Anyone called to be single?

[Michael_Saint]

A holy priest I know said that he did not think there was a call to the single life. I don’t mean to be depressing but I do trust him, he is a very wise man.

Wise priests can be wrong. I wonder what he would say about all the canonized saints of the Church who lived their lives as single people? Missed God’s call? I think not.

 

[Michael_Saint]

I’m just not sure if I feel this way because I have a genuine calling, or because I’ve been disapointed when it comes to dating. Also I have seen so many unhappy marriages. I wonder if it is worth it?

It is worth it IF and ONLY IF - you find the “right partner”. So a strong Catholic, if he or she (most of the time it is a “she”) is just going to marry someone who is not Catholic, or what seems even more common these days, marry someone who is Catholic “in name only” but does not practice, he or she would be making a huge mistake. The whole created purpose of marriage is to lead us closer to God. That is the lithmus test on whether or not you should marry the person you are “dating” or want to “date”.

 

[dmari1262]

It is worth it IF and ONLY IF - you find the “right partner”. So a strong Catholic, if he or she (most of the time it is a “she”) is just going to marry someone who is not Catholic, or what seems even more common these days, marry someone who is Catholic “in name only” but does not practice, he or she would be making a huge mistake. The whole created purpose of marriage is to lead us closer to God. That is the lithmus test on whether or not you should marry the person you are “dating” or want to “date”.

BIG TIME to that Michael and a heartfelt AMEN!!! I have been finding more and more the men I’m meeting (ironically via CATHOLIC online dating sites) are Catholic in name only - and even worse - they are on these sites as divorced Catholics, seeking serious relationships WITHOUT an annulement!!! And when I ask them about this, they see no reason whatsoever to get an annulment or seem shocked to find out they need one at all!! Now that’s depressing LOL!!! But I truly believe that if you are Catcholic and feel you are called to marriage that you really must seek out other Catholics - the bible talks about being unevenly yoked…it’s a real problem - as much as a guy or girl may be a great person…w/out that background of faith in their heart they are still an uneven match for a Catholic man or woman who truly wants to deepen and live out their faith on a day 2 day basis

 

[IceCathedral]

I typed up a whole post and accidentally mistyped something, so I hit the backspace button to delete the typo and all of a sudden I was led back to the forum and had everything deleted. Ah, now must type again. Anyway, simply, I think what your stance on single life as a vocation or not all depends on where you stand and what you have experienced. Have a lovely Thanksgiving and God Bless.

 

[Nandarani]

I can’t reply at length–I’m dealing with some other stuff right now*–but I will say this:

Single is the most permanent vocation of all! There is no marrying and being given in marriage in heaven. Everybody ends up single in eternity. That’s why marriage vows are not for eternity, but til death do we part.

It is false to equate the fruits of the Holy Spirit with mere emotions. Discernment is done by judging the fruits, not mere feelings, wo wo wo feelings.

I already mentioned consecrated virgins and consecrated widows. This is different. I am not consecrated to a bishop. I am betrothed of the Lord.

The “what if everybody did it” appeal is false. Paul clearly says to follow the call (charism) you were given; Jesus in the eunuchs passage says the same. If you are called to the vocation of marriage and family life, you would be miserable to ignore it. If you are not called to marriage and family life and do it anyway, you will not have the fruits of the Spirit and you will make yourself and everyone else around you miserable.

Anyway, sorry I can’t go deeper with this right now…but I have a lot of things to do before I am laid up for a while…just learned I have breast cancer (though I did beat the thyroid cancer, yay)…and I am trying to help a dear friend in another state who just got diagnosed with Hep C and she has no health insurance to cover her interferon therapy. Yikes! Back to my caretaker self…that’s my job in the world…being Christ to others…it’s yours too…we’re all broken and blessed.

Praised be our dear sweet Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ–
Now and Forever!

HOW ARE YOU? that was a very nice letter, among others from others - this thread is of interest to me. i was “amazed” to find such a honest discussion on this topic. Not that the rest of CA isn’t honest. I hope this meets you well; that’s all I can say. I’m in rcia, by the way.

