Anxiety in Mass

[faithtrekker]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

 

[nickybr38]

I used to experience extreme anxiety before communion (at the beginning - just after I was accepted into the Church). I took to prayer. Petitioning God to carry me through so I could participate in Mass fully, free of anxiety. Now, the anxiety doesn’t go away. It’s there… but as soon as I receive communion it all washes away.

I know that’s much help now but my advice is this:

1. Pray. Pray. Pray. Ask your angel to carry you through.
2. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop fighting the anxiety. Don’t ever stop going to Mass. Don’t ever let anxiety take control of you.

 

[DJK100]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

Hi Faithtrekker,

Firstly,welcome to the church.

It seems that you are experiencing something called social phobia. Where fear and anxiety are brought about by your interaction with others. I would recommend a couple of things. First you are doing the right thing by continuing to go to mass. Not only for your spiritual well being but also it helps with desensitization to the specific social situation. During those times of anxiety, like in small groups, practice relaxation techniques. These include breathing techniques (10 deep breaths in through nose out through mouth and systematic relaxation techniques. Starting at your toes flex and hold for 10 seconds then release, working your way up to calves, thighs, diaphram etc…) this helps you body relax.

The second thing I would recommnd is seeking some counseling for your social anixety. SSRI’s have been shown to help with this disorder. In addition, a therapist can help you with cognitive behavioral therapy which helps you change the way your thought processes happens so you don’t automatically jump to anxious thoughts and feelings.

Hope this helps.

 

[DexUK]

Don’t worry!

This is all part of your journey into full communion with the Church.

Lets examine the gestures…

1. Genuflection

Kneeling on one knee - on entering the Church or before entering the pew and again as you leave, is a sign of respect for the Blessed Sacrement reserved in the Tabernacle.

Consider that we believe that the Blessed Sacrament IS the very essence of Our Lord. We shouldn’t think of ‘what’ is living in the Tabernacle, but Who. Imagine then if Jesus were to appear before you now, fully human and fully divine and you were in full knowledge of who He was. You’d be flabbergasted, right? Awestruck…? Amazed…? Well, we kneel before the Blessed Sacrament, whether hidden in the tabernacle or on display “in exposition” to reflect our wonder, awe and amazement about Him.

Remember that and you won’t feel self conscious. You won’t care what anyone else thinks. It’ll be a private moment between you and Our Lord.

1. The sign of the Cross at the beginning and end of Mass

I’m glad you feel comfortable with that, as it’s an invitation and an acknowledgement of the blessings we receive at Mass or, indeed, when we pray on our own.

1. ‘Striking your breast’ during the ‘I confess…’

It’s symbolic of expressing one’s remorse for one’s own sins, you don’t actually have to hurt yourself! I like it because it just helps me make the point in my mind. It’s not for other people’s benefit, it’s for my own.

1. A bow during the Creed at the point “and was incarnate of the Virgin Mary and became Man”

This is a sign of reverence for the fact that Our Lord came to Earth as a fully human man, similar to the reverence of genuflection. Indeed, at certain points in the Church’s year we replace the bow with a genuflection (at Christmas) or add in a pause while kneeling (on Good Friday) to underscore the significance of some of the words.

All of these gestures you can use to help in your meditation about the events they relate to because we don’t just believe with our minds, we also believe with our actions and with our bodies. We have the opportunity to believe and to express our belief in many different ways and… they’re all exciting if we let them be!

I’ve been where you are before: anxious that I was calling attention to myself because what I was doing was new or unfamiliar. What if I got it wrong? What if I hurt someone’s feelings by making a mistake?

Well don’t worry. You’re with friends. We honour your enthusiasm and your journey in your faith. God doesn’t mind if you’re a bit nervous or hesitant and the people around you shouldn’t either. You’ll get used to it, and in the meantime enjoy the graces that are on offer. It’s an awesome, wonder-filled experience you’re going through!

:hug3:

 

[Blenderx]

I find it helps to spend some time in adoration (do you have a chapel at your church with the Blessed Sacrament exposed? If not, you can pray just the same in front of the tabernacle) before Mass.

 

[LiseTravis]

How about finding someone to go to Mass with? Maybe from RCIA? Or ask the teacher- I’ll bet there are plenty of people in the parish who would be glad to have you sit with them.

