Any parents *not* bring toddlers to Mass?

[SMHW]

Hi,
In the “loud children” thread, I’ve seen several claims that Catholics have always brought their babies and toddlers to Mass. Some have said that this is how children get their first lessons in the faith. While reading the lives of the saints, though, I’ve been surprised to find evidence to the contrary. In many times and places, small children have routinely stayed at home while the rest of the family went to Mass.

An old thread that is definitely still relevant!

It seems that a lot of people are sharing opinions on whether or not very young children *ought *to be brought to Mass. But the original question is more about whether very young children were actually traditionally brought to Church.

Based on what the OP has stated it would seem that in at least some cases it was not expected that parents would take young children to Mass.

My own experience (from the 1960s) was that there were a few families that ALWAYS attended Mass as a family. But my family and most others tended to do split shifts. I seem to recall that even when the entire family did attend Mass we often didn’t get to sit together because there usually wasn’t a pew with enough room for everyone. (We always seemed arrive just after Mass started.)

My father was often one of those who counted the collection so he sometimes went alone to an early Mass so he could be available. My mother would take the rest of us to a later Mass. The funny thing was that those who had family members who had some sort of ministry (we didn’t call it that back then) like counters, ushers, altar servers, etc, were sometimes less** likely to attend Mass together than those who didn’t belong to such groups.

I seem to recall that when families did attend Mass together that the mother would take responsibility for a baby or very young toddler. The responsibility for children of age three to six or so was sometimes entrusted to an older sibling.

I do recall that the sisters in my Catholic school seemed to tell us that attending Mass as a family was important. My parents seemed to think this a very odd thing.

This leads me to think that attendance at Mass as a family may be culturally or class related.

 

[dalesmom]

I understand about wanting the family to celebrate Mass together, but today we had 1 lady leave 3 times with her baby. 3 other kids were being disruptive and 1 even had a rattle, Father’s face turns red when the kids get loud during the litergy. It is very distracting.

 

[maria29]

As someone who gets distracted very easily during mass, I too hate it when people just let their child scream through mass. We have a 3 year old and the minute he pipes up or misbehaves its out to the car.

But I have been to masses before where someone kept letting their toddler throw cheerios, talk loudly etc and they just thought it was cute…

My husband and I don’t go in shifts and we go together, but like I said the first second my son acts up I’ll take him outside.

 

[mamacita]

We have an 8 yr old, 4 yr old, and 2 yr old. I take them to daily mass alone and Sundays alone as well when my husband is not here. I believe that they have behaved better the more I take them, during the week. I agree the the other posts that say “Let the little children come to me” because how else are they supposed to learn if they don’t start as early as possible? There is a family in our parish with 6 children and the wife is expecting a baby in June and I see her at mass everyday with her kids and the youngest isn’t even 2 yet and they are the BEST behaved kids at mass. I think it has something to do with her bringing them frequently, it just becomes easier for them to understand that they need to behave. Our parish we go to 10 am mass, and in my opinion that is the time that most families with children go to mass. So for the people that don’t want to hear children in mass, maybe they should go earlier in order to hear less noise from children? Just a suggestion, not trying to upset anyone but that maybe when they could go and not hear as many kids at mass (for those people who feel distracted, that is)

 

[theAuthor]

How can they learn how to be good if they’re never expected to???
Children will either live up to, or down to, your expectations.

We take our 2yr old and baby (4mo) as well as 10yr old every week. They are expected to sit quietly and not be a distraction. We take them to the back to settle if needed, then sit back down. The toddler knows that church time is quiet time, and she will look at a book or something, usually just cuddle with us, and people watch. It can be done. They just need to know that you won’t tolerate wildness.
We also have an awesome priest, and if a baby or toddler does get loud, he tells the whole congregation, “Now don’t you get upset about that little one, she’s just praising God the only way she knows how!” Gotta love that!

Loved this response. Well, MY children are expected to behave and they just do. Well, I expect my child to be good, too. Doesn’t do anything for me. I think maybe you are just Blessed with well-behaved kids friend. Defiance is one of the defining characteristics of a 2yo. That’s why they are called the terrible 2’s.

 

[ltbpoe43]

Quick note to HouseArrest - Let others know that you can only sell after Mass when 1) kids are in the choir or 2) kids are altar servers. Better yet have your altar server serve when other two are in the choir at mass. You charitable work is commendable but for goodness sake - it shouldn’t cause you scheduling grief with 7 kids. God Bless you.

My wife and I have only 2 boys and they are 6 years apart so it wasn’t too bad. We did use the little church nursery offered during Sunday mass for the little one. We moved up to the cry room when he got older. We did splits occasionally if I was the cantor. It seemed to work out. In our new church we have no official cry room area. The whole place is tile and glass and you can hear every baby cry really well. God Bless them all - isn’t that what the feast of the holy family is about. Bring em all.

