Anyone else have their priest moving and glad?

[Irishgal49]

Hi all,

I am really struggling to keep my pie hole shut these days. Our priest announced he’s moving and I’m ecstatic. We did not get along, he banned me from quite a bit after he and I had words over 6 months ago. I profusely apologized, was very contrite, and did everything in my power to show how sorry I was and there was no forgiveness. He preached on it a lot. I wasn’t allowed to make confession with him, he would not counsel me, work with me, or even speak to me. I made two urgent contacts recently and he never responded. Lucky for me church staff did. This has been since early January. Others seemed to have found out and commented that I am “banned” from things. I do have 3 separate mental illnesses and while I don’t hide behind those as an excuse, I do see how one was acting up really bad when we had our falling out. I am on medication and reported this but nothing matters --I have the scarlet letter on my forehead and he’s made it clear, I am on his list and I can just hang it up. Most people at the parish almost worship him and he’s sweet and kind to everyone else I see. He will spend 3 hours with a friend but say he has no time for me.

In desperation I prayed a novena that he would be moved and he is moving. I have no other comment to make on that as I am stunned.

I have been staying away from my parish, skipping daily mass, and attending other parishes on Sunday because I don’t want to be rude to those who really cared about this priest. They are sad and they have a right to their feelings but people keep asking, “Did you cry when they announced it?” "Are you sad that Fr “so-and-so” is leaving? And I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to be rude. It’s horrible, I have toyed with going to another parish since the key group that “lauds” him seem to be OK with my being treated so shabbily. I fear I will never get a fresh start and have used this time to “shop”.

I finalized a divorce in April, my sons death anniversary came up in May, I’m new back to the church ( I celebrate one year back in the faith this Father’s day) and am devastated at the loss of a 12 year relationship. I am trying to live a moral life after living a really immoral one for 9 years. Having no pastor has hurt, and I am desperately lonely and hurting so bad I have been crying at work. I’m angry and bitter. I feel once he’s gone I have some serious forgiveness work to do. I’m barely hanging on at work due to the divorce and how depressed I am. I did find a support group at a Catholic Church about 45 minutes away, am toying with moving my membership there, but that’s a long commute.

I do have 2 priests who have been as helpful as they can as we know how busy they are with their assigned duties. I am totally grateful for what they have donated of their time and how much they have tried to show me that all priests are not like this. I am not a priest basher by any means, I love and respect all they do. These two I talk to are the only reason I didn’t quit and leave the Catholic Church, the other reason was sheer stubborness. I know that priest would have said, “See I knew she was going to run away/leave/quit” and I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction. I will ride it out until the end, and maybe that’s a good way to use my anger.

I just wondered if anyone else faced a situation where a priest you didn’t care for/couldn’t stand/whatever was leaving and how you handled the priest’s “fans”. I am keeping quiet and a low-profile and I’ve heard the new priest we’re getting is really amazing and his parish is sad he’s leaving. I hope I get a break, but who knows what he may be told before he arrives.

I’m praying,

IrishGal

 

[kozlosap]

I’m praying for you to find peace. It sounds as if you would really benefit from counseling - is there any way for you to investigate that option? Although most priests do occasional 1:1 counseling, they don’t have the time or the necessary expertise to deal with real mental issues.

As to your question, I was overjoyed when the temporary pastor was moved from our parish. His accent was so heavy that I could not understand him and he instructed the music director to start using Spanish language songs during regular services. Less than 5% of our parish spoke or understood Spanish! After that incident I switched to our local Jesuit parish where the atmosphere is joyous and the huge congregation is focused on helping those in need and community outreach. We are blessed to have 4 priests!!

 

[englishredrose]

Priests come and go in our parish pretty regular and I ago long time ago decided I wouldn’t bother getting to know them much for that reason. Though the current one seems to somehow reached out enough for me to trust him (and I have mental health issues that most parishioners not aware of but he throughly knows and is supportive) and yeh had my battle that he too one day will go. So am the other side of the fence really to you in that I know they go as they all do in our parish somehow. His contract is 5 years but in all my time of 25 years being there not one priest has lasted that long. We spend more time in interregnum than with a priest. We learn to make the most of them when we have an incumbant. I had to talk to this priest initially because I now serve and if I hadn’t had said so, someone would have and at least he hopefully had it from me first was my way of thinking and judging by one sermon I think someone did try to say something because he told me what he would say as such if they did do and he said that in the sermon once.

May be his time was up anyway or you weren’t the only one that he had ‘banned’ and officials were getting too many complaints etc. Who knows but glad you feel happy about it at least. At least you can unbann yourself now and join in more fully again. Mental Health shouldn’t be a stumbling block but many people get affraid of our responses may be. Hope you receive a lot more support now on.