 

[Journey322]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

I struggle with the same thing. Coming from a Protestant background, the Catholic mass is all very new and intimidating. I don’t have any real advice because I haven’t gotten past it myself. I just thought it might be an encouragement for you to know you aren’t the only one out there who struggles in this area.

 

[thistle]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

Sorry but what gestures are you referring to?

 

[faithtrekker]

Thanks all, for your encouragement.

DJK100, yes, I was diagnosed with social anxiety a long time ago. Relaxation techniques help… when I’m not in a crowd or under a time constraint (like Mass). Pretty much everything else has to stop for me to be able to “stop” too. Not big on SSRI’s & cognitive behavioral therapy wasn’t all that effective in the long term. I’m still pursuing professional counseling however.

DexUK, I really appreciate you outlining the various gestures & expanding on them. Part of my problem might be that I think only about the effort it takes to do the actions, timing, etc… If I can focus on the symbolism behind them, maybe that will help push me forward. I’m so busy concentrating on the order of Mass & trying to remember what comes next that I tend to forget what I’m actually there for! Baby steps I guess.

Blenderx, we have Adoration once a week & I’ve been a couple times. I really enjoy it. I know everyone else is there for the same reason & I don’t feel stressed out at all. I’ve not been to pray in front of the Tabernacle… didn’t know that was an option really.

LiseTravis, I tried attending Mass with my sponsor & really didn’t dig sitting in the middle of the 4th pew from the altar. Maybe I can talk her into skooching out toward the end… My RCIA director said I could sit with her, but then I would feel like I’m being critiqued, even though she’s totally not that way! I prefer the ‘freedom’ to remain hidden for now…

Journey322, thanks for your encouragement & consider yourself wholeheartedly encouraged as well. Are you thinking of RCIA or just poking around & checking things out?

thistle, I’m referring to everything but the sign of the cross… DexUK outlined the specific gestures in question…

Thanks again…

 

[DexUK]

Just a suggestion:

As you’re in RCIA, perhaps there might be an opportunity for you to ask your instructor to help you find a ‘Mass Buddy’ to go along to Mass with. Just someone who can keep you company and who’ll help you along the way with gestures, movements, when to stand up, sit down, etc. If you’re going along to Mass on your own, I’m not surprised you’re a bit daunted if it’s all unfamiliar to you.

If you can’t do that, another tip is to sit at the back of the church, just so you can see what other people are doing in front of you. After years away from the Church (typical teen rebellion sort of stuff, you know the story!) I had to do just that to get back into the routine of things again when I returned to regular Mass attendance because I’d forgotten when and where to do things. Being at the back also removed any possibility of the rest of the congregation seeing the mistakes I made! And don’t worry about the priest seeing… he’s much too busy and/or preoccupied to watch every individual in the pews as well!

At least now, with the advent of the revised English wording, there are usually lots of helpful cards floating about our churches with all the right words on! It must have been pretty hard for people up until recently, what with having to search for the right pages in the missals and sometimes not even having a missal to hand if it was a weekday Mass.

 

[faithtrekker]

Just a suggestion:

As you’re in RCIA, perhaps there might be an opportunity for you to ask your instructor to help you find a ‘Mass Buddy’ to go along to Mass with. Just someone who can keep you company and who’ll help you along the way with gestures, movements, when to stand up, sit down, etc. If you’re going along to Mass on your own, I’m not surprised you’re a bit daunted if it’s all unfamiliar to you.

If you can’t do that, another tip is to sit at the back of the church, just so you can see what other people are doing in front of you…

I actually do sit in the back when I go myself, for the very purpose of observation. The parents with young children happen to sit back there too, so listening to matchbox cars hit the cement floor repeatedly & watching little ones crawl under pews can be kind of distracting sometimes, but I manage. I’ve started to feel kind of disconnected back there lately… but then I know I won’t always be a “back seater”. As for a Mass buddy, I think I would just feel self conscious, more so than just going solo (unless they knew about my anxiety, which most people don’t. I’m able to hide it fairly well). In the meantime, I’ve been practicing at home for a month or so now… I go to Mass feeling all confident & hoping to use my “skills”, but then I still freeze up (beyond the sign of the cross) when I get there.

As for the new translation of the missal- truly a gift from God (though a little wordy). I still hear people mixing the old & new- “The Lord be with you”. “And also with your spirit”. Cracks me up every time. But I’ve had the fortune to be able to learn it along with everyone else & I know starting off at the same spot together has helped.

