Any Christian way of dealing with people on a "power trip"?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Elena321
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

Elena321

Guest
My elderly mother is currently in (public) Hospital and while most of the nurses there are kind and very dedicated and do an often thankless job,there are also a few nurses/doctors there that act like on a “power trip”.
For example,some nurses came to take my mums blood pressure but my mum needed to go to the toilet at that exact time.
They tried to command that my mother couldn’t go as they wanted to do her blood pressure reading and my mum got very agitated as she would have peed herself.She is older and doesn’t have the capacity to hold her bladder for the five minutes it would have taken to check her blood pressure.
Also,this was a routine blood pressure check for everyone,my mum is mobile and not in a state of emergency so this can’t be used as their excuse.
If it was a genuine case of that they couldn’t really spare those 3 minutes while she went to the toilet that would be somewhat more understandable but you could tell by their demeanours and facial expressions that denying her to go to the toilet then wasn’t due to a logical reason but was rather due to a “powertrip mentality”-ie:having an expectancy that they can simply order/boss patients around to do what they want as they used to getting away with this and nobody challenging them/protesting.

What’s a Catholic way to handle this but at the same time not let their bad behaviour go on?
There’s little point complaining to the head of the Ward/Nurse Manager as I’ve heard so many stories from other families when they have tried this avenue,nothing is done.
I need to know a way that I can “challenge” this directly but in a way that is non-confrontational as I’m afraid that if you “make waves” they could retaliate towards my mum by treating her bad.

My mothers very kind,loving and generous.She is not difficult but is independant and her “own boss” and doesn’t want to be prevented from peeing if she needs to go and I view it as degrading/treating without dignity to make an older person pee their pants if they have the capacity to go to the toilet.

Thanks
Elena
 
What does your mother want you to do?
She may want you to do nothing, preferring to deal with her nurses herself.
She may want you to go to bat for her in some way.
She may prefer to let them go on their little power trips, passing over the consequences to herself because the consequences are uncomfortable but not life-threatening.

For as long as she is able to have an opinion, I’d do what she wants. At least she will have someone who take the time to listen to what she thinks, who will allow her to make her own decisions for herself and who simply does what she wants without trying to persuade her to do otherwise. There is dignity in that, and it is dignity given to her by someone she has loved and cared for and given independence herself. The chances are that way you treat her and the dignity and respect and time you give her will mean far more to her than the treatment she gets from strangers.

I guess the other suggestion I’d have is to ask the staff members who are kind what they would suggest. Try to choose a time that is good for them to ask, though. You might also ask what sort of things make their jobs easier. They may have ideas you had no way to guess.
 
EasterJoy said:
What does your mother want you to do?
She may want you to do nothing, preferring to deal with her nurses herself.
She may want you to go to bat for her in some way.
She may prefer to let them go on their little power trips, passing over the consequences to herself because the consequences are uncomfortable but not life-threatening.

For as long as she is able to have an opinion, I’d do what she wants. At least she will have someone who take the time to listen to what she thinks, who will allow her to make her own decisions for herself and who simply does what she wants without trying to persuade her to do otherwise. There is dignity in that, and it is dignity given to her by someone she has loved and cared for and given independence herself. The chances are that way you treat her and the dignity and respect and time you give her will mean far more to her than the treatment she gets from strangers.

I guess the other suggestion I’d have is to ask the staff members who are kind what they would suggest. Try to choose a time that is good for them to ask, though. You might also ask what sort of things make their jobs easier. They may have ideas you had no way to guess.
Click to expand...
I wish I knew what to tell you, but everything that Easter Joy said makes sense to me. All I can offer you and your mom are my own meager prayers, but I assure you that I’ll be praying very hard once I hit send. May God bless you and transform the hearts/minds of the staff. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen!
 
It takes a special kind of person to work and care for the elderly. It is a vocation/grace that often comes with time and experience…or not at all.
My suggestion is as old as the hills: “Kill um with kindness.” When such an occurrence is about to take place…just say something like…‘Your so kind to wait just a minute…not everyone is as patient/kind/understanding as you are.’ Or something of that order.
Most people respond well to honest compliments or words. At the same time remember that a lot of nurses are overworked, stressed, and expected to get a lot of “work” done in a short amt. of time. I also believe in blatant bribery. Take them in a pizza if you can afford to. Many, many nurses and Drs. ship meals and breaks in the effort to do their jobs. Peace.
 
