Any Grey Area on This?

[Mary67]

So I have posted before about my abusive upbringing. I have always been more of a ‘better-safe-than-sorry’ kind of person, so I have only really talked about it anonymously (besides to my husband) so as to prevent spreading any form of slander. But, after going no contact with my (very dysfunctional and abusive) family of origin, my relatives were beginning to feel very confused as to what was going on. I’m sure they thought I was snubbing them. And, on top of it, my parents were trying to bring them into the ordeal in a very passive-aggressive manner. So, after several years of this, one relative finally visited me and began basically probing for information. I ended up telling my story and it obviously didn’t make my family sound that great because I revealed how much suffering I had endured at their hands.

Now I wish I had just kept quiet because I feel like I was better off suffering in silence. It’s nice to have the support of relatives, but I feel like the church teaches that opening up about this sort of thing is a sin. Is it okay that I opened up about my life? Should I have kept quiet? I’m so torn on what to believe.

 

[angel12]

I feel like the church teaches that opening up about this sort of thing is a sin. Is it okay that I opened up about my life? Should I have kept quiet? I’m so torn on what to believe.

It would only be a sin if you were spreading it around to people who have no need to know. This was a relative of yours, and I see no reason to leave them confused, especially with your parents trying to pull them into it. You didn’t do anything wrong.

 

[Allegra]

A family member who loves you and is concerned about you came to visit you and you told them your story about the traumatic events that happened to you. Only a person who likes to beat up on people and demand their silence would even consider calling this “slander”.

 

[His_helpmeet]

I don’t think it would be a sin. It’s a sin to bear false witness (you aren’t; these things happened) and to gossip (again, you’re not; you’re seeking support from a relative).

If you keep this inside it could be more difficult for you to heal. Depending on the situation it might be important for your loved one to know (for example, if sexual abuse was involved and they have young children who shouldn’t be left alone with your abuser).

Sadly abuse often goes on “behind closed doors” and sometimes people don’t even know. Our parents received a Christmas card from our previous landlady some years ago. Our dad opened the card and said “Oh no!” I said “What?” He said “Her husband served her with divorce papers!” She said in the card that it was an abusive marriage from the start, you name it, he did it. We lived NEXT DOOR to them for about 2 years and had NO idea.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

From what you described, I would not call this slander, and here’s why.

You aren’t running around telling the entire world about it.
The relative asked you (and was concerned, not digging for gossip).
Family harmony (or lack of it), is a legitimate concern for your relative.

Peace, and I’ll pray for you and your family and your family tree ray:t2:

 

[Mary67]

I need the prayers. My parents are now ruining my good name with my relatives since they can’t contact me. Just recently I got a letter from a relative who came to the defense of my parents. I feel like such a small person in such a huge storm. I have no idea what to do or who I can turn to. I’m just thanking God that he got me away from them (distance wise). It’s so painful loving people who want to hurt you and who don’t care that you are in pain.