Anyone called to be single?

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barbfromtucson said:
Hi all,

I’m 35 and still single. This may have been touched upon earlier, but there may be psychological issues with the OP’s situation.

I grew up in an abusive home and was also the ‘kid that everyone picked on’ throughout school/childhood. I have some serious trust issues and such that stem from my childhood.

I have never had a strong desire to get married/have children–but this is probably coming from my childhood experiences–fears of being hurt and unable to trust is behind this.

I still don’t know if I’m destined to be married or single–I’ve still got more emotional scars to deal with.

I’m sure God will reveal His plan for me when I’m ready, and He will reveal His plan to the OP’s when she’s ready.

God Bless,

Barbara
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Well, I had to deal with alcoholism in the family growing up, and I can see how it can lead to trust issues, so I know where you are coming from. But in my case, it only led me to want a good family life even more.

Also, please do not be led to think that the abuse was something God sent to you. God is not a sick God: remember what Jesus said about what kind of father would give his son a scorpion when he asked for an egg, or a snake when he asked for a fish?
 
Norseman82 said:
As a bachelor with an “unplanned kid” in the form of a stray cocker spaniel, I loved that (although you will have to slap me, because I do refer to myself as her “daddy”)!
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I don’t slap - you would likely slap back.

I just wince a little. And then move on.

Cocker spaniel eh? Everytime I see CS’s I think “Rufus would be a good name for that dog!”

To me cockers just look like they should be named Rufus.

http://www.wildpromotie.nl/jagerslatijn/pics/cocker-08.jpg

Roofus? I think so!
 
Norseman82 said:
Well, I had to deal with alcoholism in the family growing up, and I can see how it can lead to trust issues, so I know where you are coming from. But in my case, it only led me to want a good family life even more.

Also, please do not be led to think that the abuse was something God sent to you. God is not a sick God: remember what Jesus said about what kind of father would give his son a scorpion when he asked for an egg, or a snake when he asked for a fish?
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Thanks (???) for putting words in my mouth. I never said anything about God sending me the abuse and whether God is “sick” or not.
I did go through that phase but I’m not in that state of mind now.

I was just pointing out that the OP might have a background that is affecting her current viewpoint/discernment/etc. about being single or not.

–Barbara
 
passioncrosslov said:
Like… “Mother Dearest, please help me to find a sweet and gentle woman like you.”… 😃
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I seem to recall a story of St. Anne being the patroness of women looking for husbands. Maybe St. Joachim helps with wives too.

One story I read of a woman who had a small statue of St. Anne that she used to look at and say “St. Anne, St. Anne, please find me a man!”

Several years on, with no prospects in sight, she one day looked at the statue and said “Fat lot of good you are doing for me all these years!” and tossed it out the window of her apartment.

Of course it hit a pious bachelor walking by right square in the head… Thinking any Catholic would want their statue back, he went to return it, and, it would seem, the prayers to St. Anne were answered. - they got married a few months later.

 
ASimpleSinner said:
Of course it hit a pious bachelor walking by right square in the head… Thinking any Catholic would want their statue back, he went to return it, and, it would seem, the prayers to St. Anne were answered. - they got married a few months later.
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haha yeah, of course! I kind of saw that coming when she threw the statue out the window. I’m on the second story of an apartment complex though, so throwing statues may cause more serious injury to those walking below. :o
 
barbfromtucson said:
Thanks (???) for putting words in my mouth. I never said anything about God sending me the abuse and whether God is “sick” or not.
I did go through that phase but I’m not in that state of mind now.

I was just pointing out that the OP might have a background that is affecting her current viewpoint/discernment/etc. about being single or not.

–Barbara
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I wasn’t trying to put words in your mouth; I was just trying to be pre-emptive in case someone said that to you. I know that there are people out there who think they’re trying to help, but say some sick things that really only make matters worse. My apologies for not being clearer about it.
 
exoflare said:
haha yeah, of course! I kind of saw that coming when she threw the statue out the window. I’m on the second story of an apartment complex though, so throwing statues may cause more serious injury to those walking below. :o
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PLEASE do not construe the point of that story to start hurling statuary out the window till you land a spouse…LOL

Of course, you might meet a nice attorney or policeman when you are arrested/tried for assualt! heheh…
 
ASimpleSinner said:
PLEASE do not construe the point of that story to start hurling statuary out the window till you land a spouse…LOL

Of course, you might meet a nice attorney or policeman when you are arrested/tried for assualt! heheh…
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😃
 
You might try spending time as a working volunteer at Madonna House - a Catholic community of men, women and priests, dedicated to loving & serving Jesus in all aspects of everyday life.
It’s in in Ontario Canada (website is www.madonnahouse.org)). It was started by Catherine Doherty.

