Any other Stay At Home Moms get this?

[sharmin]

It is generally the MOST educated ladies I know who are the least willing to leave their children with some stranger for most of their waking hours. They seem to want as much control as is possible over their children’s IQ… Only people who know nothing about child development could make some comment about moms “wasting” their degrees by staying at home. Don’t pay ANY attention to them!

As usual, the “world” seems to have everything backwards, especially its view on SAHMs!

This is highly insulting. And, yes, I do know a thing or two about child development. I am certified in early childhood education as a K-8 classroom teacher.

Edited to add (since I calmed down a bit):

The part I find so insulting is this: " willing to leave their children with some stranger for most of their waking hours" Do you really think this is what working mothers are doing? You make it sound as if someone closes their eyes and picks a stranger at random to care for their children. MUCH thought, research goes into it and by the time a caregiver is chosen, more often than not this person is no longer a stranger.

 

[mini_me640]

Here in the United States the average 4-year degree costs about $80,000 when all is said and done.

Let’s just say that neither I nor my parents have an extra 80 grand laying around. Most people don’t, so they have to take out loans to cover the cost. Once you graduate, it doesn’t matter if you have a job or not…it’s time to pay the piper. The only way to get a deferral is to join the Peace Corps or become a government slave.

Just because the average 4 year degree costs $80k, doesn’t mean a 4 year degree HAS to cost $80k. I am a married, 2 part time jobs working / rest of time home with kids mom with a Bachelor’s degree. My degree - 2 years from a community college and then 2 years from an excellent, large, public University cost about $25K total. I had a state scholarship for some, and the rest I paid as I went (I worked full time and went to school in the evening).

 

[HouseArrest]

Why does everyone assume that degree = job training? Does no one see the value of getting an education just for the sake of being an educated person? Especially if you are not going to accrue a significant debt from doing so (because you have money for the degree)?

Most women I know didn’t enter college or university already engaged. They didn’t know what the future held for them, so they decided that the most responsible way of taking care of themselves was to get a degree and, hopefully, get a job after they were done. Along the way, they met their future husbands. For some that was while they were in school, but for many other is was after school was done. Don’t you think it would have been awfully presumptuous of them to assume they would get married and therefore would never need to work?

Not to mention, what if something would happen to one of their husbands down the line? Do you think they could support a family on nothing but a high school diploma? I’d like to see that job.

The most important reason that I went to university is because God gave me an intellect and I felt a moral obligation to develop it. I still feel that obligation- I still learn on my own.

A good friend of mine recently said on the subject: “What a nonsensical queery. It is only to be considered a ‘waste’ if one feels only the least educated or ignorant should be raising children f/t and managing homes/families. Personally, I view education as a life long pursuit of unending value to an entire family, not just individuals within it.”

I agree.

It feels like women can never win. If we don’t go to university we are presumptuous and just waiting for a man to come pay our way in life.

If we do, but we marry, have kids, and choose not to work, then we wasted our money and time going to university.

If we choose to marry, have kids and WORK, then we get accused of not loving our family enough to stay home with them.

If we marry and decide to home school our children, but don’t have a degree, then we aren’t qualified to home school.

The whole thing is ridiculous. Why don’t we all just stop sticking our nose where it doesn’t belong and making assumptions about other people’s families? What ever happened to, if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all?

Thank you!

 

[sanctamaria17]

The idea that a SAHM “wastes” her degree is silly.

First, if a mom values education, so will her kids. My bf’s mom is a former attorney, stayed at home when she had her second kid, but she passed those values on to both her kids. As such, bf is not only wicked smart, he works very hard in school and it pays off. Not only that, but she also exposes both of them (present tense, because sister is much younger) to culture on a regular basis. My bf grew up seeing plays and going to museums.

Second, if something happens to her husband, a woman needs something to fall back on. Sure, a uni degree may be years old, but it’s still a degree. That’s the difference between maybe taking a few computer classes and having to start from scratch. Extreme example but one of the women who broke away from the polygamous groups in Utah had a lot more success breaking out AND staying out-with eight children, one who was a preemie and the other who was disabled-because she had a college degree and everything that came with it.

Third, can we all stop dissing women’s family decisions? Not every working mom is some horrible woman who hates her kids. Some women do some really valuable work (doctors, teachers, lawyers, etc) and actually have better family lives. Likewise, some SAHMs do better. It’s all about what’s best for YOUR family.

 

[GraceDK]

Why does everyone assume that degree = job training? Does no one see the value of getting an education just for the sake of being an educated person? Especially if you are not going to accrue a significant debt from doing so (because you have money for the degree)?

