Anyone else's parish not give a flaming hoot whether they live or die?

[Phemie]

My best luck in getting involved in a parish has been joining the choir. My worst luck was trying to volunteer at a barbecue. Nobody wanted me there. I move a lot so I find that “it takes time” isn’t an acceptable answer. Also joining something like a Bible Study might help, something where someone can’t screen you out.

Usually someone will say “hello” or something like that to me if I attend any parish a couple of times. So you may have found an unfriendly parish.

For the first 23 years of my marriage my husband was in the military. We moved every 3 years. I would immediately volunteer for ministry in my new parish. But that was par for the course in those parishes, we grabbed people as soon as they arrived because we knew that, with luck, we’d have someone for a ministry for 3 or 4 years before they were posted again. If we waited, we might have them for 2.

You have a totally different dynamic when, as a military family, you arrive in a parish composed mostly of families who’ve been there since the parish was founded 40 years earlier. As far as they’re concerned you’ll be there for 2 or 3 years max and since you live on the base you won’t become part of the greater community so they won’t expend the energy to try to get to know you. You pretty much have to barge in and make your presence known. For an introvert like me, that meant putting my John Henry on the sign-up sheet for ministries on “Sign-up Sunday”.

It still took a good 5 -7 years before I felt I was part of the parish. By then I was a reader, an EMHC, and I had volunteered as parish secretary for a year after which I’d been hired and had been working since.

 

[Brettbat]

When people are joining a new parish, you’d think they would register you, or at least give you a list of what your Church interests might be.

Have you made follow up calls to either the parish or the ministries themselves?

Yes, we officially registered right when we were received.

Many, many follow up calls. Also asking the parish secretary to contact people to try and get them to respond to us.

 

[TheLittleLady]

The week after Easter is almost busier than they weeks leading up to Easter.

Parish groups take a break during the final days of Lent, everything is getting back underway.

This next week, grab the bulletin or to to the website and find out when the next (insert group you want to join) meeting is and go to the meeting! For the Knights, it is very strange they have not recruited you. All I can suggest there is you contact the State Conference and speak to them.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Yes, we officially registered right when we were received.

Just make sure.

I cannot tell you how many people think that because they were received at the Vigil or because they had a baptism at the parish that they are registered. Sadly, it does not work that way in many places. Are you receiving offering envelopes? If not, chances are you have not been official registered.

My job this coming week is to reach out to all who came into the Church at the Vigil and to get them registered.

 

[Brettbat]

This next week, grab the bulletin or to to the website and find out when the next (insert group you want to join) meeting is and go to the meeting! For the Knights, it is very strange they have not recruited you. All I can suggest there is you contact the State Conference and speak to them.

Yes, I have heard that it is very strange. I have contacted the State Knights. They have tried for several weeks to get someone from my local council to reply. I can only assume they like the group dynamic they have and they don’t want anyone new to join. I wouldn’t join it now; no one wants to be part of a group that was basically forced to accept him.

 

[Brettbat]

Just make sure.

Yes, several weeks back, when we weren’t getting replies, I went down to the parish office to double check. We are indeed registered. To triple check, I contacted the Seattle diocese, and we are indeed registered on their records as well.

 

[CoeurRempli]

I can relate, changing parishes after being away at university for 5 years. It doesn’t help that I’m very shy and that I am there alone. My family doesn’t go to Mass, so I don’t know anyone through them either. Not having grown up as a practicing Catholic, “church culture” still feels somewhat foreign to me.

Sometimes, I sign up for groups and never hear back. Sometimes I feel left out at certain events. I tell myself it is not intentional and that people are just very busy. I am sure it is not you. I was involved in as a leader in a Catholic group in university, and staying in touch with new/ interested members, building relationships was a lot of work. Sometimes, I did lose touch with individuals or struggled in finding a balance between being welcoming and giving people space. I constantly wondered if I could have done a better job. I imagine it is even harder with so many parishioners.
I’m sure if we keep trying to get involved and doing what God is calling us to do, it will work out, with time.

 

[TheLittleLady]

My spidey senses say it may be tied to the registration thing.

You cannot join the Knights until you are a Practical (Practicing) Catholic.

You only became a Practicing Catholic a week ago, so, until that time when the Knights recruiter person contacted the Parish to ask if you were a member/practicing Catholic, officially you were not.

Parishes in general are very bad about information silos. The parish secretary sees one database, the RCIA leaders use a completely different way to keep track of people. I’ve been in this job for a long time and we still have silos.

 

[Brettbat]

My spidey senses say it may be tied to the registration thing.

You cannot join the Knights until you are a Practical (Practicing) Catholic.

You only became a Practicing Catholic a week ago, so, until that time when the Knights recruiter person contacted the Parish to ask if you were a member/practicing Catholic, officially you were not.

