Any advice for this situation?

[Gwyn]

Mom of one:

Carry him to his room?! My son is BIG. Not fat, just very tall. Almost as tall as I am. There’s no way that I could pick him up.

My thoughts exactly - my 6 year old is 4’4" and I surely could not carry him to his room.

 

[MariaG]

Mom of one:

You are absolutely correct about me following through. I should have. I think that I was so stunned and so angry at first that I didn’t make him. Then, I talked to his father and it was decided that a spanking was in order for the flashing and for the disobedience. However, the follow through with my original decision most likely would have been better, not because spanking in wrong, in most cases, but because it is about a child learning to respect my parental authority. Changing my mind often would not be a good thing. Funny thing is, I usually do make him follow through. I’ll have to keep an eye on myself to make sure that I am even more consistent. Thank you.

You are welcome! As a parent, follow through is very important. Although I do not have a child with ADHD, I have been told by the parents that the follow through becomes even more so. I figured you usually followed through, but the situation was so out of the ordinary, you missed it that time.

God bless,
Maria

 

[mlchance]

Ronin:

Third thing you do is lose the attitude…

Irony: Condemning a total stranger’s parenting skills in the same post as condeming that stranger’s attitude. If the horse were any higher, heads would bump into airplanes.

OP: Don’t get too carried away. While there is something to be caution about, a certain about of exhibitionism in young children is relatively common.

Talk to the counselor, not to faceless people on the internet.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[mlchance]

Ronin:

Corporeal punishment as a form of discipline is merely an admition that one does not know how to parent.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[mumto5]

In all honesty, if this is a one off, I wouldn’t really worry too much. I’d just let him know it’s inappropriate and why and tell him not to do it again. If he did, I would punish him, if he did it again, that is when I would get concerned.

 

[tkdnick]

mlchance:

Irony: Condemning a total stranger’s parenting skills in the same post as condeming that stranger’s attitude. If the horse were any higher, heads would bump into airplanes.

 

[carol_marie]

Ronin:

Second thing you do is stop medicating him.

Tom Cruise… is this you?

 

[Mom_of_one]

carol marie:

Tom Cruise… is this you?

That was my first reaction. :bigyikes: Then I got really, really mad. I am not a shove meds into kids faces kind of person. She doesn’t even know me or my situation. I agree that kids are given ADHD meds way too much; kids who don’t even have ADHD. But my son does.

I wonder if that poster would change her attitude if she knew that my plan all along has been to take him off the meds ASAP. I wonder if she would change her mind if she knew how upset I was after my son had surgery for sleep apnea(his adenoids were blocking 50 to 60% of his airway and he was not getting enough oxygen to his brain at night) and his behavior/attention/hyperactivity didn’t improve? Lack of oxygen can cause similar problems as ADHD. I don’t WANT my kid to have ADHD, but he does. And I will do what it takes to get him the best treatment possible. Since that includes medication, then that is life.

And since she is assuming that it is a divorce situation, which it is not, I’ll say that my son had counseling at a domestic violence center and THEY believed that he had more going on than ADHD. They thought that he had Aspenger’s syndrome. So, it isn’t about stressful situations or emotional trauma for some kids. Sometimes, there really is ADHD going on.

 

[carol_marie]

Mom of one:

That was my first reaction. :bigyikes: Then I got really, really mad. I am not a shove meds into kids faces kind of person. She doesn’t even know me or my situation. I agree that kids are given ADHD meds way too much; kids who don’t even have ADHD. But my son does.

I wonder if that poster would change her attitude if she knew that my plan all along has been to take him off the meds ASAP. I wonder if she would change her mind if she knew how upset I was after my son had surgery for sleep apnea(his adenoids were blocking 50 to 60% of his airway and he was not getting enough oxygen to his brain at night) and his behavior/attention/hyperactivity didn’t improve? Lack of oxygen can cause similar problems as ADHD. I don’t WANT my kid to have ADHD, but he does. And I will do what it takes to get him the best treatment possible. Since that includes medication, then that is life.

And since she is assuming that it is a divorce situation, which it is not, I’ll say that my son had counseling at a domestic violence center and THEY believed that he had more going on than ADHD. They thought that he had Aspenger’s syndrome. So, it isn’t about stressful situations or emotional trauma for some kids. Sometimes, there really is ADHD going on.

Mom of one,
You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. You obviously love your dear son very much. You were rightfully concerned about the situation and you asked for some advice… NO ONE needed to pass judgement on your very personal decision regarding the best way to discipline your son or deal with his medical needs. YOU know what’s best for your son in that regard and who is someone who doesn’t know you or him to make sweeping statements like that? Good grief!

My nephew has ADHD - he has been on medication and it has helped him soooooo much. He is a happier, much more successful kid.

As far as the flashing episode… I’d check with his Dad to see if anything out of the ordinary happened - talk to your son and then if you don’t see any red flags… chalk it up to typical 7 year old antics. My son went through a very goofy stage where butts & body fluids were just the funniest things. He received many a spankings (gasp! I guess I don’t know how to parent either? ) for inappropriate talk and today he’s a very normal 13 year old. It will pass.

