Any suggestions on how to help my son adjust to going to Mass?

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Christina79

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Part of the big reason why I waited until now to start RCIA is that I was afraid of confusing my children, which my oldest son (11 yrs. old) is now telling me that I am doing. This scares me so much. I keep trying to tell him little by little what the beliefs are and how they are different from the Baptist church’s beliefs. He has always been a very sensitive child and he loves God very much. I don’t want to hurt his love for God in any way and would like to know if anyone else has any suggestions on this. Has anyone dealt with this with their children and done so without too much difficulty? When we did decide to start taking the children to Mass and stopped going to the church we had been going to, my son has made so many comments as to why he doesn’t want to go and has no interest in learning anything about Catholicism. I keep trying to tell him that he needs to know what they believe to know whether or not he believes it to be truth, that he needs to know this and decide for himself what the truth is. Do you think it would be best to continue going back to the other church, on occasion, for their sake? They are also in a Bible club which they enjoy very much and I don’t really want to yank them out of it in the middle of the year. They do learn a lot of good things there. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
 
Christina79 said:
Part of the big reason why I waited until now to start RCIA is that I was afraid of confusing my children, which my oldest son (11 yrs. old) is now telling me that I am doing. This scares me so much. I keep trying to tell him little by little what the beliefs are and how they are different from the Baptist church’s beliefs. He has always been a very sensitive child and he loves God very much. I don’t want to hurt his love for God in any way and would like to know if anyone else has any suggestions on this. Has anyone dealt with this with their children and done so without too much difficulty? When we did decide to start taking the children to Mass and stopped going to the church we had been going to, my son has made so many comments as to why he doesn’t want to go and has no interest in learning anything about Catholicism. I keep trying to tell him that he needs to know what they believe to know whether or not he believes it to be truth, that he needs to know this and decide for himself what the truth is. Do you think it would be best to continue going back to the other church, on occasion, for their sake? They are also in a Bible club which they enjoy very much and I don’t really want to yank them out of it in the middle of the year. They do learn a lot of good things there. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
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I think that you should refer to Catholicism as Christianity. Perhaps your son believes that you are joining another religion. Maybe he prefers what he has always known and the people there. It is also possible that he has heard misinformation at the Bible club concerning the Catholic Church. If he is insistent, perhaps you could arrange to attend both parishes while gently trying to teach him that the Catholic Church is Christian.

Prayers offered. :signofcross:
 
Christina79 said:
Part of the big reason why I waited until now to start RCIA is that I was afraid of confusing my children, which my oldest son (11 yrs. old) is now telling me that I am doing. This scares me so much. I keep trying to tell him little by little what the beliefs are and how they are different from the Baptist church’s beliefs. He has always been a very sensitive child and he loves God very much. I don’t want to hurt his love for God in any way and would like to know if anyone else has any suggestions on this. Has anyone dealt with this with their children and done so without too much difficulty? When we did decide to start taking the children to Mass and stopped going to the church we had been going to, my son has made so many comments as to why he doesn’t want to go and has no interest in learning anything about Catholicism. I keep trying to tell him that he needs to know what they believe to know whether or not he believes it to be truth, that he needs to know this and decide for himself what the truth is. Do you think it would be best to continue going back to the other church, on occasion, for their sake? They are also in a Bible club which they enjoy very much and I don’t really want to yank them out of it in the middle of the year. They do learn a lot of good things there. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
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I never thought I’d say this as I am not a personal fan of his (and with all due respect to the author I’m about to mention) but for Protestants I think Dr. Scott Hahn is rather effective, because he’s sort of a “been there, conquered that” sort of guy. He was militantly anti-Catholic before discovering the Truth coming home to Holy Mother Church. Perhaps Lee Strobel’s Case for Christ would also be helpful. It comes in audio version as well, as dose Dr. Hahn’s books. May God Bless you and your family and at the end of the day, may you all be one.

