics will not make much of a n impact in this world. We cannot shove our beliefs on others and shake our fingers at the sinners, then turn around and question other religions that do the same thing. We are to give good example showing our love, not hostility. We will make no inroads if we stay away from all that is protestant. athiest, etc.

When we married, some family friends of all religions, including LDS came to celebrate our marriage. They really didn’t care that our marriage had been annulled, how many times either of us had been previously married. They were there to show support and help us through all the years we will have together as man and wife. We all need to stop making assumptions as to whether God is or is not blessing a marriage. As I said in my previous post, we do not know enough about the couple to judge them. Perhaps if the couple does not attend his boss’ wedding, he will not be comfortable in doing anything with his boss or boss’ family. He should perhjaps consider quitting his job since his religious beliefs do not mesh with his boss’. Lets live our life as Catholics and allow others to live theirs. Many ways we can show who were are and get respect, perhaps gain converts, shunning is not the answer.

Love and eace to all

Mom of 5

This is in a way insulting to the Christian faith. I say this because what is being advocated is to allow error to exist in something as sacred as the Sacrament of Matrimony. Since the couple are both Christian their initial marriages are assumed to be valid and so any other “marriage” contracted would be invalid. It is our obligation to not support such scandal against the sanctity of marriage. Such indifference is not consistent with the faith of Christ.

 

[Tonks40]

I was married invalidly outside of the Church. I invited my parents to come to the ceremony - they politely said no. I think it was the best, most sound Christian decision I’ve ever truly noticed they have ever made, and I admire them greatly for saying “no.”

But then again, this is from the perspective of someone who came back to her Faith.

(BTW - they did attend my convalidation ceremony - the joy on their faces on that day will be something that I’ll never, ever forget!)

 

[Magicsilence]

I was married invalidly outside of the Church. I invited my parents to come to the ceremony - they politely said no. I think it was the best, most sound Christian decision I’ve ever truly noticed they have ever made, and I admire them greatly for saying “no.”

But then again, this is from the perspective of someone who came back to her Faith.

(BTW - they did attend my convalidation ceremony - the joy on their faces on that day will be something that I’ll never, ever forget!)

Seems like a good answer to me!

 

[Mom_of_5]

I was married invalidly outside of the Church. I invited my parents to come to the ceremony - they politely said no. I think it was the best, most sound Christian decision I’ve ever truly noticed they have ever made, and I admire them greatly for saying “no.”

But then again, this is from the perspective of someone who came back to her Faith.

(BTW - they did attend my convalidation ceremony - the joy on their faces on that day will be something that I’ll never, ever forget!)

This is not the same situation at all as the OP was asking about. You were Catholic, the couple being discussed were/are not. They are not bound to live under the rules of the Catholic Church, (annullment) before re-marriage, unless they marry a Catholic in the Catholic Church. You can say that they must still live under the 10 commandments… perhaps in their consciences they are. You do not know about the previous marriages. We don’t know enough about the circumstances, previous marriages, their beliefs, etc. to be condemning them. A previous poster deemed my post as un-christian…no, I am christian through and through. I have been Catholic all my life (all 67 years)and believe that although I love my faith and try to live it, others can and will go to heaven living their beliefs and following their conscience. We cannot see inside another mans soul. Leave that to Jesus. Show kindess and love and pray that the couple is blessed by God. Amen!!

Love and peace,
Mom of 5