I would just tell them: “NO… My mother has USE THE TOILET. I realize its not YOU that has to be humiliated if she wets, but her, and its not YOU that needs to clean her up if she does, because you will send an aide to clean up the mess you caused. I am so sorry you are like that. But I am here, and I will NOT allow the wrong thing to be done. She has to use the toilet, and she IS using the toilet. NOW.”

So stand up to them. You cannot change who they are. You cannot do anything about who they are when you are not there, but you can stand up to them when you are there. Professionally, that is what they SHOULD do, but, doing the most right and considerate thing for the patient is not such a common occurrence, unfortunately. You probably can do very little about their sub-par professionalism and lack of human kindness. But, you can fiercely stick to your guns about who YOU are - her advocate. Stand firm! You are on the side of what is good and right in this circumstance. What are they going to do, complain to the head nurse? Well, she has a boss too. So they won’t complain. (You would be just as firm with her, anyway).

Be strong in doing what is right and good. Its the only thing you have control over.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
It takes a special kind of person to work and care for the elderly. It is a vocation/grace that often comes with time and experience…or not at all.
My suggestion is as old as the hills: “Kill um with kindness.” When such an occurrence is about to take place…just say something like…‘Your so kind to wait just a minute…not everyone is as patient/kind/understanding as you are.’ Or something of that order.
Most people respond well to honest compliments or words. At the same time remember that a lot of nurses are overworked, stressed, and expected to get a lot of “work” done in a short amt. of time. I also believe in blatant bribery. Take them in a pizza if you can afford to. Many, many nurses and Drs. ship meals and breaks in the effort to do their jobs. Peace.
Click to expand...
I agree with these suggestions. I know the eldercare health system in the US is feeling a lot of strain due to low reimbursements which in turn causes lower staffing. The best way to get the best available care for your loved on is to be nice to those who take care of your mother. Doing this consistently will cause the staff to feel appreciated by you and in turn have them provide good care.

Also being understanding that they are under time pressures as well and won’t always be able to change course immediately can be helpful. I know this can be frustrating at times. The workers are frustrated too sometimes.

If all else fails, maybe you can find a new place for her to live.

Good luck with your situation.
 
If met with resistance after saying she needs to use the facilities, your mum needs to tell them (with a BIG smile) “HONEY, YOU’LL HAVE A LOT MORE TO DEAL WITH THAN A BP READING IF I DON’T G O”. 😛 And start heading in that direction. 😃
 
I support ‘kill them with kindness’, though my first inclination is to confront them with the actual nature of what they’re doing.
 
SteveLy said:
Also being understanding that they are under time pressures as well and won’t always be able to change course immediately can be helpful. I know this can be frustrating at times. The workers are frustrated too sometimes.

Good luck with your situation.
Click to expand...
Are you suggesting that an elderly person should be forced to wet themselves because a nurse etc is under time pressure or have I misunderstood?
I don’t think it’s right,or Christian,to ever treat people/patients without dignity or in ways that humiliate them due to time pressure or them having difficulty changing course immediately.
We should be understanding of course, but even that is to a certain degree.Once a behaviour crosses the line,I would not be able to live with myself if I kept being “understanding” while violations were done.
According to that sort of reasoning,we should then also be understanding if school teachers isolate or tie up students with Autism with challenging behaviours due to time constraints,lack of recourses,or poor stress management,and for disability workers to overmedicate disabled clients or let them wet/soil themselves due to facing the same challenges of time pressure etc.
I will never be accepting of any action that causes a person distress or humiliated them and I’m quite sure the Catholic Church does not advocate this as being ok.
 
I think kill em with kindness works if the nurse is kind/good at heart and her/his motivations for saying this purely stem from time constraint and being ignorant that some older people can’t hold their bladder for extra 5 minutes,but what about when dealing with the bossy,intimidating type who’s motivation is primarily that they are on an ego or power trip?
I have found in the past that trying to be kind to these types of healthcare workers doesn’t work and it’s like they don’t recognise kindness or view it as a weakness or something 🤷
 
Having worked in a hospital and nursing home, I apologize for those nurses who like to order people around.

