Any other Stay At Home Moms get this?

[familyof4]

This is sort of a rant–just warning you all. I’m wondering how many other SAHMs run across this.

I’m one of those SAHMs who has a college degree. I went through the whole thing, even though I never planned on actually using the degree I’ve earned. My first desire has always been to be a mother. But I got the degree so that I would have something to fall back on, in the event that my husband is ever not able to work.

Anyways, whenever I mention to people that I’m a SAHM, and that I have a degree, people are always like, “And you’re not *using *it?!” I expect it from most people, but just yesterday I got this reaction from someone who I didn’t expect it from. He and his wife are Catholic with four kids themselves, and usually quite supportive of staying home with the kids. But he could not believe that I would have “wasted” all that money to go to a private university and get this really great degree when I had no plans of using it. I felt like yelling, “SAHMs can get educated, too!” lol. Does that happen to anyone else?

Nope. I stayed home for the first eight years (I went back to work when our youngest was in school full time). If anything, I got a lot of support from other moms both those who were full time at home, and those who worked outside the home.

I think my degree was an asset in raising my children. Education isn’t only to earn money, it is valuable for the knowledge gained.

 

[faithfully]

First of all, I’d like to say that I’m not a woman and I don’t have kids. I’m a 21 year-old male college student, so perhaps my perspective is off.

That being said, I think many of you SAHMs should consider what a financial burden a college degree has become. For those not fortunate enough to come from a rich family or earn a full-ride scholarship, a degree represents a massive investment. This is especially true if you chose to attend a private college/university.

I’m guessing that most of the college-educated SAHMs on here are married to well-educated men. Would it be safe to say that most of your husbands have well-paying jobs?

The only reason I ask this is because I am personally financing my education. It’s probably going to take me 10-15 years to pay off my student loans. In the future, I don’t think I’ll be in a position to single-handedly support a family while paying off two people’s student loans.

Well, here’s my scenario… I’m 40 now. I put myself through college. I have a solid degree in finance. I can work ANYWHERE! I also left without a single school loan owed. I suppose it’s the finance in me that thinks it’s nearly insane to finance something that doesn’t guarantee you anything. Looking at today’s markets, I wonder what college students think they are financing OTHER than enrichment…

My very DH worked towards a career that is spectacular NOW. But it’s an industry that one must work their way up, no short cuts. He made a very sad wage when we were first married. I bank rolled our lively hood. By the time we had children, we basically switched financial positions. He makes good money, and I stay with the kiddos. Just like we wanted!

I’m also looked to not only in our church but at our children’s school for my strong biz and organizational skills… Additionally, now that the kids are in school, I work from home on my own schedule, and even more $$ is rolling in. As the children need me less and less from a constant eye on them perspective I can continue to do so. As the biz I run is fun for me too!!!

YOU should also consider, that someday you might be married with children, and you could suddenly drop dead from a heart attack, or get hit by a truck. Life insurance runs out QUICKLY… Perhaps you would like to know that your wife can take care of your children at a well paying job if necessary as opposed to competing with teenagers for lesser skilled, and lower paying jobs… 'Cause if something horrifying like that happened to my husband, as much as I’d be devistated, I could make up his salary in a pinch!

You need to consider the whole long term picture…

 

[sanctamaria17]

You have a valid observation here, EasterJoy. When I was pregnant I got the question, “How long are you going to stay home?” frequently and from a lot of people. My husband, not so much.

Along the same lines, although slightly off topic, my husband is going back to Malaysia this summer for a couple of months. He’s gotten no flak for going. When I went to Thailand three years ago for a month, you would have thought I was planning to abandon my kids along side the road the way people reacted.

I take a lot of flak for desiring a traveling career…and I’m not even married!!! People tell me about dangers (usually people who’ve NEVER been overseas a day in their lives, unless it was a week long trip to Europe when they were sixteen), as if I were a five or six year old and not an adult woman who’s already been to six countries.

It drives me crazy. I have said, point blank, to people, “You’d never ask me this if I were male.” Probably not if I was in the military, either.

