Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

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DL82 said:
I’m contacting my ex-fiancee again this Valentine’s day, it may not be the wisest move, but I have to try something. Am telling myself this is the last, then I’ll move on, though in all honesty it may drag on for another year.

Pray for us.
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I will definitely pray for you DL82. I do not know the circumstances of why you broke up with your fiance, but before you contact her, please consider whether this is something that is in her best interests. It may cause her hurt or pain. She might not want to hear from you. I do not mean this in a mean way. But I recently broke up with someone and asked them not to contact me. At first they were not respectful of my boundaries and that was very hurtful and also prevented me from being able to move forward. Again, I dont know your situation, but in some cases, it could be selfish or hurtful of you to do this. Particularly near Valentines Day.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Umm… Change of plans. I will be worrrrrrking. What to pick for Valentine’s… a presentation on criminal law or business contract translation? Hmm… 😛 😃
 
Rose71 said:
🙂 Please may I join the list too?

It is really easy to feel quite sad about it all if you see lots of people you know getting married with full Catholic Mass when you know full well that they have been living together / use contraception / have had several sexual partners before and you are alone because you have refused to compromise yourself or your beliefs.

Of course, the Christian thing to do is to rejoice that these people are making an effort to bring the Church into their lives and give them the benefit of the doubt about having been to confession and being resolved to start a new life together.

Somebody really upset me yesterday. She has been married before and after living with her partner, they married in a civil ceremony and now have a little boy. She was berating me for not understanding how difficult the role of motherhood is. I felt like saying ‘if only I had the chance!’😦 I could do what she has done: I am sure I would be very good at living in sin if that is what I wanted to do:D - but while I still believe it is God’s will for me to help create a happy family unit, I do not believe the way to achieve that is through being untrue to myself to begin with.)

I am starting to get really down about it sometimes, because unless you are actually called to a single life (maybe even if you are?) the loneliness and feelings of rejection are always there. I do not think this feeling is making me a better person, or a nicer person. I try to make my life full and being realistic, I have probably the largest network of friends of anyone I know, but it isn’t quite the same, is it?

I feel I have lived by myself a long time. I have proved to myself and others that I can support myself and I can lead a full life. I enjoy the world and I marvel at the world - but I want to share my love with someone special who will help me become a better person too, by loving me in return. Now that I finally feel I have something to ‘bring’ to a relationship and I am not looking to fulfil a fantasy about a big fancy wedding, or to cut my utility bills(!) it seems I’ve missed out!

Another hurtful thing someone said to me is ‘you’ve got your own business and a nice house - you don’t actually need anyone, do you?’ Well, yes, I do! But to me, marrying for financial security is little better than prostitution:eek:

I can’t be the only one to feel like this, can I?!
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You hit the nail right on the head! And what’s even worse is when you express frustration over the fact that you’re doing things God’s way and the other people aren’t and they are getting rewarded, you are met with criticism for being self-righteous (or similar). And if you are a virgin looking for the small consolation of being equally yoked to a fellow virgin, watch out - you will be met with some of the vilest venom that exists, and the saddest fact is that it is spewed by fellow CAF members in threads on this forum!
 
Norseman82 said:
You hit the nail right on the head! And what’s even worse is when you express frustration over the fact that you’re doing things God’s way and the other people aren’t and they are getting rewarded, you are met with criticism for being self-righteous (or similar). And if you are a virgin looking for the small consolation of being equally yoked to a fellow virgin, watch out - you will be met with some of the vilest venom that exists, and the saddest fact is that it is spewed by fellow CAF members in threads on this forum!
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ahhh, the plight of the non-prodigal son.
 
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agapewolf:
ahhh, the plight of the non-prodigal son.
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Hadn’t thought of that analogy - but how apt it is.
 
When the prodigal son starts complaining about the non-prodigal son, we have two non-prodigal sons.
 
Heavenly Father please grant the prayers of all in this thread who are seeking loving life-partners. Please bring them together soon, as though for You "a thousand years are a single day, a yesterday now over, an hour of the night.” [Psalm 90:4] for those waiting for the right person to love and be loved by, a day can be a thousand years!
I ask this in the name of Jesus
 
chevalier said:
When the prodigal son starts complaining about the non-prodigal son, we have two non-prodigal sons.
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I think you have that reversed. THe prodigal son is the one who went away and came back. The “non-prodigal” is the one that stayed and was good.
 
😃 If I keep looking at this thread, my business will go under and I will be forced to go out and find a rich man:p

I suppose that would be a result, or sorts:rolleyes: but I’d much rather find someone who appreciates me for who I am!!!
 
agapewolf said:
I think you have that reversed. THe prodigal son is the one who went away and came back. The “non-prodigal” is the one that stayed and was good.
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The non-prodigal son complained about the prodigal son getting a better treatment on his return than the non-prodigal son was getting for being a good one - “yet you never gave me a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends.” This provoked a loving rebuke from the father. Hence, the non-prodigal son is the one who is shown as the complainer who doesn’t get the point of mercy and can’t understand the father’s joy in reuniting with the prodigal one. So in our case the non-prodigal son would be the virgin who wants a virgin like himself or herself. This often attracts a bad response in such threads. However, just as the virgin can say, “What? I’ve been a virgin all my life and strived to obey the 6th commandment and the teachings of the Church and now I’m supposed to be happy about marrying someone who didn’t?” the non-virgin can similarly say, “What? That person doesn’t get the point of mercy or forgiveness and possibly doesn’t understand that we are all sinners in need of mercy and grace because we are always insufficient on our own.” This would be similar to the prodigal son hypothetically thinking, “I come back home, repent of my error, my father forgives me and yet this brother of mine bears a grudge against my father’s goodness.” While the non-prodigal son deserved the rebuke from his father, the prodigal son should think twice before offering a similar one.
 
