Anticipating my First Confession

[MrsHall]

Hello everyone,
My First Confession is coming up in the next few weeks (our catechist recommended that we take advantage of the Lenten Season to initiate this sacrament) and I would like some advice… any thoughts on how to prepare for this, besides “Use an examination of conscience.”

If anyone could just walk me through this, I would really appreciate it. My only exposure to Confession is on TV and I would think they might get it wrong every now and then.

Just to recap, our family of eight (Dad, Mom and kids 12 and under) are joining the Church on Pentecost. Our youngest four will be baptized, and the older three will be having their First Eucharist, along with Mom and Dad.

Thanks in advance!

 

[LilyM]

There’s actually very little ceremony involved at all, so little likelihood of ‘getting things wrong’. If all else fails, simply begin by telling the priest it’s your first confession and you are unsure what to do, and he will walk you through the whole thing.

This is the way it normally happens (I’m assuming yours will happen in a confessional here):

1. you enter the confessional. There will usually be a kneeler in front of a screen of some kind, at which you kneel if you want an anonymous confession, and perhaps also an additional chair facing the priest where you can sit if you want confession to be face-to-face. Use whichever is your preference.
2. The priest may say a few words of greeting to you, or a short prayer, and invite you to begin. Sometimes he may well not say anything, in which case you simply start the confession yourself. Be sure he is there though - some confessionals you can’t even see the priest’s side, and you don’t want to be confessing to empty air!
3. To begin, I find it easiest to use the traditional words ‘Bless me, father, for I have sinned’. You then tell the priest ‘it has been x weeks/months/years since my last confession’ or else ‘this is my first confession’, and then tell him the sins you have committed in that time, by type and number.

If you’re unsure of the number of times you’ve committed a sin, give an approximation - ‘I did x about half a dozen times/weekly for about two months/multiple times a day between about the ages of 15 and 20’ or something.

Be sure to confess your mortal sins, any sins that you think may be mortal (it’s a good idea to ask his opinion on whether they are or not for future reference), and perhaps any venial sins that are particularly troubling you.

You can even ask advice about things you plan to do in the future, if you’re worried about the spiritual consequences. But don’t worry if you honestly forget even a mortal sin - you’re forgiven anyway, just mention it in your next confession.

As a guide to the amount of detail you’re expected to go into - ‘I stole’ is way too little information. ‘I went into the bank on Thursday morning with my Colt .45, threatened the teller who was a girl named Judy, she gave me $5.010.53 …’ is way too much. ‘I robbed a bank, threatened the teller with a gun and stole about $5,000’ is about right.

When you’re finished, it’s best to say something like ‘for these and all the sins of my past life, I am truly sorry’, to let the priest know you’re finished. On the other hand, if you remember something at any point while you’re in the confessional, even after absolution, it’s a good idea to mention it. ‘excuse me, Father, I just remembered xyz …’ - he shouldn’t mind if you do this.

1. When you’re done, the priest may (or may not) give you some advice about what you’ve confessed.

He may (or on rare occasions may not) allocate you a penance (prayers to say, a good work to do, scripture to read, something of the kind). If you’re given a prayer or other penance that you’re unfamiliar with, or that you think you cannot do for some reason, tell him so and he can subsitute something else for you.

He may (or may not) ask you to say an Act of Contrition. This need not be a formal prayer, you can simply tell God in your own words that you are sorry for your sins and ask His help to sin no more. If you don’t say it in the Confessional, do so once you’re outside.

The one thing he must do is pronounce absolution. To make things confusing, some priests do this WHILE you are saying your Act of Contrition. The words to listen out for are ‘I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit’.

1. With absolution, the confession is usually pretty much concluded. The priest will invite you to ‘go in peace’ or dismiss you with other words. You then go and say or do your penance as soon as you can. If you have NOT done your penance prior to your next confession, through your own fault, this is a fresh sin and needs to be mentioned in the next confession. Don’t forget to give thanks to God for this wonderful sacrament of His mercy!

 

[kristie_m]

Welcome!!

One of the most effective things for me was something that came out of pure desperation one day when I had something particularly difficult to confess. I went before the Blessed Sacrament and just said “YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!”