I respectfully disagree with the idea that the whole family attending the Baptist ecclesial community services (note: I only recognize one Church in the true sense of the word– that being the Catholic Church –Disclaimer: No I am certainly not referring to, implying or invoking extra Ecclesia non salus here so let’s leave discussion of that doctrine for other threads) just for the sake of your son, as doing so IMHO implicitly makes or reinforces the “one place of worship is just as good as every other” or may imply that you give some level of personal assent to a deficient religion (deficient in terms of the fullness of Truth) and could give your son the wrong impression. There is and only can be one truth, and the Catholic Church and the Catholic Church alone possesses the fullness of Truth – no compromises. That said, conversion can be a process. The most critical thing to remember is that you and your husband set a positive and true and practical witness/example of Catholicism in all aspects of daily life to show your son what Catholicism really is all about, instead of what some Protestant minister spouts off from the pulpit. It may be uncomfortable, but you have a right to practice your religion in your own house and leading someone to the Truth is a sublime act of Charity. Lastly, conversion must be a free act of the will, not something someone should be forced into, so I would urge caution you to practice loving charity and perhaps friendly fraternal correction during what may be a difficult time for you and your family. Christ knew his message could be divisive even among families and he even said so, though I don’t have the time at the moment to look up the Book, Chapter and Verse. You may well be familiar with it already. Pray the Rosary, for that is one of our greatest spiritual “weapons” here on earth. Offer it up for the conversion of your son.

Last but certainly not least… Welcome home to you! 🙂

God Bless, and Happy New Year

mda

Oh I forgot a most important thing – Explain the Mass in detail to your son or refer him to Youtube to some of their explanatory videos. Many people, including some Catholics that I know, do not really know the beauty and graces that pour forth through the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. I recommend more than a superficial explanation, though the call is yours of course.
 
Happy new years everyone:thumbsup:

I will be praying for your family with a little extra going towards you son.

God bless

jesus g
 
You are becoming Catholic and your husband is Catholic but the kids are Baptist. Hmmm.

If you feel you have the TRUTH, then you should want to give it to your children. They are still children. I’d enroll them in Catholic Sunday School ASAP. Certainly the Baptist know you are converting so they’ll be challenged to hold on to your children. You can’t have a divided house. It would be different if the kids were 18.

Consider discussing what you should do with your son with the priest. Part of the problem is he will not want to be separated from his friends which is understandable. I don’t know if or what the Baptists have said about Catholics so you’ll need to be prepared to correct anything he might have heard.

I’d start by giving him a tour of a Catholic church and explaining what holy water is, statues, why the building is in the shape of a cross (if it is), peek inside a confessional etc.
 
Is there a Catholic family with a boy his age he could be friends with? When he visits, they pray before meals, have a catholic picture in the house, etc, simply to help normalize the different culture he is being asked to enter? I’m not talking about a family being preachy to him, but rather an example that coincides with visiting the family, playing, etc.
 
OP, ask yourself this: If you had been a good Jewish mother of the Apostles’ time who had heard St. Paul preach, what would you have taught your son then? Would you be more anxious to avoid confusing him, or more anxious that he come to know the truth that has been made known to you?

On what other topic in your son’s education have you told him that he needs to “decide for himself what the truth is”? Isn’t it true that on every other topic of life, although you try to teach at his level, you also do your best to teach him the truth as you know it, and when you know better, you change your teaching accordingly and simply explain that your teaching has changed because your own understanding has improved? Why is theology different? Honestly, most people I know are more “open-minded” about what they teach their children about religion than what they teach them about politics! The result is that parents give the impression that either there is no ultimate truth or else that the truth cannot be known with any certainty. In doing so, they undermine the authority of revealed truth entirely.

Talk to your pastor about how to proceed. If my child were a Baptist, though, I’d look up the Catholic Answers tracts aimed at speaking to Baptists, and use the revealed authority accepted by Baptists (the Bible) to explain the evolved understanding that lead me to accept the Catholic Church as the denomination that teaches the fullness of the truth preached by the Apostles.

