Anybody know anything about mild Aspergers? Grasping at straws

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deltadeliquent
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
on_the_hill said:
Without having read through all the posts–maybe someone suggested this–Does your parish have a support group for people with similar disabilities?

Ours has had one for a few years, focused on emotional/psychological/intellectual disabilities rather than physical impairments.

You might find support right “at home,” so to speak.
Click to expand...
If not, maybe the OP could start one? Unless she lives in a very small parish, there are probably others in a similar situation. Even IF her parish is small, there are most likely others who would find this sort of support very helpful. Great idea! 👍
 
Your son sounds typical asperger. Please get a diagnosis from a specialist. It will be good for him to fully understand why his brain works the way it does and why he does the things he does. The specialist will help him understand that he is not defective,

My daughter, 22, is on the asperger spectrum. The book, The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Atwood is the best resource that Ive found. He also has many short clips on YouTube that are helpful. If you are on Facebook, friend Elise Ronan. She has two asperger sons about your child’s age and she has a wealth of knowledge. Good luck!
 
Thanks for all the encouraging words.
I have emailed him a chatty letter telling him about my friends husband ( who acts like he might have a mild case) and suggesting that maybe he does too. I cited a couple of events that make me suspicious. That’s all I can do. At 21 it’s up to him.
In the past he has mentioned wondering why he never cried about his sister, and at least one other incident that really scared him. A zoning out event. Anyway. I’ve planted the seed. Maybe he will look into it. I will not know, he won’t respond to my emails. I didn’t even know if he reads them…

I am going to seek help for myself too. It’s not easy, on this little island where I live, but I am falling apart with all the guilt and pain from the lack of contact. Maybe my therapist can shed some light for me about my son.

I thinki am also going to have get tough. I think some of this is me enabling him to live off of his parents without being serious at school. I have told him that I’m happy to pay for him if he is in school working towards a degree or other goal. I think he has one more semester at community college before he is done, if he can get that done. I have tried to talk to him about going on to University afterwards. He is vauge as ever and I have no idea what’s going on in that department. He’s never liked going to school, but he seems to not have any alternative.
I figure that being in school is better than playing video games if heis still not decided. I have on purpose used support to keep him school. No school, no support.

I honestly don’t care if he works or studies. But he can’t just delay his life on my dime. I feel,like the mother lion having to push the cub out of her den, refusing to hunt for him so he has to go and figure out how to hunt for himself.

Anyway, I am going to give him until the end of December to get himself into a university. If not, no money. And if he does not go full time and send me his grades each term, no money.

If its Aspergers it’s a pretty mild case of it, and others I have read about lead normal lives, with normal relations with family. A little odd, maybe, but normal all in all. I want that for my son too. I want him to be happy in his own skin, how ever his skin is. But I do want to have a friendly relationship with him too.
However, since he is so non responsive to me I think he’s gonna have to figure it out himself. I will support him in that, if he asks. But I just can’t live with the guilt, the pain, and the sorrow his behaviour brings me. In a way, I’ve lost both my children. I never had a career although I worked for a time as a teacher to support my son. So my children are my life’s work. And I’m the only one in the family to have children.

I pray for all the good people here on CAF. Thank you.
 
Now, now. You haven’t had a high failure rate. One of your children met with a tragic accident; the other is still alive and (mostly) healthy, even if he’s quirky. I agree that some counseling will help you, I’d also like to suggest that you see your family physician and discuss whether or not you might benefit from an anti-depressant. It sounds as though you’ve been through plenty of traumatic and stressful experiences and our brain chemistry can be altered through those trials until we get ourselves thoroughly depleted and unable to function properly. Maybe your therapist will suggest the same.
 
Everybody with Aspergers is different. My case isn’t cookie-cutter necessarily, but I exhibit enough traits that there is no doubt.

I was always a “weird” kid- I was the one who would read the encyclopedias and dictionary for fun. I picked up Latin extremely rapidly and could read easily at the college level when quite young. I was very articulate and loved to learn. I was and still am obsessed with a wide variety of subjects, mainly sheep and veterinary medicine, but now its that as well as genetics, molecular biology/biochemistry, history, foreign language, national anthems, origins of the meanings of names, herpetology, etc., etc., etc. I was nine years old and EASILY had multiple intelligent discussions with the dean of our state’s veterinary school, but I still have a difficult time talking to my peers. They are so, completely and unbelieveably boring, at least most of them. I detest small talk and gossip and when I talk, I’d like to talk about important, real life things. I am a very caring and sensitive person, but I am also really blunt. That doesn’t help. I’m also very self-motivated.

