Anyone else's parish not give a flaming hoot whether they live or die?

[Irishmom2]

The fact that some people experience this and others don’t shows me that it is not a Catholic “thing,” it is a people thing. It is the people in a particular parish, not the Catholic Church. And honestly, I am offended by people that say the Church does X Y Z, when it it the people in that particular parish. So try a different parish, they are not all the same.

 

[ConstantLearner]

I feel like the pastor should give his homily on love for our fellow parishioners or something similar. Some of us can’t get to another church easily. I live within walking distance of mine, but changing would require going pretty far away. Then, there’s the parking problem where I live. I’m currently in physical therapy due to an accident and can only walk short distances. I stick with this parish because I can walk to it easily.

I don’t really feel it’s a people thing because it wouldn’t affect ALL the people. If it affected some, even half, I could see it, but not all but one or two. There’s just no sense of community in that church, and I think it’s the pastor’s responsibility to try to foster a sense of solidarity among the members. He is our parish leader. So, I guess I feel it’s a “pastor problem,” but of course, he can’t force people to do things they don’t want to do.

I’ve even offered to welcome people, but he said, no, no, we didn’t want to bother with that.

 

[Dorothy]

I hope and pray that things will change for you soon!

In listening to all you had to say it made me appreciate my parish priests and members even more. We have a social in the hall after every Sunday Mass and the pastor sits at tables chats a bit, and then goes to another table. Parishioners volunteer to provide the snacks, except on “donut Sunday”…the donuts are brought in.

We have many spiritual helps such as bible studies, adoration of the Eucharist, First Friday Mass and then a shared breakfast, etc.

There are all kinds of personalities, and some are more noticeable of those who need welcoming. It sounds like the parish needs a welcoming group!

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Well, the Grand Knight and I go to different Masses; the parish secretary gave me his number. Several calls, no return. I can only assume they don’t really want new members. Or have a bias against Orthodoxy.

Don’t the Knights have events like suppers or entertainment nights or family stuff?
Did you try actually going to one, walking up to a Knight or two (doesn’t have to be the Grand Knight) and saying, “Hi, I’m Brettbat and I’m new to the parish and would like to get involved with your group. I’ve tried e-mailing and calling but didn’t hear back so I thought it might be best to just come and introduce myself.”

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions when somebody doesn’t return your e-mail or phone call.

Also, I don’t mean to be harsh, but your attitude in taking all this so personally, assuming bias against Orthodox, and saying you shouldn’t have to “grovel” or “follow people around” suggests that maybe part of this issue is with yourself. When people don’t respond in the way you think they should, you get upset, rather than giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and saying “s/he may be busy, disorganized, deals better with people in person, etc.”

As Rose said above, you need to do some menial stuff, work on getting along with people, getting to know people, meeting people, and in so doing, make yourself a part of the parish. Just making a bunch of calls or emails or excuses ('the Grand Knight and I don’t go to the same Mass") and then getting upset because you aren’t getting a response you expected, doesn’t bode well.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I sometimes wonder if it’s because the Catholic church is older and historically parishes were made up of closer knit groups that would also have been neighbours or colleagues in a lot of cases, maybe it can breed some complacency.

 

[ConstantLearner]

I sometimes wonder if it’s because the Catholic church is older and historically parishes were made up of closer knit groups that would also have been neighbours or colleagues in a lot of cases, maybe it can breed some complacency.

I’m sure the fact that we aren’t all close neighbors is a part of it. Perhaps people feel they would be imposing. I don’t really know.

 

[Phemie]

I sometimes wonder if it’s because the Catholic church is older and historically parishes were made up of closer knit groups that would also have been neighbours or colleagues in a lot of cases, maybe it can breed some complacency.

I don’t know if that was anyone else’s experience but church was not a “fellowship” place when I was growing up in the 50s and 60s. There was a certain amount of socializing on the steps of the church after Mass, still is when I go back home in the summer, but the only time we did social things as a parish was at the annual Summer Bazaar fund raiser.

I think at the time the only groups were the Catholic Women’s League and the “Tiers-Ordre”, the Third Order of, I believe, St. Francis, since our parish was St. Francis Xavier. We had had the KofC but the council had folded by the time I came along and there wasn’t another council until I was long gone from the parish.

Of course I grew up in a rural parish, in a community of about 1500.

 

[Brettbat]

That’s a ridiculous question.

Actually, it’s not ridiculous at all. Not one single person in that group of people knows who we are. Not one. No one has made any overtures to even know our names, so no, it isn’t a ridiculous question. How can they care if we live or die if they have no idea who we are and no desire whatsoever to know us?

 

[ConstantLearner]

Actually, it’s not ridiculous at all. Not one single person in that group of people knows who we are. Not one. No one has made any overtures to even know our names, so no, it isn’t a ridiculous question. How can they care if we live or die if they have no idea who we are and o desire whatsoever to know us?

It’s like that in most Catholic churches in big cities. At least that has been my experience, and others have told me they experienced the same thing. One parishioner did try to make me feel welcome. Oh, and I should add that the secretary, who has been there for a very long time, was quite nice as well. She invited me to the pastor’s Bible study group and even offered me a ride home. She seems genuinely welcoming and is a great asset to the parish.

A lot of the parishioners seem to just want to “get in and get out.” A few, but only a few, leave right after holy communion. I was sitting in front of one woman one Sunday, and she recited the creed so rapidly, she would get way ahead of Father and have to stop and wait. I thought that was disrespectful to both Father and God! Father sets the pace, I think, or at least he should.

