Anyone Ever Feel Like Leaving the Church?

[Sierrah]

And I know that some people will say, “Well, Church is not supposed to be a social place”, and then get all huffy. But it is hard to go to a big room, and be the only one not with someone. And do that week after week after week. And then get no support elsewhere. You can’t blame people for leaving, if Mass becomes a huge emotional thing to do every week.

I used to feel that way as well, but having a boyfriend has helped a lot. Even though we aren’t in the same country, but the fact that he is Catholic makes me feel less alone.

The problem is not about lack of social support but a general lack of acknowledgement. You simply do not exist.

 

[EasterJoy]

The problem is not about lack of social support but a general lack of acknowledgement. You simply do not exist.

In the 166 hours or so from one Sunday Mass to the next, does your parish exist for you?
I don’t mean this as an accusation. I mean that relationships take work on both sides. Before accusing others, be sure that you’ve done your own part. None of the baptised should be waiting for an invitation.

 

[Vimy_Ridge]

I left the Church ten years ago. I had been reading the book 1984 by George Orwell and something in it really started a process of questioning my faith. At the time I was renting an apartment in a Church owned chaplaincy/house so I had a chance to discuss my doubts with a couple of priests, but they were unable to answer my questions. One day I mentioned that I had stopped going to mass and was immediately asked when I planned to move out, I thought that was rather tactless seeing as I was a good tenant and had been honest about my thoughts, it was a good thing I had found another place to rent. All and all I think I had become burnt out with the Church. Prior to all this I had spent time visiting religious orders and was seriously considering joining one but was shocked at how liberal many members were, I could not join in good conscience even though I did like the members I was simply too conservative and would not have fit in. The irony is that when I finally found a conservative community I couldn’t believe anymore. Anyways that’s my story.

 

[tskrobacz]

I left the Church ten years ago. I had been reading the book 1984 by George Orwell and something in it really started a process of questioning my faith. At the time I was renting an apartment in a Church owned chaplaincy/house so I had a chance to discuss my doubts with a couple of priests, but they were unable to answer my questions. One day I mentioned that I had stopped going to mass and was immediately asked when I planned to move out, I thought that was rather tactless seeing as I was a good tenant and had been honest about my thoughts, it was a good thing I had found another place to rent. All and all I think I had become burnt out with the Church. Prior to all this I had spent time visiting religious orders and was seriously considering joining one but was shocked at how liberal many members were, I could not join in good conscience even though I did like the members I was simply too conservative and would not have fit in. The irony is that when I finally found a conservative community I couldn’t believe anymore. Anyways that’s my story.

Most spiritual people are quite liberal because they are open to bigger possibilities - Jesus included. Religious people, on the other hand tend to be conservative as they understand “fear God” as to be afraid of God…instead, as Proverbs teaches, “fear God” means to hate evil. As Jesus said…be not afraid!

 

[PJM]

=Vimy Ridge;6705739]I left the Church ten years ago. I had been reading the book 1984 by George Orwell and something in it really started a process of questioning my faith. At the time I was renting an apartment in a Church owned chaplaincy/house so I had a chance to discuss my doubts with a couple of priests, but they were unable to answer my questions. One day I mentioned that I had stopped going to mass and was immediately asked when I planned to move out, I thought that was rather tactless seeing as I was a good tenant and had been honest about my thoughts, it was a good thing I had found another place to rent. All and all I think I had become burnt out with the Church. Prior to all this I had spent time visiting religious orders and was seriously considering joining one but was shocked at how liberal many members were, I could not join in good conscience even though I did like the members I was simply too conservative and would not have fit in. The irony is that when I finally found a conservative community I couldn’t believe anymore. Anyways that’s my story.

READ the book.

Has it occoured to you that abandoning “Thee Church” is abandoning God Himself?

Heb.6 Verses 4 to 10: For it is impossible to restore again to repentance those who have once been enlightened, [chosen by God for His CC] who have tasted the heavenly gift, [Eucharist] and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, [Confirmed in the Catholic Faith] and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, [By those empowered by God to understand and share His Word; His CC[/COLOR]] ***if they then commit apostasy, since they crucify the Son of God on their own account and hold him up to contempt. For land which has drunk the rain that often falls upon it, and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed; its end is to be burned. ***

**Eph. 2:19 **So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, [SINGULAR[/COLOR]] built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure is joined together and grows into a holy temple in the Lord; [SINGULAR] in whom you also are built into it for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.”