You can go as a volunteer and work at the main facility in Ontario (they have field houses all over the world) and spend that time as a period of discernment. It’s a wonderful place (I lived there off/on for about 3 yrs) and it may help you see if that type of life is for you.

pax/caritas - Dana:)
 
Check out : arlingtondiocese.org/offices/vocations/secularinst.html
and this group, Caritas Christi:
ccinfo.org/
I am a single in my 20’s also and pondering my vocation. I don’t feel called to be a religious or married but there is so much good to be done in the world. I can be a light for Christ right where I am, but I do need supportive people and would like to have a more complete commitment. With Caritas Christi, you don’t make a formal commitment for 8 years, so you have a long time to discern if it is for you. I believe I am called to be single and I know I am not alone in this call.
 
How about condemned to being single? 😉

That’s about where I am right now. Caught between the boomers with their rejection of marriage and the new conservatives with their wonderful return to marriage and big families begun right out of college.

Ah well.
 
Zapfenstreich said:
How about condemned to being single? 😉

That’s about where I am right now. Caught between the boomers with their rejection of marriage and the new conservatives with their wonderful return to marriage and big families begun right out of college.

Ah well.
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👍 love your quote Zapfenstreich:o
 
Zapfenstreich said:
How about condemned to being single? 😉

That’s about where I am right now. Caught between the boomers with their rejection of marriage and the new conservatives with their wonderful return to marriage and big families begun right out of college.

Ah well.
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LOL - I can relate. I am 30 and friendly with a couple married for 6 years who are 27 & 28… and on kid #3. God bless em, I am happy for them and hope they have 10 more…

But yea, I can relate.
 
ASimpleSinner said:
But yea, I can relate.
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It’s tough, surprisingly at times. But there’s a strange undercurrent of happiness in it too. For me it’s been a process of moving from unrealistic hopes to an acceptance of what is, rather than always looking off into the distance at what will never be.

I never thought that I would end up as the kindly bachelor, but there’s a certain sense of comfort in having settled at last into a role that I can play and derive some satisfaction from.

Having “been there, done that & gotten the t-shirt” when it comes to girlfriends, living together, and all the other ways a single guy can completely mess up his spiritual and moral life, I can honestly say that it’s a better thing to be single than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship or a loveless marriage as I’ve seen all around me.

I think that the truly happy marriages are rare treasures, and those who find themselves in them often got started very early or very late, and in either case usually seem to have fallen into it almost purely by accident rather than having sought it out by intent.

It’s not a bad life, being single. I couldn’t live it without the Rosary though. Man, what a help that is. That and regular Confession and a good place to attend Mass, all of it makes life so much better, I wish I had known all of this when I was 20, but at least I’ve found it now: I feel like I’ve merged back onto the highway of where I was supposed to be going all along, after a long detour along dark backroads of worldliness.
 
Zapfenstreich said:
It’s tough, surprisingly at times. But there’s a strange undercurrent of happiness in it too. For me it’s been a process of moving from unrealistic hopes to an acceptance of what is, rather than always looking off into the distance at what will never be.

I never thought that I would end up as the kindly bachelor, but there’s a certain sense of comfort in having settled at last into a role that I can play and derive some satisfaction from.

Having “been there, done that & gotten the t-shirt” when it comes to girlfriends, living together, and all the other ways a single guy can completely mess up his spiritual and moral life, I can honestly say that it’s a better thing to be single than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship or a loveless marriage as I’ve seen all around me.

I think that the truly happy marriages are rare treasures, and those who find themselves in them often got started very early or very late, and in either case usually seem to have fallen into it almost purely by accident rather than having sought it out by intent.

It’s not a bad life, being single. I couldn’t live it without the Rosary though. Man, what a help that is. That and regular Confession and a good place to attend Mass, all of it makes life so much better, I wish I had known all of this when I was 20, but at least I’ve found it now: I feel like I’ve merged back onto the highway of where I was supposed to be going all along, after a long detour along dark backroads of worldliness.
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WOW Zap - excellent points all of them. Let me ask you this - are you still open to the possibility of marriage should God lead someone to you? I’m just curious because I can definitely relate to what you said above (am 44 myself) having been down some of the roads you mention and yes making a mess of my spiritaul and moral life as well. I thank God daily for the gift of confession, the Rosary and Divine Mercy as well. A good place to attend Mass is also one of the solid building blocks of a good spiritual defence against the nasty stuff that seems to just be everywhere these days.

I feel that even though I’m generally happy with the single life - that if God were to bring that man that He’s fashioned into my life, I’d be open to that as well.

I guess it’s that gradual/day-to-day response to God’s call with a “Thy Will Be Done” answer no matter what it may mean for my life. Thanks for your words:thumbsup:

pax - Dmari
 
dmari1262 said:
Let me ask you this - are you still open to the possibility of marriage should God lead someone to you?
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Oh definitely, it’s not like I’m saying “no” to that at all. I just don’t think that it’s going to happen, and that’s ok. If anything, I find myself now being much more accepting of wherever God leads me in life, and if that’s towards marriage, great. But if not, that’s great too, so long as I’m going in the direction He wants me to follow.
 
Zapfenstreich said:
If anything, I find myself now being much more accepting of wherever God leads me in life, and if that’s towards marriage, great. But if not, that’s great too, so long as I’m going in the direction He wants me to follow.
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Big AMEN to that Zap - could not have said it better myself;) 👍
 
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