Anyone end a romance because of a vocation?

[ancilla_Domini]

Has anyone else here ended a relationship because their partner decided to pursue the religious life or because they decided to discern themselves? What happened to the person in the relationship who got “left behind” (although they don’t REALLY get “left behind”)?

I’ve mentioned this on several threads before, so for now, unless asked, I’ll keep this story short. I was recently involved in a relationship with someone, and we were both certain that we were on the path to marriage. We thought that we had even received signs from the saints that our vocations were to be married to each other. However, we split up after a year and a half because he needed to pursue the priesthood.

I’m happy that he’s trying to find God’s will, and I’m more than happy to pray for him. Although I pray that God will lead him back to me (but ONLY if it is in His divine will!), I’ve been offering my loneliness and sorrow to our God as a victim of His love. (He’s obviously trying to prepare me for something by refining me with all this pain…) However, I admit that I’m still very hurt and brokenhearted. As a result, I can’t even speak to him - someone who I consider my closest friend - because I tend to get really emotional and teary-eyed…

So I want to know… What happens to the person who lets their beloved go for the sake of the Beloved? I’d love to hear stories of people who have been in my situation.

 

[Sr_Sally]

My story is not very close to yours. I have dated a man who is now a priest, but we were never at all close to discerning marriage. Since I am happily married now myself, I’d say everything worked out according to God’s will.

 

[Mannyfit75]

Has anyone else here ended a relationship because their partner decided to pursue the religious life or because they decided to discern themselves? What happened to the person in the relationship who got “left behind” (although they don’t REALLY get “left behind”)?

I’ve mentioned this on several threads before, so for now, unless asked, I’ll keep this story short. I was recently involved in a relationship with someone, and we were both certain that we were on the path to marriage. We thought that we had even received signs from the saints that our vocations were to be married to each other. However, we split up after a year and a half because he needed to pursue the priesthood.

I’m happy that he’s trying to find God’s will, and I’m more than happy to pray for him. Although I pray that God will lead him back to me (but ONLY if it is in His divine will!), I’ve been offering my loneliness and sorrow to our God as a victim of His love. (He’s obviously trying to prepare me for something by refining me with all this pain…) However, I admit that I’m still very hurt and brokenhearted. As a result, I can’t even speak to him - someone who I consider my closest friend - because I tend to get really emotional and teary-eyed…

So I want to know… What happens to the person who lets their beloved go for the sake of the Beloved? I’d love to hear stories of people who have been in my situation.

How did you overcame it?

 

[qui_est_ce]

Has anyone else here ended a relationship because their partner decided to pursue the religious life or because they decided to discern themselves? What happened to the person in the relationship who got “left behind” (although they don’t REALLY get “left behind”)?

. As a result, I can’t even speak to him - someone who I consider my closest friend - because I tend to get really emotional and teary-eyed…

So I want to know… What happens to the person who lets their beloved go for the sake of the Beloved? I’d love to hear stories of people who have been in my situation.

I don’t think you ever really get over a love like this. It’s something you carry with you, it’s a part of you.

Having been divorced for 10 years now, from the father of my children, I still love my ex, even though he is not “worthy” of it.

When we first married and through our year of dating, I thought he was perfect. And he was for a few years. The first year after the divorce I wanted to go back so badly, even though I was the one who left him. I missed him and our life. It was SO HARD. Good thing I didn’t know how hard it would be, because I would never have left him, and I needed to.

All the normal maxims, like, “you’ll get over it,” “it happens to everyone,” “life is tough,” sound shallow.

I don’t know why I am saying all this here, except that you have my support, and probably a lot of people who read here but don’t post.

God bless you.

 

[puzzleannie]

well I have been accused of starting a romance that supposedly ended a vocation, but having known the man who had the so-called vocation for 40 yrs, I somehow doubt his family’s wishes for him translated to a real calling to the priesthood.

 

[ancilla_Domini]

How did you overcame it?

I don’t think you ever really get over a love like this. It’s something you carry with you, it’s a part of you…
All the normal maxims, like, “you’ll get over it,” “it happens to everyone,” “life is tough,” sound shallow.
God bless you.