The Holy Father has proclaimed that is the Church’s Year of Faith, and as such is an excellent time to introduce your son to those truths that are uniquely to be found in the Catholic Church.
 
Christina79 said:
Part of the big reason why I waited until now to start RCIA is that I was afraid of confusing my children, which my oldest son (11 yrs. old) is now telling me that I am doing. This scares me so much. I keep trying to tell him little by little what the beliefs are and how they are different from the Baptist church’s beliefs. He has always been a very sensitive child and he loves God very much. I don’t want to hurt his love for God in any way and would like to know if anyone else has any suggestions on this. Has anyone dealt with this with their children and done so without too much difficulty? When we did decide to start taking the children to Mass and stopped going to the church we had been going to, my son has made so many comments as to why he doesn’t want to go and has no interest in learning anything about Catholicism. I keep trying to tell him that he needs to know what they believe to know whether or not he believes it to be truth, that he needs to know this and decide for himself what the truth is. Do you think it would be best to continue going back to the other church, on occasion, for their sake? They are also in a Bible club which they enjoy very much and I don’t really want to yank them out of it in the middle of the year. They do learn a lot of good things there. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
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And he knows he has you right where he wants you, believe me. If you are “scared,” he will have a HUGE weapon to use against you from now on out, and he’s almost a teenager. Get it together right now, and DO NOT! be afraid of your own child, not in ANY WAY! He is 11 years old and you are his parents. You can tell him straight up that you have been in error and have made mistakes, especially his father, who should have been teaching him the faith all along. But DO NOT apologize for becoming a Catholic nor accept him staying a Baptist. He is not able to decide for himself and if you give him this amount of power, it will likely ruin him and ruin your relationship. This Bible club - can you be 100% sure they are not anti-Catholic? Especially if your son discusses what is going on in his household - trust me, most Baptists are going to train him to resist being converted and in fact, to try and stop you from converting.

Pray, and talk to your priest about this. But when it’s time to convert, the whole family goes with you.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
… DO NOT apologize for becoming a Catholic nor accept him staying a Baptist. He is not able to decide for himself…
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Well, not quite. The boy is eleven, not three. Parents can choose to have their child baptized Catholic when the children are clearly younger than the age of reason, but after that it is the candidate who chooses whether or not to seek the sacraments. Whether or not the boy has sought baptism already, it is up to him whether or not he will complete the Sacraments of Initiation. His parents may not force him.

It is true, however, that the parents are not bound to keep taking him to a Baptist church. Having said that, they’d be wise to seek pastoral counseling about how to handle the boy’s religious formation and education.

You are very right about one thing, however: of all places, this is no place to be guided by fear, and especially a time to not be intimidated by a child. I don’t think the OP is necessarily describing a child in a power struggle. He’s resisting a change he doesn’t understand yet. I would expect that of a child who takes religion seriously, so that is not a bad thing. I would not withhold the Catholic faith from him, but I would try to answer his concerns about whether or not this change is pleasing to God. That is reasonable.

I’d teach this is a spirit of “Of course you have questions, that is natural, but your fears are unfounded. It is my duty to teach you the truth, I have come to understand that the Church is what it purports to be, and so I am going to teach you the truth by attending the Catholic Church, studying what it teaches, and by giving you every opportunity to live the life of the Church as it was handed down by the Apostles.” The parent shouldn’t be a bully, but she should not be afraid to be confident in her faith when she teaches it.

I would not have her say a word against the Baptists, except to say, “Dear, we are bound to accept the truth when we know it. The Lord knows I have been shown the truth, and it is my duty to teach it to you. I will not give you anything else.”
 
If I wanted to be sure that my child would be an atheist and never have any faith in god whatsoever I would raise him in one religion and teach him that its the absolute truth, and then at around age 11 drag him kicking and screaming into a different religion claiming that it is the absolute truth. I really can’t think of a better way to do it.

