T
tinamn
Guest
Hello all
I think it was June when I last posted an update. I made several attempts to start restoring the relationship with my husband, but he wasn’t really having it. He talked with the priest at my church, as well as the pastor at his church. I made an appointment for marital counseling but they basically said he needed to get treatment for his alcoholism before we could try to work on our marriage.
I had told him back in March that if he brought alcohol into the house again, I would go down to the courthouse and file papers (mostly so that I would have a way to get the children away from him - not to give up on the relationship, but to get some normalcy back into their lives). I don’t know why I didn’t follow through with that on the multiple times he brought it back into the house. It’s one thing to say and another thing to do, is all I can come up with.
Anyway, he made an absolute fool of himself with his family over the 4th of July - probably should have been in the hospital he was so intoxicated. He returned to his family 2 weeks later for a memorial service for a distant relative, and repeated the process. He came home and was fired from his job. According to him they said it was a “business decision” but I have no doubt it was due to the alcohol, as he had the situation where my sister sent a video of him during the workday to his employer, plus he had stopped going in to work period (just worked from home). While he mostly drank on weekends, he was basically “tapering off” to prevent withdrawal during the week, and would miss deadlines frequently.
On my birthday (which was also the day before I had to drive my 5 yr old 3.5 hours to find out why she had been bleeding for 3 weeks), he decided he needed to celebrate. He went to Mass completely wasted. Had the nerve to sit and talk with the priest, while drunk, and tell him how he’s been doing “so well” with his recovery, etc etc. His pastor came to our home a few days later and basically told him everything our family and I have been saying for years, and he kept trying to pin it on us. We eventually got him into a detox program, where he was put on a 72 hour hold. He hated it, swore he’d never drink again. I told his pastor I figured it would be 3-4 weeks, as he was starting a new job and he’d end up saying he was stressed and having trouble adjusting.
Right on the money 3.5 weeks later, he insisted he was just going to get some 3.2 beer to watch the game on Sunday. Bought two 12-packs, drank them all in about 12 hours, drove drunk to the liquor store and bought tons of vodka, and ended up not working for 3 days. I met with a friend for dinner that Tuesday, and she helped me find my resolve. I went home and told him he needed to leave - that he could find somewhere else to do his drinking.
He decided to go into (name removed by moderator)atient treatment. I am not confident that it will work, as he is still saying things like “well, I went 3 weeks without drinking.” Or “I’ve been sober more than I’ve been drunk the last 6 months” or “Why doesn’t anyone recognize that I’m trying?” and to top it all off, he yelled at me for not being supportive of him because I didn’t want to hug him (when he reeked and had vomit on his shirt and hadn’t showered/changed in 5 days). Granted I had taken a day off work to call all kinds of rehab, the VA, try to arrange benefits through his work, packed his suitcase, organized a ride for him to the rehab… but his work was more supportive because they told him his job would be waiting for him (pretty sure they can’t fire him because he is a veteran).
Anyhow, this is as much a vent as it is an update. I am struggling with my feelings overall, because it’s been several long years of rollercoaster, and right now I would prefer to just file and be done with it. I feel guilty thinking that way, especially as he is in treatment, so it would appear he is making an effort, but the other issues don’t go away even when the alcoholism is treated (which obviously is going to be longer than just his 30 day treatment). He feels he has every right to return home in 30 days, and have his “life” and his family back, but I would just like more than 30 days. He thinks 30 days is plenty. And he has “needs” he expects to be met as well.
Prayers would be welcomed. I will be speaking with my priest, and have set up counseling for myself. My children have been offered counseling at school.
I think it was June when I last posted an update. I made several attempts to start restoring the relationship with my husband, but he wasn’t really having it. He talked with the priest at my church, as well as the pastor at his church. I made an appointment for marital counseling but they basically said he needed to get treatment for his alcoholism before we could try to work on our marriage.
I had told him back in March that if he brought alcohol into the house again, I would go down to the courthouse and file papers (mostly so that I would have a way to get the children away from him - not to give up on the relationship, but to get some normalcy back into their lives). I don’t know why I didn’t follow through with that on the multiple times he brought it back into the house. It’s one thing to say and another thing to do, is all I can come up with.
Anyway, he made an absolute fool of himself with his family over the 4th of July - probably should have been in the hospital he was so intoxicated. He returned to his family 2 weeks later for a memorial service for a distant relative, and repeated the process. He came home and was fired from his job. According to him they said it was a “business decision” but I have no doubt it was due to the alcohol, as he had the situation where my sister sent a video of him during the workday to his employer, plus he had stopped going in to work period (just worked from home). While he mostly drank on weekends, he was basically “tapering off” to prevent withdrawal during the week, and would miss deadlines frequently.
On my birthday (which was also the day before I had to drive my 5 yr old 3.5 hours to find out why she had been bleeding for 3 weeks), he decided he needed to celebrate. He went to Mass completely wasted. Had the nerve to sit and talk with the priest, while drunk, and tell him how he’s been doing “so well” with his recovery, etc etc. His pastor came to our home a few days later and basically told him everything our family and I have been saying for years, and he kept trying to pin it on us. We eventually got him into a detox program, where he was put on a 72 hour hold. He hated it, swore he’d never drink again. I told his pastor I figured it would be 3-4 weeks, as he was starting a new job and he’d end up saying he was stressed and having trouble adjusting.
Right on the money 3.5 weeks later, he insisted he was just going to get some 3.2 beer to watch the game on Sunday. Bought two 12-packs, drank them all in about 12 hours, drove drunk to the liquor store and bought tons of vodka, and ended up not working for 3 days. I met with a friend for dinner that Tuesday, and she helped me find my resolve. I went home and told him he needed to leave - that he could find somewhere else to do his drinking.
He decided to go into (name removed by moderator)atient treatment. I am not confident that it will work, as he is still saying things like “well, I went 3 weeks without drinking.” Or “I’ve been sober more than I’ve been drunk the last 6 months” or “Why doesn’t anyone recognize that I’m trying?” and to top it all off, he yelled at me for not being supportive of him because I didn’t want to hug him (when he reeked and had vomit on his shirt and hadn’t showered/changed in 5 days). Granted I had taken a day off work to call all kinds of rehab, the VA, try to arrange benefits through his work, packed his suitcase, organized a ride for him to the rehab… but his work was more supportive because they told him his job would be waiting for him (pretty sure they can’t fire him because he is a veteran).
Anyhow, this is as much a vent as it is an update. I am struggling with my feelings overall, because it’s been several long years of rollercoaster, and right now I would prefer to just file and be done with it. I feel guilty thinking that way, especially as he is in treatment, so it would appear he is making an effort, but the other issues don’t go away even when the alcoholism is treated (which obviously is going to be longer than just his 30 day treatment). He feels he has every right to return home in 30 days, and have his “life” and his family back, but I would just like more than 30 days. He thinks 30 days is plenty. And he has “needs” he expects to be met as well.
Prayers would be welcomed. I will be speaking with my priest, and have set up counseling for myself. My children have been offered counseling at school.