 

[Nandarani]

I think there is a call to the single life. For example, I do not have the health for religious life and hence live the single life under private vows with spiritual direction. I live a specific lifestyle. I experience this as God’s Will for me and my vocation in life. The Church certainly recognizes the single state as a vocation or call from God.
I tend to think that the Good Lord made me “no good for anything else” as a way of ensuring that I DID follow His Call and Will for me.

Blessings and Peace…Barb

Beautifully put.

 

[ronnette]

I’m beginning to think this could be me, although it’s not what I wish.

I am not cut out to be a religious; and, as much as I’ve always wanted to be married, openness to life is too much of an issue. I’m not fit to be a mother, ever, and I know it. So, that leaves me with only one other option- single life forever.

I am trying to learn to carry this cross a little more willingly and gratefully.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I’m beginning to think this could be me, although it’s not what I wish.

I am not cut out to be a religious; and, as much as I’ve always wanted to be married, openness to life is too much of an issue. I’m not fit to be a mother, ever, and I know it. So, that leaves me with only one other option- single life forever.

I am trying to learn to carry this cross a little more willingly and gratefully.

Hi there Ronnette…I am curious as to why you feel you are not cut out to be a religious - have you investigated religious life? The life is vastly different nowadays from what it once was at least in many religious orders. The other option I can think of if you do not have a spiritual director, is to go on a directed retreat and have a talk with the retreat director.
I live the single life, and live alone, under private vows with spiritual direction…to arrive at the point where I carried the cross of single life more willingly and gratefully was a journey for me rather than an event and every so often I find myself struggling with regrets that things have unfolded as they have and I try at these times to thank God for He is forever working towards my sanctification (as for all), even when it is not at all apparent to my human logic. The single life can be very lonely - well I experience this in patches now and then I should say, and they can be hard to work through. Personally I would never recommend the single state unless one has a talk with a spiritual director first and advice accepted that the single state is the call from God.

If you would like to find a spiritual director, I suggest you ring an Order of brothers and priests and ask them if they undertake people for spiritual direction and if they do not, if they can direct you to somewhere where you may have some luck
The other alternative is to ring your diocesan offices.

Barb

 

[MH84]

I’m so glad someone submitted this question! The only time I feel “weird” about being single is when OTHERS make me feel weird: “So why aren’t you married yet?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Do you like being single?” Leave me alone, gah!

Yes I know how you feel, it can be quite embarrassing can’t it? I hate it when they ask have you got a girlfriend, and after I tell them no, they say “that’s okay, its better if you just conscentrate on your studies first”. Yeah, yeah. If I told them I did, they would probably be patting me on the back.

 

[kentuckyliz]

HOW ARE YOU? that was a very nice letter, among others from others - this thread is of interest to me. i was “amazed” to find such a honest discussion on this topic. Not that the rest of CA isn’t honest. I hope this meets you well; that’s all I can say. I’m in rcia, by the way.

Hi Nandarani! Thank you for your kind comments. I hope you enjoy your RCIA process and get a lot from it…that it leads you ever closer to Christ.

Well I just checked in on this thread since July…and I just have to say wow.

At the risk of inflaming further controversy, I’ll just put it out there, that I think men (generally) have a hard time with the concept of the single vocation (single for the Lord in the world) because of their biology and it is hard for them to imagine it even being possible…perhaps leads to resentment of single women who are single for the Lord in the world…to the point of making all sorts of claims…yikes. Women are different, their biology is different, not so enslaved to certain drives hormonally.

Anyway I am doing OK. Had chemo #6 out of 7 this week, one more to go, then radiation after New Year’s. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me!

God is so good. Jesus Christ be praised today, tomorrow, and forever more!!!

 

[Norseman82]

At the risk of inflaming further controversy, I’ll just put it out there, that I think men (generally) have a hard time with the concept of the single vocation (single for the Lord in the world) because of their biology and it is hard for them to imagine it even being possible…perhaps leads to resentment of single women who are single for the Lord in the world…to the point of making all sorts of claims…yikes. Women are different, their biology is different, not so enslaved to certain drives hormonally.

I don’t think it’s controversial, I think it is accurate.

