Anxiety and forgiveness

[Margarete_Faust]

Hi everyone,

I am sort of going through a rough patch in my life. Going into detail will just be a waste of time, but I do need to take on a new approach to the situation and love and forgive quite a few people for betrayal. The problem is that healing from the harm done to us by others is not an instant process, and I think I am putting way too much pressure on myself to to “get better” immediately. The pressure starts a vicious cycle of feeling ashamed for lack of love needed to forgive, as well as recurring anger related to the past hurt (you know, the mentality of “I wouldn’t be so hateful if [insert name] had not done this to me!”). Then, overwhelmed by self-condeming feelings and feelings of condemning others, I began to ask God why He allowed the betrayals to happen in the first place, and I begin to question whether or not He loves me. Then I start to feel like my lack of trust in God is very offensive to Him and I resolve to start from square one and try again. But the cycle starts again…

I know God loves every one of us, but the pain is still very fresh after 2 years (added on to problems from the 4 years preceding the one event), and I fight every day to overcome it, but feel as if I fail most of the time. I guess I am just a perfectionist, so how do I break down my thinking to make this healing process more manageable? Certain prayers? Practices? Anything?

 

[Bix]

Hi There~
My prayers will be with you…

All you can do is just take it day by day or moment by moment and continue to be prayerful. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but your posting reads as if you’ve been through many difficulties and hurts. Recovering from these is not an overnight process. Sorry… Always remember- God always loves you and is always with you. He understands your hurt and pain. He understands your anger at those who have hurt you and knows you are trying your best to move on and heal. There is such a thing as righteous anger (depending on the circumstances) and it’s not only okay to be angry at times, but is human and natural. Your desire to heal, forgive and move on not only reflects your love of others, but is a shining example of your love of God and his toward you. Don’t lose heart. Try not to dwell on these hurts, but focus on the positives in your life. Just take it day by day and know you are loved.
God Bless~

 

[WaitingForJesus]

I will pray for you. A couple of suggestions…

Try to say a small prayer for those who have hurt you each day. It does not need to be much – just one bead on the Divine Mercy Chaplet or something like that. I have found that people generally do awful things because they are in pain. Of course that does not excuse what they did to you, but perhaps that knowledge can shed some light on what happened.

Pray for yourself each day too. Ask the Lord to take away your anger and heal the wounds others have caused you. Ask him to give you the grace to forgive those who have hurt you and to fill you with his love and peace. HE will need to step in and help you with these things.

Trust him and be patient with yourself. He is happy you want to forgive. He knows how hard this is for you and wants to help. God bless you.

 

[18trouble]

praying for you!

 

[littlenothing]

A priest once advised me to write down a list of blessings I wanted from God.

The list would be like this:

Please grant me health
please grant me love
please grant me good friends
please grant me faith

And so on.

Then go back and erase your name and insert that of your enemy.

I did this when I was betrayed by a friend. I can honestly say that in short order I truly loved her and do to this day, though she continues to be a cold person to me.

 

[littlenothing]

I should add, he advised me to be exhaustive and specific. I added things like a good husband, children, shelter, a good job. Interestingly, she now has a good husband an some adopted children, though she had sworn she never wanted kids to ruin her lifestyle.

 

[skigirl1689]

Praying for you! I suffer from anxiety so I can relate. Spend lots of time in prayer, trying to relax, remembering God is loving and patient. Maybe consider getting some help if it doesn’t improve. Anxiety causes me to become very obsessive and I over-analyze everything, even things outside of my control! I monitor my internal voice and try to correct it when I have irrational or incorrect thoughts and pray about the situation that is causing the anxiety. In this case, asking God to help you forgive and reminding yourself it is a process and if you have a set-back, it is normal, just ask God to help you get back on track.

 

[Trishie]

*I’m sad that you, like many of us, perhaps all, have endured injustices, disappointment, abuse, or neglect at others hands.

At one time, struggling with the question, I wrote down my attempted answer to this issue.

Maybe my effort can provide a way to express both the pain and the prayer for some others struggling with forgiveness:*

When Forgiveness is difficult

Father help us to recover where injury goes beyond ordinary forgiveness and our hearts are in some way crushed, and our lives changed and devalued. Help us to find a way to forgive when we cannot smile or encounter the offending person with warmth because they have destroyed something in us.

Father please help us to forgive when we cannot forgive…and we cannot forgive because they do not understand how badly they have hurt us, and do not seek in any real way to acknowledge or try to heal the hurt they imposed on us. And even when we tried to tell them from the bottom of our heart but they would not listen, please help us to forgive.

Father help us to forgive when those who hurt our lives do not even remember how badly they have wounded us, and go on with their lives without concern, while we remain still held in some kind of time capsule with the consequences of their unfeeling and uncaring and attack.

Father, help us to forgive when those who wounded us by ignoring our needs and requests, yet who desire us to ignore their offense, and expect us to respond to their hints or manipulations while they make no concessions or apologies.

Help us to forgive those who impose their own conditions and rules upon us, without respecting that our hurt is real and radical, while they make us feel that they only desire our capitulation without justice, apology, or generosity from them.

Father please free us, free me, in forgiveness that comes from Your Son, innocent, and murdered, but forgiving.

 

[Chantal25]

Meditate on Jesus Passion, it will help you. Jesus is the way and he had so many reason and good one for not forgiving the one that armed him but he did anyway.

We are human and we need to pray for this grace.

