D
Deltadeliquent
Guest
Sorry, but it’s long…
My son, who is now 21 has always been, well different.
His behaviour has always been a source of great pain for me, and now that he is semi launched it Still hurts. i have seen some improvement, but he so easily slips back. In a conversation with a friend about her husband the idea of Aperger’s was placed in my brain. Now I am wondering if my son might have a mild case of Asperger’s.
I wanted to see if you guys had any opinions so I will describe some of his stranger behaviours.
People have always described him as aloof, or shy. When small he wouldn’t play with his peers, but hung around the grown ups at play group. Always very quiet.
He never crawled, but started walking one day after seeing another toddler. It was very sudden, and at 15 months. All developmental milestones were completely normal. Breech birth, by C section. The docs had to really pull him out as his head was very stuck under my rib cage.
Ever since being born he would sleep a lot. I had to wake him up to feed him when brand new. The doctor said I should thank my lucky stars. But I thought sleeping 22 hours a day was not right. His day,night cycle has always been reversed. He has to really work at being diurnal even now.
When his sister drowned at the party they both attended he never showed any emotion. EVER. He was eight, he wanted to know if he could have her things now that she was dead. I was shocked but I chalked it up to being so young. Maybe I was wrong?
Discipline was always difficult because there was nothing he cared much about. There was nothing I could take away from him that would be a bother to him. He just didn’t care.
He has always had trouble looking you in the eye when spoken to. This is getting better.
He refuses to let me touch him in any way and has done so since about 6. This includes pats on the back or hugs. Recently when I picked him from the airport for a visit ( had not seen him for 6 months) he walked on by me after a hurried hello. Didn’t miss a beat. He did not even stop.
He rarely has conversations. He will answer questions put to him by others, but never returns the interest or continues the conversation with his own comments or experiences. I saw him do this with others recently, so it’s just not me. However, he had an animated conversation about Ancient Rome recently with someone who I know has a diagnosis of Aspergers. I have rarely seen his so talkative.
He is not very responsible, but getting better. Some lying occurred, not sure about now. Actively used guilt to get expensive gifts from his Dad.
He refuses to answer questions that he doesn’t want to.
He refuses to answer my emails. He used to text me, but now has a different phone and we cannot text anymore.
He does not take care of his things well. Phones are often lost, computers broken, car is a mess. Gifts I have given him are left behind unused, ignored or never taken out of the box.
He won’t let me know when he gets his check, or say thanks. I have to look at my bank account to see if the check was cashed.
His handwriting looks like chicken scratch and always has. His movements when writing are very fast and jerky. He can be clumsy and disorganised physically.
He has always had a long attention span and loves to read. Very interested in History, but refuses to do History at school. Is his best subject and would do great but is convinced there is no career for him in that. Although he has no other goals or thoughts on a career. He is a gifted writer and could do well in that, but refuses to try it.
He will zone out when being spoken to. He just blanks out. Very forgetful.
One day he will say he has no friends, the next he says has plenty.
He will do this with money too. This, coupled with the refusal to interact with me much and to let me know about any future plans or goals has me very confused.
He is very smart, but refuses to try very hard and can pass with decent grades. In high school he skipped classes, and never did his homework. He said he was bored, but refused to try a better school. His teachers have always said he was very mature. Maybe he was just quiet?
He still has no idea what he wants to do in life. He is in Community College but has not graduated yet after two years. He refuses to talk to me about what he wants to do, and resents me asking. This is even though I and his father are paying his way.
He has trouble keeping a job, and they are always “boring”.
He does really well in structured environments.
H almost joined the army and was quite defiant about doing so. But as soon as I started to be supportive of it, he refused to join. Very sudden and with no explanation.
He is living away from home now. I sent him away thinking he hated me for divorcing his father. I thought that all of this was him just being angry. I thought it would be good for us both for him to go to school away from home.
He is 21 now, and although I think he might be getting better, out interactions always end up being problematic. I have been walking on eggs for years now, thinking it was bad parenting on my part, but not knowing what to do or how to parent better. Even though I swear I have been a loving, nurturing and supportive mom from the get go. I loved being a mother, and i gave him the freedom to just be himself when growing up. But now I think i should have been less understanding? Some I’m sure is teenage angst, some anger at me, but now I’m thinking some of it is more.
Maybe it’s not me after all? His father also has some of these qualities, like blanking you out all the time and acting like you are not even in the room.
Could he have Asperger’s?
My son, who is now 21 has always been, well different.
His behaviour has always been a source of great pain for me, and now that he is semi launched it Still hurts. i have seen some improvement, but he so easily slips back. In a conversation with a friend about her husband the idea of Aperger’s was placed in my brain. Now I am wondering if my son might have a mild case of Asperger’s.