I had hoped that once I got to college, things would improve. Not much, except that I can talk to all the professors and grad students I want, participate in research, attend lab product shows, and do other things that are “me”. I can’t escape the other people as much as I’d like to though. I can gracefully deal with it but it is extremely draining. I crave intellectual conversation, especially on the topics that fascinate me, but it doesn’t come very often. I’d settle for intellectual conversation on any topic!

I live otherwise a normal life, and will in all likelihood make a successful career out of my major interests. It’s not a horrible thing to have Aspergers.

I may be weird or quirky, but that’s who I am, and there’s not much that can be done about it. I tend to think of everybody else as the weird ones! 😛
 
Being 34 and having Aspergers myself, I definitely see some common traits. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 28 so things were rough for me growing up. The thing is, it’s on the Autistic spectrum which is a very big spectrum. Two people could have Aspergers, yet behave completely different.
 
Thanks for all the answers.
I do wonder what it was that made you seek a diagnosis at 28. I don’t think I could get him to look into it, and my son is not at home, so I have little influence now.

Did a diagnosis help you at all?
Did it explain things and give you tactics to overcome the problems?
Does the damage you experienced in growing up over ride any attempt to cope now? In other words, is the anger from the past hindering you from getting on with your life?

As I said before, my son, if he has it, has it pretty mild. But I can see how some of his behaviour from an early age might be explained by it. But I am afraid that the anger and pain it has engendered will prevent him from embracing the diagnosis and actively learning how to cope.

Any thoughts?

How can you tell regular teenage anger and weirdness from Aspergers?
 
My son is now 22 but was diagnosed with Aspergers at 6 years old when he started Grade 1. I’d never heard of it before and back then (1997) we had no internet, so I just had to go along with what the experts were telling me. It wasn’t 'til a couple of years in I read that the best way to teach Aspergers kids was to walk them through everything and to explain the process with as much detail as possible. Even talking about what appropriate emotions follow different situations. This way they can help themselves cultivate better social skills and reactions.That seems to have been a great help to my son as he is now quite independent, talkative (though annoyingly pedantic and rigid sometimes) and has a nice group of friends that he met through the Autism Associations social groups.

Your son seems very ‘on the spectrum’ from what you are saying but you don’t necessarily have to have a diagnosis to start trying the techniques. Most kids respond predictably when you let them go to find their own way, but Aspergers kids can really benefit from a lot of practical guidance. If he allows you and not to be overwhelming, you could start cultivating a subtle teaching way with him. If he’s open to reading some literature that might help him understand himself better, it could open up a whole new world for him.

I think my husband is Aspergers, but he isn’t really interested in entertaining that idea himself. He’s achieved highly in his career and landed on his feet with a fantastic wife (!) so there’s nothing to make him care anyway. :rolleyes:

You have had some trials to bear from what you say here and will be well practiced in resilience and optimism at all odds so you have some good skills to pass over to your son. God bless.
 
When my grandson was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 4, I started reading about it, and recognised that my ex-husband was also Aspergers. It missed the generation of my children.

Hubby rose to the top of his profession, and runs a highly successful Scouting group, but on the one to one basis of marriage he was a dismal failure, and has had no successful relationships of the intimate kind. He has no buddies either. It was horrible being married to him, and my marriage has been annulled with no difficulties.

Way back when we married, Aspergers had not been classified. I think that nowadays, being forewarned and both partners aware of problems they will face, a marriage could be successful. I do know of two Aspies who married each other and it is working out well. No children yet.

A job,however, can be difficult - they work best alone. You may have him living at home for a long time.
 
My question is: Will finding out if he has Aspergers change anything? Will it affect your relationship with your son? Do you just want an explanation for his sometimes strange behavior?
 
Falco said:
A job,however, can be difficult - they work best alone. You may have him living at home for a long time.
Click to expand...
I have heard that a lot of computer coders are Aspie’s. Slide the food under the door and leave them alone!
 
My diagnosis more directly helped my family which indirectly helped me. My mom (I still live with her) was always frustrated because she thought I was selfish and didn’t care about the house or keeping things clean, etc etc, when, honestly, I just wouldn’t notice things or taking things too literally. We’d have a big dinner and a messy kitchen for example. Mom would ask me to unload the dishwasher so I’d unload it and then go do something else. She would get mad at me for not taking the initiative and loading the dishwasher and/or finishing the kitchen as well. I wasn’t trying to be lazy or get out of doing work, it simply did not occur to me at all to do more. She told me to unload the dishwasher so I unloaded it. I would tell her, again, this is before my diagnosis, that she should just tell me to unload and load the dishwasher if that’s what she wants and she would get upset saying she shouldn’t have to tell someone that.