Most women I know didn’t enter college or university already engaged. They didn’t know what the future held for them, so they decided that the most responsible way of taking care of themselves was to get a degree and, hopefully, get a job after they were done. Along the way, they met their future husbands. For some that was while they were in school, but for many other is was after school was done. Don’t you think it would have been awfully presumptuous of them to assume they would get married and therefore would never need to work?

Not to mention, what if something would happen to one of their husbands down the line? Do you think they could support a family on nothing but a high school diploma? I’d like to see that job.

The most important reason that I went to university is because God gave me an intellect and I felt a moral obligation to develop it. I still feel that obligation- I still learn on my own.

A good friend of mine recently said on the subject: “What a nonsensical queery. It is only to be considered a ‘waste’ if one feels only the least educated or ignorant should be raising children f/t and managing homes/families. Personally, I view education as a life long pursuit of unending value to an entire family, not just individuals within it.”

I agree.

It feels like women can never win. If we don’t go to university we are presumptuous and just waiting for a man to come pay our way in life.

If we do, but we marry, have kids, and choose not to work, then we wasted our money and time going to university.

If we choose to marry, have kids and WORK, then we get accused of not loving our family enough to stay home with them.

If we marry and decide to home school our children, but don’t have a degree, then we aren’t qualified to home school.

The whole thing is ridiculous. Why don’t we all just stop sticking our nose where it doesn’t belong and making assumptions about other people’s families? What ever happened to, if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all?

I agree with you.
Notice the OP said she had no intention of ever using her degree. Thats why I say; then indeed you wasted a lot of time and money. I don’t think there is only one way of using a degree, but to start out by thinking: Ill use a lot of money just to have a degree, but without ever intending to use it… its a bit odd.

 

[mellowcalico]

As a disclaimer, I am a working mom… I have to work since I am the only breadwinner for me and my daughter.

Anyway, first off how many people actually work in the field their degree is in? A lot don’t, right. So a SAHM is simply another person who got a degree in one thing and is working a job in a different field (yes, being a SAHM is a full time job). OP, I would point that out next time someone is rude concerning your education and life choices.

Second, just because someone is a SAHM now doesn’t mean she will always be. When the kids are all grown up and/or moved out, what’s to say a SAHM might not like a job outside the home (even part time). A degree can come in handy there. It’s called, planning ahead for the future.

And let’s not forget a degree can be enriching in one’s own life. I contemplate going back to school at some point and getting another degree for the “fun of it.” Is self enrichment “wasting time and money.” Maybe to some, but I don’t think so.

Another poster mentioned disliking the way society tried to pit SAHMs against working mom’s and vice versa. I would say I have to agree. It’s pretty silly. Some women work as SAHMs and some go into the work force. Both are decisions that have pluses and minuses and not one size fits all. Women should stop pointing fingers and saying “I am better than you because I do this.” That kind of thinking just oozes with pride and envy.

 

[kristacecilia]

I agree with you.
Notice the OP said she had no intention of ever using her degree. Thats why I say; then indeed you wasted a lot of time and money. I don’t think there is only one way of using a degree, but to start out by thinking: Ill use a lot of money just to have a degree, but without ever intending to use it… its a bit odd.

Well, I could say the same thing. I met and became engaged to my husband during university. We became married and I became pregnant before I graduated. We agreed that I should go back and finish my degree even though it meant we’d be separated for 4 months during the first year of our marriage.

I had no intention of ever using my degree- at least not in the way that would result in my bringing home a paycheck. I still have no intention of never using my degree in that way. However, who knows the mind of God? I don’t know what His intentions are, and I figured I better be prepared.

I HAVE used my degree to become a more educated, thinking person, and that is a great benefit to my family.

 

[Inishfree]

This is sort of a rant–just warning you all. I’m wondering how many other SAHMs run across this.

I’m one of those SAHMs who has a college degree. I went through the whole thing, even though I never planned on actually using the degree I’ve earned. My first desire has always been to be a mother. But I got the degree so that I would have something to fall back on, in the event that my husband is ever not able to work.

Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I’m a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, “And you’re not *using *it?!” I expect it from most people, but just yesterday I got this reaction from someone who I didn’t expect it from. He and his wife are Catholic with four kids themselves, and usually quite supportive of staying home with the kids. But he could not believe that I would have “wasted” all that money to go to a private university and get this really great degree when I had no plans of using it. I felt like yelling, “SAHMs can get educated, too!” lol. Does that happen to anyone else?

