P
presidentjlh
Guest
I thought I had it figured out, that if I stay true to the faith my anxieties about it would be gone. Yeah, I have ADHD and anxiety, but I can fight them. I have defeated ADHD basically through medication, and I was winning against anxiety. But anxiety came back
It’s been one and a half years since I was a 17 year old learning that masturbation was a mortal sin, and while I have combated these sins better, my anxieties have gotten worse and worse. Now, in addition to worrying about myself, I am constantly worried about everyone else now, especially my family. My mom is a good person, she is loving and kind, she goes to confession, but she does know that some things are mortal sins (like saying God’s name in vain), yet she says His name in vain often (not like, once per every few sentences, but like a few times a day) and I am so worried that I nearly started crying in Math class because I can’t stop thinking about this stuff.
I’m not even myself anymore. I have done much better against sinning, but it doesn’t matter. I’m constantly in fear of doing wrong. Even when I’m with friends, while I’m wearing a smile and my voice sounds normal, inside I am in so much fear. I am so afraid that I’ll do something wrong, or they’ll do something wrong, that I don’t even feel joy in life anymore. It’s not because I want to sin. I would be ecstatic about never sinning again. I just want this overwhelming anxiety to leave me. I’m so afraid that I’ll find out something bad happened to my family, like they got in a car wreck and died, and that they hadn’t gone to confession in a while. I would feel forever lost and sorrowful, even more so than I am now.
I feel like I’m in Hell. I constantly fear the worst, I can’t even enjoy life. I take anxiety medication, but I still am like this. And I fear now that by being this way I am mortally sinning, and I am just sick of it. I am so damn sick of thinking about “mortal sin” that I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I’m sick of the concept itself, not because I want to sin, but because it fills me with so much fear and anxiety about failure, death, and Hell, that I start wishing I had never found out anything about my faith. But I bet that’s a mortal sin, isn’t it?
Oh, and my anxieties don’t end here. I’m afraid to even post this, because what if in the future (I plan to go into politics and law), people find this post, and they say “Oh, he can’t govern, he’s insane.” I worry about dying suddenly without being able to go to confession. I fear that I’ll fall to the temptation of lust or something and then die, and go to Hell, and I’m so sick of it. I’m so tired of constantly worrying about these accursed things. What if I hold an opinion that the Church disagrees with? What about the Catholics that disagree with the Church? I don’t want them to go to Hell.
These horrible scenarios are consuming me. These things all started when I first found out masturbation was a mortal sin. I became afraid that I would fail and die suddenly. Then I found out other things were mortal sins, and now, I’m just constantly afraid of even doing anything enjoyable, because I’m just completely unsure if it’s right or not. I go to confession weekly, I go to Mass, but it is only immediately after confession that I feel any sense of peace about my status with God. Within a few minutes, the fears about myself start coming back, and the fear for others never leaves.
I don’t even act normal anymore. I see a pretty girl or something, and I just all of sudden get this sense of “Don’t even think, just don’t. Don’t do anything, don’t talk to her, don’t wave to her, don’t acknowledge her. Just stay away.” Someone starts talking to me, and I’m just in utter fear about the words that I am going to say. My voice today was shaky out of fear, but I tried to hide it, saying I’m tired. But that’s wrong too.
What if anything that could go wrong does? That’s basically the state of my mind these days. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because I’m afraid they’ll find out what I know about Church doctrine, and then they will do something wrong, die, and go to Hell. My miseries, my anxieties are consuming me. Every other week, I just collapse, and I break down in tears.
I wish I had never learned about mortal sin. Before I did, I knew I wasn’t perfect, I knew masturbation and pornography were sins, but I honestly thought they were venial, and I was trying my best. I had promised to not have sex before marriage, and I thought I was doing good. I went to confession every so often, I loved God, I went to Mass. But I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t so scared of everything. I knew to turn down things that I knew were bad. I didn’t think I was holier than anyone, I knew I was a sinner, but I wasn’t afraid of life. When I found out that masturbation and pornography were mortal sins, I was afraid for a while, but then I started going to confession, and I thought, “Okay, I’m fighting this,” and I knew none of my family was doing these things. Then I found out more things were mortal sins, and my fears started increasing. I thought, “Just get through this, and you’ll be fine.”
And I thought I was for a while.
But then, the fears came back, and they are worse. AND THEY WON’T LEAVE. I try to distract myself, I try, but often it’s not enough. They are still there, tormenting me. Last week, the anxieties got me so bad about sins of lust that I actually committed the sins I had been doing better against out of just constantly being afraid I would commit them. I was so fearful of lust, and the fears of it made me think about it, and then I fell to the temptations, and I was just like, “NO! WHY?!” All this coupled with worries about others, and I am falling apart.