Does your church have a Bible study group? That is one way to at least try to get to know people. Make the first move, and the rest is up to them. Let them know you’re open to making friends with them. Some parishes have become so large, they’ve become impersonal.

And no, your question isn’t ridiculous at all. It’s a concern you have, and it’s valid.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Actually, it’s not ridiculous at all. Not one single person in that group of people knows who we are. Not one. No one has made any overtures to even know our names, so no, it isn’t a ridiculous question. How can they care if we live or die if they have no idea who we are and no desire whatsoever to know us?

Ok, do you know who they are. Do you know their names.

Saying a Parish Community you are now part of doesnt care if you live or die is quite an emotional and extreme statement don’t you think. It’s a victim statement. And to then ask if others are victims whose Parish community doesn’t care if they live or die is a ridiculous question.

How big is this Parish

How many Sunday Masses does it have

Why do you want to be a member of knights

Did you attend RCIA at this Parish

Does your sponsor attend this Parish…

Is there a prayer group you guys can join to pray and get to know people.

Is there Adoration.

Weekday Mass

St vinnies

 

[Brettbat]

What cracks me up about most of you on this thread is your blaming the person who is being shut out.

It’s our fault. We must be doing something wrong. Why is that? Is that a Catholic mindset? If so, you all really need to work on it.

And again, my statement about the parish not caring whether we live or die is absolutely not an emotional statement, but merely a statement of fact.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I don’t think it’s a case of being a victim or persecuted. It’s just indifference and we’ve all been guilty of that at times.

 

[ConstantLearner]

I don’t think it’s a case of being a victim or persecuted. It’s just indifference and we’ve all been guilty of that at times.

I agree with you, but I do empathize with the original poster. I think his priest does care if he and his wife live or die, but I also think people are very wrapped in their own lives and often feel they are intruding if they make overtures toward new people.

I do think all parishes should have welcoming committees who make it their business to see that new parishioners know what groups are available to the new people to join, etc.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think it needs to be intentional if that makes sense. I do notice that the newer Christian denomination churches many of my friends attend are very intentional about fellowship because if they didn’t these new churches would soon cease to exist. Catholic churches are obviously more established but once the inner core start dying off they could be in trouble.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

It also doesn’t help that Bertha is probably the only one who knows how to do the ministry.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

What cracks me up about most of you on this thread is your blaming the person who is being shut out.

It’s our fault. We must be doing something wrong. Why is that? Is that a Catholic mindset? If so, you all really need to work on it.

And again, my statement about the parish not caring whether we live or die is absolutely not an emotional statement, but merely a statement of fact.

Why should there be fault.

I am saying asking people
Does a Parish community care if you live or die is
The wrong way to be emotionally invested in a situation. Or looking at a situation

You sure seem to enjoy attacking Catholics
‘ Catholic mindset’ ‘ whole Parish wouldn’t give a hoot if we dropped dead’ ‘churches off the rails’ ‘ not much to choose from’ ‘ bias against orthodox ‘ ( you aren’t orthodox any more) ‘ issue of disorganisation with many koc groups at parishes’ ‘knights are least of your problems’ ‘ irritated with audacity to volunteer’ ‘ unacceptable behaviour’ ‘Church not utterly perfect’
‘Wouldn’t join knights now anyway ‘ ‘forced to accept’
‘ is unfriendliness a Catholic culture thing’ ‘ evidence the Parish community doesn’t care’ ‘Church in a woeful state ‘ ‘ rudeness and unfriendliness bit of a problem among catholics’ grovel and following people around like a puppy’ ‘ losing all sense of dignity just to join’ ‘Catholic mindset’

Does this negative discourse you run here , also run away from here. There is not one positive in all your discourse.

Perhaps you still have reticence in leaving a community you claim has shunned you now. That’s hardly true friends is it, or caring. That could be the real issue here, and it’s a discourse, a negative discourse , that is showing outwardly.

‘Asking Parish secretary to chase people up for you and try to get them to respond’ . My Parish secretaries would not have that time. We do that for ourselves.

As sacredheartbassist said , perhaps humility is the lesson here. Pick up that tea towel, scrap down the dirty plates and wash them.
Bow your head and take a turn in Rosary prayer group. Go to a bible study group.

Join the small things. Get to know the small humble people who boil the kettle and fold the prayer sheets first.

 

[casslean]

It also doesn’t help that Bertha is probably the only one who knows how to do the ministry.

And Bertha makes sure of that, because their sense of self-worth is tied to their need to feel indispensable.

 

[ConstantLearner]

I think it needs to be intentional if that makes sense. I do notice that the newer Christian denomination churches many of my friends attend are very intentional about fellowship because if they didn’t these new churches would soon cease to exist. Catholic churches are obviously more established but once the inner core start dying off they could be in trouble.

That’s true. Younger people, for the most part, don’t attend church at our parishes. Oh, there are some. I don’t mean to imply that there are no young people. However, by far and away, the average age of the parishioners is seventy or so. Since I’m thirty-three, I feel the age difference is one reason I haven’t made many friends. And, most of the parishioners are married, whereas I am not.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

To be fair its not a Catholic thing, I’ve seen it at work and with secular volunteering

 

[casslean]

To be fair its not a Catholic thing, I’ve seen it at work and with secular volunteering

Me too. One of the things I find the church is not great at, however, given the number of volunteers they rely on, is providing adequate training to their priests and paid staff in managing vounteers and giving training to the volunteers in how to manage other people.