I remembered a similar story that you said, it lasted for a few years of dramas, it leaded me to be sick etc… At some point, i had enough, i decided to focus on unconditional love, i didn’t care to be right anymore, i didn’t care about justice, i was overwhelmed and i just wanted peace more then anything. I literally got crucified emotionally but then i went through a period of grieves (letting go my desire for them to do the right thing and to love me), then finally i was able to do this, just love them, like my children. I never done that on my own, never, Jesus did that for me. It wasn’t necessary instant but it flourished. Thinking of past dramas, was enough for me of not defending myself anymore and just love them as they were.

Focus on the passion of Jesus, pray for courage, pray for desire the peace of God more then anything.

I am so sorry for what happened to you. You are a brave soul and you will go through this with God, put your trust in him. I pray for you to have all the graces and miracles granted for you so peace and love prevail, in Jesus name!

Amen!

P.S you will see the blessing in disguise, it will help to dissolve pride and restore humility. God love the virtue of humility and meekness. Those souls need prayer now they found you, be there for them with Jesus. God love all of us even the one that hurt us the most.

 

[cheezey]

All you can do is just take it day by day or moment by moment and continue to be prayerful. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but your posting reads as if you’ve been through many difficulties and hurts. Recovering from these is not an overnight process. Sorry… Always remember- God always loves you and is always with you. He understands your hurt and pain. He understands your anger at those who have hurt you and knows you are trying your best to move on and heal. There is such a thing as righteous anger (depending on the circumstances) and it’s not only okay to be angry at times, but is human and natural. Your desire to heal, forgive and move on not only reflects your love of others, but is a shining example of your love of God and his toward you. Don’t lose heart. Try not to dwell on these hurts, but focus on the positives in your life. Just take it day by day and know you are loved.
God Bless~

this

I will pray for you. A couple of suggestions…

Try to say a small prayer for those who have hurt you each day. It does not need to be much – just one bead on the Divine Mercy Chaplet or something like that. I have found that people generally do awful things because they are in pain. Of course that does not excuse what they did to you, but perhaps that knowledge can shed some light on what happened.

Pray for yourself each day too. Ask the Lord to take away your anger and heal the wounds others have caused you. Ask him to give you the grace to forgive those who have hurt you and to fill you with his love and peace. HE will need to step in and help you with these things.

Trust him and be patient with yourself. He is happy you want to forgive. He knows how hard this is for you and wants to help. God bless you.

and this

Praying for you! I suffer from anxiety so I can relate. Spend lots of time in prayer, trying to relax, remembering God is loving and patient. Maybe consider getting some help if it doesn’t improve. Anxiety causes me to become very obsessive and I over-analyze everything, even things outside of my control! I monitor my internal voice and try to correct it when I have irrational or incorrect thoughts and pray about the situation that is causing the anxiety. In this case, asking God to help you forgive and reminding yourself it is a process and if you have a set-back, it is normal, just ask God to help you get back on track.

and also this…
You will receive many more good ideas from CAFers. I can relate. You are indeed a work in progress with this. Be kind to yourself and when you stumble, remember the good advice here.

I pray for many and those with anxiety are close to my heart.

May God bless and calm you.

 

[bob_martin]

Starting a couple of months ago,I deal with anxiety sometimes myself, usually when I am waking up, and it is only once in a while. Its not a fun thing and It caused me to try to get into prayer and stay there, even though I keep getting distracted a million times. I don’t know why it happens to me, but it started after I quit and am being healed of the life-long disease of smoking. I stay in prayer until it gradually subsides about mid-day. I focus on God’s Nature, the fruits of the Spirit, and joy and gratitude. This works for me, even though it can be a battle.
As far as forgiveness is concerned, I am sure I am much more someone else’s forgiveness problem (not deliberately) than having lack of forgiveness myself (thank God so far in my life). However I have read about and seen the corrosive results of lack of forgiveness, so I am sensitive to your concerns. Let me share some thoughts which I gleaned by listening to my favorite Bible teacher, Graham Cooke. He states that God puts difficult people in our lives to give us opportunities for two things: They are short cuts to spiritual growth, and they take us into the presence of God. Forgiving others is one of the most Godly and God-like things we can do. God sometimes allows in His Mercy things He could easily prevent by His power. When something like betrayal and back stabbing occurs, we should forgive as an act of the will immediately, then look for the gift or gifts that God is placing out there to make us victorious. The emotional healing sometimes follows a little later. Trial always, always comes with provision (help). God is infinitely wise and good, He is not a torturer. Ideally, Graham says, we want to come to a state of grace and growth where we don’t even register hurt when someone tries to injure us.He has had to deal with betrayal a lot in his ministerial career. I have been listening to Graham Cooke cds, DVDs and books for over 6 years. Though he is not Catholic, he has worked with Catholics before (officially approved) and my pastor has no problem with Graham from a Biblical interpretation standpoint. You might want to search on You Tube for Graham Cooke, and look at a clip titled “The Three Stooges”, as an example of how God can use adversity to grow us magnificently.
Just some thoughts. Hope they help. Bob

 

[Margarete_Faust]

Let me share some thoughts which I gleaned by listening to my favorite Bible teacher, Graham Cooke. He states that God puts difficult people in our lives to give us opportunities for two things: They are short cuts to spiritual growth, and they take us into the presence of God. Forgiving others is one of the most Godly and God-like things we can do. God sometimes allows in His Mercy things He could easily prevent by His power. When something like betrayal and back stabbing occurs, we should forgive as an act of the will immediately, then look for the gift or gifts that God is placing out there to make us victorious. The emotional healing sometimes follows a little later. Trial always, always comes with provision (help). God is infinitely wise and good, He is not a torturer.

Thanks, Bob. I am trying to keep the hurt in perspective of God’s plan, since I know that I also played a role in the things that have happened, and I definitely have issues with pride, which probably affects the degree to which I am hurt. I just need to work on unconditional love.

Thanks everyone for the advice and the prayers.