 

[Kennywood]

Welcome And yes.

And there are good Catholics in the back rows, too

Everyone has given such kind-hearted advice- all of it spot on, in my opinion. One more thing: try to remember that everyone is not looking at you. Really, probably no one is. And for one reason or another, they are probably not 100 % with their gesturing, either.

But it’s not about the gestures, really.

It’s about putting yourself in that space at that time, and you’re already there.

Say hello for me?

 

[LiseTravis]

God bless you & hang in there- it’ll get easier with time. I struggle with mental illness & sometimes I have to remind myself that God knows what I’m going thru & He understands. :hug1:

 

[Lunasol]

Whew I’m not alone, I know exactly what you mean. I am a cradle catholic and am also struggling to this day to be able to shake hands with people for the peace be with you handshakes because of my OCD. My advice here (if its one of the gestures you talked about) is to discreetly use hand sanitizer after your done shaking everyone’s hand, which is what I sometimes do. At least it is better than what I USED to do is when it got close time to do that I would get up and stand out in the narthex until that part was over with. I dont recommend the later…although the former can be kind of frowned upon if someone catches you, just dont think about it. Baby steps. Hopefully I can come to the point of where I will not have to use hand sanitizer at all. Some other people might think this is a bit odd, but unless you’ve been there you have NO idea how difficult it is to cope with.
I also used to have social phobia BIG TIME…now I still have it but it’s not as bad. So much so that I would skip going to mass sometimes if I couldn’t find anyone to go with. I agree with some people here in finding someone to attend mass with. You said few people know about your anxiety, are one of those people able to attend mass with you? If not I would find someone I trust who is willing to be patient with you and tell them about this so that also you can have someone to confide in with this problem. I myself continue to struggle with this, and get stressed out if I can’t find someone to go to mass with me, because attending mass alone (in my mind) makes people ostracize me for going alone.What I myself do if attend mass alone is
I agree with some people on here who said to pray about it. Pray for the Father to help you in this time of your need and the suggestion I gave of the hand sanitizer is something you can do temporarily (if you want) along with praying, but Number 1, is to pray pray pray.
If you want, before you even get out of the car to go inside church, take a few minutes to pray to the Lord to give you strength and courage in this time of your struggles.
I will pray for you. Just know that your not the only one alone in this struggle. If I think of any other way to help you or suggestions I will post again.
God Bless

 

[Ian_Ward]

I go through the exact same thing where I dread going to mass becuase of it, but yet I look forward to going to mass becuase its the highlight of my week. My suggestion is to enjoy your life and live your lfie to the fullest and do the things you love doing most and work really hard at everything in your life and you’ll stop worrying and having a hard time.

you gott a take care of yourself or you’re going to continue to feel that way.

It can mean a number of things. See a therapsit or a friend who you can regualarly daily or even hourly vent to about everytihng that is bothering you fill your life with nothing but fun and exciting activities and menaingful things don’t do anything that doesn’t mean anything to you because you are waisting your time and God’s time by engaging in meaningless activities. God gave you life so that you live it enjoy it and embrace and make the most out of it, he didn’t give you life to spend it being anxious or any other negative feeling. But embrace the anxiety as a form of suffering and know that those who suffer now are rewarded later, but those who don’t suffer now have their reward already

 

[Bob_Crowley]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

When I first started as a Catholic, after being a Protestant, it took me a while to get around to crossing myself and all the rest. It just becomes habit in the end. I can’t say I felt anxious about it though.

One thing I did find hard, and still do, was participating in the various spoken responses for the simple reason I’m hard of hearing. When the priest joined in via the microphone, I could hear the words clearly, and picked them up quickly. Likewise the shorter reponses eg. “Lord, have mercy” etc.

But when it came to the longer responses, the whole thing was just a meaningless mumble as far as I was concerned, except on those rare occasions when a clear male voice just happened to be sitting behind me.

I found that more of a problem.

One amusing side note - we had a Protestant music coordinator for a few years who did a pretty good job. Apparently nobody else was qualifiied or willing to do the job. But it was noticeable after a while he was joining in with the responses, including crossing himself, although he didn’t take communion obviously and is still Protestant as far as I know.

I wouldn’t get too worried about it. In one sense, it’s not even important. The main thing is that you’re there, and participating in the mass.

 

[trinta]

Hi!

