Any hope of overcoming sexual immorality?

[JLCecilia]

DH normally struggles w/ abstaining thru phases I and II more than me, but this time, the sin was on my head. One problem is that we didn’t take advantage of our ‘safe days’ at the beginning of phase I and ever since then I’ve been fantasizing about him at bedtime. SIN #1, reducing him to an object to meet my needs (I can’t seem to reign in my thoughts and get control). SIN #2, actual physical sin manifested at my prompting.

A little background . . .
While we were sitting around w/ his brothers and their wives yesterday, we got on the subject somewhat. Keep in mind that DH is not practicing the faith and NONE of his brothers or their wives practice anything (just little ol’ me all by myself w/ my religious convictions). Anyway, DH started talking about a boy in his class who gave him a Playboy magazine in high school (a boy I happened to date and dumped for DH when we were younger). His mom found it and prompted her husband to talk to DS about it. He joked w/ him about it and basically said ‘why didn’t you bring it to/share it w/ me?’

I get teased all the time about when we were teenagers and dating and we’d rent movies to watch w/ their folks and there always ended up being a steamy love scene (I get blamed for picking the movie out). It wasn’t till yesterday that my BIL joked/admitted that since mom likes her Lifetime network shows, soaps and smutty romance novels, she probably really didn’t mind the smutty scenes in the movies. And given the prior statement about FIL, he probably didn’t mind them either. MIL is morbidly obese and we all speculate that their parents have been celibate for many years now, giving into sexual sins and tempations themselves thru media outlets.

When DH relayed the story about his father and the magazine, you could have seen the smoke coming out of my ears. I thought, if our parents only knew what heartache, what bitterness, resentment, anger, mistrust and pain DH’s and my pre-marital impurity has brought on our marriage, they would be on their knees begging our forgiveness for their total abandonment of instruction and warning about this sin, more so their lax and even joking attitude about the subject.

In the wake of this recent sin, I have to wonder if there is any hope of ever escaping this sin. I remember vividly the weekend before our wedding and DH and I struggled w/ purity even up to that time - thinking to myself after we messed around, we have brought a curse upon our marriage. And it has certainly panned out to be true. DH’s battle w/ pornography reared its head this summer when I caught him and I still don’t feel like this has been resolved. I never knew till then that he had struggled w/ this since he was a teenager. Shortly after we married, he admitted to taking care of himself even since the wedding. He is utterly terrified of NFP. I just don’t want him to show the same lax attitude w/ our DS on this subject that his dad did w/ him.

I know a biggie is that we don’t pray together. What we do when we sin doesn’t weigh on his mind and heart as heavily as it does mine, so I’m not sure where to even begin. My prayer life has really struggled lately b/c I can’t seem to quiet my mind. I’m always busy-bodying around the house w/ the chores and kids and such and I feel like my prayers are mundane and vain. I know I/we should really talk to our parish priest, but it’s just so embarrassing!!! I was in the confessional on a weekly basis during our engagment. LORD HELP US!!!

All of the purity tapes I listen to are either of people who were brought up right and saved themselves totally for marriage, or they at least quit what they were doing and abstained for a year or more before marriage. Is there any hope for the rest of us poor sinners???

 

[ForwardProgress]

There’s always hope. It’s when hope goes away that mortal sin can take it’s hold. There is a huge difference between someone struggling with impurity that falls vs. someone who doesn’t give a flip and does this kind of stuff with no remorse…

 

[Elizabeth502]

Regarding the “purity tapes” the OP referred to, even on EWTN’s “The Pure Life,” they have contributors on the show that did in fact cross the line and regretted it, but have come back to a pure lifestyle. It’s not about never falling (boy, that would be a minuscule percentage of the human race – perhaps not measurable), It’s about recovering and returning, with God’s grace.

 

[mercyfalling]

My heart breaks for you. It sounds like the sin may be more with your husband and the pornography than with you. The only hope there would be if he’s interested in changing, and through prayer. Putting in a Rosary tape or video has helped me tremendously, even if all I can do sometimes is to just listen to it in the background. It disposes me to a prayerful attitude if nothing else. Sometimes my emotions are too intense to quiet my mind, and it can be hard to pray.

It sounds to me like you both (DH and yourself) need to tackle this issue head-on. Push the issue, face it. There’s no recovery without total honesty. You mentioned lots of pain and suffering. God doesn’t want that for you. It may be “the” battle that needs to be fought, and one worth fighting.