In all seriousness, around 11 is when kids start forming their own beliefs and making the values of their parents their own, or rejecting them. At this point you aren’t just deciding to raise your child a catholic, you are trying to pull a baptist away from his faith because you know that it is best for him. But by this point if he is sincere in his beliefs he knows that it isn’t and that god wants him in the baptist church.

The best thing that you can do is to let him come to it on his own while providing a consistent example. And I do mean consistent. At this point you have blown his trust in you, and he will no longer see you as worth following in regards to religion. Go to mass, pray before meals, put crucifixes in the house, have catholic reading material, etc. Allow him to continue with his beliefs. If he says anything to you about it or mocks you reply with a firm “In this house we respect family member’s religious differences so you will not take that attitude”. The best that you can hope for is that he will gradually be curious and interested after being surrounded by it for a time without being bulldozed or having it shoved down his throat. But pulling him away from his faith, and it is his now, as demonstrated by the fact that even when you left he stayed, will only turn him against you and Christianity as a whole.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
If I wanted to be sure that my child would be an atheist and never have any faith in god whatsoever I would raise him in one religion and teach him that its the absolute truth, and then at around age 11 drag him kicking and screaming into a different religion claiming that it is the absolute truth. I really can’t think of a better way to do it.

In all seriousness, around 11 is when kids start forming their own beliefs and making the values of their parents their own, or rejecting them. At this point you aren’t just deciding to raise your child a catholic, you are trying to pull a baptist away from his faith because you know that it is best for him. But by this point if he is sincere in his beliefs he knows that it isn’t and that god wants him in the baptist church.

The best thing that you can do is to let him come to it on his own while providing a consistent example. And I do mean consistent. At this point you have blown his trust in you, and he will no longer see you as worth following in regards to religion. Go to mass, pray before meals, put crucifixes in the house, have catholic reading material, etc. Allow him to continue with his beliefs. If he says anything to you about it or mocks you reply with a firm “In this house we respect family member’s religious differences so you will not take that attitude”. The best that you can hope for is that he will gradually be curious and interested after being surrounded by it for a time without being bulldozed or having it shoved down his throat. But pulling him away from his faith, and it is his now, as demonstrated by the fact that even when you left he stayed, will only turn him against you and Christianity as a whole.
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Blown his trust in her? She hasn’t become a Buddhist. She hasn’t started practicing Wicca. She has not started worshipping a strange god. She has deepened her understanding of the same Bible, the same Trinity, the same baptism, and the same Lord as he has always known. I would second the suggestion of the poster who pointed out that Scott Hahn, a Protestant biblical scholar, travelled the same path.

As for him, he has not demonstrated anything I wouldn’t expect if his parents had moved to a new city or started sending him to a new school. He is resisting leaving what is familiar to him, he’s probably asking reasonable questions about something that is new to him, but there isn’t any evidence that he has decided that if a Baptist married to a Catholic can start going to a Catholic Church then Jesus must be the Easter Bunny.

Honestly, I would stress how much is not only the same, but absolutely in keeping with the teachings of the Bible. We are on good ground there.
 
EasterJoy said:
Blown his trust in her? She hasn’t become a Buddhist. She hasn’t started practicing Wicca. She has not started worshipping a strange god. She has deepened her understanding of the same Bible, the same Trinity, the same baptism, and the same Lord as he has always known. I would second the suggestion of the poster who pointed out that Scott Hahn, a Protestant biblical scholar, travelled the same path.

As for him, he has not demonstrated anything I wouldn’t expect if his parents had moved to a new city or started sending him to a new school. He is resisting leaving what is familiar to him, he’s probably asking reasonable questions about something that is new to him, but there isn’t any evidence that he has decided that if a Baptist married to a Catholic can start going to a Catholic Church then Jesus must be the Easter Bunny.