 

[st_ignatius110]

I will be totally honest here. I see no reason why parents cannot take their small children to Mass. I am surrounded by families at my parish who have 10 or more children and there toddlers are always in Mass. One family has 12 children. Now, many would say, they have at least three older kids to help out! Wrong. There oldest is autistic, the second is an altar boy every Sunday, and the third helps out with the younger ones. There is a family that is about to have their 10th baby. All of their kids are right at 11 years old and younger. They are always in Mass as a family. If they can do it why can’t we?

 

[twk001]

My husband and I always start with the best of intentions, packing a bag of books, small toys, etc. to get us to mass, but our 3 year old just can’t ‘make the sit’ through the entire mass. she enjoys standing and singing, and can just now make it pretty well until the start of communion. we take turns taking her to the back of the church or even outside. it’s really tough, because we both really want to attend and get the most out of our mass, but it’s virtually impossible. we have ‘wee church’ for all kids age 3-6 during our sunday late AM mass, so some weeks she goes there. it’s like catechism for little ones. we’ve seen several couples who routinely leave before communion because their kids just can’t make it. i always feel REALLY bad if our daughter is disruptive or bottersome to the other parishioners. they’re there to get the most out of the mass too. twk

 

[historybrat]

As a single person, I can’t really offer much on whether or not parents should bring toddlers or other little ones to mass. But I just wanted to say that in general I have no problem with kids at church. Kids learn through experience at that age; they can’t learn how to act at mass if their never there. Besides they do provide some entertainment . My friend has a six year old who just can’t make it through mass yet, no matter how hard her mom tries. A couple of weeks ago when Father was giving the homily, she ran up and gave him a big bear hug, knocking off his microphone. She then let the whole congregation know that Father looked sad so thats why she gave him a hug and if anybody else needed one she would take care of them. My friend nearly died of embarassment, but I thought it was funny. We’ve even had a couple of young ones who apparently didn’t like their clothes and started stripping during mass. I’ll admit that was a big distracting, but it definitely brightened up my day.

As long as parents make a reasonable effort to watch their kids, bring them along. We are a community which includes are children. I’m an adult and I do get easily distracted, but if you make and effort to keep your kids under control I can make the effort to refocus myself. At least that what I think for whatever its worth.

Historybrat

 

[Sr_Sally]

An old thread that is definitely still relevant!

It seems that a lot of people are sharing opinions on whether or not very young children *ought *to be brought to Mass. But the original question is more about whether very young children were actually traditionally brought to Church.

Based on what the OP has stated it would seem that in at least some cases it was not expected that parents would take young children to Mass.

I agree that there was certainly a time when young children (under say 3 or 4) would NOT be brought to Mass–at least not by the parents. They might perhaps have been taken by the nanny.

Of course during the ‘seen but not heard’ era, there were lots of events that young children wouldn’t have been included in–even family dinners!

 

[puppylove]

I have been bringing my very active 2 year old to church since she was 2 weeks old and at first I didn’t bring food or drink because I didn’t think it was right, but everybody else does it and she goes after all the other kids food so I started doing it…not because I think its ok, but because all the other parents do it and if I don’t it will be hell to pay with her screaming… I don’t see anything wrong with bringing your child to mass if you can handle the fuss or outburst. When my teen was her age, I NEVER brought her to church. I didn’t have the patience for it, but being 14 years apart I have learned some patience… LOL

 

[Ramalama]

A couple weeks ago we went to the 9:30 mass, rather than our normal 8:00 one. Of course we were amazed by the number of children. One couple sat directly in front of us with two little ones that I thought were fairly well behaved.

After the service, my wife told the woman how beautiful their children were. The woman said they had gone to a mass in San Diego (we’re in Minnesota) the Sunday before and were asked to leave the service because of the children. She was very appreciative of my wife’s comments.

I can’t think of a better place for two children than between their parents in a pew. Absolutely no other place. There was a lot of kid noise in there, but I loved it. It showed new life being brought up in the Church. There can’t be too many children at mass.

God bless you all.

 

[CLMargaret]

I have not read through all the posts, but, yes, there are times when I do not bring my little ones to mass.

My girls are 3.5 and 2, and I have a wonderful aunt that offers to keep them on occasion so that I can go to mass by myself. And it’s such a nice treat on those occassions to go to mass and only take care of myself. My husband rarely attends with us, so there are times when I really have my hands full when alone with the girls. I think they are at ages where they do need to be taught how to behave in church, but once in a while I do indulge and only take myself.

 

[stbruno]

I understand your dilemma even though our children are college age themselves. But rest assured, listen to the priest…bring your children to church. My suggestion though is not to bring food for your 3 yr.old…don’t bring toys…Bring a picture book she can follow along with. Encourage her to sing with you the simple songs, like Alleluia…kids love to sing. And as odd as this may sound, sit up front so your toddler can see what is going on. If all our little ones see are the backs of some adults head of course they will get bored.