Ah, my friends, unfortunately, I HAVEN’T overcome it yet either! Praise God that it’s easier to deal with today. I don’t wake up and stare at the ceiling wondering why God gave me the burden of another day to breathe and wallow through. I used to do that, though, in the first few months or so. My little brother, my cousin, and my good friends have been around to cheer me up and distract me. But when I’m all alone, I feel the emptiness of where my former boyfriend used to be.

I bring this all to our Lord’s Sacred Heart. I try to console His loneliness a little with my loneliness, and I pray to let His love and mercy flow over me. Still, there are days that I feel so alone that I forget that God is with me.

well I have been accused of starting a romance that supposedly ended a vocation, but having known the man who had the so-called vocation for 40 yrs, I somehow doubt his family’s wishes for him translated to a real calling to the priesthood.

My former boyfriend was discerning even before we started dating… Many people would probably say, “I TOLD YOU SO!” if they knew we broke up. A discerning boy is bad news, they’d say.

But he was filled with such holiness - that’s what attracted me to him so strongly. Where do you find another man like that who isn’t your family member or isn’t discerning for the religious life?

Ah… Let it be done unto me according to His will.

 

[Mannyfit75]

I always wonder how someone who had dated a man discerning the priesthood felt on the other end. I’m discerning priesthood myself, but now I’m not so sure.

 

[anamchara]

Ah, my friends, unfortunately, I HAVEN’T overcome it yet either! Praise God that it’s easier to deal with today. I don’t wake up and stare at the ceiling wondering why God gave me the burden of another day to breathe and wallow through. I used to do that, though, in the first few months or so. My little brother, my cousin, and my good friends have been around to cheer me up and distract me. But when I’m all alone, I feel the emptiness of where my former boyfriend used to be.

I bring this all to our Lord’s Sacred Heart. I try to console His loneliness a little with my loneliness, and I pray to let His love and mercy flow over me. Still, there are days that I feel so alone that I forget that God is with me.

My former boyfriend was discerning even before we started dating… Many people would probably say, “I TOLD YOU SO!” if they knew we broke up. A discerning boy is bad news, they’d say.

But he was filled with such holiness - that’s what attracted me to him so strongly. Where do you find another man like that who isn’t your family member or isn’t discerning for the religious life?

Ah… Let it be done unto me according to His will.

You poor dear and bless your heart. That must have been horrible. I’ll remember you in my prayers.

 

[James0235]

I was dating a girl who decided she needed to discern her vocation. She thought she was called to marriage but since the religious life also appealed to her she decided she should spend some time in discernment. I encouraged her to do this even though deep down I selfishly did not want to lose her.

She left to spend 2 weeks at a convent. And since her mother lived fairly close to that convent she planned on spending a week with her afterwards. She promised to call me in 2 weeks from her mother’s house or maybe 3 weeks at the absolute latest when she got back home.

That was the last contact I had with her.

I went to her apartment several times, and left messages for her at home and at work. I never heard back from her. A couple of months later I received an invitation to an engagement party for her.

She had decided that she was not called to the religious life. And she felt a strong call to marriage. When she was visiting her mother she ran into an old boyfriend from high school. They decided to get married. And she decided not to return to Ohio (except to retrieve some of her things).

Apparently one of her friends sent me the invitation by mistake. I did not go to the party. Last I heard they had 2 kids.

Technically we never broke up. But I am assuming that we officially stopped dating the moment she made her wedding vows to someone else.

James

 

[ancilla_Domini]

I was dating a girl who decided she needed to discern her vocation. She thought she was called to marriage but since the religious life also appealed to her she decided she should spend some time in discernment. I encouraged her to do this even though deep down I selfishly did not want to lose her.

She left to spend 2 weeks at a convent. And since her mother lived fairly close to that convent she planned on spending a week with her afterwards. She promised to call me in 2 weeks from her mother’s house or maybe 3 weeks at the absolute latest when she got back home.

That was the last contact I had with her.

I went to her apartment several times, and left messages for her at home and at work. I never heard back from her. A couple of months later I received an invitation to an engagement party for her.

She had decided that she was not called to the religious life. And she felt a strong call to marriage. When she was visiting her mother she ran into an old boyfriend from high school. They decided to get married. And she decided not to return to Ohio (except to retrieve some of her things).

