Anyone else's parish not give a flaming hoot whether they live or die?

[Brettbat]

From them not responding to you on your schedule, they don’t care “whether you live or die?” Really? Isn’t that a little overly dramatic?

No, there is much more to it than that, and the title is merely a true statement. They have no idea who we are, that we exist, because they do not care to know us. How can one care if someone who does not exist lives or dies?

 

[Brettbat]

My best luck in getting involved in a parish has been joining the choir. My worst luck was trying to volunteer at a barbecue. Nobody wanted me there.

Yes, that same thing happened to my wife. Just did not want her there. Seemed irritated that she had the audacity to volunteer to help.

 

[Brettbat]

“it takes time” isn’t an acceptable answer.

Exactly. It’s excuse making. If anyone had an even cursory knowledge of what it is to be a Christian, they would see how unacceptable that kind of behavior is.

 

[Brettbat]

Thank you BlueMaxx for all of your kind words and understanding.

 

[Irishmom2]

So again, I will ask you, have you actually spoken to anyone in person yet?

 

[Brettbat]

Of course. People politely say hello and go on speaking to the other people at the table during coffee hour. When asking in person to join a ministry, I am told to give them my email and phone number so I can be notified. I would not be posting this I had not spoken to anyone.

By the way, why is your first response to blame the person who is being shut out, rather than even entertain the possibility that the Church might not be utterly perfect?

 

[Dlee]

I’ve read your other posts and also offered suggestions. I came into the Church one year ago. With all the different Masses offered each week, it is hard to know who is new to the parish. The biggest difference for me came when I joined a weekly Bible study. Also I introduce myself to people and ask how long they’ve been in the parish. If you came in December, that really is a short time. Who knows, maybe the people you perceive to be uncaring are assuming the same - or are even new waiting for a welcome. There is a Bible verse that says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly…” Let go of the anger and assumptions and actually talk to someone.

 

[Irishmom2]

By the way, why is your first response to blame the person who is being shut out, rather than even entertain the possibility that the Church might not be utterly perfect?

Actually, here is the first response I ever gave you, back on your first thread.

"Maybe you just need to be for a while. If you just converted in December, just go to mass and not worry about joining things or fitting in or doing things. There are lots of people that go to mass every week, or every day for that matter, and that is their only involvement with their parish. Since you are “new” maybe you really need to stop looking at things that way. Go to mass, go to daily mass if your schedule allows, go to adoration and just be with God for a while. Did you become Catholic to feel welcome, or because you believe what the Church teaches?

I don’t understand the people that don’t feel “welcomed.” I don’t understand what that has to do with mass. Go to mass for God. Go to mass to receive the Eucharist in all its glory.

To say that the Catholic Church is unwelcoming is unfair and not true. Maybe one’s parish needs to be (insert whatever it is you are looking for) but The Church should not be painted with the broad brush of being unwelcoming. Someone standing at the door asking me “how are you today?” seems forced and phony. If you see a need for something more at your parish (i.e. Coffee and donuts after mass) then be the change you wish to see, an start it.

So go to another parish and another if you must. But if you still don’t find what you are seeking, what then? Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic."

Furthermore, when you say the Church, you say it referring to the Catholic Church, when really, you are referring to the people of your parish, and not the Catholic Church.

 

[otjm]

I have no idea how to address your question, as you give absolutely no details of what conversations were. But if you are so willing to give up, I would guess that perhaps you spoke with the wrong individuals.

As to the Knights, it should not be all that hard to find out who is responsible for inducting new members.

I kind of doubt that the parish really does not care a whit about you. It is entirely possible they have not yet really met you.

I happen to have moved to a new area and a new parish. Absolutely no one greeted me; but I did not take that as any lack of care; they had absolutely no idea if I was someone who usually went to a different Mass 9and so they would not know me) or was a visitor. It was up to me to introduce myself. And I did that by speaing to someone who clearly was involved in a ministry I was interested; and it was the pastor who introduced me to them. All I did was give him about a minute and a half thumbnail sketch of what I had been doing in my precious parish.

And for personal reasons having nothing to do with my new parish, I am still involved in my prior parish, about a 40 minute drive away. I will likely split part of my time between the two, with the majority with my prior parish.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

In my experience most parishes do have target demographics, typically young families, the retired/elderly or students depending on the area. In my case I was invisible at after mass tea and coffee until I gained a visible pregnant belly, its just how it is.

I think it depends on how pushy you feel comfortable being with contacting these people and trying to make plans. Is there somewhere outside the parish where you could serve and do God’s work?

