Anxiety, Faith and Conception: How to Keep on Keepin' On

[saintjosephine]

This is one issue that causes four unique questions (both to do with sacraments and family).

A little background: I became Roman Catholic at age 12. My husband converted prior to our marriage. We practice NFP. We became pregnant five months after marriage, and we dropped all NFP rules about a year after our son was weaned from breastfeeding. We became pregnant again last summer, and I had a miscarriage and D&C in August (my moniker is for the baby, which I felt was a little girl). After a few months, my cycles came back, and we completed three cycles before again trying to conceive. We’ve tried for one month, no luck. Here’s where the issue begins:

I’ve always been a very anxious person. I’ve had it under control for years, until about a year ago (hypochondria). I’ve decided it’s time to take further action and get some help, since I can’t seem to help myself. Tomorrow, I’m setting my first therapy appointment (perhaps through our archdiocese family development department). I’m very excited about getting some help and getting mentally healthy again. However, I’m afraid therapy will not be enough, and I’ll need to go on medication. I’m VERY anti-medication, mostly due to my anxiety. I fear my last pregnancy potentially ended due to allergy medications and/or an antibiotic (both taken with my doctor’s knowledge of the pregnancy). There’s no way to prove that, obviously, but I’m still very nervous about medication, especially during pregnancy.

Secondly, much of my anxiety stems from a crisis of faith I’ve very recently come to terms with. Basically, I’ve realized that my faith is built upon a crumbling foundation, based on not a love for Christ but instead an acceptance of reality. That’s just not enough any longer, nor should it ever have been enough. I’ve talked with my husband about it, and we’ve already taken lots of action to help me develop a love for Christ. I’ve talked with my priest (very shortly – I need to set an appointment), I’m reading some terrific literature, I’ve started journaling, and I’m attending extra masses.

Here’s my list of questions:
1.) Should I be receiving the Eucharist? I do believe in a creator. I desperately want to believe in everything the Church teaches. I think I will get there, but I don’t know how long it will take. I do not currently have a love for Christ or accept that the Eucharist is in fact His body. But I want to receive as many graces as possible during this difficult time. I plan to continue attending confession.

2.) Should my husband and I continue to try and conceive? My fears are both to do with excessive anxiety during pregnancy and the potential that I may need to be medicated with non-safe drugs, both of which can be detrimental to a pregnancy. I really don’t want to miscarry again. On the other hand, I really feel called to have another baby, despite everything. At this point, my son will be at least 4.5 years old when his sibling is born, and I really didn’t want my children to be so spaced.

3.) If my husband and I decide to put off conception until things settle down a bit, is it appropriate for us to continue relations with conservative NFP rules? Rather than having relations on less fertile days, we are currently practicing abstinence, since we are not sure if we should be open to life at this moment.

4.) If after I have the anxiety under control, should we move forward with conception if I’m still questioning my faith? That one is for my husband. I don’t think he’s comfortable conceiving a child with a woman who isn’t full of Christian love for God. I don’t blame him. I’m not exactly the woman he married right now.

Thanks for hanging in there and reading my looooooooooooong post. : )

 

[Asillia]

You should be getting this from a trusted priest, but here are my opinions, based on my own study of Catholic theology and philosophy.

1)Absolutely - as long as you are not in a state of mortal sin, there is no need to deny yourself this grace. I don’t think doubting and faith trials constitute mortal sin. Even the great saints experienced a ‘dark night of the soul’, so to speak. It is during these times that many saints write that it is even MORE important to recieve.

2)It’s hard to answer without knowing exactly what the medications are and what the risks to pregnancy are. But if the risks are not insanely high, I would say it is okay - really, all women are at risk for miscarrying to some extent, and most women will have one or two in their fertile years. That doesn’t mean we just stop trying altogether (I also struggled with this because I have a slight luteal phase defect and I worried that it meant I would be miscarrying more than normal and therefore should not try and have children, but my priest told me to keep trying and trust God. And we did end up concieving). Also, I know there ARE doctors who are supportive of women taking drugs for depression/anxiety during pregnancy, even though the risks are a little elevated - in some ways it is better than the anxiety the mother feels, which can also have a negative effect on a pregnancy.

3)NFP can be used licitly to postpone pregnancy if a couple has serious reasons, which the Church does not dictate. It is up to the couple to prayerfully discern that, and it seems like you would have one. So I would not see a problem with you continuing to renew your marriage vows even if you are not open to conception at this particular moment. (The book Holy Sex actually as an interesting discussion on being open to life vs. open to conception and while I am not actually sure I agree with his terminology, he does have some good passages regarding prudence and the licit use of NFP to postpone pregnancy)

4)That is something you and your husband will have to discuss. Again, I would say yes, because I think being open to God’s creative love and living out your marriage vows in that way is a beautiful thing. And were certainly not called to put off having children until we are all perfect Catholics who are sure of everything. It’s a big leap of faith and trust But, if your husband is struggling, that is something the two of you will need to work through.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts, and if I have unknowingly said something that flies in the face of canon law or Church teaching, I stand corrected

 

[anp1215]

I don’t think you should be receiving the Eucharist if you don’t accept that is his body. When the minister holds up the host, says “The Body of Christ,” and you say “Amen,” you are saying “I believe.” If you don’t believe, you should not be receiving. This is what I have been taught.

Now a prayer for you.
Lord, I ask that you instill the peace that only You can instill. We know you never give us more trials than we can endure, and that Your love and grace will prevail in the end.

 

[kitkatty]

As to your receiving the Eucharist question I am going to advise you to talk to your priest. I may have my opinions but this is too important an issue for you to get advice from through our opinions here.\

As to getting pregnant again,the poster who mentioned any of us are at risk for miscarriage is right and really as long as your doctor knows what youre taking and you have confidence in your doctor then follow that advice and go with it. But on the other hand you say you have other issues and this might not be the best time for you to be pregnant and bringing another member into the family. It is, of course,Gods choice when and to who He will grant another child but maybe until you`re on a little more level ground emotionally it might be better to use caution in that area.