It’s been one and a half years since I was a 17 year old learning that masturbation was a mortal sin, and while I have combated these sins better, my anxieties have gotten worse and worse. Now, in addition to worrying about myself, I am constantly worried about everyone else now, especially my family. My mom is a good person, she is loving and kind, she goes to confession, but she does know that some things are mortal sins (like saying God’s name in vain), yet she says His name in vain often (not like, once per every few sentences, but like a few times a day) and I am so worried that I nearly started crying in Math class because I can’t stop thinking about this stuff.
I’m not even myself anymore. I have done much better against sinning, but it doesn’t matter. I’m constantly in fear of doing wrong. Even when I’m with friends, while I’m wearing a smile and my voice sounds normal, inside I am in so much fear. I am so afraid that I’ll do something wrong, or they’ll do something wrong, that I don’t even feel joy in life anymore. It’s not because I want to sin. I would be ecstatic about never sinning again. I just want this overwhelming anxiety to leave me. I’m so afraid that I’ll find out something bad happened to my family, like they got in a car wreck and died, and that they hadn’t gone to confession in a while. I would feel forever lost and sorrowful, even more so than I am now.
I feel like I’m in Hell. I constantly fear the worst, I can’t even enjoy life. I take anxiety medication, but I still am like this. And I fear now that by being this way I am mortally sinning, and I am just sick of it. I am so damn sick of thinking about “mortal sin” that I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I’m sick of the concept itself, not because I want to sin, but because it fills me with so much fear and anxiety about failure, death, and Hell, that I start wishing I had never found out anything about my faith. But I bet that’s a mortal sin, isn’t it?
Oh, and my anxieties don’t end here. I’m afraid to even post this, because what if in the future (I plan to go into politics and law), people find this post, and they say “Oh, he can’t govern, he’s insane.” I worry about dying suddenly without being able to go to confession. I fear that I’ll fall to the temptation of lust or something and then die, and go to Hell, and I’m so sick of it. I’m so tired of constantly worrying about these accursed things. What if I hold an opinion that the Church disagrees with? What about the Catholics that disagree with the Church? I don’t want them to go to Hell.
These horrible scenarios are consuming me. These things all started when I first found out masturbation was a mortal sin. I became afraid that I would fail and die suddenly. Then I found out other things were mortal sins, and now, I’m just constantly afraid of even doing anything enjoyable, because I’m just completely unsure if it’s right or not. I go to confession weekly, I go to Mass, but it is only immediately after confession that I feel any sense of peace about my status with God. Within a few minutes, the fears about myself start coming back, and the fear for others never leaves.
I don’t even act normal anymore. I see a pretty girl or something, and I just all of sudden get this sense of “Don’t even think, just don’t. Don’t do anything, don’t talk to her, don’t wave to her, don’t acknowledge her. Just stay away.” Someone starts talking to me, and I’m just in utter fear about the words that I am going to say. My voice today was shaky out of fear, but I tried to hide it, saying I’m tired. But that’s wrong too.
What if anything that could go wrong does? That’s basically the state of my mind these days. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because I’m afraid they’ll find out what I know about Church doctrine, and then they will do something wrong, die, and go to Hell. My miseries, my anxieties are consuming me. Every other week, I just collapse, and I break down in tears.
I wish I had never learned about mortal sin. Before I did, I knew I wasn’t perfect, I knew masturbation and pornography were sins, but I honestly thought they were venial, and I was trying my best. I had promised to not have sex before marriage, and I thought I was doing good. I went to confession every so often, I loved God, I went to Mass. But I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t so scared of everything. I knew to turn down things that I knew were bad. I didn’t think I was holier than anyone, I knew I was a sinner, but I wasn’t afraid of life. When I found out that masturbation and pornography were mortal sins, I was afraid for a while, but then I started going to confession, and I thought, “Okay, I’m fighting this,” and I knew none of my family was doing these things. Then I found out more things were mortal sins, and my fears started increasing. I thought, “Just get through this, and you’ll be fine.”
And I thought I was for a while.
But then, the fears came back, and they are worse. AND THEY WON’T LEAVE. I try to distract myself, I try, but often it’s not enough. They are still there, tormenting me. Last week, the anxieties got me so bad about sins of lust that I actually committed the sins I had been doing better against out of just constantly being afraid I would commit them. I was so fearful of lust, and the fears of it made me think about it, and then I fell to the temptations, and I was just like, “NO! WHY?!” All this coupled with worries about others, and I am falling apart.
