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SusanneT
Guest
I wanted a very traditional wedding with all the ‘trappings’ but not a big one.
But they do just grow !
But they do just grow !
Any women here who did NOT plan (or want) a fancy dream wedding?
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EasterJoy
Guest
In our area, weddings are community events. You’re either inviting your immediate family or you’re going to wind up with 200-300 people or more, if you’re from a large extended family. The college and work friends of the bride and groom make up a very small number from that total.
Nobody is impressed by a fancy wedding, though, and they’re more likely than not to be eye-rolling if there is too much money spent on the “trappings.” They do expect more than cake and coffee at the reception, though. There needs to be food and there needs to be music. Otherwise, the only other events like this are funerals, and that’s when everyone wishes they were getting together for a wedding, instead.
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SusanneT
Guest
What I do think is sad is that so many couples put the show before the actual meaning.
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ShrodingersCat
Guest
I was the same. I never day dreamed about it (although I did think about the dress sometimes but only in my late teens / early twenties - but then I ended up going to 2 bridal charity shops and finding a completely different nice dress in one of those for my actual wedding).
I did want to share the day with my family when I actually got married, but I had a small wedding and broke a lot of frivolous traditions (and saved a tonne and a half of money). My maid of honour and MIL found it unbelievable how I didn’t care at all about planning the finer details of my wedding. I didn’t care about flowers, didn’t care about what flavour the cake was or how it looked, didn’t care about what food was at the reception, didn’t really care about photos as long as there were a few nice ones.
I think it’s better not to care. When something inevitably doesn’t go to plan, it doesn’t bother you. Fantasising about a wedding is really more about being a princess for a day rather than actually getting married.
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Sailor_Kenshin
Guest
I dreamed about a lot of things as a kid but never a ‘fancy’ wedding.
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ShrodingersCat
Guest
We went to a travel agent, asked them where we could go that was a) within our budget and b) further than Europe. She said Thailand, asked us what we liked in terms of a holiday and planned the entire thing
It was great to look forward to but also great to not have to do the hard work of planning it! Some people love planning holidays - I am not one of them!
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starlady88
Guest
It seems you are not the only one! 
I did not dream about weddings until I got engaged last year. I never understood my friends who would go on Pinterest and pin all sorts of wedding decor and other related things when they did not even have a boyfriend let alone an actual wedding to plan.
Actually, I “flirted” with the idea of entering religious life, beginning in middle school and continuing off and on until college. I always said “if I get married” as opposed to “when I get married.” Sometime toward the end of my college career I realized that I was certainly not being called to religious life, so I could focus on finding myself a good man.
That was quite a mental shift for me. But I still didn’t get the obsession with Pinterest wedding decor.
I did not dream about weddings until I got engaged last year. I never understood my friends who would go on Pinterest and pin all sorts of wedding decor and other related things when they did not even have a boyfriend let alone an actual wedding to plan.
Actually, I “flirted” with the idea of entering religious life, beginning in middle school and continuing off and on until college. I always said “if I get married” as opposed to “when I get married.” Sometime toward the end of my college career I realized that I was certainly not being called to religious life, so I could focus on finding myself a good man.
That was quite a mental shift for me. But I still didn’t get the obsession with Pinterest wedding decor.
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Giggly_Giraffe
Guest
I miss wedding announcements in publications like The Register and wish they would make a come back. Too often when I read the Catholic Registers they skip the “Joyful Mysteries” of life and omit weddings and birth announcements, baby baptisms … ect. Wouldn’t it be nice to read good news instead of bad news? Facebook should not be the only source of these joyful mysteries.
Mary_Gail_36
New member
I had a really big wedding. I would have preferred a much smaller one.
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Rosebud77
Guest
When I was new to Irish life. I made friends with a young unmarried woman, living with her man and with a toddler.
She explained that here in Ireland, weddings are huge affairs and very costly and they both had large families… And when the baby was on the way the first priority was a house to live in.
After the actual weddiing there are huge parties that go on all night and many folk just go to the “afters” as they call them.
It worried her though and when we had chatted a few times I said might I ask a frienf who was a Franciscan Friar if he would bless the union in some informal way… \
His immediate reaction was hearty, " We will MARRY them!"
And so we all arranged a small secret wedding!
Just the couple, their toddler, who ran around all through the service, a couple of other friends to act as witness, Father and me.
In a small quiet church.
The bride wore cream and looked lovely.
She had wanted wild flowers especially white heather, which I found and arranged into a bouquet and I also made the wedding cake,
Then a quiet meal at a small hotel …
It was a deeply moving occasion.
And I heard of another couple who wanted to avoid the huge events weddings are here doing much the same at Knock Shrine.
So much social pressure there is.
She explained that here in Ireland, weddings are huge affairs and very costly and they both had large families… And when the baby was on the way the first priority was a house to live in.
After the actual weddiing there are huge parties that go on all night and many folk just go to the “afters” as they call them.