Now, I’m not talking about war zones in the DRC when I have nursing children. But come on, people have traveling careers and still raise good families. Several professors and religious leaders I respect have done this.

Again, unless there’s child abuse/neglect/etc, people should just keep their mouths shut. It’s not your family, it’s not your business.

 

[momcrom]

I am a stay at home mother, with no higher education. Before I got married and had kids, people looked down on me for not going to school. But I always felt that being a wife and mother was my future calling… I knew that, even if I had a degree, I would one day stay home and raise my children. I come from a large family with little money to spare, and while my parents would have found a way to finance my education, I felt like I would be “wasting” it, and didn’t want to put them through financial difficulties for “nothing”.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I understand that education is NEVER a waste! I wish I had gone to school. Even if I didn’t “use” the degree to work outside of the home, it would have given me something to fall back on a few years ago when my husband lost his job (and I had to work 4 jobs at minimum wage to support the family while HE went back to school). And maybe we wouldn’t be stuck in the financial hole that we have been in for so many years…

I admire anyone who makes financial sacrifices to stay home and raise their children. But I do not look down on anybody who works full time either. Some people can balance work and family, but not me. I was not a very good mother when I had to work. Too much stress and anxiety, and I was miserable… and my kids suffered for it. We are all so much happier now, and while our financial situation is also very stressful, I find it worth the sacrifice so I can be a better mother to my children (one of whom has special needs).

I still get the, “It’s not too late” lecture from a lot of people. But I know that I can not manage raising a family and going to school. Well, I probably COULD, but we will all end up just as miserable as when I was working. Maybe one day when my youngest is in school (unless any more babies come along between now and then), but not now…

 

[Inishfree]

I have an Associates Degree in the Arts and Sciences. I have taken college courses beyond that.

When my son was in elementary school. I was hired by his school to work with children who were a little behin the rest of their class.

 

[Inishfree]

I am a stay at home mother, with no higher education. Before I got married and had kids, people looked down on me for not going to school. But I always felt that being a wife and mother was my future calling… I knew that, even if I had a degree, I would one day stay home and raise my children. I come from a large family with little money to spare, and while my parents would have found a way to finance my education, I felt like I would be “wasting” it, and didn’t want to put them through financial difficulties for “nothing”.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I understand that education is NEVER a waste! I wish I had gone to school. Even if I didn’t “use” the degree to work outside of the home, it would have given me something to fall back on a few years ago when my husband lost his job (and I had to work 4 jobs at minimum wage to support the family while HE went back to school). And maybe we wouldn’t be stuck in the financial hole that we have been in for so many years…

I admire anyone who makes financial sacrifices to stay home and raise their children. But I do not look down on anybody who works full time either. Some people can balance work and family, but not me. I was not a very good mother when I had to work. Too much stress and anxiety, and I was miserable… and my kids suffered for it. We are all so much happier now, and while our financial situation is also very stressful, I find it worth the sacrifice so I can be a better mother to my children (one of whom has special needs).

I still get the, “It’s not too late” lecture from a lot of people. But I know that I can not manage raising a family and going to school. Well, I probably COULD, but we will all end up just as miserable as when I was working. Maybe one day when my youngest is in school (unless any more babies come along between now and then), but not now…

I don’t look down on you or working moms. We all do our best.

My husband and I use to live in an apartment. Before we bought a modest townhome.

It’s funny. Even though we are both white. Neither one of us had “white privalage.” We are still working class.

I worked for five years before having enough save to attend a Community College. I worked while going to school. It was much cheaper in the early eighties, then now. I don’t know how people can afford to go to University today. I certainly couldn’t afford it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Okay, but what you don’t quite seem to realize is that the things you listed are all luxuries. Many people, through no fault of their own, cannot count on any of the things you listed. **This also has to do with a concept known as “white privilege”, but I won’t get into that as this isn’t the place for it.
**
That being said, I certainly don’t blame you for being fortunate. Just realize that there are plenty of smart, hardworking people who would’ve loved to go to university like you did. But due to circumstances beyond their control, they never got that opportunity.

You should not have posted this in the first place, Nick. You said you wouldn’t get into it, but you still left it in your post. You brought race into a discussion that has NOTHING to do with race.