He did!

You probably already know that in most churches you’ll have the option of going behind the screen or face to face. Either way you do it is fine…it’s whatever you are comfortable with (assuming you’re offered the choice!). You’ll start with the sign of the cross, and say something along the lines of “bless me Father for I have sinned…this is my first confession” Then from there you just list those sins that you are aware of, and the number of times you’ve committed them. You don’t have to go into the gory details, just the basics will usually do. If the priest needs more information, he’ll ask for it. Then, when you’re done, you’ll say something like “I’m sorry for all of these sins and the sins of my past life”. Then the priest will sometimes offer a bit of advice, give you penance, maybe have you say an act of contrition and grant you absolution.

It can be a little intimidating at first. If you get nervous, just let the priest know…he’s there to help!

Let us know how it goes…we’ll be praying for you!

 

[kristie_m]

Okay…I see Lily got to you first, with a pretty concise description. Go with that!!

 

[MrsHall]

Thank you both, Lily and Kristie…
Like I said, this is foreign territory. Several friends of mine, when they speak of confession, have such peace and joy in their faces that I am anxious to experience it, too. On the other hand (being phlegmatic!) I am dreading the thought of hearing my sins out loud.

 

[LilyM]

Thank you both, Lily and Kristie…
Like I said, this is foreign territory. Several friends of mine, when they speak of confession, have such peace and joy in their faces that I am anxious to experience it, too. On the other hand (being phlegmatic!) I am dreading the thought of hearing my sins out loud.

For me it’s not a pleasant experience to go through - I’ve been raised in such a way that admitting faults or failings even to myself is difficult. But like a dreaded exam or a necessary operation, the difficulties are worth it.

Think of any anxiety as a headstart on your penance, and use it as an incentive to avoid sin in future!

 

[quiet52]

Just remember it’s Jesus you’re confessing your sins to. The priest is humbled that he is commissioned to be in persona Christi – and that you’re there, to be forgiven.

 

[acadian]

I can’t add much more to Lily’s reply, except that this site might be useful to you. There is a “cheat sheet” there that you can print out. Everything you need to go to confession - except the sins. I will also say that some confession experiences have been awesome, some have been somewhat neutral, and some have been difficult, but I have never been treated unkindly by a priest in confession.

I will be praying for you and all those who are making first confessions and first-time-in-a-long-time confessions during Lent.

Sometime can you share what brought your family to this point?

 

[MrsHall]

For me it’s not a pleasant experience to go through - I’ve been raised in such a way that admitting faults or failings even to myself is difficult. But like a dreaded exam or a necessary operation, the difficulties are worth it.

Think of any anxiety as a headstart on your penance, and use it as an incentive to avoid sin in future!

I know what you mean. As a child----here’s something I will be confessing----I habitually lied to avoid getting into trouble for making mistakes. It is so silly to me now. Isn’t telling a lie worse than doing something by accident? But I so feared getting into trouble that I would risk more trouble by making things up. I actually remember the first time I did it.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, Lily!

 

[MrsHall]

Just remember it’s Jesus you’re confessing your sins to. The priest is humbled that he is commissioned to be in persona Christi – and that you’re there, to be forgiven.

That’s right… and Jesus already knows it all anyway. As I’ve thought it over I think I want to be able to confess in the confessional rather than face-to-face. I think if I am sitting there with Father just talking things over it will feel like “Pastoral Counseling” and I will have a hard time remembering it is Jesus there absolving me.
Thanks.

 

[MrsHall]

Sometime can you share what brought your family to this point?

It’s such a long story that I don’t think I can do it right now with breakfast to get on the table! I guess the short version would be that my husband and I were raised in the Assemblies of God, and were raising our family in one church after another. We have been through a lot of heartache. Since about 2001 or so we just kept praying that Jesus would help us find the Church He started, wherever it might be. A very lengthy poem called “Primitive Christianity” by Charles Wesley haunted me—“For sure Thou hast a Church below.” We became part of two groups that were committed to “simple Christianity” and being like the Early Church. That was how we found out that Sola Scriptura is impossible. Both of these groups dissolved shortly after we left them.