Apparently one of her friends sent me the invitation by mistake. I did not go to the party. Last I heard they had 2 kids.

Technically we never broke up. But I am assuming that we officially stopped dating the moment she made her wedding vows to someone else.

James

That story sounds… wow. I know how you felt, encouraging them to go discern the call even when you don’t want them to. ;p How close were the two of you, and how are you doing now?

 

[James0235]

That story sounds… wow. I know how you felt, encouraging them to go discern the call even when you don’t want them to. ;p How close were the two of you, and how are you doing now?

It came after a much, much worse breakup. So, I didn’t take it nearly as hard as I might have otherwise.

Still, it would have been nice to get a “goodbye” or at least an “I am still alive. You can stop worrying.”

James

 

[ancilla_Domini]

It came after a much, much worse breakup. So, I didn’t take it nearly as hard as I might have otherwise.

Still, it would have been nice to get a “goodbye” or at least an “I am still alive. You can stop worrying.”

James

Yeah, I’d be worried in that situation no matter how close I was to the person.

How do you get over breakups in general, then? And how do I stop giving myself hopes that there’s a chance that my former flame and I may get back together?

 

[MarcoPolo]

ancilla, I don’t have a story about parting ways because of a religious vocation…but after heartbreak…Adoration is not a bad place to go. I prayed a lot to our Lord and for our Lady’s intercession for comfort.

 

[James0235]

How do you get over breakups in general, then? And how do I stop giving myself hopes that there’s a chance that my former flame and I may get back together?

I’m not convinced that you ever entirely do get over it. In time you will begin to think about the person less and less. At some point you will most likely not desire to be in a relationship with that person anymore. But, there will always be memories. And sometimes the memories will just be painful. I have been thinking lately that maybe that is just the way it is supposed to be.

James

 

[JBoscoII]

Hmm, I feel compelled to tell my tale. Junior year in high school I met a girl and started and made friends. Lost contact with her till graduation of senior year…I went back and for th from different schools and it was by Providence that we crossed paths taht second time. So we went together, I had been thinking of priesthood or the military…and I was already through half of the stuff to get into the seminary. Regretfully I placed the biggest decision on her if I should persue the priesthood or continue with her. She being the good christian she is ((calvary chapel none the less)) told me to go for the seminary. I was in the seminary for a year and a month before deciding that there must be other means to build oneself up to hold a priestly life. I would see her here and there when Id go home back then but now I do not know heads nor tail of her. Currently I am in the military and realize though I want the life of a priest that I do not think I could ever hold their Divine gifts. So now I feel my vocation is to live that celebrate life but within a family…and oh if I could get back with that girl…she could play guitar and piano, sing, dance, knew scripture, full of wit and had the looks to boot. If anything her only fault was being Calvary Chapel, but with a little catechism from the church she would see the truth.

I pray for the best for her. As for me well, I figure if God wants me to wed that He’ll send someone my way.

 

[ancilla_Domini]

Adoration… Ah, I used to visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament everyday! Ever since the breakup, it’s become so hard for me to make the 15-minute walk there… and it’s only 15 minutes!!! I suppose I’ve been avoiding Adoration because I don’t want to think about my heartbreak, and I know that it’s what I’ll be praying about when I get there. So to avoid the pain, I avoid going. It’s only by God’s grace that I have the courage to go to daily Mass. I must try harder to face my fear and return to daily Adoration! Please pray for me!!!

Hmm, I feel compelled to tell my tale. Junior year in high school I met a girl and started and made friends. Lost contact with her till graduation of senior year…I went back and for th from different schools and it was by Providence that we crossed paths taht second time. So we went together, I had been thinking of priesthood or the military…and I was already through half of the stuff to get into the seminary. Regretfully I placed the biggest decision on her if I should persue the priesthood or continue with her. She being the good christian she is ((calvary chapel none the less)) told me to go for the seminary. I was in the seminary for a year and a month before deciding that there must be other means to build oneself up to hold a priestly life. I would see her here and there when Id go home back then but now I do not know heads nor tail of her. Currently I am in the military and realize though I want the life of a priest that I do not think I could ever hold their Divine gifts. So now I feel my vocation is to live that celebrate life but within a family…and oh if I could get back with that girl…she could play guitar and piano, sing, dance, knew scripture, full of wit and had the looks to boot. If anything her only fault was being Calvary Chapel, but with a little catechism from the church she would see the truth.

