Hi, Barb
Thanks for some great words of wisdom. Unfortunately, though, I doubt an order would have me, due to chronic serious mental illness.
What do you think about the single vocation, though? How is it going for you? How did you come about it, if you don’t mind me asking? What do you love most about it?
Hi Ronnette … I suffer Bipolar Disorder, which of course is an impediment to religious life. Although in my forties (now 62yrs old) I was accepted to enter a strictly enclosed monastic order, who though knowing I suffered Bipolar made an exception and I was permitted to enter; however, I had to give up medication and this was not a wise move at all. Travelling to enter which asked I cross two states here in Australia and a rather long journey, my heart was in the clouds with joy. On stepping inside the enclosure on my very first day, a great pall of darkness and doubt descended on me and of a most intense degree - in fact so much so that as my novice mistress later wrote to me, I was totally traumatized for the entire time I was with this Order. I subsequently left and the same thing happened, on walking out the enclosure my heart soared with joy again.
I look on my illness in connnection with vocation in a positive light. God has gifted me with Bipolar to ensure I follow a certain path in life excluding me from religious life…the single state. I would not advise anyone to undertake the single life as a vocation, however, without spiritual direction. Unlike nuns or religious sisters, one does not have the community as a support and one lives in the midst of the world with all its temptations unlike a nun or religious sister who is to a degree sheltered from these things. When it first began to dawn on me that I was called to the single state and this was with spiritual direction, I was joyful that at least I DID have a vocation as for years I had a distinct feeling of being called but not able to define exactly to where I was called. I made private vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to a certain way of life - again under spiritual direction. However, the early years were fraught with difficulty and struggle, simply because I was living in the world midst all its distractions and temptations - it was no easy road for me and yet the feeling of being called to the single way of life I was living persisted. I suppose after about 10 years of many ups and downs, highs and lows and much struggle, the single state became habitual and not so difficult. Now, some 25 years down the line, I can imagine living no other way. Although as I said, now and then I would love to live in community the religious life. The single state can be very lonely…although it occurs only in patches. I feel a persistent sense of loss that varies in degree that I do not have the support of a community around me.
As I said in my previous post, I would not recommend anyone consider the single state as a vocation without spiritual direction. And my this I mean, the single state as a vocation one intends to commit oneself to for life. I did fall in love once and it was the hardest thing I ever did to break with this man because I knew I was called to the single state. In fact it broke my heart at the time, though now I know I did the best thing for both him and I.
I do think that the impediment against people suffering some kind of mental disorder that exists in connection with religious life needs review. Nowadays in many cases medication keeps one more normal than normal…as it does me. And my medication only costs $12 monthly. The impediment was put in place in the days when a mental disorder was almost untreatable and viewed and at times subconsciously so as indication of being spiritually reprobate in some way. My own psychiatrist thinks this impediment as a sweeping matter covering all cases is absolutely draconian and unintelligent lacking true understanding.
She is aware that deep down if I could I would enter religious life and would support this if an Order would accept me and allow me to take medication.
Undoubtedly my sojourn in monastic life in my forties was brought to an end in the main due to the fact I was in dreadful withdrawal from medication since I was not allowed to take it and suddenly stopping it on entering the enclosure was a clear invitation to disaster.
Blessings and my regards…Barb
Another ‘theory’ runs that if God grants a religious vocation he does not grant mental illness