 

[Brettbat]

Yes, luckily I serve God and do His work six days a week, so I feel fulfilled in that way. I am just missing being part of and feeling like I have a church family.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I miss it too. Having moved parishes a few time and not being the right sort of parishioner has been really hard and willing people shouldn’t be facing so many barriers to getting involved.

 

[Brettbat]

I miss it too. Having moved parishes a few time and not being the right sort of parishioner has been really hard and willing people shouldn’t be facing so many barriers to getting involved.

Yes, exactly! It should not be that way at all. Actually quite against everything Jesus taught.

 

[graciew]

Have you thought that there may be somebody new there ,like you,needing a hand?
Is there anything you both could do about that in that parish?
How was you December ceremony when you were received? Was it during a Mass?

 

[Brettbat]

Have you thought that there may be somebody new there ,like you,needing a hand?

Is there anything you both could do about that in that parish?

How was you December ceremony when you were received? Was it during a Mass?

Yes, my wife and I are doing that. We were lucky enough to be in the vestibule before Ash Wednesday Mass, and a very nervous young woman approached us. It was her first time in a Catholic Church, and she hasn’t missed a Mass since then. We are fortunate to be able to be her friends and her informal sponsors, to be able to help her on her journey. Unfortunately, we can’t really introduce her around, because no one knows us.

We were received during a weekday Mass, yes.

 

[graciew]

I only watched that " receiving" ceremony once, and abroad. I wasn t familiar with it,but it really looked moving.
When I attended the first Mass in US,after moving from my parish abroad and leaving so many friends behind,I just couldn t help start crying in the parking lot after Mass. Lots of mixed feelings, Stress after an international.move included.
A lady approached me,warmly asked if I was OK and I explained that we had just moved and I missed my parish. In less than a week,she had given me a phone call and arranged a meeting at a Shipley’s nearby where she introduced me to another lady who did Visitation .ministry.
Needless to say,I hold them in my heart dearly.
My " angel",the lady who found me crying,passed away a couple of years ago.
After meeting them,it was a non stop of ministries,friendships,service and blessings.
This is not to say that you should cry in a parking lot,but that there may be persons,crying " inside" though we cannot see the tears, and as you noticed that woman and you helped her, God may have had His reasons to delay your wants,and ,and prompted you to be there precisely how and where He needed and needs you to be.
Sometimes it is about the little things.
May He give us patience .

 

[Dlee]

This is a great start - helping this young woman. Don’t hesitate introducing her to everyone at that church - just reframe the situation. Hi, my name is Brettbat and this is my wife Mrs. bat. I’d like to introduce young woman - and your name is? Happy to meet you. We’re new here and so is she. How long have you attended this parish? It’s really quite easy. You know what you want - make it happen!

 

[MSSheBear]

That is exactly what happened to me and they had advertised in the bulletin asking for help. I didn’t bother to try again.

 

[QwertyGirl]

I know you say you prefer the more traditional and conservative environment, but unfortunately what you are describing can often go hand in hand with traditional/conservative. Not always, but often.

A more progressive (for lack of a better word) parish is more likely to be more welcoming. The people who are there choose to be so because they want to be in a place where everyone feels welcome at the church. That lends itself to being more welcoming to newcomers, which lends itself to the kind of fellowship and involvement it seems you are seeking. Maybe you could parish-shop a bit until you find a good fit (?)

 

[Phemie]

Irishmom2:

BlueMaxx, do you live in my parish? You described it to a tee. But if people want to get involved, they have to put themselves out there like another poster said. Just show up. Flatter them and say you want to help.

That is funny…maybe me thinking mine was such an anomaly was way off base! I just figured it had to due with too many cornfields!

I may not come across like it, but I am very introverted… I can understand how intimidating it might be to be not only be a new convert but new to a whole new group of people, Priest, Parish, traditions, ect…it could be overwhelming and it would be no surprise he may be ultra sensitive to all this.

Especially true if the parish you came from was big on fellowship and community.

When I came here 20 years ago, there was no such thing as fellowship after Mass. The KofC would invite us over for coffee on the first Sunday of the month, the day when they took care of the various ministries at Mass. For the most part the only people who went were their families. Most folks, once they’d left the church building, didn’t head for the KofC Hall across the parking lot but for their cars to go home.

It was cliquish and trying to get involved early upon arrival was not always looked at favorably. It has gradually changed with a large influx of immigrant workers, physicians, and university professors. I think they’ve come to realize that without these newcomers there would be only a handful of people at Sunday Mass.