Any advice? My sister is thinking of leaving the faith

[whatevergirl]

For those of you who know my prior story about my sister dating a married man…he left his pregnant wife…and 2 other kids for my sister…now they are living together…etc…fast forward to now–and for Easter, she didn’t go to a Catholic mass, she went to ‘his’ church…Methodist. I didn’t say much when she told me this…told her that I hope she continues to grow closer to Christ, as I know if she does this, she will not be able to ‘serve man, and God,’ as the Bible says. But, I wonder if I should have said more? I am a bit surprised, because she always loved the Catholic faith–I can’t help but think that this guy has her wrapped around his finger…she will literally do anything to oblige, it seems. She basically said that she is thinking of leaving the faith, because if she marries this man, which is where it’s heading supposedly, the RCC will not marry her. She will not seek an annulment, because she was married for 30 years and in her words*…"how can they annul something that took place for that long, and it was most certainly ‘valid?’ " *

I also think that the RCC asks something of its members…it asks that you have a developed conscience. Not that other faiths do not, but the whole Eucharist ‘thing,’ as she put it…she said she cannot ‘freely’ take the Eucharist, because she knows she is ‘living in sin,’ in the eyes of the Church. Ahhh…but there’s the rub. It’s not in the eyes of the Church only–but in the eyes of God, we are sinners.

Any advice going forward or should I stay quiet like I did on Easter?

 

[puzzleannie]

For those of you who know my prior story about my sister dating a married man…he left his pregnant wife…and 2 other kids for my sister…now they are living together…etc…fast forward to now–and for Easter, she didn’t go to a Catholic mass, she went to ‘his’ church…Methodist. I?

thinking about leaving
sis, I think she already left.
my mom’s whole family is Methodist and they would not support these actions any more than you do, so I don’t think that bird will fly.

 

[whatevergirl]

thinking about leaving
sis, I think she already left.
my mom’s whole family is Methodist and they would not support these actions any more than you do, so I don’t think that bird will fly.

Not trying to appear dense, annie…lol…I am a bit tired, but can you explain what you mean? Do you mean that Methodists wouldn’t approve of the lifestyle component of what I’m saying here? I wouldn’t think so, but are you saying that it’s her lifestyle choice that displays her leaving, just as much as anything else? Help for the weary minded tonight.

 

[Robaynne]

Your sister is an adult and she needs to be responsible for her own actions. She is walking into this situation with her eyes wide open so when she hits her head the only person to blame will be herself.

She cannot possible base her happiness on somebody else’s tears, pain and suffering. Who is to say that one day this man will not do the same to her. There is no gaurantee that he will not. He left his pregnant wife and family at a crucial point in their life. How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot and she was the one in that situation.

But she needs to learn her own lessons. There is so much that you can do and now you must just step away from the situation and leave her. I know that you love and care about her but she has made her decisions and she needs to live with them.

Whether she leaves the Catholic Church and go to another church makes no difference she is still doing wrong and other churchs are not excepting of adultery etc. Never mind leave the faith and going somewhere else she is committing a sin no matter which way you look at it. No matter which Church she goes to this thing will follow her where ever she goes. She is going to have to live with her actions for the rest of her life. Breaking up a home or been a reason why a home is broken up is not something easy to live with.

One day it does sink in that she played a big part in a break up of a marriage and living with a man who left his pregnant wife and children. How do I know that he will not do the same to me one day. If he comes late how do I know that he is not with somebody else. How do I know that he is not doing the same thing that he did with me with another women.

One day my ex is going to live with what he did to me. How he cheated on me with a young 20 year old girl. Karma has a funny way of coming back to bite you. And what goes around comes around.

Pray for your sister but stay out of it. It is not your business she is an adult and there is nothing more that you can do anymore. She has made her decision and all you can do is stand in the background and wait and see what happens.

Nobody can take you out of a bad situation unless you want them to. I know that more than anybody else. Was in a physical and emotional abusive relationship for a long time. I did not want my family to know so I kept it from them. But my friends knew and one day a friend said to me it seems as if you like the situation you are in that is why you are not doing anything about it. I stayed even though a part of me knew that I could not get out. I guess it was a blessing when my ex left me for the 20 year old. Nobody could tell me to leave that situation it had to be my choice.

I will keep you and your sister in my prayers and I pray that your sister wakes up sooner rather than later before she makes the biggest mistake of her life.

Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[StratusRose]

Not trying to appear dense, annie…lol…I am a bit tired, but can you explain what you mean? Do you mean that Methodists wouldn’t approve of the lifestyle component of what I’m saying here? I wouldn’t think so, but are you saying that it’s her lifestyle choice that displays her leaving, just as much as anything else? Help for the weary minded tonight.

When my dad had an affair with another woman at our Methodist Church they were both looked down upon and many people sided and supported my mother. But, unfortunately, every Methodist Church is different. But I would think that many people, even if they are not religious, would find the actions of your sister’s boyfriend deplorable.

 

[DallasCatholic]

For those of you who know my prior story about my sister dating a married man…he left his pregnant wife…and 2 other kids for my sister…now they are living together…etc…fast forward to now–and for Easter, she didn’t go to a Catholic mass, she went to ‘his’ church…Methodist. I didn’t say much when she told me this…told her that I hope she continues to grow closer to Christ, as I know if she does this, she will not be able to ‘serve man, and God,’ as the Bible says. But, I wonder if I should have said more? I am a bit surprised, because she always loved the Catholic faith–I can’t help but think that this guy has her wrapped around his finger…she will literally do anything to oblige, it seems. She basically said that she is thinking of leaving the faith, because if she marries this man, which is where it’s heading supposedly, the RCC will not marry her. She will not seek an annulment, because she was married for 30 years and in her words*…"how can they annul something that took place for that long, and it was most certainly ‘valid?’ " *

I also think that the RCC asks something of its members…it asks that you have a developed conscience. Not that other faiths do not, but the whole Eucharist ‘thing,’ as she put it…she said she cannot ‘freely’ take the Eucharist, because she knows she is ‘living in sin,’ in the eyes of the Church. Ahhh…but there’s the rub. It’s not in the eyes of the Church only–but in the eyes of God, we are sinners.

Any advice going forward or should I stay quiet like I did on Easter?

The length of a marriage doesn’t necessarily disqualify one from an annulment. I believe one of the key questions is whether both parties fully understood the gravity and commitment of the sacrament they were entering into at the time. The validity of the marriage is precisely what will be determined by the tribunal…if the boyfriend begins the annulment process.

IMO the most important thing is to treat your sister with love and kindness…be a living Witness to the Catholic faith. This is very difficult because you do not want to condone her behavior but you also don’t want to drive her further away. You must strive to present your objections and Church teaching to her in a loving and supportive way. Hate the sin but love the sinner…which is easier said than done. One of the best things that you can do for her is to pray…pray for her everyday. I use the “faith” bead of my rosary to pray for conversion of my loved ones.

 

[puzzleannie]

Not trying to appear dense, annie…lol…I am a bit tired, but can you explain what you mean? Do you mean that Methodists wouldn’t approve of the lifestyle component of what I’m saying here? I wouldn’t think so, but are you saying that it’s her lifestyle choice that displays her leaving, just as much as anything else? Help for the weary minded tonight.

I just means it sounds like she has made her choices already and has not been serious about faith for some time. If she is telling you that she is going to another church because their doctrine is more appealing, sensible or whatever, I think she is telling you what she thinks you want to hear, because obviously her reasons have to do with her lifestyle, not her beliefs.

 

[olipoli]

My only advice is pray. Pray she will make the right decision, for the right reason, whatever that may be.