Time is getting away from me. Needless to say, when all of that came to an end, we studied about all the denominations and felt as though each had true followers of Jesus in them, but their theology was lacking. There was always a “pet doctrine” that crowded out something else. I think we visited over 15 churches. It was getting crazy. Finally, we went to Mass. That isn’t the end of the story, of course, but because I need to “wrap this up” as my mother would say, we found the Church Jesus started. Strange how we missed it for all that time.

Sometime I will get the whole story written out but, like I said, it’s a long story.

God bless.

 

[gloria97000]

It helps me to recite my confession in my head a few times before actually confessing-the power of the moment can be impressive, and it helps to know well what I wanted to say. Then, while confessing, it helps to think of the confession as an audible prayer (I am speaking to God) that the priest can hear …somehow this helps to relieve the pressure of “I’m talking to a person” and also helps to keep the Sacramental nature of Confession on my mind. And, as always, it’s good to say a Hail Mary for the intention of making a good Confession before entering the box. Congratulations on a beautiful venture. God bless you!

 

[George_C]

I think I’m going to have to ask Fr. Terry for a helping hand, because I don’t have clue one about where to start.

 

[MrsHall]

It helps me to recite my confession in my head a few times before actually confessing…

This is a good idea, especially until I get the hang of this. This first time is rather daunting as I have a lifetime to scrutinize, rather than two weeks or a month.

 

[onetruechurch]

God love you!

 Your first confession will be a general confession.  This will take a lot longer than the usual monthly confession because you will need to confess all the sins of your life that you can remember.  My recommendation is to make an appointment with a priest for a face to face confession.  If you are too embarrassed to confess to a priest that you know you always have the option of going to another Catholic parish.  When you have this special appointment you won't feel rushed because others will not be waiting in line.  Also, the priest will be prepared for a first confession so he will guide you through your years.  If you can remember back to 3rd grade you might remember the time you were jealous of a sibling and deliberately scratched her new toy.  If it were done deliberately, it was sinful (venial).  Children  usually sin  for selfish reasons.  Just try to remember all the times you did something for selfish reasons when you were growing up.  You may have been "Miss Perfect" but because you were perfectionistic you may have caused others to wait and become frustrated or angry while you took your sweet time to finish your perfection.  Many adults think they were "perfect" children because they are comparing the sins of adults with the minor things they may have done as children.
 I go on annual retreats.  In fact, this afternoon I will be leaving for this year's retreat.  I plan to make a "general confession" face to face with the retreat master priest.  Because I have made other general confessions I will not start with the first sins of my childhood but will start with my adulthood and some of my "favorite" sins.  Once you start going to monthly confession you will realize you have favorite sins.  Those are sins (venial or mortal.....or even just imperfections) that you keep confessing and have a sincere intention never to commit again but.................lo and behold ....just like chocolate chip cookies...the temptation is still there to sin.

 

[gloria97000]

Even after years of confession, and years of experiencing God’s mercy, this sacrament can still give pause. That’s ok - there is nothing unhealthy in recognizing God’s strength and power. There is everything right in approaching the sacrament humbly and in rejoicing over the mercy dispensed so freely by our powerful God. An amazing thing about Confession is how personal the sacrament is; everyone approaches it a little differently, I think, just as everyone approaches God a little differently in prayer. I will pray for your first confession to be a great experience of Mercy !

 

[nicksterbixter]

Hi, I just did a study on the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and I just would like to remind you before your first confession, that the confession to the priest is not the whole sacrament, nor is it necessarily the most important part of the entire sacrament. The key to reconciliation is a change of heart, recognizing that you have done wrong and choose to change that, and the confession to a priest is just the physical expression of this internal transformation. Without a change of heart, the confession is an empty ritual; you’re simply going after a “cheap grace.”

So I wouldn’t fret over doing the confession right, or remembering everything to say to the priest, just remember that what is in your heart is the most important part of the sacrament. Your confession is simply you physically telling the priest what it is in your heart, what you are sorry for, and what needs to change. Remember that, and you’ll be fine. In many of my confessions, I have found that being relaxed makes it much easier than trying to recall every sin you have every committed. I have a nice conversation with the priest and tell him what is on my heart.

