Anyone else's parish not give a flaming hoot whether they live or die?

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Guess I’m not understanding what you are asking for. If you just want people to agree with you that blanketly Catholic churches don’t care, are rude and uncaring, you’re not going to get it here. Complaining isn’t the answer. Many have offered help and ideas which you ignore. After three months, you give up and no longer care. All the while, you are accusing people of not caring. Are you going to desert the young lady you’ve been helping? Many followers of .Christ deserted Him when it got tough. Pray for your congregation, be patient and stop putting yourself first. I’d suggest that God is asking you to introduce yourself to people. You can make the first move. Do you care a flaming hoot about them?
 
Dlee said:
Guess I’m not understanding what you are asking for. If you just want people to agree with you that blanketly Catholic churches don’t care, are rude and uncaring, you’re not going to get it here. Complaining isn’t the answer. Many have offered help and ideas which you ignore. After three months, you give up and no longer care. All the while, you are accusing people of not caring. Are you going to desert the young lady you’ve been helping? Many followers of .Christ deserted Him when it got tough. Pray for your congregation, be patient and stop putting yourself first. I’d suggest that God is asking you to introduce yourself to people. You can make the first move. Do you care a flaming hoot about them?
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In my post it was quite clear. I asked two questions:
  1. Does anyone else’s parish not care if you live or die.
  2. Is the unfriendliness a Catholic cultural thing.
That’s it. That’s all I asked. I have done every single suggestion that has been given. The lack of results from the aforementioned actions are what precipitated my posting on the forum and asking my two questions.

Saying the parish does not care is neither untrue nor unfair; it is simply a statement of fact. The evidence supports my assertion. Really not rocket science.

It’s not complaining to point out a problem. Maybe if more people would point out problems the Church wouldn’t be in such a woeful state.

Now, based on many of the answers I have seen on here, including yours here, I realize that the rudeness and unfriendliness does indeed seem to be a bit of a problem among Catholics, and has been quite illuminating and will help with the things with which I have been wrestling.

Thank you.
 
Let’s try this again - how many people did you introduce yourself to at last weekend’s Mass? Do YOU care about them?
 
Brettbat said:
In my post it was quite clear. I asked two questions:

Does anyone else’s parish not care if you live or die.
Is the unfriendliness a Catholic cultural thing.
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What comes to mind is whether you joined a Roman rite Catholic Church or an Eastern rite Catholic Church. The Eastern rite Catholic Church in this area is smaller than the Roman rite churches and most people know one another. They are always welcoming new people and looking for volunteers to help out with the various parish activities.
 
Also, thank you for clarifying your question. I missed that you were only taking a survey of sorts. I assumed you wanted to be involved at your parish.

For the record, my parish has been very welcoming - polite and friendly. I am on three committees, a RCIA catechist, Advent celebration, and participated in two Bible studies. I entered the Church last Easter. I pray you find what you’re looking for.
 
Brettbat said:
Is this just a Catholic thing? No fellowship for the new people? What’s going on here? Any new Catholics have trouble adjusting to the fact that parish doesn’t know or care that you exist.?
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Are you a baby boomer, Generation X, or Millennial?

In my experience it kind of depends on the demographics.
  1. do most of the parish members know each other outside of Church? Meaning, did the Baby Boomers all go to high school together or did their kids all grow up together?
  2. is you parish and the people in the ministries mostly or entirely made up of Baby Boomers? Or are most of them your generation?
  3. you said that the parish is large, are you talking about thousands of members, with well over one thousand families?
  4. is the parish old and did it used to have an ethnic identity?
There are many reason why SOME parishes may SEEM cold.

I ran into this when I joined my parish. I was a Generation X guy surrounded by Baby Boomers.

The, key for me was to attend Adult Faith Formation session after session. That allowed me to actually talk to these people. I realized that they really were very friendly, but sometimes people are just really bad at meeting new people.

ESP in parishes where most people live in the same neighborhoods, and have know each other for 20, 30, 40 years +

Finally, unless a Catholic Parish is very small or parish filled with people who have relocated, people don’t typically come to Mass on Sunday with the hopes of meeting new people.

They come to Mass and then leave to spend time with their families, esp if they have grandchildren.

But they do come to Adult Faith Formation classes with the intention of making friends. At my parish, people pretty much bolt after Sunday Mass, but stick around and chat after weeknight Adult Faith Formation events and Bible Study.

I’ve always said, Protestants and smaller congregations have fellowship on Sunday, but most Catholics have fellowship during the week.

In regards to the Knights, it’s possible that your local Knights are defunct. Try calling the local Knight of Columbus insurance agent. I’m sure he could give you a rundown.

God Bless
 
For what it’s worth I don’t think you are wrong to feel the way you do but I would try not to see it as malice. I think in most cases it’s just they aren’t really thinking about it, kind of an “I’m alright Jack” mentality.