Now, the question is, what are we going to do with all the males that know they can’t handle lifelong celibacy (for whatever reason - biology, need for a family, etc.)?

 

[kentuckyliz]

Those males can discern their own vocation, and if it is to marriage, then they can find their mate and live out that vocation. That doesn’t really affect any other person whose vocation is not to marriage.

Good luck to you and God bless you.

 

[Norseman82]

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the USA, and I don’t know if there is an irony in this thread being resurrected in time for the holidays.

I’m sure in the following weeks many of us will hear all sorts of prayers at Mass and feel sorry for all those who have no family to spend holidays with and whose holiday dinners are often scrounging up a TV dinner in the freezer to throw in the oven or checking what Chinese take-outs are open, yet what is being promoted as a vocation is the very thing that is the cause of many people not having families. What a load of hypocrisy. Maybe it’s because I’m just a stereotypical male in IT who has a tendency to analyze and problem-solve, but am I the only one here that sees the connection?

 

[Norseman82]

then they can find their mate and live out that vocation. That doesn’t really affect any other person whose vocation is not to marriage.

The problem is that in this day and age finding a good compatible Catholic spouse is getting harder and harder these days, and something needs to be done about that.

 

[kentuckyliz]

I am not with my family today because I had chemotherapy Monday and am not up to traveling. A frozen dinner would be pretty challenging, too. Last night was my first visit to CAF since I had to beg off in July.

You’re staying on the level of some general abstract issue. Go live your life and your vocation! Don’t worry about what a bunch of old spinsters are up to.

 

[lak611]

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the USA, and I don’t know if there is an irony in this thread being resurrected in time for the holidays.

I’m sure in the following weeks many of us will hear all sorts of prayers at Mass and feel sorry for all those who have no family to spend holidays with and whose holiday dinners are often scrounging up a TV dinner in the freezer to throw in the oven of checking what Chinese take-outs are open, yet what is being promoted as a vocation is the very thing that is the cause of many people not having families. What a load of hypocrisy. Maybe it’s because I’m just a stereotypical male in IT who has a tendency to analyze and problem-solve, but am I the only one here that sees the connection?

Most people who are single still have siblings, parents, cousins or friends to spend Thanksgiving with. Those who are alone and really have no one to spend the holiday with usually are homeless.

 

[Norseman82]

Most people who are single still have siblings, parents, cousins or friends to spend Thanksgiving with. Those who are alone and really have no one to spend the holiday with usually are homeless.

There are also people who don’t have the above, or whose extended family will start growing apart once the cousins have kids and grandkids, etc. And the friends have their own families to be with.

 

[kentuckyliz]

The problem is that in this day and age finding a good compatible Catholic spouse is getting harder and harder these days, and something needs to be done about that.

Ooh, you should use Ave Maria Singles. Very suitable for finding a devout and faithful Catholic mate. You’re in the Chicago area–my goodness, wall to wall Catholics! You are suffering an embarrassment of riches. There’s lots of Chicago people on AMS.

Instead of sitting back and insisting that Something Should Be Done!, you should actually do something…because Anthony Buono already figured out the Something that should be done to help devout Catholics find their mates. If you’re going to waste time at a computer, do it on the AMS site actually interacting with females…one of them might be your future spouse and you’re wasting time!!!

 

[lak611]

There are also people who don’t have the above, or whose extended family will start growing apart once the cousins have kids and grandkids, etc.

One can offer to take care of the kids, invite the family to his/her house, and do other things to stay in the loop.

 

[Norseman82]

Ooh, you should use Ave Maria Singles. Very suitable for finding a devout and faithful Catholic mate. You’re in the Chicago area–my goodness, wall to wall Catholics! You are suffering an embarrassment of riches. There’s lots of Chicago people on AMS.

Instead of sitting back and insisting that Something Should Be Done!, you should actually do something…because Anthony Buono already figured out the Something that should be done to help devout Catholics find their mates. If you’re going to waste time at a computer, do it on the AMS site actually interacting with females…one of them might be your future spouse and you’re wasting time!!!

Unfortunately, many of us are of the generation that were taught that personal ads were for losers, and that attitude was reinforced by my former Opus Dei cell leader.