I pray for the best for her. As for me well, I figure if God wants me to wed that He’ll send someone my way.

Thanks for sharing! I can see some similarities between our stories, so I bet you can definitely empathize. I’ll be praying for you and that girl as well.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving him after hearing everyone’s stories and how they never really get over something like this… I figure that the best thing I can do is continue praying for God’s will to be done in my life and in the life of my former boyfriend…

 

[MarcoPolo]

Adoration… Ah, I used to visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament everyday! Ever since the breakup, it’s become so hard for me to make the 15-minute walk there… and it’s only 15 minutes!!! I suppose I’ve been avoiding Adoration because I don’t want to think about my heartbreak, and I know that it’s what I’ll be praying about when I get there. So to avoid the pain, I avoid going. It’s only by God’s grace that I have the courage to go to daily Mass. I must try harder to face my fear and return to daily Adoration! Please pray for me!!!

I will pray for you ancilla. Going to mass daily is great! While in Adoration last year, I asked that if another girl wasn’t going to come into my life soon, I asked our Lady to fill the void left in my heart…and she did!

Sometimes, when my mind tends to drift in Adoration, and if you have trouble thinking about unpleasant things, stick with set prayers of the Church while you’re in there. Pray the Rosary, get some prayer cards of various saints…St. Raphael is the patron saint of Catholic singles. That has worked for me anyway on nights where my mind has trouble not focusing on the right things!

Also remember to entrust your suffering into Christ’s hands…there is much power in Christian suffering, for it is the power of the Cross! Ask God to accept your suffering in Him as efficacious to the Body of Christ.

 

[JBoscoII]

Adoration… Ah, I used to visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament everyday! Ever since the breakup, it’s become so hard for me to make the 15-minute walk there… and it’s only 15 minutes!!! I suppose I’ve been avoiding Adoration because I don’t want to think about my heartbreak, and I know that it’s what I’ll be praying about when I get there. So to avoid the pain, I avoid going. It’s only by God’s grace that I have the courage to go to daily Mass. I must try harder to face my fear and return to daily Adoration! Please pray for me!!!

Thanks for sharing! I can see some similarities between our stories, so I bet you can definitely empathize. I’ll be praying for you and that girl as well.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving him after hearing everyone’s stories and how they never really get over something like this… I figure that the best thing I can do is continue praying for God’s will to be done in my life and in the life of my former boyfriend…

I used to go before the Blessed Sacrament, its hard for me to even attend mass and when I do go I abstain from recieveing the Eucharist. I have fallen back on the minimum of the precepts of the Church.

I have gotten over the girl, its just how it all happen it shouldnt have happened that way. With me the difficult part is trying to figure out what it is God wants with my life. I went for the Priesthood and though many are called few are chosen. Now Im trying to find a girl for married life and few can compare with the girl I had before going in the seminary. Wether God just wants me to be single…get married…be a deacon…join an order…living the life isnt the hard part for me, its which one to live.

It could be worse though. I know of several people who were very good christians, went to answer a calling and were corrupted in the process by campus life or the pressure of being alone.

Personally I hold prayer with St John Bosco ((whos day is almost here)) and St Joseph the patron father of our Church. At night if my mind gets busy with thought I just go for the rosary…just think on the mysteries enough and go right to sleep.

 

[ancilla_Domini]

Well, since you’re in the same position I’m in with regards to how often we used to visit the Blessed Sacrament, let’s try to go more often. If you get frustrated, remember that I’m in the same boat too. So let’s pray for each other.

May God heal all of us according to His will…

 

[JBoscoII]

Sounds like a plan!!..It should be easier when I get back home…its more difficult for me to avoid Church when I am home because everyone knows me and the guilt of not going is heavier than what ever reasoning I can come up with to not go.

I plan on getting back into the Breviary (sp), which helps to calm restless thoughts/ emotions. I recommend it to you if you dont already have one.