Anti-homesick

[purplesunshine]

Last year I moved 400 miles from home for a job. Most of my friends at home have grown up and gone (alot of military so technically they still “live” at home). My parents were good about giving me and my brothers independence. They’re wonderful people. When I am home I find ways to enjoy it. But its not the same as my place.

i love my apartment. I love that I don’t have to answer to a soul. I love that no one cares if I get in at 3 am or don’t go out at all. I love that I can eat rice and lentils for a week if I want. I like that I can invite over who I want when I want and do what I want. I love not having a TV and having it be quiet or being noisy when I want to or dancing around the kitchen. I love coordinating my own colors and putting dishes where I want to. I love not to have a running commentary of questions about who, what, where and why. I love where I live, I like my neighbors and seeing my littlest neighbor grow (she’s almost 2). I love having a dog of my own who I feed what I choose and who I can raise the way I want and whom obeys my commands. (we had “family” pets) I love my church friends and our discussions, I love the land…the mountains, lakes, rivers, ocean. I want to invest my time, energy and future here. I don’t really care about where I used to live.

I don’t really want to go back home, even to visit. When I do I would rather be around my friends. I would rather be here.

My parents seem to hold a hope that I’ll move closer to home if I get the job opportunity, as if thats what is holding me here. I really don’t. I have no interest in it.

I probably sound like the worlds biggest brat, but honestly if God gave me my new life and new job so its not like I’m going against His will.

I just need to find a way to tell my parents that I don’t want to move back and that once or twice a year is way enough visits for me. That, sorry, i will never move back to where I used to live or anywhere around there.

 

[SaltySirena]

Well, do try to have some compassion for the fact that they miss you and love you. I know I will miss my babies painfully when they finally fly the nest.

You don’t sound like a brat. You sound like a young adult reveling in her freedom. And that is NORMAL. I know my husband and I were so relieved when we were on our own finally. We could do things our way, set up our apartment like we wanted. The dishes could sit for an hour or two without us getting dirty looks or mutters about the moral failing of not washing them 5 seconds after we used them.

Separating from one’s parents is a natural development and needs to take place for you to really grow up. Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t even feel bad about the gusto with which you’re savoring it!

It’s OK to tell your parents that you are happy where you are and will visit when you can. Just be kind when you do it. Growing up happens to parents, too. They have to learn how to have other focuses in their life besides their children.

Good luck, and I totally know how you feel. We just returned from a fairly long visit to my in-laws house, and man, was it a relief to be in OUR domain again!

 

[mommamia]

Well, try to remember that they love you.

But I don’t think you sound like a brat, just a normal adult who is enjoying finding yourself.

However, don’t close any doors. Moving nearer to “home” doesn’t have to mean giving up your independence. If a great opportunity came up, it would be silly to turn it down just because it would be close to your parents. As an adult who supports herself you have every right to set boundaries, even with your parents.

Your young, who knows what great adventures life may have in store for you. Heck you could move even farther away.

Parents have to learn to let the kids grow up. Just try to be kind to them.

 

[dsears]

I’m to the same point. I have moved only about 180-200 miles away to go to a Methodist Seminary (though after my first year I am joining the Episcopal Church) and I love being on my own. The problem is that my mother keeps bugging me to come home (which I try to do about once a month.) She’s disappointed that I’m not going to be home the entire month of August, (basically because I have a job and I need to work, I’m in serious financial straights) . She should realize that because she they are hurting to back at home, but how do I describe that to her?

 

[Rascalking]

Purplesunshine-

You and I can join a snotty brat group, because I feel the same way you do.

 

[purplesunshine]

maybe I got my homesick out in college. I didn’t run home every weekend like most girls but I sure did want to go home.

One of the things that gets me is that i’m near the ocean…well 50mi depending on where I want to go. Still to be so far away from the ocean…I couldn’t immagine living that way ever again.

 

[purplesunshine]

I’m to the same point. I have moved only about 180-200 miles away to go to a Methodist Seminary (though after my first year I am joining the Episcopal Church) and I love being on my own. The problem is that my mother keeps bugging me to come home (which I try to do about once a month.) She’s disappointed that I’m not going to be home the entire month of August, (basically because I have a job and I need to work, I’m in serious financial straights) . She should realize that because she they are hurting to back at home, but how do I describe that to her?

Thats my point exactly. How in the heck can you be sympathetic to good parents when you just cannot fathom getting away from your life??? They’re great people, no issue there…but sigh its just not my life or where I want to be.

You also bring up a good point about money. My parents are pretty well off after years of hard work, they deserve it if anyone does…but they fail to see how darn expensive it is to come home…I know they sacrificed for me…so I do what i can…but it is hard. They’ve forgotten what its like to have no money.