Anyone else persecuted for not fornicating like a drunken bunny?

[KendraDZ1902]

However the conversation might start, the OP is being urged by his friends to have sex outside of the sacrament of marriage, which is gravely sinful. Most of the previous posters are recommending silence on his part, that he should leave it unstated that he, presumably a known Catholic, is following the teachings of his Church. That seems absurd. Why should the lone person in the group acting morally be the one who must be silent?

It is gravely sinful to not talk about sex? I don’t ever talk about it. Well, I don’t talk about it publicly. Here is different because y’all don’t know me.
He is being picked on by his co-workers for not having sex. I don’t think they really care one way or the other if he actually did have sex. Why are they even talking about sex at work and why is he in the group of people who obviously have their own sexual issues if they have to talk about it at work.

 

[Elmawa]

I think it is a form of persecution, or atleast it can be if the co-workers use it as a way to pressure or bully him. He is being called out because he does not want to do what the masses think he should be doing because his religion tells him it’s wrong, and possibly for other legitimate reasons.

I’m 28, female, and a virgin and I also get some of these comments. In todays world, it really is expected that a person just does not remain a virgin longer than “necessary”, that is, they lose it before High School graduation, and college at the latest. People now days find it unusual to meet someone who is a virgin longer than that, and especially someone who does not intend to lose it until marriage.

My friends, for the most part, are my co workers too. This has come up once or twice at work for me as well. Just because I have a job where we have a lot of downtime and we just sit and visit about our lives.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

However the conversation might start, the OP is being urged by his friends to have sex outside of the sacrament of marriage, which is gravely sinful. Most of the previous posters are recommending silence on his part, that he should leave it unstated that he, presumably a known Catholic, is following the teachings of his Church. That seems absurd. Why should the lone person in the group acting morally be the one who must be silent?

If it comes up sure he is free to volunteer the information, but he has to know that doing so invites opinions and criticism, which is what he’s complaining about.

 

[PietroPaolo]

If it comes up sure he is free to volunteer the information, but he has to know that doing so invites opinions and criticism, which is what he’s complaining about.

Would your opinion be the same, I wonder, if he were gay? If, when sex came up at work, instead of being mocked for abstaining from sex until marriage, he instead was mocked for liking men instead of women?

 

[jediknight]

Persecution might be the wrong word, instead of debating how persecution is the wrong word and why for the ops scenario, how about suggesting a substitute word like, Ridiculed, or use a short phrase such as , to be made fun of, excluded, what ever, does sharing ones knowledge on the word persecution really add anything ?

It is all perception in the end, pain is pain, call it what you will, one persons pain may not be as bad applied to another person.

But I think the Op is expressing how in todays world say versus a society go back to the 1700s where such talk in the open about ones sex life would have been considered probably insulting . To talk about ones wife, or love interest in such a crude manner would have brought about a fight probably back in that era. Now it is the norm, for the MTV age range of 16-35 modern America is teaching everyone through all forms of media to have as much sex as possible and that it is okay and expected to be shared with peers and in social media, just wear a condom and then it is okay to talk about it.

Though when we in the faith get together we know better, the topic does not even cross our minds to ask our friends in our parish how their sex life is, what a moronic and embarrassing topic it would be to bring up in the first place. But when in our family of faith separate from our parish gatherings be it on Sunday or what ever time during the week, we go back out into society, to what others want everyone to believe is okay.

More over those of us in the faith are behind the 8ball in a way, with plenty of " progressive " groups and even parts of our own government promoting safe sex and sex ed classes in our schools at younger and younger ages, promoting that everyone knows better about sex and should be allowed to teach and inform everyone in what ever manner is chosen, and that any faith or family really does not know how to inform their children or each other on the matter.

also in our entertainment industry the FCC is so bent to make sure Janet Jackson never has a malfunction again on air, yet we have plenty of MTV and other award shows of actresses or singers making out or pretending to engage in sex in front of an audience, and the FCC is no where around to comment on that, you can do so much on television and the movies but only if someone else allows it , when in reality it is us the ones who pay to see these things either by buying a ticket to a movie, or purchasing a bundle package for internet or tv who do not demand that the promoting of sex is not welcome and that it will not be supported.

and true why should any of us be silent if our peers are pressuring us to engage in the discussion ? If we are Catholic, and we do not engage in fornication or support it, and our peers for what ever reason find it acceptable to bring the subject up, why should we be the ones to back down and be silent, there is no real reason to, other than one might not be ready to engage in such a verbal fight or debate and may not want to alienate oneself from ones peers which are needed in a work environment pending of course who the peers are…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Would your opinion be the same, I wonder, if he were gay? If, when sex came up at work, instead of being mocked for abstaining from sex until marriage, he instead was mocked for liking men instead of women?

