Anybody coparenting?

[jrabs]

What other word would work better? (Btw, it’s my therapist term)

Yeah - therapists have terms for things.

How about just plain parenting? Because that’s what you both are? Why must there any other term for parenting.
I see that as part of your problem. Lack of unity in the family - instead of calling your responsibilities and devotion to your children as parenting - you have bought into the term “co-parenting” as if your jobs can be separated in some way.

My rant - oh well. Society makes up these fancy words to ease our pain.

 

[kage_ar]

Does he want to attempt to stop looking at porn? If so, you set up the toughest filter you can find and keep the password to yourself.

It won’t help away from home, but it will help your kids.

Honestly, I’d go a step further. Disconnect the internet at home. You can use the internet at the library or at a WIFi spot. Cancell any memberships to movie rental places, shut off the cable if they have PPV.

If a family member had an addiction to alcohol, I’d not keep a wine chiller in the kitchen or a stocked bar in the house.

 

[Peony]

Honestly, I’d go a step further. Disconnect the internet at home. You can use the internet at the library or at a WIFi spot. Cancell any memberships to movie rental places, shut off the cable if they have PPV.

If a family member had an addiction to alcohol, I’d not keep a wine chiller in the kitchen or a stocked bar in the house.

I just wrote a long post that my 2yo just deleted. In short, one person can’t control another person’s addiction. I’ve tried and I can’t. I’m done with his addiction making me crazy hence no emotional intimacy or sex.

 

[kage_ar]

Praying for you. May you be able to help your husband and children get to Heaven, and may they be able to help you get there as well - the ultimate goal of marriage.

 

[Peony]

Praying for you. May you be able to help your husband and children get to Heaven, and may they be able to help you get there as well - the ultimate goal of marriage.

Thank you so much.

 

[living_water]

I have not read this whole thread, just your first post… but I wanted to give you positive support for this, becasue it’s unlikely others who have not walked in your shoes will ever really understand, and may insist the intimacy and love must be restored in your marriage.

I divorced my husband several years ago, before I was Catholic. Now, years later, I live purely, raising my children, and I do it *with *my ex-husband. We live in the same school district and our children see both of us everyday. We spend free time together. We go on vacation together. Celebrate holidays together. Have some of the same accounts for financial purposes.

And yes, it works. It isn’t the best option. It isn’t ideal. It probably is not God’s plan for the rest of my life. But now, it works, and it brings enormous stability to our children. That is worth everything. It really is! I draw my emotional support from the Lord. I feel that He is my spouse.

Paul tells women it not a sin to leave your spouse and live alone, as long as you do so and do not re-marry. He tells the women to live in peace, and if they cannot live in peace in intimate union with their spouse, to be practical about the matter. There is no sin in this.

Your spouse has a serious sin issue (poronography) I saw very briefly (I didn’t read the whole thread). That sin makes a healthy marriage with him impossible. You are not wrong to withdraw. You are doing what I believe God commands in a situation where the spouse is incapable of performing his role as husband. My ex also has serious issues that make it impossible for him to be a husband. So, I avoid engaging him in ways that he cannot be engaged, and just co-parent, and discuss work, and go camping.

This cannot work if there is anger and animosity and resentment. You must be in a place of total and complete surrender and acceptance of your husband’s inability and failure to be a husband. You must be totally content and at peace with relying on God emotionally and having a totally pure heart.

But, if you can get to that place, at least for a temporary period of time you can give your children a great gift of family stability.

You may have grounds for an annulment, so please don’t think I am suggesting you must live like this forever if it is not God’s will. Your husband may also change, but you can’t count on it, and you can’t expect it. You must focus on your own peace.

 

[La_Tejanita]

Wow! I’m a first time user of this forum. Wow! … I will pray for you. After reading, reading and reading…I feel, you know the answer to your own question and that you have made a choice. Our choices are not always what others want or expect of us, but it’s your choice and you own that…May God provide the courage you need and the guiding light to make your choice the best one…I’m sending you a hug and my prayer…X (hug) In God’s name I pray…You are a stong, beautiful woman who has learned to survive and has many blessing…This is not a for you to learn but to show those around you – you’re the teacher, you’re the strengh of your family and the foundation of your tomorrow…trust and believe in yourself, as I do.

 

[rush176]

I agree with several others here that you should set very strong internet filters on all computers in your home to protect the children from your husbands addiction. It won’t stop him acting on his addition but it may prevent any other exposure to it by the children. Also I would tell him if he ever brings any of this porn into the home you will contact the authorities about child abuse. Again you can’t stop him viewing it since it is so prevelant in our world but you do have a responsibility to protect the children as best you can.

After saying all that I would recommend that you stay in the marriage. I am a man who struggles with a wife who has never been interested in sex (we once went over 4 years without sex). We have been married for over 26 years and have had lots of ups and downs in other areas in our lives. Neither of us have ever had an affair though I admit to being tempted. We are now good friends but never have been good lovers. I stay because I have a duty to my children to not destroy their “happy home”. I pray for patience and grace to persevere daily. It does help.

I will pray for you.

 

[katy]

I
After saying all that I would recommend that you stay in the marriage. I am a man who struggles with a wife who has never been interested in sex (we once went over 4 years without sex). We have been married for over 26 years and have had lots of ups and downs in other areas in our lives. Neither of us have ever had an affair though I admit to being tempted. We are now good friends but never have been good lovers. I stay because I have a duty to my children to not destroy their “happy home”. I pray for patience and grace to persevere daily. It does help.

I will pray for you.

I am a woman in a similar situation, except some years down the road. What do you think you will do when the children are grown? I think I stay still partly because of the “children”, since they would be devastated even as adults.

 

[rush176]

I am a woman in a similar situation, except some years down the road. What do you think you will do when the children are grown? I think I stay still partly because of the “children”, since they would be devastated even as adults.

I am not sure. Right now I take it one day at a time since it is such a painful topic to think about let alone discuss. Even though it has been a constant issue throughout our marriage I think it just became clear to me in the last six months. I suppose one option is to rely on St Joseph’s example of a loving chaste marriage even though I am definitely not a saint. Another is that maybe it won’t hurt as much with time and therefore won’t be as big an obstical between us. I will just continue to pray for answers and strength to endure.