chevalier said:
The non-prodigal son complained about the prodigal son getting a better treatment on his return than the non-prodigal son was getting for being a good one - “yet you never gave me a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends.” This provoked a loving rebuke from the father. Hence, the non-prodigal son is the one who is shown as the complainer who doesn’t get the point of mercy and can’t understand the father’s joy in reuniting with the prodigal one. So in our case the non-prodigal son would be the virgin who wants a virgin like himself or herself. This often attracts a bad response in such threads. However, just as the virgin can say, “What? I’ve been a virgin all my life and strived to obey the 6th commandment and the teachings of the Church and now I’m supposed to be happy about marrying someone who didn’t?” the non-virgin can similarly say, “What? That person doesn’t get the point of mercy or forgiveness and possibly doesn’t understand that we are all sinners in need of mercy and grace because we are always insufficient on our own.” This would be similar to the prodigal son hypothetically thinking, “I come back home, repent of my error, my father forgives me and yet this brother of mine bears a grudge against my father’s goodness.” While the non-prodigal son deserved the rebuke from his father, the prodigal son should think twice before offering a similar one.
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Actually, the father did NOT rebuke the son, but rather reassured him (and the translation I have uses the word “pleaded”) “everything I have is yours”. And my personal observation is that the non-prodigal son may have been less resentful if he had gotten the occasional “young goat to celebrate with his friends”, and if I am reading Rose71’s post correctly (Rose71, please correct me if I am wrong), that appears to be the frustration she (and maybe others?) appear to be expressing in this thread.

Right or wrong, it is human nature to get frustrated over working hard only to “lose out” to the people who don’t, especially if it happens over and over again over a long period of time.

And it is not just about virgins unequally yoked wigth non-virgins; there are virgins who may accept non-virgin spouses, but still they are unsuccessful in the dating world whereas the non-virgins are. My whole point in posting these examples was to show that people who break their backs to do the right thing often do not get the proper support and backup from their fellow Catholics (and in fact get vile abuse), and this, to me, is very, very, wrong.
 
My whole point in posting these examples was to show that people who break their backs to do the right thing often tdo not get the proper support and backup from their fellow Catholics (and in fact get vile abuse), and this, to me, is very, very, wrong.

That is really wrong! Although I have to confess… I don’t see it happen much, at least not in my area. I’m sorry to hear you or others carry this additional burden in other settings.

Of course, don’t forget, those who are “non-virgins” also carry their own burden. The sins of their past leaves, scars, weighs on them, and will affect their future marriage. They are “paying their dues” too (and have had their fair share of being judged, too). And for those who continue to be sexually active, well, once again… the relationships they are in may feel good for a time, but they are not “rewards” - they will be sources of great sorrow at some point. There’s always consequences to sin even if we can’t see it as outsider looking in. It has REALLY helped me in year’s past to not try to compare my life to others as we rarely know what’s really going on, how God is working, how they may be in pain, what is coming in the future, etc.
 
Norseman, that’s why I said loving rebuke - it was not the typical rebuke of a sinner. However, the non-prodigal son is presented as the one who couldn’t come to terms with the father letting go of the prodigal one’s transgressions so easily. A bit perhaps like with the workers who didn’t like the fact they got one denarius the same as those who came to work in the very last hour. Generally, whenever I hear a reference to him from a priest, it’s negative in the sense that that son lacks some vision and is jealous. That’s why I pointed out that being judgemental of judgemental people was also judgemental. In the end, the virgins could be more understanding, but it’s not like one is in a great position to criticise them if one hasn’t gone through the same. Looks like the discussion isn’t really worth it anyway, so let’s leave it.
 
What I meant in my post was,yes it is hard sometimes when such a fuss is made of people who have not been to Mass for years and have been living with a partner but choose to marry with a big traditional ceremony. As I also said,the right thing to do is to be happy for them but what I personally find very hurtful is the allegations from other parishoners in the parish I grew up in that because I am single and successful career-wise that I have deliberately chose to be single and childless because all I care about is my career and my interests!
This is where I agree with Chevalier in that perhaps the Church can sometimes fail to support single people.
I suspect some of the more barbed comments come from parents of children that have totally broken away from the teachings of the Church because of so-called peer pressure and their opinion seems to be that if their beloved child lacked the moral fibre or willpower or faith to live according to the teaching of the Church then obviously there must be something a bit wrong with anyone who does manage!
Speaking personally I would consider marrying a non-virgin. I would marry a widdower and I would marry a man who had been married before but had received an annulment; recognised why his first marriage had ended/never been valid and was sincerely committed to understanding Catholicism and working hard at the relationship.
The other thing I find a bit odd is the excuse “we really want to get married but we can’t afford it yet” because all you need is a priest and witnesses! The huge dress,cake, fancy venue and the rest are just add-ons. Either you want to commit your lives to one another or you do not!
As I am trying my hardest to wait for the right man, I would be happy with a chicken mcnugget for the feast never mind a whole goat, because the party would not be the important thing for me: I’d be leaving for the honeymoon as soon after the service as possible to make sure the marriage is truly valid!!!
 
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