The comments in the OP were not mocking, they were more exclamations of disbelief. If he were being mocked I would say go to HR and then if necessary an attorney. If someone received exclamations of disbelief about their sexuality I would tell them that in a little while it will die down and people will move on. If they were being mocked I would tell them to go to HR and then a lawyer.

Context also matters a lot. Virginity has nothing to do with his family. If a gay man talks about being gay in the context that him and his partner bought a house or went in vacation that’s one thing. If a gay man out of no where says "I prefer to have intercourse with men’ I’m going to say that he needs to work on both his professionalism and his social graces.

 

[on_the_hill]

Another question: how long has this been going on? One would think the “joke” would have worn itself out after a day or two.

And frankly, not that you’d want to do this, but you probably can make a sexual harassment claim.

 

[InThePew]

I remember once when I was with a group of co-workers at a bar for after work drinks and the conversation turned to one of my younger co-workers attempts at “conquest” (he was very much a drunken bunny - or at least tried to be). I think I expressed some scepticism about his story and he turned to me and said in front of the group something like: “and how many times have you had sex?” I simply said none and then went on to explain that this was based on my beliefs and wasn’t’ intended to be judgemental about anyone else. It’s fair to say that my co-worker wasn’t expecting that response and was left lost for words! I had a feeling that this subject would come up sooner or later and felt it was important to be upfront about my beliefs while at the same time not judging (or condemning) the actions of others.

 

[PietroPaolo]

The comments in the OP were not mocking, they were more exclamations of disbelief. If he were being mocked I would say go to HR and then if necessary an attorney. If someone received exclamations of disbelief about their sexuality I would tell them that in a little while it will die down and people will move on. If they were being mocked I would tell them to go to HR and then a lawyer.

Context also matters a lot. Virginity has nothing to do with his family. If a gay man talks about being gay in the context that him and his partner bought a house or went in vacation that’s one thing. If a gay man out of no where says "I prefer to have intercourse with men’ I’m going to say that he needs to work on both his professionalism and his social graces.

If a man tells you he is gay he is telling you nothing more than “I prefer to have intercourse with men.”

 

[PietroPaolo]

I remember once when I was with a group of co-workers at a bar for after work drinks and the conversation turned to one of my younger co-workers attempts at “conquest” (he was very much a drunken bunny - or at least tried to be). I think I expressed some scepticism about his story and he turned to me and said in front of the group something like: “and how many times have you had sex?” I simply said none and then went on to explain that this was based on my beliefs and wasn’t’ intended to be judgemental about anyone else. It’s fair to say that my co-worker wasn’t expecting that response and was left lost for words! I had a feeling that this subject would come up sooner or later and felt it was important to be upfront about my beliefs while at the same time not judging (or condemning) the actions of others.

Of course, we are to judge and condemn the immoral actions of others. We are not to judge or condemn other people (especially their souls).

 

[BlueEyedLady]

If a man tells you he is gay he is telling you nothing more than “I prefer to have intercourse with men.”

Not true at all. While I would find it odd if someone I had just met or a coworker volunteered “I’m gay” out of nowhere, I can think of a number of very appropriate ways that it could come up, like the aforementioned talking about a vacation, house, good trip to a restaurant, etc. If someone tells me out of nowhere that they are a virgin I’m going to think it’s odd, and depending on the person and how they said it I might even think they were creepy or attention seeking. But I can think of a few (very, very few, but they’re there) ways it would come up naturally, like if the virgin was asked what they did that weekend and they said they went to an abstinence rally or something.

 

[on_the_hill]

If a man tells you he is gay he is telling you nothing more than “I prefer to have intercourse with men.”

Admittedly, I don’t have any gay friends, and I certainly do not wish to derail the thread, but from what I know, there’s more to being gay than that. The fact that I’m straight means more than that I simply like to have sex with women.

 

[on_the_hill]

I may as well admit that I was not a virgin when I got married. When coworkers found out that I had had my first experience I was indeed subject of some mean spirited remarks and jokes.