But it’s important to remember that a trip to the bathroom for an elderly person isn’t usually 5 minutes, it may be quite a bit longer. And nurses quite often are on a squeaky tight schedule – they really can’t wait while she goes. They may have 15 other tasks that need doing in the next ten minutes.

What I would do is murmur, “Excuse me,” reach past the nurse and begin helping your mother out of the bed. Say “Could you come back in five minutes or so?”

They’re not going to push you out of the way, and they can swish off and do something else while your mother visits the bathroom, and everyone should be happy.

She is fortunate to have a caring family member to stand up for her.

.
 
Elena321 said:
I think kill em with kindness works if the nurse is kind/good at heart and her/his motivations for saying this purely stem from time constraint and being ignorant that some older people can’t hold their bladder for extra 5 minutes,but what about when dealing with the bossy,intimidating type who’s motivation is primarily that they are on an ego or power trip?
Click to expand...
That’s what one has emotional blackmail for. It’s often part of what killing people with kindness is about. Sometimes you impress them, at other times you make it awfully hard for them to reject your requests because of the hard price their ego would have to pay, usually in terms of missing out on some kind of reward for their self-esteem that they’d rather keep.
I have found in the past that trying to be kind to these types of healthcare workers doesn’t work and it’s like they don’t recognise kindness or view it as a weakness or something 🤷
Click to expand...
In some cases one does indeed need to put one’s foot down. In those cases I personally tend to remain basically civil but put down the proverbial silken white gloves
and stop playing (most of) the game. ‘Doctor, you sure surely are aware of the consequences of such and such. Explain then to me how you can request it?,’ would be the most game-appropriate line coming from me in the circumstances. Otherwise it would start from: ‘what you are doing is’ (…).
 
Viki63 said:
Having worked in a hospital and nursing home, I apologize for those nurses who like to order people around.

But it’s important to remember that a trip to the bathroom for an elderly person isn’t usually 5 minutes, it may be quite a bit longer. And nurses quite often are on a squeaky tight schedule – they really can’t wait while she goes. They may have 15 other tasks that need doing in the next ten minutes.

What I would do is murmur, “Excuse me,” reach past the nurse and begin helping your mother out of the bed. Say “Could you come back in five minutes or so?”

They’re not going to push you out of the way, and they can swish off and do something else while your mother visits the bathroom, and everyone should be happy.

She is fortunate to have a caring family member to stand up for her.

.
Click to expand...
Thank.
It makes me really sad to think that some elderly people don’t have family to visit them or stand up for them.😦
Do you know if it permissable to visit people in hospitals or nursing homes who otherwise receive no other visitors?
 
Elena321 said:
Do you know if it permissible to visit people in hospitals or nursing homes who otherwise receive no other visitors?
Click to expand...
Hospitals, probably not because patients in hospitals are usually really ill.

But nursing homes are happy to have volunteers come and visit, either on a one time basis or maybe even to organize a group to sing, chat about current events or past history, or whatever strikes one’s fancy.
You could just call a nearby nursing home and ask.

.
 
I don’t know if it’s “Christian”, but in that case, I would have just laughed and helped mom to the john.
 
My opinion is that the worker should have offered to assist your mom to the bathroom. One thing patients do not need is added, unnecessary pressure. I would mention this to the supervisor, perhaps he/she will need to bring that up at the next meeting so the workers will have a clear understanding of how to handle unexpected situations. I am sure 90% workers are compassionate and not as abrupt as this person was. The patient’s needs come first. I just can’t imagine my mom sitting and waiting for her BP to be taken and holding in it until. I would just take her to the bathroom myself no matter what. Sometimes you have to take control of the situation yourself. Politely, of course. I had to learn to speak up to protect my mom and my dad. Jesus reprimanded the Pharisees for their misdeeds and showed them the error of their ways. I thought of it not as a power struggle but as doing the right thing. Praying for you and your mom.
 
Every facility has a Patient’s Rights declaration which ensures the proper care and treatment of it’s patients.
 
The reason a nurse is there is to do her job. I’m sure there are CNAs available to call to go to the bathroom. It’s a matter of infection control also. Why couldn’t you take your Mom to the bathroom? Also if your Mom has frequency and urgency with voiding maybe there is a medical reason for concern. It sounds like you are the one on a power trip, not the nurse or doctor.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top