Anyone else's parish not give a flaming hoot whether they live or die?

[ConstantLearner]

I asked OP because I wanted to know if the parishioners at minimum smiled and shook hands. No answer.

They do in mine, and they seem very sincere and loving at that time. It makes the other behavior all the more curious. That’s why I think they may feel they are imposing with friendly overtures.

 

[Brettbat]

asked OP because I wanted to know if the parishioners at minimum smiled and shook hands. No answer.

Yes, they usually do at least smile and shake hands during the Kiss of Peace. Makes their standoffishness the rest of the time even more perplexing.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think when the number of masses are cut back its hard to suit everyone. One parish I attended had an 8.30 quiet more contemplative service and a 10.30 family service that was tolerant of noisy children. Both were well attended and needed but ended up having to be merged.

Back to the general thread. I’m not so sure the practice of waiting several years for a newcomer to be acknowledged and invited to ministry is a good one. A lot of people have to move frequently, they still might have something to offer.

 

[LilyM]

I think when the number of masses are cut back its hard to suit everyone. One parish I attended had an 8.30 quiet more contemplative service and a 10.30 family service that was tolerant of noisy children. Both were well attended and needed but ended up having to be merged.

Back to the general thread. I’m not so sure the practice of waiting several years for a newcomer to be acknowledged and invited to ministry is a good one. A lot of people have to move frequently, they still might have something to offer.

There may be other issues to consider.
Imagine the Mass deacribed above with a congregation of 25, what if 10 of them wanted to minister Holy Communion each week and 15 wanted to do the readings and so on? The results of trying to please everyone in such a case would be chaos.

OP, what else have you tried to get involved in other than K of C? I know at one stage I was in a large city parish and signed up to be a communion minister and a reader. Both require some training, ministering communion more so, and in both cases the training was only held every few months. Perhaps there are reasons like these that they’re not getting back to you as quickly as you’d like?

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Surely you would have some sort of rota if you had more than enough volunteers

 

[Phemie]

Imagine the Mass deacribed above with a congregation of 25, what if 10 of them wanted to minister Holy Communion each week and 15 wanted to do the readings and so on? The results of trying to please everyone in such a case would be chaos.

Then you’d schedule each EMHC to offer the Chalice once every 10 weeks and each reader once every 7 weeks. I could only hope to have such a problem!

 

[Clare]

Be great if 10 people wanted to do it! Here I think we only have around 12 for our entire parish! Weekdays can get a bit worrying when you don’t see one of them come in, luckily I’ve not yet experienced it when no one has come to a weekday Mass, but I guess the alter server would have to do it.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve gone to a few weekday Masses where it was just me and the priest. Also, it is not only the elderly that are dwindling in numbers. Our local parishes in the last few years have had only a few kids for Confirmation—some years zero.

Our last Pastor, may he rest in peace, commented one day that when the old guard dies we will cease to have a parish. The average age for daily Mass is lowered to about 75 when I attend.

There are 12 kids for Confirmation this year, we may see 1 or 2 afterwards.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I don’t know what it’s like in the US but the UK state pension age is 68 and rising so how are younger people supposed to attend weekday mass, I mean you might get the odd shift worker or unemployed person I guess.

I have also attended parishes with no confirmation groups some years and no youth groups to keep post confirmation teenagers involved.

 

[Vico]

I will be brief. Received into the Church in December. Was formerly Russian Orthodox. Tried to join all manner of ministries, including Knights of Columbus. No response at all. No welcome nothing. The entire parish wouldn’t give a HOOT if my wife and I dropped dead. Large parish. Very active Knights of Columbus and active ministries.

Is this just a Catholic thing? No fellowship for the new people? What’s going on here? Any new Catholics have trouble adjusting to the fact that parish doesn’t know or care that you exist.?

Have you tried an eastern Catholic parish? For example the Melkite or Byzantine? (Not too many Russian Catholic parishes exist.)

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Greenfields:

When you were received into the church many would have learned your names and welcomed you then?

Yes, one would think that. Father received us, announced who we were, etc. It was a weekday Mass, with about 150 people attending. Unfortunately, not one person said a single word to us afterwards. I wish I were making it up, but no, not a word. Rather sad and discouraging.

At the same time, I honestly have to roll my eyes at this. Attending Daily Mass is a privilege, not a right. When I attended Daily Mass I was doing it before work. I might have 10 seconds to say hi to people I knew but I wouldn’t seek out strangers. I am not responsible for their feelings or emotional needs. There may have been some retired who were in the position to stay and greet you but these days retirement isn’t what it used to be…even when I went on my days off the people who I knew who were “retired” often had a million things to do. In general, whenever I go to Daily Mass it seems people have far less time than on a weekend.

I have to say I’m one of the “horrible” people who would not have greeted you. I don’t have the time. Not because I didn’t care but because I etched out time in my day for God, not for anything else.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is not unusual for parishes to have daily Mass at 7 AM (or eve 6 AM). The Cathedral has a very early morning mass and a daily Mass at 12:05 PM. It is downtown and many workers attend the 12:05 Mass on their lunch hour. When I worked downtown, there were some noon Masses where I could not find a seat!

