Any Crisis Pregnancy Workers Here?

[koda]

I’m just curious what kind of reasons women considering abortion give. Are the reasons similiar? How do you respond? Does what you say make a difference? Thanks.

 

[Eileen_T]

When someone talks about needing or wanting an abortion, the first thing is to establish if she actually is pregnant or just suspects she might be.

Then I would ask “Why do you think you need an abortion?”

It is important to get her talking because that helps her to build a rapport with you and, where necessary CALM HER DOWN.

She is thinking “I can’t possibly have a baby, no way!” This puts her into thinking with what I have heard referred to as a ‘crisis brain’. In this situation the instinct is flight or fight.

I started as a telephone CP Counsellor so I learned to listen to the tone of voice, the silences etc… When you are with someone face-to-face you also pick up on bady language.

The important thing to realise is that she is almost totally thinking of herself and how this pregnancy will negatively affect her. So it is not much use talking about the baby until she has got passed that point.

Her needs and fears have to be acknowledged and addressed before you can start discussing the baby.

How much more do you want?

 

[Cupofkindness]

I was a pro-life crisis pregnancy volunteer, and what I noticed over the years was that the woman’s (or girl’s) relationship to the father of her child was another big influence on the outcome of an unplanned pregnancy. In other words, if her boyfriend didn’t want the baby, neither did the woman. If the woman had to pick between the father and the baby, most of these women would choose the father, their boyfriend at the expense of their unborn child. Such a sad choice since those relationships were doomed anyway… but the woman just can’t imagine living without the guy. It’s such a shame that these women choose to stay with terrible boyfriends and suffer the horrible consequences of abortion rather than making choices in favor of life and a better future for the themsleves. But this is the case with women who are still in a relationship, many are not by the time they reach this decision point.

 

[koda]

Eileen T:

When someone talks about needing or wanting an abortion, the first thing is to establish if she actually is pregnant or just suspects she might be.

Then I would ask “Why do you think you need an abortion?”

It is important to get her talking because that helps her to build a rapport with you and, where necessary CALM HER DOWN.

She is thinking “I can’t possibly have a baby, no way!” This puts her into thinking with what I have heard referred to as a ‘crisis brain’. In this situation the instinct is flight or fight.

I started as a telephone CP Counsellor so I learned to listen to the tone of voice, the silences etc… When you are with someone face-to-face you also pick up on bady language.

The important thing to realise is that she is almost totally thinking of herself and how this pregnancy will negatively affect her. So it is not much use talking about the baby until she has got passed that point.

Her needs and fears have to be acknowledged and addressed before you can start discussing the baby.

How much more do you want?

About 25 years ago I was in a situation much like that described by cupofkindness and I did get the abortion. The things that led me to such a place were many and complex (I had an absent father, was sexually molested as a child by the older kids of the woman who ran the day care I went to, I had a history of depression, and a codependency problem). It took me decades to deal with these issues but, thank God, I’m now much better and married to a wonderful Catholic man.

So, I was wondering if this type of situation was common, or if you find that there are more mature women who simply don’t want to be bothered with a child (i.e., women that were old enough and financiallly stable enough to take care of the child should they wish to do so). There is a woman who works with my husband - she’s married but always has a boyfriend and uses abortion as birth control.

I guess my real goal is to try to better understand why most women get abortions (or strongly consider it) and then trying to think of ways we can decrease the demand - since for now the supply side is there. I appreciate everybody’s comments.

 

[Eileen_T]

First of all, I have to agree with Cupofkindness that the attitude of the baby’s father is often the deciding point in whether or not a woman has an abortion.

Girls who grow up without their biological father in the home are more likely to become sexually active as teenagers which also leads to teen pregnancies and abortions.

Many of today’s young men do not have a father they are able to relate to. We learn our parenting skills largely from watching our own parents.

So many of the women I counselled (post abortion) had experienced sexual abuse of some sort in their childhood that I almost came to expect it. It led to a lack of self respect and self-confidence which meant the girl/woman was looking at sex as a way of helping her feel loved. She often became dependent on the man in her life, even when he treated her badly.

That is why I said

Her needs and fears have to be acknowledged and addressed before you can start discussing the baby.

I had women who, once we had got to this point, how the man treated her, decided to keep the baby and ditch him. Before this she’d be thinking of him threatening to walk out if she didn’t abort, then she’d realise that she didn’t even really like him much anyway.

I heard someone - possibly Scott Hahn - say that the crisis we face to day is one of fatherhood. He was talking about the Church, but I believe it is the crisis our society faces and until it is addressed, abortion will continue.

I have written on this for my website (not actually mine, but I am developping it). If you scroll down to the last subheading Children of “Broken Homes”:

“Boys deprived of a father lack a male role model of relationship. This predisposes young men, when faced with a crisis experience such as a pregnancy, to do what they perceived their own fathers did when the going got tough - they abandon.”

You’ll find it here life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortion47.htm

It is contained in the section on Post Abortion Syndrome life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortionpas.htm The website, www.life.org.nz covers Suicide, Abortion & Euthanasia.

 

[koda]

Eileen T:

First of all, I have to agree with Cupofkindness that the attitude of the baby’s father is often the deciding point in whether or not a woman has an abortion.

Girls who grow up without their biological father in the home are more likely to become sexually active as teenagers which also leads to teen pregnancies and abortions.

Many of today’s young men do not have a father they are able to relate to. We learn our parenting skills largely from watching our own parents.

So many of the women I counselled (post abortion) had experienced sexual abuse of some sort in their childhood that I almost came to expect it. It led to a lack of self respect and self-confidence which meant the girl/woman was looking at sex as a way of helping her feel loved. She often became dependent on the man in her life, even when he treated her badly.

That is why I said I had women who, once we had got to this point, how the man treated her, decided to keep the baby and ditch him. Before this she’d be thinking of him threatening to walk out if she didn’t abort, then she’d realise that she didn’t even really like him much anyway.

I heard someone - possibly Scott Hahn - say that the crisis we face to day is one of fatherhood. He was talking about the Church, but I believe it is the crisis our society faces and until it is addressed, abortion will continue.

I have written on this for my website (not actually mine, but I am developping it). If you scroll down to the last subheading Children of “Broken Homes”:
You’ll find it here life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortion47.htm

It is contained in the section on Post Abortion Syndrome life.org.nz/abortionaboutabortionpas.htm The website, www.life.org.nz covers Suicide, Abortion & Euthanasia.

Thanks. I see that my situation was just a disaster waiting to happen. The man who was the father of my baby (that “my baby” is really -hard for me to say - I choke up every time - but this is progress because I kept it all inside for decades) already had a child, a little boy about 4 yrs old, with another women that he just abandoned. The woman remarried and her new husband adopted the boy. But yes, the self-esteem has a lot to do with it. I think the sexual molestation combined with the absent father is such a double-whammy - I was in therapy for quite some time before I got past that. I do want to add that I wasn’t Catholic at the time - didn’t covert until I was in my 30’s.

I will look over the website you suggested. Thanks again.

 

[Viki59]

Koda,
You might like checking out this website, about Project Rachel.:

hopeafterabortion.com/

I think it’s helped a lot of women (men too.)