 

[Irishgal49]

I’ve had enough counseling. I had a therapist, after 7 years, that said, “You know you can just keep talking forever or just go and live your life” I chose the latter. Some priests and parishioners are not comfortable with mentally ill people and I totally get that, but if you can’t help us, don’t hurt us. At least do that.

I am in a divorce support group run by a therapist so that is helping with the overwhelming loneliness. I am finding that my huge load of stress is from the divorce and so having some people who are supportive does help a lot.

I don’t have insurance that covers it, can’t afford it, don’t qualify for discounts, etc. so this support group option is a good one. I just need to be somewhere where I don’t feel “hated” and “condemned” and really desire to have that sense that I’ve “come home”. I’m not feeling that anymore. I do have 2-3 close friends and I appreciate them. Both have very strong walks with God and are very supportive. I meet with them regularly. I’m just relieved my “exile” will be over but not sure I’m staying. I may just opt to go elsewhere for a fresh start–maybe the church that is having the divorce support group since they seem to care more about the divorced Catholics in the Diocese.

 

[BListon]

Hi all,

I am really struggling to keep my pie hole shut these days. Our priest announced he’s moving and I’m ecstatic. We did not get along, he banned me from quite a bit after he and I had words over 6 months ago. I profusely apologized, was very contrite, and did everything in my power to show how sorry I was and there was no forgiveness. He preached on it a lot. I wasn’t allowed to make confession with him, he would not counsel me, work with me, or even speak to me. I made two urgent contacts recently and he never responded. Lucky for me church staff did. This has been since early January. Others seemed to have found out and commented that I am “banned” from things. I do have 3 separate mental illnesses and while I don’t hide behind those as an excuse, I do see how one was acting up really bad when we had our falling out. I am on medication and reported this but nothing matters --I have the scarlet letter on my forehead and he’s made it clear, I am on his list and I can just hang it up. Most people at the parish almost worship him and he’s sweet and kind to everyone else I see. He will spend 3 hours with a friend but say he has no time for me.

In desperation I prayed a novena that he would be moved and he is moving. I have no other comment to make on that as I am stunned.

I have been staying away from my parish, skipping daily mass, and attending other parishes on Sunday because I don’t want to be rude to those who really cared about this priest. They are sad and they have a right to their feelings but people keep asking, “Did you cry when they announced it?” "Are you sad that Fr “so-and-so” is leaving? And I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to be rude. It’s horrible, I have toyed with going to another parish since the key group that “lauds” him seem to be OK with my being treated so shabbily. I fear I will never get a fresh start and have used this time to “shop”.

I finalized a divorce in April, my sons death anniversary came up in May, I’m new back to the church ( I celebrate one year back in the faith this Father’s day) and am devastated at the loss of a 12 year relationship. I am trying to live a moral life after living a really immoral one for 9 years. Having no pastor has hurt, and I am desperately lonely and hurting so bad I have been crying at work. I’m angry and bitter. I feel once he’s gone I have some serious forgiveness work to do. I’m barely hanging on at work due to the divorce and how depressed I am. I did find a support group at a Catholic Church about 45 minutes away, am toying with moving my membership there, but that’s a long commute.

I do have 2 priests who have been as helpful as they can as we know how busy they are with their assigned duties. I am totally grateful for what they have donated of their time and how much they have tried to show me that all priests are not like this. I am not a priest basher by any means, I love and respect all they do. These two I talk to are the only reason I didn’t quit and leave the Catholic Church, the other reason was sheer stubborness. I know that priest would have said, “See I knew she was going to run away/leave/quit” and I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction. I will ride it out until the end, and maybe that’s a good way to use my anger.

I just wondered if anyone else faced a situation where a priest you didn’t care for/couldn’t stand/whatever was leaving and how you handled the priest’s “fans”. I am keeping quiet and a low-profile and I’ve heard the new priest we’re getting is really amazing and his parish is sad he’s leaving. I hope I get a break, but who knows what he may be told before he arrives.

I’m prayhGal

After he leaves, tell the organist to play the “hymn” Hit the Road Jack at mass the Sunday after.

 

[Irishgal49]

After he leaves, tell the organist to play the “hymn” Hit the Road Jack at mass the Sunday after.

I don’t know if anyone knows the old show Hee Haw. Roy Clark was always hilarious and he had a song I loved that seems appropriate, “Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone”

 

[Joe_5859]

I had a friend who firmly believed that in every parish with a priest who was moving, 1/3 of the people were devastated, 1/3 of the people were glad, and 1/3 of the people didn’t really care one way or the other. The same friend also said that priests needed to be moved regularly because, if you’re a good priest, everyone should get to experience you, if you’re a bad priest, no one should have to endure you forever, and if all the priests are moved regularly, you never have to find out which one you are.