It worried her though and when we had chatted a few times I said might I ask a frienf who was a Franciscan Friar if he would bless the union in some informal way… \
His immediate reaction was hearty, " We will MARRY them!"
And so we all arranged a small secret wedding!
Just the couple, their toddler, who ran around all through the service, a couple of other friends to act as witness, Father and me.
In a small quiet church.
The bride wore cream and looked lovely.
She had wanted wild flowers especially white heather, which I found and arranged into a bouquet and I also made the wedding cake,
Then a quiet meal at a small hotel …
It was a deeply moving occasion.
And I heard of another couple who wanted to avoid the huge events weddings are here doing much the same at Knock Shrine.
So much social pressure there is.
U
UpUpAndAway
Guest
Social pressure led to our wedding being larger and more elaborate than I wanted. My suggestions to simplify were met with looks of shock and horror. “That’s just not done here!” I was told again and again. 
Eventually I became that stupid American who just didn’t understand, so I grit my teeth and held my tongue. I was so relieved when it was over.
Eventually I became that stupid American who just didn’t understand, so I grit my teeth and held my tongue. I was so relieved when it was over.
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Liturgy_Geek_1
Guest
My husband and I had a very simple wedding. I wore a dress that I made myself. We were not married in the Church but in a rose garden as my annulment had stalled (marriage since been blessed in the Church and annulment achieved).
I had 2 bridesmaid and Calvin had 2 groomsman. The music was provided on a cassette tape desk. Our reception was a pot luck thrown by Calvin’s family because they knew we had no money.
You don’t need a fancy wedding at all, just God, a priest, you, your fiance and a couple witnesses. You are not weird at all.
I had 2 bridesmaid and Calvin had 2 groomsman. The music was provided on a cassette tape desk. Our reception was a pot luck thrown by Calvin’s family because they knew we had no money.
You don’t need a fancy wedding at all, just God, a priest, you, your fiance and a couple witnesses. You are not weird at all.
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egretps
Guest
When I was young and in love with my high school/college sweetheart I hoped to marry, but didn’t want a big ‘affair’. I planned on wearing my debutante’s dress and carry silk flowers I figured my mom would have made for me. I figured we’d marry in church and have a simple reception in the church hall, like my older cousins did, oh and like my parents did. We were kids and ourselves poor. I even imagined the bridal shower full of practical gifts like wooden spoons and tea towels to add to all the little gifts of crystal vases and pillowcases I had collected in my Hope Chest!
Well that didn’t work out…
Many years later, I cried through most of the wedding planning with my dear husband. Not because I didn’t want to get married but my husband-to-be and my mother wanted a big lavish wedding. My mother’s family is huge and part of an ‘ethnic’ group that celebrates for three days. My dad’s family is Protestant and tends to have very sweet and simple weddings. (Guess which side my personality takes after?)
I wrote most of the checks, which caused some of the tears, and although I got to pick the flowers and cake and favors it wasn’t the wedding of my dreams. With my husband, I still wanted a church wedding, but envisioned on our engagement a weekday mass and me in a lovely suit and Russian veil or hat, very 1940s, or a Friday morning mass and a wedding breakfast. He was broke just getting out of school and I was just starting my career and the weight of the expense of a “Big Church Wedding and Dinner Reception” was nerve wracking. I bought cases of champagne, I negotiated costs with every vendor.
I cried myself to sleep more than once.
I wore a big silk ballgown and my husband wore tails.
My husband still tells me he thinks our wedding was wonderful. And although I still have negative feelings about some of the fall-out and expense for it, I’m glad I did only for his sake. He told me recently that he didn’t want a simple wedding, or a Vegas wedding. But during the planning he had little to say, he was not interested in anything but the dinner menu.
Planning a nuptial Mass was one of the most healthy spiritual exercises in my marriage preparation. I would not have changed that. I wasn’t even particularly devout at the time. My husband-to-be was uninterested. Very uninterested. I could have had the reading about Noah and the Ark and the Cursing of the Fig tree for our readings.
The Graces we received from having that Nuptial Mass probably saved our bacon more than once while we’ve been married. I’m not kidding. Marriage is tough, even when Heaven helped bring us together and marriage in general needs to be filled with forgiveness.
A few years after my wedding a beautiful lady who worked in my building looked just exasperated one day. I asked her what was wrong, and she unburdened herself telling me about the expenses of her daughters upcoming wedding. One thing she was struggling with was the pew bow floral arrangements. “They cost X dollars each!” I listened more and then asked her if her daughter’s heart was set on them. “No, I don’t think she care about them. She’s picked out beautiful sanctuary arrangements.” I told her nobody would miss the pew bows. She looked at me and beamed me the biggest smile. They didn’t spend X times 20 for pew bow arrangements.
If you do find yourself engaged, I think you should focus on what is important to you and your beloved. Invite Christ as your most honored guest, and consider that Nuptial Mass.
Well that didn’t work out…
Many years later, I cried through most of the wedding planning with my dear husband. Not because I didn’t want to get married but my husband-to-be and my mother wanted a big lavish wedding. My mother’s family is huge and part of an ‘ethnic’ group that celebrates for three days. My dad’s family is Protestant and tends to have very sweet and simple weddings. (Guess which side my personality takes after?)
