Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

[chevalier]

Belgarion, this coming Valentine’s I’m sending one to myself. Thanks for giving me the idea.

 

[Belgarion]

Belgarion, this coming Valentine’s I’m sending one to myself. Thanks for giving me the idea.

er…anytime…How did I give you the idea?

That’s hilarious though!

 

[justlookingny]

How do you deal with loving someone…being in love with someone…knowing you want the same things in life that they want…knowing that your love for them is unconditional and infinate…but knowing they do not love you the same way…or that you are just not the one…but watch them chase ones that don’t love or appreciate them…or not even notice you? Oh the pain.

I just don’t understand…

 

[Lady_Bug]

Ain’t that the truth. Its practically unbearable.

Valentine’s day and the Holiday season (which I’m simply using to refer to New years and Christmas) are just horrible for singles.

Jealousy is felt, seeing all the happy couples. And an overwhelming shadow of loneliness and sorrow descends upon even the strongest of us. Needless the say, the light of the season is somewhat eclipsed by the mere fact that we have no one to share that joyous time with. Ironically, joy brings sorrow to those of us who are alone.

I feel sometimes (and of course I’m going to be met with the statement of how God loves me) that God is rubbing something in my face whenever I’m reminded of this in real life. Like he’s taunting me. As if he’s saying “See? This is what you get for being single. Haha.”

I know - it’s awful.

 

[Lady_Bug]

How do you deal with loving someone…being in love with someone…knowing you want the same things in life that they want…knowing that your love for them is unconditional and infinate…but knowing they do not love you the same way…or that you are just not the one…but watch them chase ones that don’t love or appreciate them…or not even notice you? Oh the pain.

I just don’t understand…

I don’t know - I don’t have a lot of that experience to help you out with that. However it seems that all my life I’ve liked guys that did not like me back, and did not like guys that seemed to like me, but I just couldn’t get into them. You begin to lose your patience with this type of thing after awhile. At least I do.

 

[Belgarion]

I feel sometimes (and of course I’m going to be met with the statement of how God loves me) that God is rubbing something in my face whenever I’m reminded of this in real life. Like he’s taunting me. As if he’s saying “See? This is what you get for being single. Haha.”

I know - it’s awful.

Yeah…

Its not fun.

I love romance movies and “chick flicks”…but whenever I am feeling more depressed and lonely, I just want to throw the TV out the window…

You’d think God would WANT things to be easier for you. I mean, things are so darn hard when you’re lonely…I know God know more than us…but I don’t see how once we get someone, if we ever do, we will just forget all the pain we went through.

justlookingny:

How do you deal with loving someone…being in love with someone…knowing you want the same things in life that they want…knowing that your love for them is unconditional and infinate…but knowing they do not love you the same way…or that you are just not the one…but watch them chase ones that don’t love or appreciate them…or not even notice you? Oh the pain.

I just don’t understand…

Oh boy do I get that.

Its happened many times to me before. It hurts. Horribly.

What’s ever worse is knowing that they like or love you back, but won’t do anything about it. Or make you wait because despite their feelings, they’re not ready…and doing all this without speaking a word to you…

…Does this time of year just suck, or what??

 

[Norseman82]

Unfortunately due to death and divorce there are surely women nearer their age with children. Get married and Voila! instant family.

A lot of people aren’t interested in “instant families”. They want to experience the traditional ways of family life, such as fathering their own children.

 

[Norseman82]

One of my favortie experiences was any time I’d see my grandmother she’d ask me when I was going to meet a girl and get married and if that wasn’t enough quickly following that question was when are you going to make your parents grand-parents. Talk about pressure. I’d just tell her my parents were too young to be grand-parents and that usually ended the conversation there.

Unfortunately I’m experiencing the flip side of this, i.e., my parents’ generation dying off. It would have been nice if I had been able to have gotten married and have children before some of them had died so that they could have had a chance to know my children and vice versa.

 

[Norseman82]

I think the holidays are the worst time for singles. I could deal with christmas or thanksgiving but not both so close together. I have a huge family and i love them to death but it saddens me that i have no one to bring home or enjoy the time with during the holiday.

Another big blow is when the “next generation” (the kid’s of those in your generation) start to get married.

 

[Lady_Bug]

I hate asking this - because it may trigger some.

Doesn’t anyone here suffer daily suicidal thoughts because of this kind of stuff?

 

[Lady_Bug]

Unfortunately I’m experiencing the flip side of this, i.e., my parents’ generation dying off. It would have been nice if I had been able to have gotten married and have children before some of them had died so that they could have had a chance to know my children and vice versa.

Yeah -

It breaks my heart like hell to think of the distinct possibility that my 75-year-old dad may never be called grandpa. My mother has dementia so it’s even more unlikely that anyone will call her grandma and she’ll know what it even means. At times I try to fight back tears from this. I at least want my dad to live long enough for him to have that sparkling look in his eye when/if he sees his grandchild. If that doesn’t happen, I have the rest of my life to feel sad about this. I don’t think you really get over this kind of thing.

 

[Belgarion]

I hate asking this - because it may trigger some.

Doesn’t anyone here suffer daily suicidal thoughts because of this kind of stuff?

I can’t say I’ve never had those kind of thoughts. But they pass pretty quickly. And I haven’t had them for a long time. I’ve prayed that God would take me away…lol, that’s not nearly so bad.

And anyone having frequent suicidal thoughts needs to get help!
Priest, family, friend, social activity, BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND!

Just think that whoever you may meet and marry wouldn’t want you to feel that way. Single life isn’t fun, and it shouldn’t be allowed to get that bad.