Parishes in general are very bad about information silos. The parish secretary sees one database, the RCIA leaders use a completely different way to keep track of people. I’ve been in this job for a long time and we still have silos.

We’ve been practicing Catholics since December. We also registered in December. The parish secretary and the Seattle diocese have confirmed that we were registered in December. That’s what is so strange; we thought that perhaps it was a registration thing, but it turns out it is not. We are perplexed.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Oh, sorry.

Then call Bishop Sartain’s office. You have the best Bishop in the whole world <3

 

[jlhargus]

I was a convert years ago and expirenced no such thing. Just the opposite I was involved in everything. Most parishes have a list of things you can get involved in. Try food bank, soup kit etc.

I would guess Eucharistic minister and Knights want to see what type Catholic you will become before joining. My understanding a Knight must ask you if you would be interested. I was Catholic for years before asked but I didn’t join.

 

[graciew]

And if you enjoy building,maybe there is Habitat for Humanity around,for a start. That would be some Saturdays I believe. Have you tried that one? Maybe not exactly your parish but a nearby one engaged.
This you could you with your wife together if you wish.

 

[JamalChristophr]

All you have to do is find out when the Knights of Columbus meeting is and where it is and show up. That’s how Catholics do things.

 

[Phemie]

I have never actively registered at a parish. In fact, in this parish there is no “registration”. If you want envelopes you approach someone and ask for them and you are added to the “envelope” list. Since people not from this parish sometimes use envelopes it’s not a form of registration, it’s a way to keep track of donations by those who want receipts.

I did develop a list of parishioners about 15 years ago in the family module of the program we use to record sacraments, donations, etc. Every family had a number in our system. It was extensive with the parents listed first and all the children with dates of sacraments, etc. That was separate from the sacraments module in which we recorded First Communion, Confirmation, and marriages. I started with the people who used envelopes and it grew from there. If you approached us for Baptism for a baby and you weren’t on the list, you were assigned a number and added with the information we got from your request for Baptism. Same thing if you signed up your child for First Communion or Confirmation, or if you approached us to prepare for marriage.

It’s easy enough in our town, all Catholics belong to our parish. But I would think that anyone who was preparing to come into full communion in a parish would be added to that parish’s list of parishioners without needing to show up at the office to “officially” register.

It recently came to my attention that the person who now records the collection into the system each week didn’t want to deal with people who didn’t use envelopes so she deleted the parish list except for those who use envelopes - that’s only about 20% of parishioners. I was apoplectic! She still doesn’t understand the work she discarded with a few clicks of a mouse.

 

[Sunbreak]

Don’t take it personally. Some Catholic churches reach out to new people but most do not. Give it some time. The social interaction may take a long time to develop, especially if the parish is large and there are already established little friendship cliques. I was in a larger parish before my current parish and it probably took a couple of years before I felt comfortable there socially because everyone was in their own little groups or families for events or coffee. You may have to introduce yourself to one or two people at a time and go from there. Email and phone messages won’t do it.

 

[dochawk]

Well, the Grand Knight and I go to different Masses; the parish secretary gave me his number. Several calls, no return. I can only assume they don’t really want new members. Or have a bias against Orthodoxy.

And I’ve offered twice to make contact for you, the second time even offering to sponsor your application.

As you haven’t responded, should I assume that you’re not interested, or are biased against Nevadans?

This is, what, the third thread you’ve started with the same complaint?

You cannot join the Knights until you are a Practical (Practicing) Catholic.

You only became a Practicing Catholic a week ago, so, until that time when the Knights recruiter person contacted the Parish to ask if you were a member/practicing Catholic, officially you were not.

Actually, I’ve never heard of a council checking with he parish on this.

And from experience, an Orthodox who communes in a Catholic parish, even without formal reception, is eligible. When this came up for us, it went all the way up to Supreme to get the answer.

hawk

 

[Clare]

How long have you been at the parish? I know you said you were received in December, but how long were you there before that? December was only a few months ago afterall. Find out what social events are going on and start going along, or just start attending groups or meetings, you need to make the effort to get to know people, but if you give off the impression that everyone is out to get you, instead of being warm and welcoming yourself why would people want to get to know you.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Maybe god is trying to teach you humbleness

 

[Gorgias]

We’ve been practicing Catholics since December.

A parish I joined, twenty years ago, was like this. I couldn’t beg my way into parish life. They are nice people… but not very welcoming to new folks. It was a very frustrating experience for me.

Patience. Give it time. Go to parish activities and start to get to know folks. Once they’ve met you – and have had a chance to get to know you over a bit of time – you may find that things change.

I don’t know that I’d assume, right off the bat, that they hate you.

 

[TheLittleLady]

IIRC, you are not in the US. I’m speaking for the US way of doing things.