As for your 80K degree, it may have taken me 10 years to get a 4 year degree, but I graduate with -0- debt, no loans at all, I worked my way through college and plenty of people do it that way. Many people go to a community college for the first 2 years, and then transfer those credits to a 4 year university. The tuition is cheaper and the classes are smaller at a community college and the first 2 years of any university are usually taken up with 101 courses in English, Biology, etc. anyway. I hear people call a financial radio show and say they are 100K in debt with student loans and they aren’t doctors or lawyers!! These are UNDERGRAD degrees!!!

Who is advising these people to go into that kind of debt with no way to pay it back? The degrees they are getting might be in social work or something! If one is going to end up 80-100K in debt, one better have a plan.

 

[Sullibe]

I’m guessing that most of the college-educated SAHMs on here are married to well-educated men. Would it be safe to say that most of your husbands have well-paying jobs?

Well, yes. My husband has his M.A. degree. But define well-paying job…

I graduated with less student loans than my husband (his graduate school was paid for). And currently our combined student loan payments are less than $200 a month. And I did work for several years, both right after college and while my two oldest were younger, because I worked for the insurance. And not a single one of the jobs I held had ANYTHING to do with my degree. In fact I use my degree more, now, as a homeschooling, SAHM, then I ever did while I was working.

Of course, considering the one complaint heard from most college professors is that the incoming freshman don’t know how to write or think critically, having a degree in English Literature is of some benefit. And my minor is in Theology. Not a bad minor to have when you’re teaching your children the tenants of the Catholic faith.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Well, yes. My husband has his M.A. degree. But define well-paying job…

I graduated with less student loans than my husband (his graduate school was paid for). And currently our combined student loan payments are less than $200 a month. And I did work for several years, both right after college and while my two oldest were younger, because I worked for the insurance. And not a single one of the jobs I held had ANYTHING to do with my degree. In fact I use my degree more, now, as a homeschooling, SAHM, then I ever did while I was working.

Of course, considering the one complaint heard from most college professors is that the incoming freshman don’t know how to write or think critically, having a degree in English Literature is of some benefit. And my minor is in Theology. Not a bad minor to have when you’re teaching your children the tenants of the Catholic faith.

I heard the other day on the radio that a lot of people get an English degree and then go on to law school. I’m not interested in that at the moment.

 

[kristacecilia]

My cell physiology and neurobiology professor did his undergrad in English- he got his PhD in molecular and cell biology. I always found that hilarious. I guess it served him well, though, last I heard he was writing a book on the Catholic Church and evolution- from a theologically acceptable position, too. I wonder if he ever finished it. He was one of my fav profs.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m about to get my PhD this year and I’m getting questions on what I plan to do after I finish my degree. I have a baby and am expecting another one in December. I say that I plan to stay at home with them for a few years and then get something part time. I actually feel like I’ve wasted the PhD years because I will never use this degree, but am very happy about my undergraduate and masters degrees. That was certainly not a waste and people never question the value of that in terms of me being at home with children. But the PhD has nothing to do with my children - it was simply a very bad choice that I made.

I know people who didn’t stay home with their kids who regret the time they spent on their dissertation work. I’m not one of them, even though I didnt’ “use” it much, because I think I grew in some important ways from doing that particular work, but I can understand the sentiment.

 

[EasterJoy]

You have a valid observation here, EasterJoy. When I was pregnant I got the question, “How long are you going to stay home?” frequently and from a lot of people. My husband, not so much.

Along the same lines, although slightly off topic, my husband is going back to Malaysia this summer for a couple of months. He’s gotten no flak for going. When I went to Thailand three years ago for a month, you would have thought I was planning to abandon my kids along side the road the way people reacted.

Exactly. I mean, I can see it when the child is of the age to need nursing, but I am among those who wonder why fathers don’t get the same “how much are you going to cut back on your hours, now that your kids are getting close to their teen years?” Kids are put at risk of many bad outcomes when their fathers are absent or don’t make themselves available. Kudos to the families that realize that, and do whatever they can to make both Dad and Mom available to their growing children.