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Apophatic
Guest
And I yours, parenting is never done. I don’t know what I have to offer, as I made so many mistakes, but you know what? They grew up anyway despite everything I did.
Ah, yes, the perennial fatherly dilemma.
Start young, with appropriate information to the age. ALL children should know that babies are in mommy’s tummy. It helps if “mommy” is pregnant and they can feel the baby moving. Funny, they never seem to ask how it gets in there or how it gets out when they are that age. If they know of God, they seem to assume that He puts the baby there. They are not entirely wrong anyway.
They should know that babies are part of marriage, and a little later, that having babies outside of marriage is wrong.
I had to move a little early on details because our “glorious catholic” school system in its mystical wisdom implemented a family life program much against my protestations. I refused to let them participate but had to bring them up the the level of their peers to guard against mis-information.
Some books that dealt briefly with the facts but focused almost entirely on the Catholic moral fabric were helpful. I cannot recommend one, but browse your Catholic bookstore or check the Internet for an orthodox publisher. Read it yourself several times, pray, and meditate on the contents before unleashing it on your children.
Finally, the older ones WILL disclose information to the younger ones. You cannot stop this, so make sure that the oldest is well instructed and ask him to let you tell the others when it is their time. What he does disclose will then be toned down and he will leave the youngest ones out of the mix. You never know, he might listen, mine did not, but he did not tell the younger two either.
THE LOOK is the most indispensable gun in my armoury. When backed up consistently, you don’t have to back it up very often. I can still stop my 24 year old in his tracks with it.
Totally necessary too. It is in horseplay with dad that they learn limits and see dad as a human person, just like them. My boys still remember when they first pinned me and I had to give up. The oldest was 19, the youngest was 13 and it took all four(I am larger and was very fit at the time). I have always allowed them controlled horseplay amongst themselves and was pleasantly surprised to see my limits being honoured.We love big FAMILY HUGS!and dads bash up hour , where I shadow box at them , and they fight and kick back!
Just love it!
Boys must be taught to be men, and it must start from you. They will not get it from society, or sadly, from your church. I guardedly recommend “No More Mr. Christian Nice Guy.” The author is not Catholic and is gritty in places, however, his ideas are correct. It will take reading and discernment on your part first. It can make a good discussion point with your boys, but you must decide if it fits. You can always steal his ideas, I did.
I offer the fore-going in all humility and with no sense of superiority. I have definite and strong ideas about parenting which I do not apologize for, but fully recognize that I am a very, very fallible father and always in need of Grace.
In Pax Christi
uch: keeping ice cream and cookies in the house seems to help lessen the drama.