Hi Summer,

I went throught the same thing. I went to college and got my degree. Prior to marriage. I married at age twenty six. I am still happily married to my husband. I had a high risk pregnancy. Due to diabetes. Thankfully, my son were perfect. No health problems.

I wanted to stay home and raise him. I was even told by working moms my age. “Well, when you do decide to go back to work. No one will hire you.”

That wasn’t true. I was hired as a part time church secretary. My parish respected that rasing my child into adulthood, came first.

 

[Nick_89]

I don’t have a rich family, but I do have a family that planned wisely and invested money for my college education from the time I was 4 until I was ready for school. I had a quite a saving account.

I do have a family who taught me the value of doing well in school, and encouraged me to apply for scholarships.

I do have a family who believes that excessive debt is irresponsible and a huge financial hardship for someone who is just starting out in life.

I do have a family who encouraged me to get a job and start saving for my university expenses when I was a teenager.

I do have a family that was willing to sacrifice their comforts for years while my sisters and I went through school so that they could channel extra money to our education.

I have an extended family who felt strongly that they should help out in anyway possible. They often gave my parents money to help pay our school tuition.

Because of all these people who worked hard, made smart financial choices, and taught me to do the same, I had no debt when I finished school.

Okay, but what you don’t quite seem to realize is that the things you listed are all luxuries. Many people, through no fault of their own, cannot count on any of the things you listed. This also has to do with a concept known as “white privilege”, but I won’t get into that as this isn’t the place for it.

That being said, I certainly don’t blame you for being fortunate. Just realize that there are plenty of smart, hardworking people who would’ve loved to go to university like you did. But due to circumstances beyond their control, they never got that opportunity.

 

[kristacecilia]

Okay, but what you don’t quite seem to realize is that the things you listed are all luxuries. Many people, through no fault of their own, cannot count on any of the things you listed. This also has to do with a concept known as “white privilege”, but I won’t get into that as this isn’t the place for it.

That being said, I certainly don’t blame you for being fortunate. Just realize that there are plenty of smart, hardworking people who would’ve loved to go to university like you did. But due to circumstances beyond their control, they never got that opportunity.

I realize there are unfortunate people out there who have to work hard. I worked hard, too, you know. I had to maintain a certain GPA to get scholarships and I worked to pay for my expenses. There are grants and scholarships available to almost every person attending university today, it is just a matter of looking, applying, and putting in the grunt work.

I am sorry, but NOTHING I listed had to do with the ‘white privilege’. It had to do with good work ethic and being willing to save money and work hard. The only thing I had that other people sometimes do not have was good parents.

Everyone has the ability to work hard. Everyone has the ability to save money. Everyone has the ability to apply for grants and scholarships.

 

[Katie966]

I am sorry, but NOTHING I listed had to do with the ‘white privilege’. It had to do with good work ethic and being willing to save money and work hard. The only thing I had that other people sometimes do not have was good parents.

Everyone has the ability to work hard. Everyone has the ability to save money. Everyone has the ability to apply for grants and scholarships.

Well…this isn’t completely true. There are “good parents”, like mine, who couldn’t afford to help out with college at all.

I don’t agree with Nick’s assessment of SAHM’s at all, but I do agree that it is an advantage to have been fortunate enough not to have to contribute financially to some or all of tuition costs. Bringing debt into a marriage creates another (rather huge) factor that couples have to consider when they are deciding whether both will work for pay or not, or how much.

 

[Nick_89]

I realize there are unfortunate people out there who have to work hard. I worked hard, too, you know. I had to maintain a certain GPA to get scholarships and I worked to pay for my expenses. There are grants and scholarships available to almost every person attending university today, it is just a matter of looking, applying, and putting in the grunt work.

I am sorry, but NOTHING I listed had to do with the ‘white privilege’. It had to do with good work ethic and being willing to save money and work hard. The only thing I had that other people sometimes do not have was good parents.

Everyone has the ability to work hard. Everyone has the ability to save money. Everyone has the ability to apply for grants and scholarships.

I am sorry, but much of what you listed does, in fact, have to do with “white privilege”. The number one privilege of white privilege is the privilege to deny that you’re privileged, or pretend to be unaware of it. You actually said in the above quote, “everyone has the ability to save money”. Are you serious? If I didn’t know you were white before, I’m dead certain of it now.

Again, I don’t blame you for your attitude. Everyone wants to believe that they “pulled themselves up by the boot straps” and earned everything that they have. But maybe, just maybe, you didn’t work as hard as you think you did compared to other people.

 

[leonie]

Actually almost all the SAHMs I know have college degrees.

I even know a former veterinarian and a CPA and several lawyers who are happy SAHM. I even know two medical docs doing the SAHM thing.

