Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Attacks

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Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Thank you all so much. The crazy (no pun intended) thing here is I know what will solve the anxiety problem, that would be me quitting this job now. The major dilemma here is I have no other options for income at this point, and I have a family and a new baby to support. Sure my wife is out on paid leave but I dont know if we can make it with just one income. Neither of us are making that much to begin with and cutting it in half is a terrifying prospect. Add to that I would loose health insurance if I quit now and I would have to pay out of pocket for my therapy and doctors appointments. I just pray God is coming to the rescue with an answer soon because I am loosing hope.
 
Roux said:
Thank you all so much. The crazy (no pun intended) thing here is I know what will solve the anxiety problem, that would be me quitting this job now. The major dilemma here is I have no other options for income at this point, and I have a family and a new baby to support. Sure my wife is out on paid leave but I dont know if we can make it with just one income. Neither of us are making that much to begin with and cutting it in half is a terrifying prospect. Add to that I would loose health insurance if I quit now and I would have to pay out of pocket for my therapy and doctors appointments. I just pray God is coming to the rescue with an answer soon because I am loosing hope.
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Hi Roux,

I haven’t read your whole story I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement as I went through a very similar situation as you. I left my residency after a couple of years due to depression. During my time off I went and got the help I needed to help my depression and took sometime to reevaluate what I wanted to do with my life. To my joy I discovered that I still wanted to be an MD and to use my skills to help someone. The feelings of depression I had, brought on by the extreme stress of the job, the 100+ hour work weeks, the enormous student loan debts and the seemingly apathy patient had to their own health was frankly overwhelming. Plus I tended to take the “misses” much worse than I celebrated the “wins.” if you know what I mean. However, after taking some time off I have rejoined a different residency – one that was slightly different from my previous field, as I realized I made a mistake in matching to the previous program I was in. (A match system which is a part of the problem with the whole medical system in my opinion.)

Long story short, my advice to you from someone who has gone through something similar is, if you do decide to leave your residency give them notice (it will help you later if you intend to return to the MD field), take some time to get psychiatric help for your anxiety issues, use the time after you get psychiatric help to explore whether you still want to be an MD because now you will be able to look at your field and your life objectively without the lenses of anxiety/depression skewing your world view. If you decide you do then make sure you are in the field you like. Make sure you and your program director are on good terms as you will need recommendations from him/her for future applications.

I have found that many programs will be happy to have you start as further along than a PGY1 if you choose to return. If you do choose to return make sure you are within a 2 year window because some state boards will then start requiring you to have CME credits in order to get liscensed and if you don’t then you will have to start back almost as a PGY1 (alternatively you can work in a research field that has to do with your specialty to avoid this but you will have to provide “proof of competence,” through published works and the like.)

Bottom line friend, what you are going through is not unique to you. It happens to a lot of residents. My specialty had a 50% loss rate across all programs due to the enormous load and stress of it but you can come back to being an MD if you want. You have to think back on why you started this whole messy process in the first place – and make the deciscion of wether this field is still right for you.

Also, utilize the hospitals support network and resident councilor now and see what they can do to help you.

Hope this helps. If you want you can always PM me and we can talk more.
 
Roux said:
Thank you all so much. The crazy (no pun intended) thing here is I know what will solve the anxiety problem, that would be me quitting this job now. The major dilemma here is I have no other options for income at this point, and I have a family and a new baby to support. Sure my wife is out on paid leave but I dont know if we can make it with just one income. Neither of us are making that much to begin with and cutting it in half is a terrifying prospect. Add to that I would loose health insurance if I quit now and I would have to pay out of pocket for my therapy and doctors appointments. I just pray God is coming to the rescue with an answer soon because I am loosing hope.
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I just also wanted to say that your health is important – both mental and physical. You won’t do yourself and your family any good if you cannot perform at your job. If you do decide to leave your program look into COBRA or similar programs in your state that will help you with health insurance.

Also, to help you with bills you can look into the St. Vincent de Paul programs as the often offer assistance to people who need help with rent and other bills.
 
Thanks again every one things are just really tough. I pray to God He is listening and has something planned. I am desperate.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
The LORD bless you
and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.” Num 6:24-26

Continued prayers.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
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