I wrote most of the checks, which caused some of the tears, and although I got to pick the flowers and cake and favors it wasn’t the wedding of my dreams. With my husband, I still wanted a church wedding, but envisioned on our engagement a weekday mass and me in a lovely suit and Russian veil or hat, very 1940s, or a Friday morning mass and a wedding breakfast. He was broke just getting out of school and I was just starting my career and the weight of the expense of a “Big Church Wedding and Dinner Reception” was nerve wracking. I bought cases of champagne, I negotiated costs with every vendor.
I cried myself to sleep more than once.
I wore a big silk ballgown and my husband wore tails.
My husband still tells me he thinks our wedding was wonderful. And although I still have negative feelings about some of the fall-out and expense for it, I’m glad I did only for his sake. He told me recently that he didn’t want a simple wedding, or a Vegas wedding. But during the planning he had little to say, he was not interested in anything but the dinner menu.
Planning a nuptial Mass was one of the most healthy spiritual exercises in my marriage preparation. I would not have changed that. I wasn’t even particularly devout at the time. My husband-to-be was uninterested. Very uninterested. I could have had the reading about Noah and the Ark and the Cursing of the Fig tree for our readings.
The Graces we received from having that Nuptial Mass probably saved our bacon more than once while we’ve been married. I’m not kidding. Marriage is tough, even when Heaven helped bring us together and marriage in general needs to be filled with forgiveness.
A few years after my wedding a beautiful lady who worked in my building looked just exasperated one day. I asked her what was wrong, and she unburdened herself telling me about the expenses of her daughters upcoming wedding. One thing she was struggling with was the pew bow floral arrangements. “They cost X dollars each!” I listened more and then asked her if her daughter’s heart was set on them. “No, I don’t think she care about them. She’s picked out beautiful sanctuary arrangements.” I told her nobody would miss the pew bows. She looked at me and beamed me the biggest smile. They didn’t spend X times 20 for pew bow arrangements.
If you do find yourself engaged, I think you should focus on what is important to you and your beloved. Invite Christ as your most honored guest, and consider that Nuptial Mass.
E
egretps
Guest
I had about 20 people get into a snit too, and they were nasty about it. Because? I didn’t write their kids names on the invitation, or so they said. So a whole section of my mom’s family boycotted my wedding. I remember making frantic phone calls, trying to apologize and tell them that they were still welcome.
Oh one relative had already invited people over for a ‘Holiday’ party that weekend and it was too late to cancel.
My olive branch actually made things ‘better’. For me. I let go. I can talk with them at family functions over the past 20 years on the rare instance I am able to return to my hometown.
But man, there is no excuse to do that to someone when they are only inviting you to a free meal and family time. So my wedding gave me a taste of being on the receiving end of nonsense from extended family.
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DeniseNY
Guest
When I was very young and attended a lot of weddings with my parents, I would dream of a big wedding because that’s what it seemed everyone did. As I got older, the thought of being the center of attention like that just did not appeal to me. I’m too shy and reserved of a person.
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PacificNorthwes
Guest
When I was married, I did not want a big fancy wedding - just a small simple one. However my parents put on the pressure to have a bigger wedding because they wanted payback for me - yes, that was how my mother put it because they had gone to all these other relative weddings and given gifts so they thought it was time for our family to get theirs.
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Rosebud77
Guest
Aww. I would frankly have eloped!
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LuciaPacifici
Guest
I am like you. I never thought about my wedding before or got excited at the images. My parents were divorced and I am sure that had something to do with it. I wanted marriage yes but the big wedding wasn’t important.
In fact, I am a very private person and I do not like people watching me during intimate personal moments. I have also worked in the wedding industry, and that is a very fast way to lose interest in the whole machine. Actually, all the women I know who work or worked in the wedding industry in any way, desired small weddings or even elopements. We can’t elope as Catholics, although we can come close to it with a small wedding.
Now yes I want the world to know how much I love the man I marry…but the thought of the logistical nightmare, the family drama that would ensue, me feeling bad for not having enough friends to have lots of bridesmaids, and the frugal side of me screaming to save that all for a house…yes, that all stresses me out and makes me want to not even go there.
I have even considered marrying at the Vatican in a small ceremony, which would mean nobody would feel left out for not being invited.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
I always wanted a simple wedding on the beach when I though I would marry. Since no one has even asked me out in a long time I doubt it will ever happen. If it did I would keep it simple. My sister got married by our brother in a park. It was nice. Neither of them are practicing catholics. They had a simple reception and did it all for under 5K. I would probably marry in a church then have a reception picnic. I think spending vast amounts on the party takes away from the meaning but getting together with family and friends would still be part of the day.
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DarkLight
Guest
You know, now that I think about it…what exactly constitutes an elopement in the modern day? Most of the times I’ve heard of it were more historical cases of marrying secretly because you couldn’t get the family’s permission.
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