I kept the “secret” to myself for months but eventually confided in the woman with whom i had been involved. She made a point of telling her friends and so on.

I write this to let the OP know that I’m empathetic to his situation.

 

[PietroPaolo]

Not true at all. While I would find it odd if someone I had just met or a coworker volunteered “I’m gay” out of nowhere, I can think of a number of very appropriate ways that it could come up, like the aforementioned talking about a vacation, house, good trip to a restaurant, etc. If someone tells me out of nowhere that they are a virgin I’m going to think it’s odd, and depending on the person and how they said it I might even think they were creepy or attention seeking. But I can think of a few (very, very few, but they’re there) ways it would come up naturally, like if the virgin was asked what they did that weekend and they said they went to an abstinence rally or something.

You’re confusing two different things. First, the context someone says he is gay in and what information he is giving you when he tells you that he is gay. Regardless of the context, the message is the same - the message you objected to - “I prefer to have intercourse with men.” I’ll grant there are a variety of contexts which would provide a reason as to why you would learn your coworker is gay, but nonetheless his sexual preference for sex with men is what he is making known.

 

[PietroPaolo]

Admittedly, I don’t have any gay friends, and I certainly do not wish to derail the thread, but from what I know, there’s more to being gay than that. The fact that I’m straight means more than that I simply like to have sex with women.

What more is there to your being a straight man than that you like to have sex with women? Isn’t that what being a straight man means? If not, what does it mean?

 

[Deus_tecum]

What more is there to your being a straight man than that you like to have sex with women? Isn’t that what being a straight man means? If not, what does it mean?

When I was a kid, “I’m straight.” was the reply to indicate you do not use illegal drugs.
“Wanna hit this bong?”
“No, man, I’m straight.”
Now the word has come back to mean simply “no thanks” to anything.
“Wanna nuther slice of pizza?”
“Na, I’m straight.”

But, back to sexual orientation I agree that hetero means one orientation and homo another, and as an identification it is rudimentary about their choice of sexual intercourse partner. Every now and then I hear about a “gay” priest. Usually this self identified “gay” priest is some sort of liberal activist. If priests took a vow to avoid overeating with a strict <1400 calorie per day diet, would we call thin priests gluttons, or fatties?

Anyways I am beginning to ramble. The coffee has not taken hold yet. lol

 

[Jessie5000]

“You’ve been dating how long and you still haven’t hit that yet?”

“You don’t have sex?! Wtf do you do with yourself?”

“If you don’t do it she’ll leave you.”

“What do you mean you aren’t having sex before marriage? What if she sucks at sex? You’ll be unhappy forever. You gotta try before you buy.”

“You don’t masturbate? You’re gonna die of prostate cancer!”

-Classic answers to “I’m waiting till marriage.” these days. What have we come to? I have few friends because I’m “boring”.

I guess I must ask how they know you are not having sex like a bunny. I can not imagine asking another person about their sex life. Secondly, I can not imagine answering questions about my sex life. I suggest you not answer such questions as this stuff is just private.

 

[on_the_hill]

What more is there to your being a straight man than that you like to have sex with women? Isn’t that what being a straight man means? If not, what does it mean?

It’s not just the physical/sexual aspect. With women I feel an emotional, psychological, intuitive attraction, a soulful fulfillment that I neither get nor desire from men. I would assume all straight people, male and female, have this same internal constitution.

I like men. I have a brother. I have male friends. But I don’t have any inclination to share the same kind of emotional intimacy that I am driven to share with women.

 

[Captain_America]

I think it is a form of persecution, or atleast it can be if the co-workers use it as a way to pressure or bully him. He is being called out because he does not want to do what the masses think he should be doing because his religion tells him it’s wrong, and possibly for other legitimate reasons.

I’m 28, female, and a virgin and I also get some of these comments. In todays world, it really is expected that a person just does not remain a virgin longer than “necessary”, that is, they lose it before High School graduation, and college at the latest. People now days find it unusual to meet someone who is a virgin longer than that, and especially someone who does not intend to lose it until marriage.

My friends, for the most part, are my co workers too. This has come up once or twice at work for me as well. Just because I have a job where we have a lot of downtime and we just sit and visit about our lives.

It’s worth pointing out to you that when I was a younger man, my friends and I knew a woman in her mid-20s who was a virgin. We greatly respected her for it; perhaps even thought her more astute and intelligent than she may have been.

 

[polishprincess]

yup.