Blessings to you & your little boy,
CM

 

[Ana]

I personally don’t think it’s that big of a deal. He was probably just trying to be funny, however innapropriately. The part when he didn’t go to his room, now that was a deliberate act of defiance (though he may have felt misunderstood). Intent is very important in judging these situations. Did he have that “I’m gonna really piss her off type of attitude” … or was he just trying to play?

 

[Peace-bwu]

I think it is awful that junior members are blasting Mom of 1’s reaction to her son. It is easy to criticize.

I also think it is inappropriate to tell her to take him off the medication. Sometimes docs take kids off meds for a short time, carefully monitored for behavioral changes. It would be irresponsible For a parent to suddenly take their child off prescribed medication. Medication is often necessary. I have an adult sister who has bipolar depression. Thank God for her medication, she is able to function normally with it. If she goes off she begins to have obsessions, paranoia followed by lack of sleep, hallucinations, and thinking she can control the weather or see demons or some other frightenting thing she has seen in a movie. Medication isn’t always bad. For those who need it, it is a Godsend!

Spanking may not have been the best solution, but there are times when nothing else works. I was 100% against spanking before I had children but now I understand that when time out, removal of privileges etc. doesn’t work, spanking is sometimes a last resort. I’m not talking about actually hurting the child, and I agree that spanking is to be used as a last resort. I happen to be very much against slapping a toddler’s hand.

The original poster asked for our opinions but I dont’ think she asked to be slammed!

It is good to remind ourselves to make sure we understand the *whole *situation before we start knocking people down, or start dishing out advice to stop medication! Walk a mile in her shoes before you take her out to dry!

I must admit that I was thinking of Tom Cruise too. I was so annoyed that he would make those accusations about medication!

Mom of One,
I have a few friends with sons who have been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. The diagnosis was not a happy one for them, but since their son’s have been diagnosed they have been able to understand the puzzle better and are able to use techniques to deal with it and help their sons to thrive. God bless you, sorry you got slammed! I know what it is like, I quit Catholic Answers for awhile because of people acting like that. It can be very hurtful, especially when you are asking for good advice and support and some poster uses it as a whole new way to take out their frustrations!

 

[BlestOne]

Hi Mom,
I so know where you are coming from!!!
I have a 16yo ADHD that went through alot of the same things you described. I nearly fell off my chair when I read about the hearing test. I had my son’s hearing tested at 4 yrs old because he would get so overwhelmed with his ADHD that he would cry that his ears hurt. At 22 mos he burned down the house, At 7 he could read all the big words in school but didn’t know any of the sight words. Hmmm…at 4 he was seriously challenging my authority, when I tried to punish him he would act like he didn’t care. Everything I tried worked for 3 times tops then he would seem unaffected by any corrective measures. DOes any of this sound familiar to you? Anyway, I always found it helpful to force myself to say a prayer for patience when my son is testing me. Yeah, I would get so worked up that I reacted instead of acted many times. ADHD kids are so good at pushing buttons! The point is, if I remembered to pray first, I calmed down enough to be able to deal with him. SOmetimes just asking why he did things was the best thing I could do. It made him think about his motivation, I usually got a laugh out of his thought process (maybe not at the time, but sometimes years later), and sometimes all I could do is spank him. I wish I had more of an answer but the truth is, ADHD kids are so hard to understand sometimes. Just keep trying and keep praying.

I also agree with Peace…I kinda took offense to a jr member blasting you when they don’t know you like we do…and then to have the arrogance to not be contrite about it burned me up. But I will try to be patient with the jr member and PRAY to God that I wasn’t like that when I was a newbie!!!

 

[Mom_of_one]

BlestOne:

Hi Mom,
I so know where you are coming from!!!
I have a 16yo ADHD that went through alot of the same things you described. I nearly fell off my chair when I read about the hearing test. I had my son’s hearing tested at 4 yrs old because he would get so overwhelmed with his ADHD that he would cry that his ears hurt. At 22 mos he burned down the house, At 7 he could read all the big words in school but didn’t know any of the sight words. Hmmm…at 4 he was seriously challenging my authority, when I tried to punish him he would act like he didn’t care. Everything I tried worked for 3 times tops then he would seem unaffected by any corrective measures. DOes any of this sound familiar to you? Anyway, I always found it helpful to force myself to say a prayer for patience when my son is testing me. Yeah, I would get so worked up that I reacted instead of acted many times. ADHD kids are so good at pushing buttons! The point is, if I remembered to pray first, I calmed down enough to be able to deal with him. SOmetimes just asking why he did things was the best thing I could do. It made him think about his motivation, I usually got a laugh out of his thought process (maybe not at the time, but sometimes years later), and sometimes all I could do is spank him. I wish I had more of an answer but the truth is, ADHD kids are so hard to understand sometimes. Just keep trying and keep praying.

