Another what do men think thread :)

[TheRealJuliane]

Oh, I think it’s important to always be grateful and appreciative when gifts are received. It is the thought that counts. Which is why it’s disheartening (in my case) when your husband (whom you’ve told time and time again that you really aren’t into jewelry) continues to buy you jewelry a gift and then gets upset/offended that you don’t wear it. At least not having pieced ears was a good excuse not to wear pieced earrings (that was a gift from a friend to be clear). It’s a more high end version of the bunny pajama gift from the movie, A Christmas Story .

Possibilities:

It’s the only gift he has experience in buying for a woman.
It’s what his mother loved to receive, or what he wanted to give her, but never could.
It’s his image of how he wants you to look.
He’s being generous by buying you expensive decorations.
He’s stubborn.
He is doing it to bug you.
Gifts are HIS love language.

Buy him the book “The 5 love languages,” and read it together. Obviously your love language isn’t “Gifts of Love,” or maybe it is, but not jewelry. The author says we frequently give love the way WE want to receive it, so it could be that gifts make HIM feel loved.

Alternatively, you could just ask him, “Hey, why are you ignoring me when I tell you NOT to buy me jewelry? What’s your objective when you ignore my specific request?” I’d be too curious NOT to ask.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I got a question for you guys out there,
I have wondered for years!

Why do you grab the nicest dish towel in the house to use on greasy dirty hands thereby staining it forever?
You dont see that its nice and white, not meant for that?

Why do women buy nice white dishtowels in the first place???



Buy dark colored ones that don’t show grease. Duh.

 

[Cat]

I am a 55-year-old woman, married to the same man for 33 years in June.

I agree with many of the answers so far. I agree that it’s all about communication. I also agree with whoever said that this is all part of married life and it does get a little easier through the years to instinctively know what your spouse wants and doesn’t want.

But take my word for it, even after decades, spouses still miss the bullseye at times.

Here’s my suggestion for you. Rather than railing against it, try very hard to appreciate and adore the differences between you and your wife.

Women are infinitely more complex than men. If you’ve studied any physiology, you will remember that their hormonal system is incredibly more complex. Women have “cycles”–men don’t have cycles! That alone ought to give everyone a clue that women are not simple creatures, and that they may vary from day to day in their likes and dislikes.

So the best thing for a husband to do is try to appreciate “woman”, a marvelous being that God Himself created, and not only to appreciate, but to adore and ENJOY all the little quirks, conundrums, and mysteries that make women unique.

 

[mellowcalico]

Possibilities:

It’s the only gift he has experience in buying for a woman.
It’s what his mother loved to receive, or what he wanted to give her, but never could.
It’s his image of how he wants you to look.
He’s being generous by buying you expensive decorations.
He’s stubborn.
He is doing it to bug you.
Gifts are HIS love language.

Buy him the book “The 5 love languages,” and read it together. Obviously your love language isn’t “Gifts of Love,” or maybe it is, but not jewelry. The author says we frequently give love the way WE want to receive it, so it could be that gifts make HIM feel loved.

Alternatively, you could just ask him, “Hey, why are you ignoring me when I tell you NOT to buy me jewelry? What’s your objective when you ignore my specific request?” I’d be too curious NOT to ask.

Actually, he left me a couple of years ago and has since come out of the closet (so to speak). So I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I call him my husband here, since by Catholic marriage he is–I am in the process of having my marriage looked at by the Church. But we are actually divorced (most other places I call him my Ex). In a way, he wanted me to be a different kind of woman (wanted me to dress in suits, be more career minded, etc… the jewelry was part of that–it was “executive” looking jewel. In a way, I think he wanted me to be a gay man. As weird as that sounds).

Anyway, that’s all kind of moot now.

That languages of love book sounds interesting. I am definitely not into the gift thing. I like the thought that goes behind the gift, but even when I was a kid I wasn’t “into” getting gifts. It’s part of the reason I loved Easter as a family get together–no gift giving.

 

[cmscms]

cms,
It’s normal to feel hurt when you put your heart and soul into a gift and it’s not appreciated.