I’m new here, and I have very similar issues. I’ve been attending mass since last June, and still have to give myself little pep talks before and during mass to combat my own anxiety. My pep talk goes like this: “It doesn’t matter what anyone here thinks, except God.”

On a side note: as for the Rite of Acceptance, I actually panicked and couldn’t do it. I spoke with our RCIA director who in turn spoke with our pastor, and a private rite was arranged instead. If anyone who reads this has a real issue with social anxiety, please talk to your pastoral staff. At my parish, they are wonderful, caring people who want you to be comfortable; my belief is that this will be the case at your parish, too.

 

[KarenElissa]

Have you thought about going to Mass during the week. There tend to be much lower numbers at daily masses, so that might help you get used to everything and not have near as many people around.

Also, you might try showing up a bit earlier for Mass. I’ve found that if you get there about 15 minutes before it starts, there aren’t that many people there. That might allow you to get in and get settled before there lots of people around.

And lastly, try to to stress too much. At first everything is new and it feels like you will never “get” it, but give it awhile and you will soon be much more comfortable with everything and be able to do everything much more naturally.

 

[BluesPicker]

Hi there. I don’t know if this is the right place to post, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

I’m in RCIA & have been attending Mass pretty regularly. I’m familiar with most of the responses now and have observed which gestures are done & when. At this point however, I’m only comfortable crossing myself. I really do long to be able to “do” all the gestures & participate in Mass (as fully as I can, considering), but I keep running into this problem I have with anxiety. Being in a small group of people is difficult for me, let alone a church full. Rite of Acceptance was harrowing! So when I walk into the church, I go straight to the pew, feeling very much like a deer in the headlights. I stress out because I feel like I’m being irreverent. I would really like to be able to do the gestures like everyone else instead of feeling like I just want to run away & hide!

My question is twofold- any thoughts on how to tackle this problem & has anyone else out there every felt/ experienced the same thing in any way, shape or form?!

    I  have so much anxiety in crowds that  I chose a profession  that let me work outside most of my life.   In time as  I learned to meditate and focus on the Mass   I gradually became less aware of the other people and  no longer feel as bad. 

   Crowds like at parades,  or even dances,  I feel uncomfortable. 

 Question to the OP:  Do you have this anxiety only at Mass or is it crowds while being confined?

BP

 

[faithtrekker]

KennyWood, “Remember that not everyone is looking at you…” Easier said than done… almost anytime I step out in the world, I feel like I’m stage for all to see… But I know what you’re saying. “Say hello for you”? Uh… hello!

LunaSol, I don’t struggle with making actual contact (shaking hands, etc). Its more the anticipation & mystery of what facial expressions/body language might mean if/when others encounter me… If that makes any sense. I don’t struggle with getting to Mass or being there so much as the knowing that I choose not to participate b/c of fear… which again, makes me feel like I’m being irreverent, even selfish toward God… Thanks for sharing some of your own struggles, prayer & encouragement!

IanWard, “You gotta take care of yourself”- I hear that a lot, actually! Hmmm… The thought of embracing anxiety as suffering instead of rejecting it is a new one for me. Thanks for the perspective.

Trinta, Sorry your Rite of Acceptance was so difficult. I’m glad your team was able to support you the way they did. I’m thinking I just need to tell my folks too & see what they have to say. I shoved all my panic inside for my Rite… my best friend went & said I actually looked kind of terrified… but I said the responses right & didn’t freeze or cry, so all in all, it wasn’t so bad. If you ever want to PM about this kind of stuff, feel free. Maybe we can swap war stories.

Karen Elissa, Thanks for your encouragement. I have considered Mass during the week, yes. I actually went as far as the parking lot one day b/c I wanted to see how many attended. I counted 5 old people (nothing against old people) and the priest. So… small crowds are equally as stressful & I drove away beating myself up… I’m working up to going back soon. As for showing up earlier for Mass, that’s been on my to-do list for some time now.

Blues Picker, to answer your question, I have this anxiety pretty much every day of my life in almost any situation I find myself in - but usually only if I’ve not had sufficient exposure or practice. I still dislike crowds, loud noises & new situations that require me to think or do something on the fly… But I overcame that to drive, attend college, support myself, & maintain a few close friendships… So I think I can overcome this too… eventually. Its just this starting out part that’s always hard!

Thanks again, all, for your encouragement & prayers!