I wanted to see if you guys had any opinions so I will describe some of his stranger behaviours.
People have always described him as aloof, or shy. When small he wouldn’t play with his peers, but hung around the grown ups at play group. Always very quiet.
He never crawled, but started walking one day after seeing another toddler. It was very sudden, and at 15 months. All developmental milestones were completely normal. Breech birth, by C section. The docs had to really pull him out as his head was very stuck under my rib cage.
Ever since being born he would sleep a lot. I had to wake him up to feed him when brand new. The doctor said I should thank my lucky stars. But I thought sleeping 22 hours a day was not right. His day,night cycle has always been reversed. He has to really work at being diurnal even now.
When his sister drowned at the party they both attended he never showed any emotion. EVER. He was eight, he wanted to know if he could have her things now that she was dead. I was shocked but I chalked it up to being so young. Maybe I was wrong?
Discipline was always difficult because there was nothing he cared much about. There was nothing I could take away from him that would be a bother to him. He just didn’t care.
He has always had trouble looking you in the eye when spoken to. This is getting better.
He refuses to let me touch him in any way and has done so since about 6. This includes pats on the back or hugs. Recently when I picked him from the airport for a visit ( had not seen him for 6 months) he walked on by me after a hurried hello. Didn’t miss a beat. He did not even stop.
He rarely has conversations. He will answer questions put to him by others, but never returns the interest or continues the conversation with his own comments or experiences. I saw him do this with others recently, so it’s just not me. However, he had an animated conversation about Ancient Rome recently with someone who I know has a diagnosis of Aspergers. I have rarely seen his so talkative.
He is not very responsible, but getting better. Some lying occurred, not sure about now. Actively used guilt to get expensive gifts from his Dad.
He refuses to answer questions that he doesn’t want to.
He refuses to answer my emails. He used to text me, but now has a different phone and we cannot text anymore.
He does not take care of his things well. Phones are often lost, computers broken, car is a mess. Gifts I have given him are left behind unused, ignored or never taken out of the box.
He won’t let me know when he gets his check, or say thanks. I have to look at my bank account to see if the check was cashed.
His handwriting looks like chicken scratch and always has. His movements when writing are very fast and jerky. He can be clumsy and disorganised physically.
He has always had a long attention span and loves to read. Very interested in History, but refuses to do History at school. Is his best subject and would do great but is convinced there is no career for him in that. Although he has no other goals or thoughts on a career. He is a gifted writer and could do well in that, but refuses to try it.
He will zone out when being spoken to. He just blanks out. Very forgetful.
One day he will say he has no friends, the next he says has plenty.
He will do this with money too. This, coupled with the refusal to interact with me much and to let me know about any future plans or goals has me very confused.
He is very smart, but refuses to try very hard and can pass with decent grades. In high school he skipped classes, and never did his homework. He said he was bored, but refused to try a better school. His teachers have always said he was very mature. Maybe he was just quiet?
He still has no idea what he wants to do in life. He is in Community College but has not graduated yet after two years. He refuses to talk to me about what he wants to do, and resents me asking. This is even though I and his father are paying his way.
He has trouble keeping a job, and they are always “boring”.
He does really well in structured environments.
H almost joined the army and was quite defiant about doing so. But as soon as I started to be supportive of it, he refused to join. Very sudden and with no explanation.
He is living away from home now. I sent him away thinking he hated me for divorcing his father. I thought that all of this was him just being angry. I thought it would be good for us both for him to go to school away from home.
He is 21 now, and although I think he might be getting better, out interactions always end up being problematic. I have been walking on eggs for years now, thinking it was bad parenting on my part, but not knowing what to do or how to parent better. Even though I swear I have been a loving, nurturing and supportive mom from the get go. I loved being a mother, and i gave him the freedom to just be himself when growing up. But now I think i should have been less understanding? Some I’m sure is teenage angst, some anger at me, but now I’m thinking some of it is more.
Maybe it’s not me after all? His father also has some of these qualities, like blanking you out all the time and acting like you are not even in the room.
Could he have Asperger’s?
But feeling guilty about our mistakes just keeps us living in the past and trying to undo things that happened long ago. I know that I need to make an appointment with my priest, to discuss some things from my past. Perhaps you do too?
The world is a big place and most people do find a way to fit into it, in their own way, and in their own time. I know at least 2 Aspies who are married to normal women. I have no idea how it happens, but it does. (And there are long-term marriages!) Pray for your son, but try to find a sense of humor about his quirks.