Honestly, I would stress how much is not only the same, but absolutely in keeping with the teachings of the Bible. We are on good ground there.
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Its a bit different. His parents didn’t raise him to think that the town they live in is the only true town and the only way to not suffer for all eternity. Ditto with the school he attends. And no, they may not be Buddhist, but Protestantism is not just a stripped down version of Catholicism. There are some very real theological differences, especially when it comes to Baptists. Even an 11 year old will pick up on some of them. Yes, they did harm his trust in them, just as an 11 year old kid who was raised catholic would be devastated, confused, and lose trust in their parents if they were suddenly told that everything they were raised to do is wrong and they would be becoming Methodist. And of course at this point he’s probably wondering how long this Catholic thing is going to last, if his parents have already converted once in his life.

Of course expose him to theological arguments, discuss it casually in the house, have the parents CONSISTENTLY practice their new found Catholic faith. He is still impressionable, and there is a good chance that it will rub off. But this is not an issue that you want to make into a power struggle. It will only hurt and confuse him more, and forcing him away from a religion that he has claimed as his own and has been a part of his entire life will only turn him away from religion as a whole. If the truth can change that easily, then why trust that catholicism is true? Its actually very similar to what happens when a child is raised with one Catholic and one Jewish parent. If there is no consistent truth that is taught then the children won’t believe either.
 
How about one Mass at a time? There is a publication called “Magnificat” and a companion for children called “Magnifikid”. Both explain the Sunday gospels for the month. You could possibly order it, go over it during the week before Mass, and then attend Mass. If any questions arise about the difference between the Baptist faith and the Catholic faith it can be explained at that time. Maybe if you do it that way, it won’t seem so overwhelming.
 
HouseArrest said:
How about one Mass at a time? There is a publication called “Magnificat” and a companion for children called “Magnifikid”. Both explain the Sunday gospels for the month. You could possibly order it, go over it during the week before Mass, and then attend Mass. If any questions arise about the difference between the Baptist faith and the Catholic faith it can be explained at that time. Maybe if you do it that way, it won’t seem so overwhelming.
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That’s a good suggestion! There’s also CATHOLICISM FOR DUMMIES which answers questions. He might enjoy gaining insight from that too.
 
Here’s my :twocents:

Your son is probably even more confused about you becoming Catholic now than he would have been a few years ago. It sounds like for your son’s entire life, you told him that you and your husband believed one thing, and now you believe something else. Being Baptist is all your son has known, right? He’s probably even started thinking about being baptized himself, if he hasn’t been already. Now you’re pulling him away from all he has ever known about God and forcing something else one him - something he has probably has heard is “wrong”.

I see two possible paths for you to take with your son. First, you can let him continue to attend the Baptist church and choose for himself if he wants to convert to Catholicism when he’s older. The only thing is, you will have a divided household and he may never convert.

The second path is to cut all ties with the Baptist church (until he’s 18 and able to make his own decisions about where he goes to church). Do not take him back to the other church, even once in a while, or to the Bible because it might just confuse him more and encourage his disdain for Catholicism. Tell him you respect his right to have his own beliefs and will not force him to convert, but that you expect him to join the family at Mass and that you insist on him being respectful to the Church and your beliefs.

Work on maintaining a “Catholic” home. Pray before and after meals, if you didn’t already, and use more “expository prayer” instead of the basic Catholic blessings. Celebrate Lent, Advent and Holy Days the “Catholic way.” There are books such as The Catholic Home and Why Do We Have to Go to Mass? to help guide you in this. Have a copy of the Catechism laying around so he can pick it up and read it himself if he gets curious. Most of all, be patient. You didn’t come to your decision to convert overnight; you son won’t come around instantly (if ever).

I will pray for you and your family - especially your son.
 
Oh boy, this is tough. I agree that it would have been less confusing for him had you done it earlier. I have an 11yo son, who is a pretty strong Catholic. He is quite knowledgeable about his faith, and would definitely not follow me happily if I were to convert. If this were my son, I would approach it intellectually. I would find out what his issues are with joining the Church and address them. Is it social? That would be fair. Does he have actual doctrinal problems with Catholicism? Answer them as best you can, and show him that you respect his intellect, and his sense of reason that is currently holding him back. He has a right to continue to believe as he does, but at the age of 11, he doesn’t have the right to refuse to talk about it with you. My 11yo is quite the intellectual, but my 10yo dd is not as much, and I would take the same approach with her as well. Slow and steady, and respecting her beliefs, with the stated goal, not of necessarily getting her to agree with me immediately, but with the goal of helping her to learn what I have learned so that she has more information.