Lets talk about what you don’t accept.

Love and prayers,
Pat

 

[Incomplete]

Consider that the answer to feeling isolated in your parish may not be in leaving, but in coming further in. If you join the choir, volunteer to be a lector or EMHC or to train altar servers, to help with RCIA, to help with work days, volunteer at coffee and donuts, volunteer at the parish school, or do your out-of-parish volunteer work in groups with other parishioners, I have found that the work done together knits me together with others in the parish. If you don’t like working with anyone at your parish, try to find a different parish. Even if you are not in college, you can also go to Mass and can usually join in the activities at campus Newman Centers. (You might have to have a background check.) But don’t give up on your fellow parishioners until you have gone out of your way to help in the work of the parish. It doesn’t become your parish by just showing up on Sundays, and I think that is even true in the non-denominational churches. They may do a little better job of inviting people further in, but you still have to make that effort on your own behalf.

The thing is to take on work that you do with somebody else, if you are feeling isolated. Wait for another time to take on the reflective “alone” work, like washing and ironing altar linens, that kind of thing. I wouldn’t teach CCD, unless you have an adult team to work with. If you feel drawn to teaching, think RCIA. Find a need the parish has that fits the need you have. Think the Prayer of St. Francis…give generously, because you will find you cannot give more than God gives you. That is how the economy of God’s grace works. You don’t have to fight that. Do try to fill your need by giving to others, though.

This is great advice.

I’ve been going to the same parish for many years, but knew nobody. A couple of years ago I felt compelled to get more involved. I’m in the choir now, as well as a Scripture Study group. In both cases, most of the folks involved do not come with spouses, boyfriends, or other family members. I also volunteer fairly often for work that needs to be done in groups.

I now know people from all of those groups, many of whom are single, and of all ages. When I go to Mass alone, inevitably I’ll be greeted by someone, often several, people I know. And because people see me there so often, I occasionally make new friends just because someone will approach me saying I seem familiar. I often go alone, but now I look around and see that I am worshipping with friends.

I’ve found it is a very friendly group in that parish, but I wouldn’t have known that the first several years.

Beyond that,it seems I now run into people I know from my parish everywhere I go.

It’s important to take steps like this. I’m an outgoing person, but when I see people alone at Mass I don’t necessarily assume they want to meet me, or that they are even necessarily lonely there. Sometimes being alone at Mass helps us realize just Who we are really there with. It’s not unusual to for some to like being alone at Mass, so people like me who would love to get to know you don’t disturb you. It’s not others feeling like you do don’t exist to me; it’s that I have no idea you feel that way. For all I know, I don’t exist to many of those who worship alone) because we haven’t met.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Going to Mass alone seems to underscore everything. If you’re single the church has no place for you unless you take on a vocation…I do not feel called to any clerical or religous life. I feel if I was called to such a life I would know it or feel some draw towards it but I don’t. I have many friends in a nondenominal church who seem to have a great support structure. I might go in that direction.

I can understand wanting support and friends, and some parishes can be less friendly than others. But faith—even church!—isn’t about man. It’s about God.

One hour a week! That’s all. For fun join a club or something.

I have to drag myself to Mass every week. If you’re healthy, thank God and give Him that one hour.

 

[Vimy_Ridge]

Most spiritual people are quite liberal because they are open to bigger possibilities - Jesus included. Religious people, on the other hand tend to be conservative as they understand “fear God” as to be afraid of God…instead, as Proverbs teaches, “fear God” means to hate evil. As Jesus said…be not afraid!

Very true. I used to have some friends who were involved in the Catholic Worker movement and they were very liberal, easygoing and kind. At the time I was a very conservative Catholic and though I liked them very much I couldn’t understand why they would call themselves Catholic and hold the views that they did. When I left the Church it was no big deal to them and they were still my friends. The conservative priests I knew basically told me to get lost. I now understand both sides better and it is very true that conservatives are motivated by fear (of hell) and the keeping up of appearances, I know I sure was.

READ the book.

Has it occoured to you that abandoning “Thee Church” is abandoning God Himself?

