Anyone else dread their honeymoon?

[Jea9]

My husband and I went to Italy for our honeymoon last year! It was awesome! We actually did the Catholic Answers cruise with the optional 4 days pre-cruise event in Rome. The most time we spent was in Rome, and honestly, we didn’t even come close to seeing everything. People said we wouldn’t like honeymooning with a group, but we actually loved it. Aside from the annoying people who made us late to everything despite Karl Keating’s repeated warnings that they would be left somewhere. We would love to go back to Italy, and see more of it. We spent the 4 days in Rome, with 1/2 day trip to Vatican City, also day trips to Sicily, Palermo, and a couple other places that my new mommy brain can’t remember the names of right now. We tried some food, pasta food, and found we didn’t like what we had, but LOVED pizza and gelato!

Oh, and we tried to pick up some Italian, but didn’t actually use it. I was only laughed at once, in a gelato shop ordering strawberry, fragola, with the emphasis on the wrong syllable. But, it made for a funny story!

I understand the frustration of not getting to choose yourself, but this is really a great opportunity and I doubt you’d be disappointed!

 

[Charlotte1776]

You also mentioned your future husband wanting to go to Peru to see family after the Italy trip.

He’s not my future husband now, we’ve been married for a few months but we can’t take the honeymoon until right before our first aniversary because he used up all his vacation days since I’ve known him visiting his family a few states away. He only gets 4 weeks a year.

Jea9, I didn’t know there was a Catholic Answers crusie to Italy! That sounds like it would be fun. The whole point of us going to Italy is to see the little northern town where his grandparents grew up, so we will be spending a week or so visiting his cousins there. The leftover week we could use for the cruise or Rome. Is there going to be a cruise next year?

 

[KCT]

I love Italy; I’ve been 4 times. It’s safe, the food is fabulous and the people are wonderful. The art and architecture are amazing.

If you really don’t want to go, tell him. If you can’t be honest and work this through, you’re in trouble.

 

[CoffeeHound]

He’s not my future husband now, we’ve been married for a few months but we can’t take the honeymoon until right before our first aniversary because he used up all his vacation days since I’ve known him visiting his family a few states away. He only gets 4 weeks a year.

I assume he’s registered in that Comune as a citizen. If so, you want to make sure he registers your marriage license in person at town hall. I don’t know where you live or what consulate he uses, but I hate dealing with mine. It’s much easier to turn in the paperwork in person.

 

[Jea9]

Jea9, I didn’t know there was a Catholic Answers crusie to Italy! That sounds like it would be fun. The whole point of us going to Italy is to see the little northern town where his grandparents grew up, so we will be spending a week or so visiting his cousins there. The leftover week we could use for the cruise or Rome. Is there going to be a cruise next year?

Actually, they do a cruise every year. This year they are going (October 16-31st I think if you do everything) to start with a few days in Venice (we really REALLY wanted to go!) then it will be a cruise that takes you to Ephesus and Mary’s house, some Greek isles and ends with a few days in Croatia. It is different every year. But on your first week there…if you spend a week visiting with his family (as hard as that seems to you right now), you will probably save a lot of money and get real authentic food and environment. No touristy stuff. That is super cool! Anyway, on the CA cruise, you can check out their website www.catholicanswerscruise.com to check out this years, and Karl Keating actually told us about this years when we were getting ready to leave ours last year, so they plan way in advance.

 

[CoffeeHound]

Actually, they do a cruise every year. This year they are going (October 16-31st I think if you do everything) to start with a few days in Venice (we really REALLY wanted to go!) then it will be a cruise that takes you to Ephesus and Mary’s house, some Greek isles and ends with a few days in Croatia. It is different every year. But on your first week there…if you spend a week visiting with his family (as hard as that seems to you right now), you will probably save a lot of money and get real authentic food and environment. No touristy stuff. That is super cool! Anyway, on the CA cruise, you can check out their website www.catholicanswerscruise.com to check out this years, and Karl Keating actually told us about this years when we were getting ready to leave ours last year, so they plan way in advance.

PLEASE don’t ride the donkeys in Santorini. It breaks my heart when they go up those steps to get to Fira with tourists on their back You don’t see it, but at night after the cruise ship leaves, the old man that runs those donkeys is very mean to them. Don’t give him money. Use the cable car or walk (then when you get into the city, rent an ATV for $20 and go to the wine country or Oia).

(wow… I feel like such a world traveler. I’ve been to ever destination on that cruise, some twice!)

 

[BrokenFortress]

There is some of this that I can relate to. We’re getting married next month, and since we’re trying to save up for a house, we’re just going out East for our honeymoon. His grandparents live in D.C. and are in their 90s so they can’t make the long trip to the Midwest for our wedding. So one of our days on our honeymoon we’re going to spend visiting with them. I’ll be honest. At first that really bugged me. I mean, isn’t it supposed to be about us? But then I realized, it’s something we won’t get to do much, seeing as they won’t be here much longer. And I know it means a lot to my fiance. I want to make him happy, that is one reason I’m marrying him. As I’ve heard before, marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100 or even 100/0 at times. It’s about what you put into it.

With that said, I think you should go to Italy. I think you’re kind of having a power struggle with not getting what you wanted. But you’re married. It’s not only about you. It’s also about him and what means a lot to him. You may never get this chance again, it’s a lot easier to go out West or anywhere in the US or North America than go to Italy.