I also agree with Peace…I kinda took offense to a jr member blasting you when they don’t know you like we do…and then to have the arrogance to not be contrite about it burned me up. But I will try to be patient with the jr member and PRAY to God that I wasn’t like that when I was a newbie!!!

Oh boy, does it sound familiar! He’s not at that stage where punishment doesn’t affect him at all, thank God, but the rest…

I tell ya. I love that boy so much. But having ADHD is difficult. He will literally bounce of the walls if he is not medicated. It is so hard for him to pay attention. He is so smart, but the follow through with work at school is not good. He’s a math whiz(like me), but to see the test results, you’d never know it. I can’t wait to get him into martial arts.

Thanks everybody for the advice and for sticking up for me. I was so angry when I saw that post. And not apologizing…if I weren’t already Catholic, that would have turned me right off of being Catholic. I would have thought that Catholics were too arrogant, not because of the original problem, but because of the refusal to apologize for it.

 

[LSK]

I think Princess Abby gave the best advice.

I know where Ronin is coming from - he has shared his experience with the legal system on other threads and those experiences have not been good ones. His replies are going to be shaped by those experiences. My shares are shaped by my experiences. That is neither good nor bad, it simply is what it is…

MomofOne, you are on the right track …and you know that… and you and your ex work well together with your son. I hope you discover where the little guy got the idea to give THAT present to Mommy…I remember when my stepson was 3 and said the word ‘penis’ very loud and very proud for the first time. We were at the zoo, of course. My husband told him quietly and nicely why that word was a private word and on and on and Max listenned carefully, replied “ok Daddy”…waited a few minutes and then, when we were in front of the penguins, yelled “BREASTS” at the top of his lungs…

And of course sometimes you have to spank…not beat…spank…and parents, even good parents, get furious sometimes with their children…this is the world, folks and parents are human - whether they be biological parents, adoptive parents, or spiritual parents…

and I am almost certain that’s why Our Lord instituted the Sacrament of Penance…

 

[Karin]

LSK:

I remember when my stepson was 3 and said the word ‘penis’ very loud and very proud for the first time. We were at the zoo, of course. My husband told him quietly and nicely why that word was a private word and on and on and Max listenned carefully, replied “ok Daddy”…waited a few minutes and then, when we were in front of the penguins, yelled “BREASTS” at the top of his lungs…

…

Not to make light of the situation…but I had to laugh at this.

 

[Ana]

Mom of one:

It is so hard for him to pay attention. He is so smart, but the follow through with work at school is not good. He’s a math whiz(like me), but to see the test results, you’d never know it. I can’t wait to get him into martial arts.

Same story with my daughter. Of all of my children, I have to say she tries the hardest. It is easy to make a lot of mistakes when your brain is always in OVERDRIVE. She is also a whiz at math, and I am looking forward to putting her in Martial Arts this coming year.

I’ve just got to share the time my husband was in the shower. She was five yrs. old, walked into the bathroom, and peeked around the shower curtain. Then in her sweetest want to say something nice voice, proceeded to tell dh that he had a very beautiful penis. My husband about DIED!!:bigyikes:

 

[maryjk]

I almost want to comment, but I am not sure that I should. See, I am a regular member. But if I don’t comment how do I become a Sr member? Maybe I will just wait and see.

Sorry, I know this is not on topic. But I didn’t think I should start a new thread.

 

[Mom_of_one]

maryjk:

I almost want to comment, but I am not sure that I should. See, I am a regular member. But if I don’t comment how do I become a Sr member? Maybe I will just wait and see.

Sorry, I know this is not on topic. But I didn’t think I should start a new thread.

Go right ahead and comment.

 

[Cadence]

I would keep an eye on it and talk to his counciler. It isn’t necessarily a big problem as kids do learn these things from each other and like to try them out for a reaction. I’m looking after a couple of kids right now (I’m a nanny) and the eldest is four. She just started school this year and after a couple of weeks she started talking about her dad having a penis. She was told that this was true but wasn’t appropriate conversation for the dinner table and wasn’t something to be silly about (she was running around saying it and giggling). It went away. About a week ago she started talking about her own body parts and laughing at her little sister when she had no pants on. Again, she was told not to and she has stopped.

I know this isn’t quite the same but I also understand that little boys will often experiment with “flashing”. Take heart - with love and prayer you will work it out.

 

[Ana]

Ana:

Same story with my daughter. Of all of my children, I have to say she tries the hardest. It is easy to make a lot of mistakes when your brain is always in OVERDRIVE. She is also a whiz at math, and I am looking forward to putting her in Martial Arts this coming year.

I’ve just got to share the time my husband was in the shower. She was five yrs. old, walked into the bathroom, and peeked around the shower curtain. Then in her sweetest want to say something nice voice, proceeded to tell dh that he had a very beautiful penis. My husband about DIED!!:bigyikes:

I don’t mean to quote myself, but today my other daughter was in the bathroom while I was there. I turned to flush and she said … “you have a very beautiful BIG butt” , Gee thanks.