Heb.6 Verses 4 to 10: For it is impossible to restore again to repentance those who have once been enlightened, [chosen by God for His CC] who have tasted the heavenly gift, [Eucharist] and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, [Confirmed in the Catholic Faith] and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, [By those empowered by God to understand and share His Word; His CC[/COLOR]] ***if they then commit apostasy, since they crucify the Son of God on their own account and hold him up to contempt. For land which has drunk the rain that often falls upon it, and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed; its end is to be burned. ***

**Eph. 2:19 **So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, [SINGULAR[/COLOR]] built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure is joined together and grows into a holy temple in the Lord; [SINGULAR] in whom you also are built into it for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.”

Lets talk about what you don’t accept.

Love and prayers,
Pat

When I left the Church I also gave up on Christianity because they were inseparable in my eyes at the time. I have often pondered this verse about commiting apostasy and I do believe that there is no going back according to it. This makes me wonder why the Church teaches that fallen away Catholics* can *come back when that scripture clearly teaches that one *cannot *come back.

There are many things about Christianity that I question, here is a link to a view that I consider quite feasible … caesarsmessiah.com/

 

[CountrySinger]

I can understand wanting support and friends, and some parishes can be less friendly than others. But faith—even church!—isn’t about man. It’s about God.

One hour a week! That’s all. For fun join a club or something.

I have to drag myself to Mass every week. If you’re healthy, thank God and give Him that one hour.

Mass is only an HOUR?! Tell that to my priest, I’m lucky if his homily doesn’t last 45 minutes. I would kill to have Mass be only an hour.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Mass is only an HOUR?! Tell that to my priest, I’m lucky if his homily doesn’t last 45 minutes. I would kill to have Mass be only an hour.

Mass that is longer than an hour? seriously?

 

[CountrySinger]

Mass that is longer than an hour? seriously?

Yes it is. Usually an hour and half. And it causes me to kiss my bus, and then I have to wait another hour for the bus. So I’ve started to leave so I can catch my bus, judgmental people be darned. I don’t want to stand at the side of the road for an hour.

 

[Dennislp3]

Reading this thread is kinda funny really. I am in the process of fleeing from the Protestant faith and heading towards the Catholic one. I can fairly say that 90% of the issues cited here for why people leave the Catholic faith is easily found in the Protestant faith.

The one I find most shocking though that kinda irritates me is the “boredom”.

Perhaps I am assuming to much but it sounds to me like people are expecting the Church (Catholic or otherwise) to entertain. This is evident in every church to a certain extent and the ones where entertainment is a large point of it all I see many concerning things. Most importantly when entertainment is integrated into learning people will often pass over much of the knowledge and merely remember the fun.

For all God has done for us and all he wants for us is it really prudent to turn away based on the basis of boredom?

One thing that is all but gone in the Christian faith now is the idea of meditating…and I do not mean in the way a Buddhist might while looking for inner peace or whatever.

I can assure you that if while meditating on the Rosary (or any thought or prayer) you fight sleep then you are not truly meditating or praying. You are speaking words to finish a task that you feel must be completed. True prayer and meditation takes concentration and energy.

God asks for time and reverence…in return people cry they are bored and of other people within the religion.

Personally that saddens me. I can also assure you that in no religion on Earth are you going to find more members faithful and true than those that are not. The Catholic church is a human run institute (as is every religion) and therefore in many ways is placed in the guidance of man. Man is not perfect but rather a bumbling fool in the large scheme of things. What people fail to see is that the real focus that truly counts the day you die is what is between you and God…not what you feel about the person to the left or right of you. In fact Jesus himself even states that if we do not forgive the trespasses of other then we ourselves will not have our trespasses forgiven by God in heaven (Matthew 6:14-15). So with that on the matter of priests and whoever else committing sins do not make them your concern! To make point of and judge them is also against what we are supposed to as it is said in James 4:11-12 (who are we to judge for there is only one judge and it is God). At the most have pity on these people and pray for them…do not condemn them.

What does God owe us? We owe him all and as far as I am concerned we need not grumble at what he gives us but rather realize that maybe even the simplest things like boredom are but a test of faith…last time I read there have been many instances in the Bible where mere mumbles and groaning have resulted in the ruin of people. Are we any different?

Perhaps I am to harsh in my view…I just find it appalling that most people complain about boredom and time required.

 

[TedDC]

Reading this thread is kinda funny really. I am in the process of fleeing from the Protestant faith and heading towards the Catholic one. I can fairly say that 90% of the issues cited here for why people leave the Catholic faith is easily found in the Protestant faith.

The one I find most shocking though that kinda irritates me is the “boredom”.