I think a lot of times us women want to take control and make the big decisions. But all the advice I’ve seen, and I’ve seen how it affects our relationship, is that the man should make major decisions, with (name removed by moderator)ut from his wife. They are the head of the household. That responsibility should be on them. Tell of your thoughts and opinions, but let them make the decision. If he is a good Catholic husband, he should listen to you, pray over it and then act accordingly.

I really think it’s your attitude about the matter that’s affecting how you view this. You think it’s not your style, you think it’s what you don’t want to do, and you don’t think you’ll enjoy it. But why not change that around? Honestly, what could it hurt? You’ll be with your husband vacationing in another country.

And for what it’s worth, I know many couples who have taken their honeymoon later in their marriage. They still consider it a honeymoon.

 

[faithfully]

I’m wondering why, if your DH gets 4 weeks vacation that you can’t do both trips. Or is each trip to be 4 weeks? At this juncture, who CARES what you call them. You’re waiting at least 10 mos. to go on your HONEYMOON… Tell the grandparents/parents that you’re going on a quick affordable vacation, to get out of dodge, and that you’re saving even more $$ for the Italy trip. Certainly you don’t want to half do that trip anyhow. Put the 2k in an interest bearing account. Go on the road trip for 2 weeks (if that’s enough time). Keep setting aside additional Italy $$, and go when you can go hopefully within another 6-8 months. Use the other 2 weeks. Or maybe see if he can save a week from this year, and use it with the 4 the following year.

I can’t imagine not getting creative with all of this. I’d be stoked about the EXTRA vacation… or rather that you and DH get to take turns picking vacations destinations. I’m one to build a vacation around other scheduled holidays (of Company allows). Getting AS MUCH time off as possible!

I disagree that since his family is at a distance, you always have to travel to them. Although some of those destinations sound AWESOME and since you’d be staying with family, you’d save on hotels and such.

 

[Rolltide]

Charlotte,
What ARE the kinds of things you like to do on vacation? Scenic wonders? Museums? History? Shopping? Religious pilgrimage? All of the above? I’m sure we could give you some neat ideas if you let us know what you had in mind.

 

[BrokenFortress]

Another thought. If I’m reading it correctly and your husband can’t get vacation until next year anyways, why not do a weekend honeymoon? There’s no reason the honeymoon has to be a week or two long. You’re already married, so why not take a weekend soon here and just drive somewhere within a couple hours distance so that you can have a day and a half of spending quality time with your husband? Not sure where you’re located but plenty of places have cabin rentals, or try a state or national park and camp or rent one of their cabins. Stay at a bed and breakfast. Anything. Because really it will be what you put into it. If you try and have a good time you will. This way you can take a bigger vacation later when he has more vacation time.

 

[dulcissima]

If your husband is a people pleaser, chances are you are benefiting from that quality, probably every day. He probably tends to be very agreeable and that makes your day to day life much more peaceful. I think as the spouse to someone who has such a personality, you need to be very careful to listen to him and think about when he is telling you what it is that he wants to do. If his tendency is to please others, then it probably isn’t too often that he makes an issue out of what he wants.

Also, as long as he doesn’t choose his family’s interests over yours on a routine basis, don’t put him in the position of having to choose between making them happy and making you happy on the occasions where he seems particularly interested in pleasing his family. It is possible for you to make the decision to be happy doing what your husband wants, because that would be an excellent opportunity for you to practice acting out of love and gratitude for your husband. If he is a people pleaser, don’t constantly put him in the middle of a power struggle between you and his family. By letting him have opportunities to please both sides, you have the opportunity to please him.

 

[shannyk]

I guess in reading your posts I don’t see that you are being forced into anything. Your in laws are doing this because they want you to feel like part of the family. They want to you to get to know them and their son better by getting to know their culture better.

The thing is, you will be living in the US right? so taking that drive out west will always be relatively easy to do. Going to Italy might not be so easy years down the line when responsibilities pile up.

There are times when it’s a good thing for a husband to assert himself to his family on behalf of his wife, I personally don’t think this is the time. I think putting him in that position now, over a trip and a very generous and caring gift, isn’t wise.

Go to Italy and have fun. Carpe Diem!

ETA: four weeks of vacation a year?! Don’t let your husband loose THAT job!!

 

[deb216]

My hubby and I didn’t have the luxury of taking a honeymoon. We were young, broke and didn’t get paid vacation. By the time we could afford to take a trip, we had kids to consider. For the past 17 years, its been all about them.

Do I have any regrets? Nope. A marriage is more than the wedding and honeymoon. It is about loving, sharing, and experiencing life together. It is about always having your best friend around when you need him. It is selfless. It would have been nice to take a special trip with hubby but it was never necessary. I had everything I needed and more.

My advice to you is to stop calling this trip a “honeymoon.” It isn’t. A honeymoon would have followed the wedding and, like me, you didn’t get one. That’s okay. Let it go. Consider, instead, that this is the first of many vacations that you and hubby will be taking together as a married couple. Learn how to discuss it rationally and come to an agreement. It will do your marriage wonders! This time, thanks to the generosity of his family, you will go to Italy and make the most of it. Next time, you select the destination. If you can learn how to compromise and be gracious about it, you’ll be fine.

Hubby and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary, btw. We are planning a vow renewal in five years. THEN we will get the honeymoon we never had. Our marriage has survived because we put it first. Its not about him. Its not about me. Its about us.

Good luck