It’s not good, I mean some of these groups or ministries could well die out because they close themselves off to new people but these people won’t live forever and if they leave it too late to get new people trained up or initiated there won’t be anyone willing to take over.

It’s up to you how much you want to put yourself out there, some people are very charismatic and can easily walk into a room full of strangers and start charming them but for others approaching people is terrifying. Don’t feel bad if you aren’t willing to become a grovelling stalker, its not for everyone.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
Don’t feel bad if you aren’t willing to become a grovelling stalker, its not for everyone.
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Thank you for this; my wife and I were speaking about this today and she actually used the word “grovel”. Becoming part of a church family should not require following people around like a puppy and losing all sense of dignity just to be accepted.
 
Brettbat said:
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ConfusedLucy:
Don’t feel bad if you aren’t willing to become a grovelling stalker, its not for everyone.
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Thank you for this; my wife and I were speaking about this today and she actually used the word “grovel”. Becoming part of a church family should not require following people around like a puppy and losing all sense of dignity just to be accepted.
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But what are you trying to join? If this is all about ministries, some parish ministries like to “draft people” and don’t like volunteers simply joining.

Granted, it not a good system, but that’s how some ministries are. They don’t want people who will buck the system, so they draft new members.

Again, my suggestion is focus on attending adult faith formation classes. And if you parish doesn’t have any, volunteer to lead some from the Augustine Insitute, Hearts Afire Parish Programs, Ascension Press, and/or Bishop Barron

God Bless
 
Brettbat said:
In my post it was quite clear. I asked two questions:

Does anyone else’s parish not care if you live or die.
Is the unfriendliness a Catholic cultural thing.

That’s it. That’s all I asked.
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No.
No.
( Post must be at least ten characters)
 
I think its also fair to question whether the people are worth grovelling over. I mean most of us are pretty average people.
 
Go and do the dishes. Stay quiet. Get to know individuals. Do the menial tasks for months. Get to know people.

Join Rosary groups. Support all prayer or activity groups, it takes time.
 
Our parish is always welcoming of the converts who join the Catholic Church. I’m sorry that the parish you are currently in doesn’t seem to be as demonstrative as you’d like.
 
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I don’t know that I should comment cos I’m clearly in a different country to you. Sorry that is happening to you. No not the same for me, at all. I moved to a new area and fitted in by volunteering, though honestly it is a slow process, but that’s how I like it. I’d hate to be jumped on as I walked in the door my first time. I do think the Catholic church is remiss in having any social groups for the middle age people who aren’t a ‘family’ though. There’s ton’s of stuff for young people to do socially 18-35 groups, and a couple of 50 plus and grandparents groups, but nothing for those in between. One imagines that if your kids are in local Catholic schools there might be something, but if you don’t have kids then…?? I was blessed with a very proactive priest and the free time to go to daily mass so I got to know people, slowly and volunteered for projects. Which is a fairly formal thing here, cos you have to fill in a form and be vetted if it’s working with homeless or children or any other vulnerable people, so once you’re checked and accepted you meet a lot of people, then word of mouth etc. gets you other volunteer roles. Then you are ‘known’ so you are more likely to be asked to help with other non vetted roles like welcoming people to mass, cake mornings etc. My advice is simply give it time, don’t be in too much of a rush and keep an eye on the newsletter and go to all the events you can and chat to everyone. Offer help in everything and eventually you’ll find your niche, people need to get to know and trust you…the first step is be seen everywhere and for people to get to know you. Don’t rush things, just enjoy your new parish. As for the live or die question… lets’ not be dramatic…you want genuine care and love, that takes time. Give people a chance to get to know you and accept you into their circle, once you are in, it’s for life, let it develop naturally. If you are being serious, a hospital chaplain exists if you are sick or normally a parish has a number to call if you are sick to bring you communion in the event of long term illness.
 
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Brettbat said:
Thank you for this; my wife and I were speaking about this today and she actually used the word “grovel”. Becoming part of a church family should not require following people around like a puppy and losing all sense of dignity just to be accepted.
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Wouldn’t work at my parish, very off-putting.
 
Someone once told me that some Catholics will be called to do Gods work in their parish and some outside.

I would just focus on serving where you can, fellowship where you can, responding to whoever reaches out to you whether Catholic or not, obviously so long as it doesn’t go against teaching. Maybe you will develop some skills that you cam bring back one day.

It sounds like you are both building up frustration which I can relate to, it isn’t good for you.
 
Not only does my parish not care who lives or dies, the pastor actually suggests that new parishioners “shop around” because “we might not be right for you.” In several years there, I’ve made one friend even though I’ve tried many times to be nice and accommodating to others. When an announcement is made that someone needs a ride to mass or help of any kind, no one offers. (I’d give someone a ride, but I walk myself.)

How can Catholics be so cruel? It’s turning my away from the Church. The Messianic Jews and the Protestant churches are very welcoming. The only thing that’s kept me in the Catholic Church, and I’ve been Catholic all my life, is Holy Communion.
 
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