Anxiety about visiting monastary

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Bdonoho

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I am about to spend the weekend at a Benedictine monastary in clear creek. I have been anxious about this and any time I imagine what it’s going to be like, every negative experience I’ve had with strict religious people and every morbid introspective thing Ive read comes into my head and I spiral into anxiety, depression and anger.

I know I need to trust God but all this other stuff about God just keeps rising up in me that causes me to doubt His goodness and I’m afraid I will be too proud and too worldly to persevere in any vocation he calls me to. I am an absolute mess and I don’t know what to do. I’m about to see my therapist and I am asking for God’s mercy and that He will get me through this.
 
I remembered you and all your prayer intentions this afternoon, while praying the Rosary during my weekly hour as Guardian of the Host, at my Perpetual Adoration Chapel.
 
Thank you. That means a lot. Do you have any prayer intentions that I could offer on the retreat?
 
I spent time in a strict Benedictine monastries and cried when it was time to leave.
It was not in any way depressing, very simple, very strict, but the community was so full of love and unity! It wasn’t my vocation but I’ll never forget the experience, including the daily times before the Blessed Sacrament.

There was one hour each day for community interaction, crafts, etc, together. Such a happy time.

Praying for you.

LIke the old man says, “Ive had a lot of troubles and worries in my life. Most of them never happened”. Worrying is the enemy.

God go with you in trust and hope"
 
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Prayer for Peace of Mind

Fortify me with the grace of Your Holy Spirit,
and give Your peace to my soul that I may be
free from all needless anxiety, solicitude, and
worry. Help me to desire always that which is
pleasing and acceptable to You so that Your
will may be my will. Through Christ Our Lord,
amen.

– St. Frances Xavier Cabrini
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon Bdonoho in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give

be always with her.
And, help her to bring this
same Peace into the lives
of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,

Pray for us!
Amen.
†
 
Thank you. I have a few prayer threads on the site which reflect my current intentions. Prayers for a successful retreat.
 
So I went, and the guestmaster talked to me and concluded I was too old and didn’t desire monastic life as much as I was afraid of being corrupted by the world (which I still am). He told me to listen to my spiritual director and to practice the art of discipline and follow-through with my life (which has been a huge problem for me). I keep having this fear that I was turned away because I was too worldly and that I am going to be damned or that I am being delivered over to my desires out of judgement, but I went to confession and I have no interest in becoming a worldling. I just am going to try to be a children’s book illustrator. I thank you all for your prayers and I thank you for your help.
 
Praying for your intentions.

Philippians 4:6-7 : Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
 
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