However, if it is happening repeatedly, then there is a failure to communicate. While it may eliminate some of the surprise, a guy should know what gifts she wants before spending big bucks or major time. Save surprises for the little things. Also, she may just not like surprises (some people are that way)

Shame on your wife for leaving a toilet sponge in the kitchen. Turn the tables on her and insist she follow common sense and mark with a magic marker, or something (if it must be in the kitchen instead of under the bathroom vanity). Don’t accept responsibility for things that are not your fault.

Again, find out what she wants, which may be very different from what you feel is a good gift. You may also need to speak to her friends and family to get a handle on this one.

I am a woman and I was asking to know how men feel. Also, the toilet sponge thing was an exageration. I though people would see the humour

 

[Captain_America]

Ok, this one is more about how men feel about doing something nice for women.

Here are some examples and I am wondering if you see the woman’s point or just feel hurt

1-)You buy her something as a surprise and she doesn’t like it

2-) You buy her jelewery and she never wears it and when you ask why she says ‘I don’t like how it looks on me’

3-) You find out about some cheap tickets to go somewhere and get them and are all excited and she says ‘Tonight !!! it is last minute I don’t want to go’,

4-)If you love wood working and hand make a rocking chair to surprise her and she says ‘there is no room for this in the house’,

5-) You just finished doing the dishes and she says ‘You use the sponge I cleaned the toilet with, pleas ask which sponge to use before doint the dishes’

How do you feel and how should a woman polite let you know and what she doesn’t like

CM

In this day and age of quasi-professionalized personal consumerism, I feel it’s a mistake to buy ANYTHING personal for someone: jewelry (of course), books, tickets, etc.

That’s a negotiation.

I surprise my wife by doing an out-of-routine chore around the house for her. Just wax her car or something. Sweep the basement floor. If you’re just really into “buying” then get her a gift certificate and some open time to jack around shopping.

 

[Captain_America]

I got a question for you guys out there,
I have wondered for years!

Why do you grab the nicest dish towel in the house to use on greasy dirty hands thereby staining it forever?
You dont see that its nice and white, not meant for that?

Because you want a clean towel when you wipe off your hands, no?

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Ok, this one is more about how men feel about doing something nice for women.

Here are some examples and I am wondering if you see the woman’s point or just feel hurt

1-)You buy her something as a surprise and she doesn’t like it

2-) You buy her jelewery and she never wears it and when you ask why she says ‘I don’t like how it looks on me’

3-) You find out about some cheap tickets to go somewhere and get them and are all excited and she says ‘Tonight !!! it is last minute I don’t want to go’,

4-)If you love wood working and hand make a rocking chair to surprise her and she says ‘there is no room for this in the house’,

5-) You just finished doing the dishes and she says ‘You use the sponge I cleaned the toilet with, pleas ask which sponge to use before doint the dishes’

How do you feel and how should a woman polite let you know and what she doesn’t like

CM

Like so much else in a marriage, how these scenarios play out in real life depend on the couple and how well they’ve learned to communicate with each other. If the couple has the wisdom and skills to openly and honestly talk, there will be no hurt feelings because the wrong jewelry was purchased or the handmade rocking chair won’t fit in the living room. There will be no hurt feelings because there would be no surprises on that kind of scale.

There is a world of difference between surprising your spouse with $15 movie tickets she doesn’t want to know about and devoting 40 or 50 hours handcrafting a piece of heirloom furniture when you have no idea where it’s going to live when it’s finished.

Sponges are great harborage for all kinds of bacteria, which is why we don’t use them in the bathroom or the kitchen. Bathroom cleaning rags are any color but white and are stored in the bathroom. Kitchen cleaning rags are white and are stored in the kitchen. Both types of rages are single use and then are laundered in sanitary cycle with a few drops of tea tree oil for added disinfection.

Luna

 

[Samson01]

Why do women buy nice white dishtowels in the first place???



Buy dark colored ones that don’t show grease. Duh.