Pray.

Tomorrow may be your day.

 

[lenni]

I hate asking this - because it may trigger some.

Doesn’t anyone here suffer daily suicidal thoughts because of this kind of stuff?

o dear…talk about insecurities…
if one has suicidal thoughts just because he or she doesnt have a bf or gf shows that one is not ready for marriage if he or she is vulnerable…
mmmm…

 

[agapewolf]

A lot of people aren’t interested in “instant families”. They want to experience the traditional ways of family life, such as fathering their own children.

And just as equally important is the younger woman who is not interested in an older husband.

Understood that an older man may WANT that…but the circumstances might prevent it.

I think we have to all be careful not to get into the victim mentality.

This hypothetical older man you all have been chatting about, isn’t OWED anything. This older man may have to accept that he won’t have the traditional family. Not necesssarily anyone’s fault. It’s definately not the woman’s fault who isn’t interested in having an older husband.

 

[Sierrah]

Married people make me jealous…

Singleness always looks different when you’re on the other side…Oh how quickly they forget…

anyways, lately I’ve been telling my family how certain I am that I’ll never be able to get married…I hope I’m wrong…but I doubt it. I’m always wrong…unless being wrong makes me happy!

I’m pretty much just resigned myself to being single these days. There’s not much else I can do really. It does get hard during the holidays though but then I remind myself that if it’s meant to be it will be. I still have my days though. Last week I saw a Mom playing with her little girl at the store and started crying when I got into the parking lot. It’s kind weird how little stuff like that gets you sometimes at the oddest moments.

 

[cthulhubryan]

A lot of people aren’t interested in “instant families”. They want to experience the traditional ways of family life, such as fathering their own children.

Agreed, but an earlier poster said that many older men wanted instant families or baby machines. I was pointing out that by the time the man is in his 50s he may have to accept that it is past the time for the traditional family and that the call to fatherhood is not exclusive to procreation.

 

[Magickman]

A great sadness is the consequence of decent people being unable to secure mates.

Some will never marry.

But, thanks to divine providence, most single people will be able to secure partners.

The logical question is; How?

If you needed to find housing, or to get a job, what would you do?

I think you would search and look, submit applications, use your social and professional networks, research the Internet, and devote your time and energy to the task.

See what I mean? The full aplication of all available resources can work wonders. If we try hard enough, great challenges may be surmounted.

Then what is the problem?

As I see it, single people really want too much. Their eyes are in the sky, although their feet are in the mud.

Seneca the Younger wrote, “per aspera ad astra” (through difficulties to the stars),

All life is a challenge, one we must conquer.

 

[Maria1212]

sigh
I know what you mean. I’m 28 and already feeling like roadkill in the fertility department. I’ve given up telling Christians in real life about my loneliness - for the most part. They overspiritualize singleness towards those who are circumstantially single without the gift of celibacy. They act as though you can “fill yourself up with God” and you won’t feel the need/loneliness for a spouse because God’s love is infinitely greater.

Then those same people tell you that the definition of marriage is the demonstration of Jesus Christ’s love for his Church. Which makes me want to throw something.

You hit the nail on the head for me. This year is particularly hard for me. I am 32 and all of my siblings have babies or are pregnant. My sister-in-law is 30, has a three-month old and is trying again because "she is so old she doesnt want to wait." I am happy to have so many new additions to my family. But deep down I am jealous. And I am sick of my Dads comments that I need to get a man, coupled with my Mom always saying I need to sign up for E-Harmony and that I have missed my window on marriage.

I just ended a relationship in part because the guy wasnt ready for marriage. My parents dont know about the relationship because I didn`t want to get their hopes up or having them pestering me about it months later.

The holidays are really hard for me this year. I am going to try to find an opportunity to volunteer on Christmas this year so I won`t feel so alone. I try to focus on the many blessings God has given me, but this year the holidays are going to be extremely difficult. I feel like I am 32 going on 90.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[Norseman82]

This hypothetical older man you all have been chatting about, isn’t OWED anything.

“The laborer is worth his wages”.

Besides, even if one does not want someone older, a certain amount of Christian understanding should be extended to them, and that is part of the “debt of love” that St. Paul says we OWE to people (yes, St. Paul did say that we do indeed OWE debts of love).

 

[beckers]

A great sadness is the consequence of decent people being unable to secure mates.

Some will never marry.

But, thanks to divine providence, most single people will be able to secure partners.

The logical question is; How?

If you needed to find housing, or to get a job, what would you do?

I think you would search and look, submit applications, use your social and professional networks, research the Internet, and devote your time and energy to the task.

See what I mean? The full aplication of all available resources can work wonders. If we try hard enough, great challenges may be surmounted.

Then what is the problem?

As I see it, single people really want too much. Their eyes are in the sky, although their feet are in the mud.

Seneca the Younger wrote, “per aspera ad astra” (through difficulties to the stars),

All life is a challenge, one we must conquer.

Your post may just be hitting me wrong today but i take offense that it seems like us singles don’t do enough to find a mate.
I haven’t done the internet dating recently because i don’t trust them. I had an ex-boyfriend on one who still listed his status as single with no kids when in fact he has a 6 year old daughter. I also choose not to spend my time looking for a spouse.If i am meant to be married then it will happen. I will put myself out there in situations were i will meet catholic men. (i am very involved in the young adult groups in the diocese of houston) I am also working on my relationship with God. I don’t want a man to be attracted to be because of my looks but because he see’s me as a women of Christ. If i wanted to date i could but i choose not to use men just so i can have a relationship. i choose to wait for one who is a man of God.