Anyone Ever Acted as Matchmaker for Their Kids?

[TrueLight]

I don’t think it is a bad idea to present options as long as the parents do not try to force any relationships that the child does not want. Sometimes friends and family can see more of the big picture of compatibility.

 

[TrueLight]

Are you concerned that your children will not meet people of good character without your help? What do your children say? Do they welcome your matchmaking (name removed by moderator)ut? If they’re old enough to date, they’re old enough to have a say in this.

I know that when emotions are involved, it is hard to see the big picture.

Are you willing to listen to your kids about their romantic preferences?

Oh of course. Any mate they choose is their decision and their is nothing I can do about it but give advice.

If they are not interested in dating someone of a particular race, appearance, religion, or political persuasion, are you going to be Okay with helping them look for people you wouldn’t have chosen, even if you think your kids are misguided in their preferences?

Yes. I am a more interested in helping them find a moral person with good character. Obviously I will advise them to choose a Christian man.

If you’ve helped and helped and helped and they end up with someone you didn’t have a hand in them meeting, are you going to be resesentful?

Of course not.

If they welcome your (name removed by moderator)ut/assistance, fine. Negotiate your role in their romantic lives with them and go for it. If they do not want your (name removed by moderator)ut/assistance, you need - for the sake of your relationship with your kids - to back off. And even if they initially welcome your help, you need to back off if/when they tell you they no longer need it.

Just make sure your motives are coming from the right place (e.g., you’re not trying to be over-controlling of your (soon-to-be) adult children’s lives.). You need to be honest with yourself - brutally honest - about that.

My intentions are good. Trust me, I am counting the years when I don’t have to tell my kids what to do.

. If some mom started coming around checking me and my husband out because she thought my girl might be good for her son, I’d advise my daughter to run a mile or risk being saddled with a mother-in-law who didn’t know when to quit.

You wouldn’t know.

I will advise my kids to pay careful attention to any potential mate’s family, siblings etc as they become exposed to the family.

In any case, I enjoyed answering your questions because they made things clearer for me in my mind.

 

[austenbosten]

I don’t see anything wrong, if anything. Look at what our “Real Love” marriages have produced in this nation.

40-50% divorce rates as opposed to 4% with arranged marriages.

 

[Crescentinus]

I’d support the idea if my family understands my interests instead of looking down on those things.

 

[ShanaA1984]

I personally don’t see a problem with offering advice when it comes to choosing a mate. Frankly if my parents cared about who I married or didn’t I would be in a much diffent place than I am now (granted I have never been married but I am a single parent). But sadly my parents really don’t care and never have.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

We are friends with a couple who met because his mother and her mother said, “Hey our kids should meet.” :newidea:

They met, and got married, still married 12 years later.

 

[Cristiano]

I think that parents should be heavily involved with their children lives, including the choice of a partner. However, parents should realize that when it comes to a partner for their children the have absolutely no veto power and that is very good. Involvement must come at early ages like puberty and adolescence, discussions about behaviors and how to detect red flags must be started as soon a s possible.

 

[shainski]

I think you could pull it off, if you didn’t look like you were setting them up.

If you provided an opportunity where they could meet each other - perhaps with introductions - but nothing more - than they might not realize your hand in it. I would have resisted and declined this kind of interference from my own mother.

Even during my single period - the thing I despised the most about blind dates - was the report afterwards. Somebody arranged the meeting - and that somebody was interested in how the date went. I just hated having to tell somebody else whether or not i was interested or not - or whether it was a fun date. Truthfully, i often didn’t know how i felt until i had been on several dates with someone.

So, if you can arrange the meeting, and then stay out of it totally, you might have a chance.