Getting diagnosed was helpful in that now everyone understands me better and they work with me, knowing my limitations. The downside of the diagnosis was the knowledge that I’ll never “get better”. I always knew I was weird/different and always thought I’d grow out of it one day, but the diagnosis killed all hope of that. Overall, the diagnosis was a benefit because it made it easier to continue living with my mom by removing the mutual frustration.

Overall, I don’t like my life, you can look up other threads I’ve participated in for more detail. I have limited interests and none of them could help me with a career and if I’m not interested in something, I can’t learn it. I’m lonely all the time as I don’t have friends. There are some people that I do events with, but they’re there to service the event and are not really “friends”. I’ve never had any kind of girlfriend or dated anyone and don’t really have any hopes that will change. My life just seems meaningless/pointless.
 
With the new DSM V (Diagnosis tool for Psychologists) Aspergers will become officially part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders. Your son appears to have behaviors that would fit a diagnosis. Would a diagnosis be helpful to him? Or would it just help you to understand him and accept him? There can be frustration and guilt on the part of parents who have children with difficult behaviors. I’m just not sure if putting a diagnosis label on your son will change anything. Until he feels the need to understand himself or to learn new skills or behaviors that will help him be successful, he may resent you even more for the label. He’s 21 and may need time to figure this out on his own. Love him. Respect him. Rejoice in his strengths.
 
As the mother of a son diagnosed with Asperger’s (Now, simply, Autism Spectrum Disorder), I would respectfully suggest that you not rely on even those of us with experience to suppose what your son’s diagnoses might be (if anything).

Perhaps you might speak to a mental health professional, who has an area of expertise in Autism Spectrum Disorders - but without actually working with your son, they won’t make a formal diagnoses, either.

I do understand the emotional sadness the behavior you describe can cause, and I will pray for the Lord’s Peace to comfort you. :gopray:
 
Others have confirmed your suspicions. Here is how it can turn out.
Both myself and my eldest son have Aspergers. my other two biological children display signs of bring on the autism spectrum but are less affected. I do not know if theirs is genetic or the result of being raised by a mother with so many social anxieties and incompetences.
I was a child prodigy, read fluently at three, IQ tested in the genius range, national merit scholar. All three children, now adults, have IQs over 140, Aspie son is a gifted pianist, but unable to handle anxiety during auditions, etc.
All are well educated, homeschooled, went to college and grad school, but all lead unconventional lives and perform well below their abilities professionally. The Aspie son teaches English in China where his oddness is less noticeable, he cannot hold a job here for long. Another son is a blackjack dealer in a casino. My daughter is a stay at home mom, whose husband, a special Ed teacher, playfully calls her autistic. She has a Masters degree in education, and tutors part time. They are extremely poor, but prefer their lifestyle.

For myself, I had scholarships, and later, fellowships, but I would not be able to function well outside of my home. My husband has provided sheltering care for 30 years. I was abused by my mother, a situation which often happens to children with Apergers and short tempered parents. It can get very difficult.

Feel free to PM me if you like.
 
bcuster said:
With the new DSM V (Diagnosis tool for Psychologists) Aspergers will become officially part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders. Your son appears to have behaviors that would fit a diagnosis. Would a diagnosis be helpful to him? Or would it just help you to understand him and accept him? There can be frustration and guilt on the part of parents who have children with difficult behaviors. I’m just not sure if putting a diagnosis label on your son will change anything. Until he feels the need to understand himself or to learn new skills or behaviors that will help him be successful, he may resent you even more for the label. He’s 21 and may need time to figure this out on his own. Love him. Respect him. Rejoice in his strengths.
Click to expand...
These are good questions to ponder. Because he is an adult, it is difficult for you (his mother) to make decisions regarding whether to seek a diagnosis.

As a father of a young child on the autism spectrum, I can say that the diagnosis has been a great help to us, especially in terms of being able to get appropriate help/treatment of the various concerns. This is not so relevant for an adult child. But what is relevant is that the label has also helped us understand our daughter better, as well as help others (extended family, preschool, etc) understand her. We continue to learn how best to interact with her and understand how differently she experiences the world compared to neurotypical people.

The diagnosis may or may not be of direct benefit to your adult child. But it may be of tremendous benefit to you as his mother. Also, there are probably employment services that can directly assist him and steer him along a suitable career path.

PS as noted, Aspergers is no longer a recognised diagnosis. It would just be autism spectrum disorder.
 
Thank you all for your responses and experiences.

I do think that some of his traits from way back are indicative of Aspergers, but I also think he has no interest in looking into it.

A diagnosis would help me out a lot as I would rather know that he was special, rather than he was just mean spirited, uninterested, or lazy.
Sometimes he is so peculiar I think it just cannot be that.

Thanks for all your advice and prayers, sometimes his behaviour just bewilders so very much.
Peace.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top