It’s never bothered me that I didn’t use my college degree.

The moms I know that don’t have college degrees are pretty awesome, of course. Two of them were former secretaries. And, they are the “go to” moms in our crowd. So. organized and efficient.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Okay, but what you don’t quite seem to realize is that the things you listed are all luxuries. Many people, through no fault of their own, cannot count on any of the things you listed. This also has to do with a concept known as “white privilege”, but I won’t get into that as this isn’t the place for it.

That being said, I certainly don’t blame you for being fortunate. Just realize that there are plenty of smart, hardworking people who would’ve loved to go to university like you did. But due to circumstances beyond their control, they never got that opportunity.

How do you know what racial backgrownd kristacecilia is from to claim how her family lived was due to “white privilege”?

 

[Nick_89]

How do you know what racial backgrownd kristacecilia is from to claim how her family lived was due to “white privilege”?

Well…I know she’s white. Her last post proved that beyond all doubt in my mind. ALL white people benefit from white privilege in Western societies. Unless she was adopted and raised by non-white people, it stands to reason that her family benefited from white privilege.

 

[kristacecilia]

I am sorry, but much of what you listed does, in fact, have to do with “white privilege”. The number one privilege of white privilege is the privilege to deny that you’re privileged, or pretend to be unaware of it. You actually said in the above quote, “everyone has the ability to save money”. Are you serious? If I didn’t know you were white before, I’m dead certain of it now.

Again, I don’t blame you for your attitude. Everyone wants to believe that they “pulled themselves up by the boot straps” and earned everything that they have. But maybe, just maybe, you didn’t work as hard as you think you did compared to other people.

You have got to be kidding me.

 

[kristacecilia]

Well…this isn’t completely true. There are “good parents”, like mine, who couldn’t afford to help out with college at all.

I don’t agree with Nick’s assessment of SAHM’s at all, but I do agree that it is an advantage to have been fortunate enough not to have to contribute financially to some or all of tuition costs. Bringing debt into a marriage creates another (rather huge) factor that couples have to consider when they are deciding whether both will work for pay or not, or how much.

I completely agree with you, Katie. My beef was with what Nick was saying about SAHM putting unnecessary financial strain on their future husbands. I think that is ridiculous. I do know that some parents are unable to contribute to their children’s education, and I didn’t mean to imply that if a parent didn’t that they were not good parents. My good parents remark was meant specifically about my parents teaching me about hard work and saving money.

ETA: I also was trying to point out that SAHM are NOT all rich and privileged like Nick asserted, but apparently that’s not going over well.

 

[halleone]

Want to hear something almost as bad as being put down for being a SAHM? Back in the early 60’s, everyone I knew was a SAHM - except me. I HAD to work, or we wouldn’t have had enough to eat. I was looked down upon for not staying at home with my children, and people were definitely less than kind and understanding. Most especially my relatives.

 

[kristacecilia]

Want to hear something almost as bad as being put down for being a SAHM? Back in the early 60’s, everyone I knew was a SAHM - except me. I HAD to work, or we wouldn’t have had enough to eat. I was looked down upon for not staying at home with my children, and people were definitely less than kind and understanding. Most especially my relatives.

That is what I mean- people should never make assumptions about another family’s decision. We all need to mind our own business and only be supportive.

 

[Cristiano]

This is sort of a rant–just warning you all. I’m wondering how many other SAHMs run across this.

I’m one of those SAHMs who has a college degree. I went through the whole thing, even though I never planned on actually using the degree I’ve earned. My first desire has always been to be a mother. But I got the degree so that I would have something to fall back on, in the event that my husband is ever not able to work.

Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I’m a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, “And you’re not *using *it?!” I expect it from most people, but just yesterday I got this reaction from someone who I didn’t expect it from. He and his wife are Catholic with four kids themselves, and usually quite supportive of staying home with the kids. But he could not believe that I would have “wasted” all that money to go to a private university and get this really great degree when I had no plans of using it. I felt like yelling, “SAHMs can get educated, too!” lol. Does that happen to anyone else?

I am not going to read the whole thread before answering to you. I am the husband of an educated SAHM. Her education has a very important impact on our family life and on the raising of our son. Because of his well educated mother my son gets to appreciate the fact that education is not only to earn a salary (my role) but to enrich your life and other people’s lives through constantly sharing culture and critical thinking. I think that in today’s culture there is no idea of the good of knowledge for anything else but making money. I can see that my colleagues (most of them have a PhD) are shocked because in my spare time I rather study instead of watching sports on television.