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I don’t live in the UK but I go there regularly. The only place I’ve ever seen a Mass at 7am there is Westminster Cathedral in London. Most other churches I’ve tried to attend Mass at didn’t have it until 9:30 or 10. Of those offering an evening Mass, it’s generally available once a week, twice at best.

Now, I have not been to every Catholic church in the UK, but most of the places I have gone don’t have Mass before or after customary working hours. The farther out of the big cities one goes, the less Mass there is during the week.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

There was one parish I attended that did 6.30 am mass every Friday during Lent which I attended. To be fair I don’t know how popular daily masses either this early or in the evening would be with working people anyway.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

It’s not complaining to point out a problem. Maybe if more people would point out problems the Church wouldn’t be in such a woeful state.

I totally agree.

There have been several threads on here along the same lines. (For example, see “Lack of Catholic Brotherhood” from June 2017.) Clearly it’s a problem. Once I suggested “The top 10 ways to get people involved.” I also met with a deacon at our church to discuss this with him. He agreed with me, but he’s not the pastor.

It appears to be a particularly Catholic problem since the Mass is focused on prayer and God, not socializing. But of course that doesn’t address the problem.

I’ll repeat my suggestions. Who knows, it might even do some good!

1. Term limits. Don’t allow a small group of people to dominate the entire parish–if the people in charge are forced to find new blood every year or two, they will make it a priority. If someone can be an usher for 30 years, who cares about recruiting?
2. Every 3-4 month pass out a sheet at Mass listing all the active groups. If you are interested in a group, you put your e-mail next to it and turn the sheet in. The groups divide up the names, and each member is personally responsible for inviting those interested to join the group. If they join, this member becomes their sponsor, who is responsible for introducing them to others, etc.
3. Parish bulletins. Assign a “reporter” whose job it is to interview 8 people a week. Then devote 1/4 page to a brief description of the person with a small photo and their contact information. 8 times a week x 52 weeks = 416 people. Even 4 people a week = 208 a year.
4. Encourage non-religious activities–Boy Scouts, “Great Decisions” discussion groups, etc. Science fair winners at the local Catholic school could set up displays in the vestibule. Weekly talks by parish members on an area of expertise-photography, travel, birds, etc. The list is endless.
5. Set up an employment office. Have a job board for those both looking for work or where business owners can post openings. Have meetings to discuss resumes, job search strategies, etc. etc.
6. Set up a mini-forum like this one–but for the parish. Make it accessible with a password printed every week in the parish bulletiln. Anonymous or not–allow a choice. Discuss personal problems, religious issues, whatever.
7. The pastor needs to emphasize that no individual should feel left out, disparaged, made fun of, etc. He needs to enforce this.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

and 8-10…

1. Children’s activities. Those in charge of children’s activities should engage the parents, not ignore them. Parents drop off and pick up their children. Engage them in conversation about their interests, the parish, etc. and personally invite them to other activities.
2. Encourage anyone who comes to the priest or parish council with an idea. Make it easy to book a room, put their activity in the parish bulletin, etc. Don’t put up bureaucratic roadblocks.
3. After Mass, priests should just say “Good morning” to those they already know and try to spend time talking to people they don’t recognize.

Almost none of these ideas costs any money. Those that do cost a minimal amount.

 

[blackforest]

It’s mostly a large-parish thing. It drives me crazy. I’ve never actually made friends with anyone through church, and friendships are what cement a community.

John Taylor Gatto, who writes mostly about education, distinguished between networks and communities. Networks aren’t bad in and of themselves; they help us accomplish important, (and sometimes unimportant) things - coffee hour donuts, pretty altars, Lenten suppers, etc. But if you go into a network looking for a community, you’re going to be heartbroken. In a network, people will never call you for friendship; they’ll call you only when they want something out of you, usually time or money.

Some parishes are starting to improve. Small faith communities are a wonderful idea, as are book groups. In the Anglican Church in which I grew up, the bishop had people sign up for small dinner groups, i.e. inviting each other over for dinner, picnics, BBQs, etc. He knew what he was doing. People stuck around that church because they formed friendships.

 

[blackforest]

All 10 are wonderful suggestions!

Honestly, Catholics should look to their Protestant brethren and sisters for ideas. To their credit, they do a much better job at the whole community thing.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Parish bulletins. Assign a “reporter” whose job it is to interview 8 people a week. Then devote 1/4 page to a brief description of the person with a small photo and their contact information. 8 times a week x 52 weeks = 416 people. Even 4 people a week = 208 a year.

I don’t know about your parish, but, in our parish the staff is already donating volunteer hours every week. Stretched paper thin. Same for budgets, we are squeezing every penny.

Would you be willing to do any of the jobs you listed? Would you take on the extra cost?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Protestants also are far more generous with their donations. They can afford the extra staff, volunteer coordinators, resources (photocopies are not free, paper is not free, so even what seems like minimal cost has a hidden cost)