As the fleet mechanic of the household…have to say , buy gloves at the parts store. Surgeon style in black, sized to fit.

 

[Moore11]

Ok, this one is more about how men feel about doing something nice for women.

Here are some examples and I am wondering if you see the woman’s point or just feel hurt

1-)You buy her something as a surprise and she doesn’t like itOh, man, I’ve dont this before. Bought her feetie jammies on Christmas that matched the kids and it almost caused the end of the world. Personally, it ticked me off that she was so ticked off about something nice I did.

2-) You buy her jelewery and she never wears it and when you ask why she says ‘I don’t like how it looks on meIf this happened, I would not buy jewlery anymore.’

3-) You find out about some cheap tickets to go somewhere and get them and are all excited and she says ‘Tonight !!! it is last minute I don’t want to go’, Depends, are they tickets to Brazil?, then I see her point. Tickets to the opera and there is nothing else for her to do except watch tv then I see the guys point.

4-)If you love wood working and hand make a rocking chair to surprise her and she says ‘there is no room for this in the house’, How did you make a chair without her know what you were doing? Weird, but you probably should be more considerate of what style and thing she might like

5-) You just finished doing the dishes and she says 'You use the sponge I cleaned the toilet with, pleas ask which sponge to use before doint the dishes’Sounds like instead of doing the dishes you should have done the toilette as well.

How do you feel and how should a woman polite let you know and what she doesn’t like

CM

Each of these things show a lack of communication. You dont know what sponge she cleans your dirty toilette with, what she likes, and what her style is.

You need to work on “knowing” your wife and she needs to work on the grace of gratitude.

 

[IneedGod]

Thanks for responses! I have never been able to understand that one.
Dont mean to harp just dont see it as I would use towels from the bathroom or an old rag (got those too).

Good answers on the origianal OP. Sorry to intrude on it.
I love whatever my DH gets me, it shows that he thought of me!
However some of those gifts are not something I could really use so I thank him and try to show my appreciation before they are regulated to the closet or use them occasionaly around him.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Actually, he left me a couple of years ago and has since come out of the closet (so to speak). So I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I call him my husband here, since by Catholic marriage he is–I am in the process of having my marriage looked at by the Church. But we are actually divorced (most other places I call him my Ex). In a way, he wanted me to be a different kind of woman (wanted me to dress in suits, be more career minded, etc… the jewelry was part of that–it was “executive” looking jewel. **In a way, I think he wanted me to be a gay man. As weird as that sounds).
**
Anyway, that’s all kind of moot now.

That languages of love book sounds interesting. I am definitely not into the gift thing. I like the thought that goes behind the gift, but even when I was a kid I wasn’t “into” getting gifts. It’s part of the reason I loved Easter as a family get together–no gift giving.

I understand. So he did want you to be something else.

 

[Rainaldo]

Why do you grab the nicest dish towel in the house to use on greasy dirty hands thereby staining it forever?

wut

it’s a towel

 

[THP]

wut

it’s a towel

Thank you!

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I got a question for you guys out there,
I have wondered for years!

Why do you grab the nicest dish towel in the house to use on greasy dirty hands thereby staining it forever?
You dont see that its nice and white, not meant for that?

Huh? It’s a towel. I just grab the nearest one. There are towels that you’re not supposed to use for certain reasons?

 

[Captain_America]

Huh? It’s a towel. I just grab the nearest one. There are towels that you’re not supposed to use for certain reasons?

Yeah. Why bother with it, if you can’t use it?

 

[SGTTOM]

1-)You buy her something as a surprise and she doesn’t like it
That is the chance you have to take with surprises. I guess I personally would rather have someone tell the truth then pretend to like something even if it might hurt a little.

2-) You buy her jelewery and she never wears it and when you ask why she says 'I
don’t like how it looks on me
Same as the one above.

**
3-) You find out about some cheap tickets to go somewhere and get them and are all excited and she says ‘Tonight !!! it is last minute I don’t want to go’, **
Depends on her reasons for not wanting to go. In this case if it were me in this position I’d think that I would go.