A good article that gives a brief explanation of the theology of the Sacrament of Reconciliation quite well can be found at americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0386.asp . It does a great job of explaining what is truly important in the sacrament. Good luck!

God Bless

 

[audreyfaith]

Hi ,

I gave my first confession last week . I was very anxious about going in and had spent many sleepless nights thinking about all the things I had to say and worrying in general about the whole thing.

I went in thinking about the formalities and trying not to do anything “wrong” or out of place . I sat down and started talking to father and it all came pouring out without having to think too much at all. Father was gentle and asked a few things and gave me some advice but nothing scary or unwelcoming.

As I left I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and truly touched by the whole sacrament.

Good luck!

 

[KathyW926]

I am SO happy for you and your family! My husband and I joined the Church last year at Easter Vigil after years of bewilderment attending evangelical churches and trying to find the “right” place. All I can say is that I have been overwhelmed by this experience of finding my way Home. We have children and grandchildren who wonder what has come over us but I remain blissfully content and full of joy. So congratulations to you and your whole family.

My first confession was something I also feared, even though the priest had been a kind and perceptive helper along our way Home. Still, I had some heavy things on my mind and wondered what would happen. Words cannot describe how I felt as the burden I had carried for many years was lifted from me that day. Above all, I was humbled by the knowledge that Jesus was there with me — it was He who forgave and absolved me, not the priest. I wish I could properly convey how blessed and relieved I felt. Suffice to say that I wept in joy for 1/2 hour after I left and the Grace of that whole sacrament remains with me still. I have gone to confession since, and encourage others whenever I can. I think sometimes “cradle” Catholics don’t always appreciate the gift they have in the sacrament of reconciliation, but I sure do.

Be blessed and fear not. Our best Friend will be there to listen and comfort you.

 

[MrsHall]

Hi ,

I gave my first confession last week . I was very anxious about going in and had spent many sleepless nights thinking about all the things I had to say and worrying in general about the whole thing.

I went in thinking about the formalities and trying not to do anything “wrong” or out of place . I sat down and started talking to father and it all came pouring out without having to think too much at all. Father was gentle and asked a few things and gave me some advice but nothing scary or unwelcoming.

As I left I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and truly touched by the whole sacrament.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for sharing this. It really helps. I tend to imagine the “worst case scenario” when something new is approaching. It seems most people have your same experience, that they feel great relief and once they’re there it just kind of flows out. Thanks again and God bless you.

I am SO happy for you and your family! My husband and I joined the Church last year at Easter Vigil after years of bewilderment attending evangelical churches and trying to find the “right” place. All I can say is that I have been overwhelmed by this experience of finding my way Home. We have children and grandchildren who wonder what has come over us but I remain blissfully content and full of joy. So congratulations to you and your whole family.

My first confession was something I also feared, even though the priest had been a kind and perceptive helper along our way Home. Still, I had some heavy things on my mind and wondered what would happen. Words cannot describe how I felt as the burden I had carried for many years was lifted from me that day. Above all, I was humbled by the knowledge that Jesus was there with me — it was He who forgave and absolved me, not the priest. I wish I could properly convey how blessed and relieved I felt. Suffice to say that I wept in joy for 1/2 hour after I left and the Grace of that whole sacrament remains with me still. I have gone to confession since, and encourage others whenever I can. I think sometimes “cradle” Catholics don’t always appreciate the gift they have in the sacrament of reconciliation, but I sure do.

Be blessed and fear not. Our best Friend will be there to listen and comfort you.

I am so glad you shared this! It gives me peace is to know Jesus is the One “on the other side of the screen,” so to speak. He already knows my sins anyway.

I do think this is an “under-appreciated” sacrament. Our catechist told us that Father usually only hears about 15 confessions on Saturday, and this is in a parish of 800 people. It was interesting, though. After she told me that I spent some time praying about it because that really bothered me. The very next Sunday Father’s homily was about Confession!