Perhaps I am assuming to much but it sounds to me like people are expecting the Church (Catholic or otherwise) to entertain. This is evident in every church to a certain extent and the ones where entertainment is a large point of it all I see many concerning things. Most importantly when entertainment is integrated into learning people will often pass over much of the knowledge and merely remember the fun.

For all God has done for us and all he wants for us is it really prudent to turn away based on the basis of boredom?

One thing that is all but gone in the Christian faith now is the idea of meditating…and I do not mean in the way a Buddhist might while looking for inner peace or whatever.

I can assure you that if while meditating on the Rosary (or any thought or prayer) you fight sleep then you are not truly meditating or praying. You are speaking words to finish a task that you feel must be completed. True prayer and meditation takes concentration and energy.

God asks for time and reverence…in return people cry they are bored and of other people within the religion.

Personally that saddens me. I can also assure you that in no religion on Earth are you going to find more members faithful and true than those that are not. The Catholic church is a human run institute (as is every religion) and therefore in many ways is placed in the guidance of man. Man is not perfect but rather a bumbling fool in the large scheme of things. What people fail to see is that the real focus that truly counts the day you die is what is between you and God…not what you feel about the person to the left or right of you. In fact Jesus himself even states that if we do not forgive the trespasses of other then we ourselves will not have our trespasses forgiven by God in heaven (Matthew 6:14-15). So with that on the matter of priests and whoever else committing sins do not make them your concern! To make point of and judge them is also against what we are supposed to as it is said in James 4:11-12 (who are we to judge for there is only one judge and it is God). At the most have pity on these people and pray for them…do not condemn them.

What does God owe us? We owe him all and as far as I am concerned we need not grumble at what he gives us but rather realize that maybe even the simplest things like boredom are but a test of faith…last time I read there have been many instances in the Bible where mere mumbles and groaning have resulted in the ruin of people. Are we any different?

Perhaps I am to harsh in my view…I just find it appalling that most people complain about boredom and time required.

Ah, the righteous condemnatory zeal of the recent convert/revert. A staple of this forum!

 

[screwed]

I am in the process of deciding weather to leave or not. As the only catholic left in the house, I have sat in church and wonder what am I do here? I sit their not getting anything out of mass and feel guilty wasting space for someone else to sit there. Some on the this board say that I am going though a “dark time”. This dark time has been going on for 52 years(my age). Have never experienced any bright times so to speak. You are younger and have more going for you. good luck!

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Yes it is. Usually an hour and half. And it causes me to kiss my bus, and then I have to wait another hour for the bus. So I’ve started to leave so I can catch my bus, judgmental people be darned. I don’t want to stand at the side of the road for an hour.

Not to make you jealous - the priest at my very traditional church usually says vigil mass in about 45-50 min.

 

[CountrySinger]

Not to make you jealous - the priest at my very traditional church usually says vigil mass in about 45-50 min.

Grr… I like the idea of a 45 minute Mass, that is almost daily Mass length. I remember at one Mass, the priest didn’t say a homily, and I said “Thank God” out loud by accident.

 

[Incomplete]

Regarding Mass length, ours is always an hour. The priest is so full of God at our parish, and it makes it special. Homilies there have changed me. An hour goes by way too quickly. Even my teenager thinks it’s fast, and a friend of hers, learning about Catholicism, once wondered out loud after a Mass why it was only about 20 minutes. I told him to check his watch; it had been an hour.

When your priest glows with the love of God, it does make a difference.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Grr… I like the idea of a 45 minute Mass, that is almost daily Mass length. I remember at one Mass, the priest didn’t say a homily, and I said “Thank God” out loud by accident.

I think the requirements of a Sunday (or Sunday Vigil) mass are different than daily mass.

I don’t think a homily is required for daily mass.

That’s why you see difference in length.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Mass is only an HOUR?! Tell that to my priest, I’m lucky if his homily doesn’t last 45 minutes. I would kill to have Mass be only an hour.

Then that must be the only Mass your church offers, EVER. Try another parish.

Today’s message: when encountering difficulties, look at Christ Crucified, and complain not (I know a great saint said this, just not sure which).

 

[Dennislp3]

Ah, the righteous condemnatory zeal of the recent convert/revert. A staple of this forum!

I would hardly call myself zealous lol…I am not even converted yet. I think rather it is frustration and seeing certain things over and over that upset me. You should also know that I was not condemning people…Merely pointing out that which is in scripture…unless of course that’s not a valid book anymore…