I think you’re right not to want to use this moment as a time to rain on other people’s parades or air your greivances with the priest. I think it’s admirable that you want to be respectful even despite your personal conflict. I have seen too many times where Catholics will not pass up an opportunity to bash their priest to any who will listen. It’s not pretty, and it hurts the Body of Christ.

I think you can be diplomatic without either lying or being mean. If it were me, I would simply say that the great thing about being Catholic is that our faith is bigger than any one priest and that new beginnings can be challenging, but are also exciting. Keep it positive. Tell them you’re praying for the new priest already. It probably wouldn’t hurt to say that you’re praying for the priest who is leaving, too (and, of course, to actually pray for him). All priests could use our prayers.

You don’t need to tell everyone you’re crestfallen if you’re not. But save your happy dance for private. I think that when priests are moved, it is beneficial to have people around who are positive. Many people (understandably) get attached to their priests. This is fine except when their faith becomes centered around a person who ain’t Jesus. I think it’s helpful for those people to see that our faith can go on just fine regardless of who our pastor is. Of course, we don’t want to minimize their sense of loss, but I think being an example of positivity can help by example.

 

[BListon]

I don’t know if anyone knows the old show Hee Haw. Roy Clark was always hilarious and he had a song I loved that seems appropriate, “Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone”

Lol… almost every word of that song is perfect for this situation.

 

[Irishgal49]

I had a friend who firmly believed that in every parish with a priest who was moving, 1/3 of the people were devastated, 1/3 of the people were glad, and 1/3 of the people didn’t really care one way or the other. The same friend also said that priests needed to be moved regularly because, if you’re a good priest, everyone should get to experience you, if you’re a bad priest, no one should have to endure you forever, and if all the priests are moved regularly, you never have to find out which one you are.

I think you’re right not to want to use this moment as a time to rain on other people’s parades or air your greivances with the priest. I think it’s admirable that you want to be respectful even despite your personal conflict. I have seen too many times where Catholics will not pass up an opportunity to bash their priest to any who will listen. It’s not pretty, and it hurts the Body of Christ.

I think you can be diplomatic without either lying or being mean. If it were me, I would simply say that the great thing about being Catholic is that our faith is bigger than any one priest and that new beginnings can be challenging, but are also exciting. Keep it positive. Tell them you’re praying for the new priest already. It probably wouldn’t hurt to say that you’re praying for the priest who is leaving, too (and, of course, to actually pray for him). All priests could use our prayers.

You don’t need to tell everyone you’re crestfallen if you’re not. But save your happy dance for private. I think that when priests are moved, it is beneficial to have people around who are positive. Many people (understandably) get attached to their priests. This is fine except when their faith becomes centered around a person who ain’t Jesus. I think it’s helpful for those people to see that our faith can go on just fine regardless of who our pastor is. Of course, we don’t want to minimize their sense of loss, but I think being an example of positivity can help by example.

Thanks Joe,

That is beautifully stated, I love that saying about the 1/3 rds…that is totally true. I wish him well but frankly, I’m relieved. I hear the one we’re getting is really good and that his parish is really sad he’s leaving (or at least 1/3 right?) so I think the new one will be good.

I’m not going to the farewell dinner and I’m doing my happy dance at home.

 

[Laetus]

Hi all,

I am really struggling to keep my pie hole shut these days. Our priest announced he’s moving and I’m ecstatic. We did not get along, he banned me from quite a bit after he and I had words over 6 months ago. I profusely apologized, was very contrite, and did everything in my power to show how sorry I was and there was no forgiveness. He preached on it a lot. I wasn’t allowed to make confession with him, he would not counsel me, work with me, or even speak to me. I made two urgent contacts recently and he never responded. Lucky for me church staff did…

I hope you find peace. Go nice and easy with your new pastor. Take things easy and build-up a working relationship so in case there is a disconnect, it won’t be as horrible as it was with your current pastor.

I can look back 40+ years in my parish and say with certainty that we have not had a really good pastor in those 40+ years. The first one I remember (a friend today) was a very good administrator and he worked hard at the people side. We have had 5-6 in a row that have ranged from “acceptable” to outright deplorable. I don’t look forward to a good pastor anymore. I just make do.

 

[Laetus]

After he leaves, tell the organist to play the “hymn” Hit the Road Jack at mass the Sunday after.

 

[catholic_rn]

I had a friend who firmly believed that in every parish with a priest who was moving, 1/3 of the people were devastated, 1/3 of the people were glad, and 1/3 of the people didn’t really care one way or the other. The same friend also said that priests needed to be moved regularly because, if you’re a good priest, everyone should get to experience you, if you’re a bad priest, no one should have to endure you forever, and if all the priests are moved regularly, you never have to find out which one you are.