**
4-)If you love wood working and hand make a rocking chair to surprise her and she says ‘there is no room for this in the house’, **
If I didn’t have a plan on where to put it I don’t think I’d make one. Then again one person’s version of “there is room” may differ from another.

**
5-) You just finished doing the dishes and she says ‘You use the sponge I cleaned the toilet with, pleas ask which sponge to use before doing the dishes’**
Hehe sounds reasonable to me, in fact I’d probably do them again with another sponge .

In the end its all about lack of communication something that is tricky with surprises and gifts.

**Why do you grab the nicest dish towel in the house to use on greasy dirty hands thereby staining it forever?
You dont see that its nice and white, not meant for that? **
This does annoy me. Different towels have different uses. I wouldn’t wipe grease on a towel unless it was a disposable one.

I am not married so take this like a grain of salt lol.

 

[mellowcalico]

A little side track, I am actually kind of surprised by the number of people that would use a good towel to wipe off dirty hands. I figured the original question was half in jest, but the answers surprised me. My dad and grandad used to have shop towels for that kind of thing… maybe shop towels would be a good Father’s Day gift, lol.

Think of it this way, why don’t you change the oil in of your car in your good dress shirt? It’s just a shirt right? No, you change into something old for a reason–it’s the same with towels. the grease won’t come off and it’s not cheap to replace towels all the time (they aren’t free and high quality ones can be pricey).

 

[TheRealJuliane]

A little side track, I am actually kind of surprised by the number of people that would use a good towel to wipe off dirty hands. I figured the original question was half in jest, but the answers surprised me. My dad and grandad used to have shop towels for that kind of thing… maybe shop towels would be a good Father’s Day gift, lol.

Think of it this way, why don’t you change the oil in of your car in your good dress shirt? It’s just a shirt right? No, you change into something old for a reason–it’s the same with towels. the grease won’t come off and it’s not cheap to replace towels all the time (they aren’t free and high quality ones can be pricey).

It’s just in the nature of guys, I think. Not ALL guys, but a lot of them. They tend to be focused on what they are doing at the moment, not keeping a special towel pristine. My hubby is half of each type - he’s somewhat picky, but he’s also not concerned with minutiae - he’s always grabbing whatever kitchen towel is handy to use as a potholder, for example. He knows what a pot holder is, he knows where they are kept, but in the moment of needing something, he grabs whatever is closest. Which at times leads to him almost getting burned, because towels aren’t meant to be used as pot holders!

Having raised 2 boys to young adulthood, I advise all parents of males to put away all their special things and to buy only sturdy and not expensive furnishings. Boys are TOUGH on stuff.

There’s time to have decorative hand towels after they move out.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Huh? It’s a towel. I just grab the nearest one. There are towels that you’re not supposed to use for certain reasons?

Yeah. Why bother with it, if you can’t use it?

I can so tell you guys are guys.

There are indeed towels you can’t just grab and use for anything. Those antique tea towels my grandmother embroidered? No, you can’t use them to clean your hands after you’ve been working on the car. The same goes with those Irish linen hand towels I brought back from Dublin. Those are not to be used to clean the barbecue! They can, of course, be used - to dry dishes or to wipe up spilled water. We have shop towels and cleaning rags for dirty jobs like cleaning up after one of the kids dropped the ketchup bottle or sopping up cat vomit.

Seriously, one of the very few times I’ve ever truly lost my mind in anger at my husband was when he bypassed the bathroom cleaning rags and used a set of tea towels I inherited from my grandmother to clean up after a toilet overflow. The cleaning rags were right there - six inches from the toilet! - but no, he ran to the cedar chest in our bedroom and grabbed five irreplaceable towels with much sentimental value and used those instead. What made that decision seem like a good idea I will never know. I’m not a crybaby, but when I caught him rinsing human effluvia out of those towels I burst into tears; I was so angry I couldn’t even talk.

So you, there are towels you can’t grab and use for whatever. If you’re unsure if a towel is safe to use for a dirty job, check with your wife.

Luna