Whether or not to let him keep an involvement with the Baptist Church, and whether to force him to attend Mass/Sunday School etc… at the Catholic church, I don’t know. I would worry that the Baptist folks might make a special effort to teach him against Catholicism knowing that he is probably on his way out. OTOH, it is also possible that they would be respectful of your wishes, and not do that. Depends on the people there. I think I would talk to your priest about what specifically to allow and require of him.

Either way, I would apologize to him for causing him frustration and confusion, and tell him how difficult it was to make the decision to convert, but tell him ultimately, you have to do what you believe to be right. In fact, I would start there. I would apologize for changing the game on him, and tell him that I want to start fresh and deal with this issue right from now on. Let him know the conditions - he has to do __ and __, but you will respect his right to think/say/ask ___, and you will allow him to continue to ____. Give him the reassurance that you are not just pulling the rug out from under him, but that your priority is making sure that he is ok, and that his concerns and worries are addressed.
 
This is why I usually don’t recommend that ayone wait to convert until a ‘better’ time (there are a few exceptions in spousal disagreements, but this is not one of them.

I am with the camp that says he goes to church with his family - and that would be Mass. Speak to your pastor (priest) and let him know what’s going on. Ask for his advice, ask if he’ll speak to your son.

Enroll all your children in CCD or whatever sacramental prep course is appropriate for them. Is there a youth group or boys club at the parish that he could join? He will very likely find a friend or two from school there and it won’t all seem so strange. Do not continue with clubs, lessons, or worship services at your old church though, but don’t cut him off from playdates or non-church activities with his friends.

Bible clubs and camps are very social as well as religious, so joining a boys club, choir, even parish scouts (if he isn’t already in a secular pack) will help him get over the problems of not knowing anyone and missing his friends and the fun (as well as the religon).

In terms of learning about Catholicism, a Magnificat (if he’s a good reader and intellectual) or MagnifiKids (if he’s not as wordy) or just a children’s missal with the Mass parts will help him get through Mass.

Point out the similarities (this is all about Jesus) - the Lord’s Prayer (Our Father) at every Mass, the parts of the Creed that - Father (creator), Jesus (Son, redeemer), Holy Spirit. Make a point to look over the Mass readings each week and talk about the stories and verses he recognizes. This coming Sunday (Jan 6) the Gospel is the story of the Wise Men (magi) coming to see baby Jesus. He will know that story and may recognize the verses from Isaiah and Ephesians also.

If he has a heart for service or the unborn, see what service projects the parish school or CCD do that he could be a part of. Many parishes have summer programs that he can look forward to also.

I also encourage you to pick a Mass time that is easy for you to all get to, that has the style of music he (and the rest of you) like, and that will allow you to still go out to eat after church, or have a big breakfast first (always keeping in mind the one hour fast for your husband now and the rest of you when you start receiving communion), or something similar to your habits now. One of the helpful advantages of being Catholic is that there are usually several different Mass times to chose from!

Finally, of course, pray for him, for your other children, and for your husband. Pray that you will all always be faithful to God. And be gentle with your son as he goes through this transition, but don’t let his hesitations stop your from converting! And don’t let him influence your other children in bad behavior about attending Mass and CCD.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
…always keeping in mind the one hour fast for your husband now and the rest of you when you start receiving communion…
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If they choose a Mass with a good amount of music, they’d almost have to eat on the way in from the parking lot to have to be concerned about it. The only exception is if they went to a church where people bring in food and drink to consume during the service. There are not many Protestant churches where that is allowed, though, especially the mainline denominations.
 
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