Toddlers understand a lot more than we give them credit for. They can understand practically anything if it is expressed at a level that they can relate to. The clue lies in spending the time necessary to help them grasp the concept of manners until they feel confident with it. And it’s never too early to start. Formal teaching of manners is usually started at about one year, when your toddler can talk and communicate. Setting the groundwork can begin much earlier; for example, using a stern tone and facial expression when a child displays ill manners such as snatching or throwing food at the table. Bear in mind that it’s a lot easier for a grown child to be polite if it is ingrained and automatic, which only happens over time.Teaching your toddler manners is one way to help your toddler interact with the world around him. Good manners help give children a strong sense of self, and the knowledge that they’re “doing it right” increases their confidence. As a parent, there’s nothing so heart-warming as to hear someone comment on your toddler being well-mannered.

So pick a mass when your child is most awake, not tired because as we all know no matter what we do when they are tired, they are irritable. Then positively reward your little one with praise and maybe even a gold star in his own book for church attendance. Believe me, this worked for our kids, it can work for you as well. Kids like the positive reinforcement they receive when they behave well. It can be done with patience. Don’t worry about the looks of those around you…Jesus said: Let the little Children come to me! Enjoy them when they are little, they grow soooo fast!

 

[theAuthor]

St bruno, thanks for your post.

To you, and the others, what books are there that kids can follow along with? Someone mentioned Children’s Missals. Are they common? I have seen Bible stories, but never a Missal for kids. What do they look like? What’s inside them? Can someone please post a link?

Many thanks
Dave

 

[PaulinVA]

We are THE pro life church. The result is that we have lots of kids. Both the parents of the children and the non parents need to be reasonable. It’s part of who we are as a community.

If your child has reached the point (you know what it is) that he/she is being disruptive, please remove them. We know they are usually adorable and are just having a tough time. Come back when it’s appropriate (not when your return would be just as noticed as your leaving). Hopefully, as you leave, we will not all hear … “WAIT, I"LL BE GOOOD!” as was occasionally the case with my son.

If you do not have the gargantuan task of being a toddler-wrangler at Mass, please have a little compassion. Raise your boiling point a little. Pray for the poor parents if they are having trouble. You’ve missed the point if you are seething with righteous indignation by the time you go to Communion .

And, it’s also not right for families to silently place bets on when the child in front of them is going to reach their “three strikes and you’re outta here”.

 

[maryjk]

St bruno, thanks for your post.

To you, and the others, what books are there that kids can follow along with? Someone mentioned Children’s Missals. Are they common? I have seen Bible stories, but never a Missal for kids. What do they look like? What’s inside them? Can someone please post a link?

Many thanks
Dave

I used St. Joesph picture books. They have a picture Missal and The Mass for Children. I also got a number of their other books, those were the ones that my son was allowed to have at Mass.

I got them at the store at my church, but there are a number of places on line to order them. This was the first one that showed on on Google.

catholicshopper.com/products/st_joe_picture_books_beliefs.html

 

[AP4Him]

I just wanted to say…I am in total awe of what my 4 y/o has learned by just going. It is amazing.

 

[st_ignatius110]

We are THE pro life church. The result is that we have lots of kids. Both the parents of the children and the non parents need to be reasonable. It’s part of who we are as a community.

If your child has reached the point (you know what it is) that he/she is being disruptive, please remove them. We know they are usually adorable and are just having a tough time. Come back when it’s appropriate (not when your return would be just as noticed as your leaving). Hopefully, as you leave, we will not all hear … “WAIT, I"LL BE GOOOD!” as was occasionally the case with my son.

If you do not have the gargantuan task of being a toddler-wrangler at Mass, please have a little compassion. Raise your boiling point a little. Pray for the poor parents if they are having trouble. You’ve missed the point if you are seething with righteous indignation by the time you go to Communion .

And, it’s also not right for families to silently place bets on when the child in front of them is going to reach their “three strikes and you’re outta here”.

Hey, mine screamed worse things then yours. I had told her if she wanted to go to Heaven she had to go to Mass. She would scream " I don’t want to go to Heaven!! I don’t want to see Jesus!" Thank GOD for cry rooms!!

 

[CatholicSam]

After Holy Communion today, my 2.5 year old screamed because the priest didn’t give him a blessing when I received the Eucharist. So I had to take him straight out of the church. Out in the gathering area we have a big picture of the Divine Mercy, so I went out there and stood by the picture. My son stuck his head out toward the picture, so I moved him closer. He kissed Jesus’ feet, which was totally his idea (I didn’t suggest it at all). I’m so blessed to have such kind friends who help me to get to daily Mass most days with my baby and toddler! :heaven: