Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

[Morwenna]

That is really wrong! Although I have to confess… I don’t see it happen much, at least not in my area. I’m sorry to hear you or others carry this additional burden in other settings.

Of course, don’t forget, those who are “non-virgins” also carry their own burden. The sins of their past leaves, scars, weighs on them, and will affect their future marriage. They are “paying their dues” too (and have had their fair share of being judged, too). And for those who continue to be sexually active, well, once again… the relationships they are in may feel good for a time, but they are not “rewards” - they will be sources of great sorrow at some point. There’s always consequences to sin even if we can’t see it as outsider looking in. It has REALLY helped me in year’s past to not try to compare my life to others as we rarely know what’s really going on, how God is working, how they may be in pain, what is coming in the future, etc.

Beautiful post, Zaramarie! :clapping:

 

[Cliff_Jumper]

very well put zaramarie81

 

[lenni]

mm…i beginning to think that someone should start a similar thread called - ’ anyone feel like they wont ever get a job?’
ah, i hate job hunting and waiting…
soz, slightly off the topic…but it reminded me…

 

[zaramarie81]

What I meant in my post was,yes it is hard sometimes when such a fuss is made of people who have not been to Mass for years and have been living with a partner but choose to marry with a big traditional ceremony. As I also said,the right thing to do is to be happy for them but what I personally find very hurtful is the allegations from other parishoners in the parish I grew up in that because I am single and successful career-wise that I have deliberately chose to be single and childless because all I care about is my career and my interests!
This is where I agree with Chevalier in that perhaps the Church can sometimes fail to support single people.
I suspect some of the more barbed comments come from parents of children that have totally broken away from the teachings of the Church because of so-called peer pressure and their opinion seems to be that if their beloved child lacked the moral fibre or willpower or faith to live according to the teaching of the Church then obviously there must be something a bit wrong with anyone who does manage!
Speaking personally I would consider marrying a non-virgin. I would marry a widdower and I would marry a man who had been married before but had received an annulment; recognised why his first marriage had ended/never been valid and was sincerely committed to understanding Catholicism and working hard at the relationship.
The other thing I find a bit odd is the excuse “we really want to get married but we can’t afford it yet” because all you need is a priest and witnesses! The huge dress,cake, fancy venue and the rest are just add-ons. Either you want to commit your lives to one another or you do not!
As I am trying my hardest to wait for the right man, I would be happy with a chicken mcnugget for the feast never mind a whole goat, because the party would not be the important thing for me: I’d be leaving for the honeymoon as soon after the service as possible to make sure the marriage is truly valid!!!

Rosie -

I think I know what you mean about it being hard to see a lot of fanfare displayed for those who did things “the world’s way.” Sometimes the couple is clueless, just doing what they think is best, and in that case, yeah it’s right to just make the best of it for them and pray for their future. But a few years ago it played out very differently with a guy I was dating. His brother and fiancee insisted on marrying IN the Church with a huge wedding, knowing full well they were not living according to Catholic teachings (their parents had sat them down over and over, begging them not to do this, but they found a willing priest). They wanted the smells and bells. VERY hard to watch that unfold, as I am sure it was hard for God too!! Can you imagine how sad He must be when a couple receives Him in mortal sin on their wedding day???

I also relate to what you’re saying about being willing to marry those with varied backgrounds, so long as their dedicated to the faith. There are some amazing people out there who converted or turned away from past sin!

 

[zaramarie81]

Beautiful post, Zaramarie! :clapping:

Thanks - everyone in my family (myself included) has suffered terribly from “comparison syndrome.” Btw, if you all think about it, say a little prayer. I think… I don’t know why I think this… but I feel like maybe my boyfriend might propose tonight? It’s irrational for me to think that, but I just keep feeling that way! He’s been very secretive all week about our plans. Anyway, engagement actually scares me, especially after one “failed” engagement before so yeah, a prayer might help!

 

[chevalier]

This is where I agree with Chevalier in that perhaps the Church can sometimes fail to support single people.

It saddens me that you feel that way, but I wouldn’t say that myself. The Church per se is more supportive than some people out there and remember that people who think everything is okay when a veteran cohabitating couple goes to church for the ceremony but single people are weird, those people are clueless and they can’t in any way be seen as representing any official position. They are the Church just as we are and we all are and the Holy Church is full of sinners (we don’t have others, as John Paul II put it), and if full of sinners - then what’s so weird about having a couple of people who don’t get a thing or two through cluelessness rather than sin? My point is, if we all sin, we can so much more simply be mistaken. Don’t make too much it. Live on your life and remember that you can always count on the Church - the Church doesn’t forget or fail to support the single people. Or any people.

I suspect some of the more barbed comments come from parents of children that have totally broken away from the teachings of the Church because of so-called peer pressure and their opinion seems to be that if their beloved child lacked the moral fibre or willpower or faith to live according to the teaching of the Church then obviously there must be something a bit wrong with anyone who does manage!

Think nothing about that. Just another misguided opinion along the lines of, “everybody does it.”

Speaking personally I would consider marrying a non-virgin. I would marry a widdower and I would marry a man who had been married before but had received an annulment; recognised why his first marriage had ended/never been valid and was sincerely committed to understanding Catholicism and working hard at the relationship.

Likewise. In other cases, it would be more difficult, but still possible - remember that, after all, many times converts and returning prodigal sons end up being much better Christians and Catholics than we are. I may never have had sex, but at the same time, the one who had might very well have sinned less than I, even against that one commandment alone. Much of the problem is that we simply revolt against not being someone’s first when that someone is ours.

The other thing I find a bit odd is the excuse “we really want to get married but we can’t afford it yet” because all you need is a priest and witnesses! The huge dress,cake, fancy venue and the rest are just add-ons. Either you want to commit your lives to one another or you do not!

Yup. But that excuse also betrays a couple more issues, other than premarital sex alone. Plus, as strange as it may sound, some of those folks are probably clueless enough to be mitigated by ignorance to some extent. It’s like with insane people. They don’t always commit a crime if they shoot somebody. Not every evil act is committed by an evil person on evil motives. Hope I could say the same about the evil things I’ve done.

mm…i beginning to think that someone should start a similar thread called - ’ anyone feel like they wont ever get a job?’
ah, i hate job hunting and waiting…
soz, slightly off the topic…but it reminded me…

Can you take single task contracts or some other contract that doesn’t make the employer think over and over again and fear the risk? That’s what I’m doing right now and I like it in many ways.

 

[minnieg]

I did not take the time to read all the posts on this thread, but I do want to tell you that I just rode with my SIL to the airport after spending a weekend with her - for her first bridal shower!

She is 38, never been married, and beyond despairing that she would ever meet the right guy. I have had many talks with her about this very subject, always reminding her that she is a wonderful woman and that any man would be lucky to have her.

She was introduced to her fiance last year, and they were inseperable very shortly thereafter - engaged after 3 months!

She was saying today that so many of the events in her life have really led her to the right moment to meet the right man. And, I will say, he does seem to suit her very well. She is a prizewinner, it seems to me, where he is concerned.

So, do not despair! Keep making good choices and learning from the mistakes, and keep praying!

 

[Morwenna]

I did not take the time to read all the posts on this thread, but I do want to tell you that I just rode with my SIL to the airport after spending a weekend with her - for her first bridal shower!

She is 38, never been married, and beyond despairing that she would ever meet the right guy. I have had many talks with her about this very subject, always reminding her that she is a wonderful woman and that any man would be lucky to have her.

She was introduced to her fiance last year, and they were inseperable very shortly thereafter - engaged after 3 months!

She was saying today that so many of the events in her life have really led her to the right moment to meet the right man. And, I will say, he does seem to suit her very well. She is a prizewinner, it seems to me, where he is concerned.

So, do not despair! Keep making good choices and learning from the mistakes, and keep praying!

Wow! What an inspiring story, minnieg!

Thank you for sharing that with all of us!

 

[Doorbell]

Honestly I’m starting to feel more and more like I won’t ever get married, let alone find the right girl. It sucks but I feel so lonely. I was with a girl but it was long distance and we both had too many different views/beliefs (She was atheist). I really hope I meet the right girl.

 

[Salonika]

Rose71:

What I meant in my post was,yes it is hard sometimes when such a fuss is made of people who have not been to Mass for years and have been living with a partner but choose to marry with a big traditional ceremony. As I also said,the right thing to do is to be happy for them but what I personally find very hurtful is the allegations from other parishoners in the parish I grew up in that because I am single and successful career-wise that I have deliberately chosen to be single and childless because all I care about is my career and my interests!

Yes Rose I feel the same way about people who seem to think they know from my martial status (single by choice) that they know why this is and that the reason is that I am “selfish” and “unfeeling”.

It is only beaten by those who make such comments about other single people and then add “but I don’t mean you”.

 

[Trishie]

Heavenly Father please grant the prayers of all in this thread who are seeking loving life-partners. Please bring them together soon, as though for You "a thousand years are a single day, a yesterday now over, an hour of the night.” [Psalm 90:4] for those waiting for the right person to love and be loved by, a day can be a thousand years!
I ask this in the name of Jesus

 

[Morwenna]

Hi everyone

Here is an updated list for those who are praying:
**

Harmony1988 - M20
beckers - F28
ladylinguist - F23
Norseman82 - M
chevalier - M25
Gisella - F
Sierrah - F
JustinL - M
Felicity in TX - F26
azgirl - F35
Cosmo23 - M
lampstand
Morwenna - F39
Alan - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Trevor - M36 (not a CAF screenname)
bookish - F
CarolAnnSFO - F
agapewolf - F33
Lady Bug - F
Taya (Ambrose) - M23-27
unixfudotnet - M29
catherine m - F34
macian - F23
LSK - F52
Belgarion - M19
Archus - M20
Lady James - F42
DL82 - M26
valient Lucy - F24
Wyatt - M20
nef - F20
GraceDK - F26
Leopard3
Kirsty33 - F20
Ankabaranka_87 - F21
John AH - M29
BCven86 - M22
FanofB16 - M30
Andrew Hinkley - M30
MarcoPolo - M33
lottied - F19
Darleen - F (not a CAFscreenname)
Holly3278 - F26
outcast - M16
Epistemes - M
epsummer - F23
Philena - F45
DAPDN - M20
iluvmybabies - F
Ashlyn - F19 (not a CAF screenname)
Cait - F21 (not a CAF screenname)
Justlookingny - F37
Alison - F21
cqdcqdmgy - M30
DanteAlighieri - M
Podo2005 (Zachary) - M27
EstaM - F
zaramarie81 - F
Maria1212 - F32
Southern86 - M22
TLDenmark - M28
LisaForLife - F37
Vinnie L - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Ron G - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori L - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Maite H - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Bryan B - M40 (not a CAF screenname)
Jenny L - F35 (not a CAF screenname)
Jackie M - F62 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori J - F27 (not a CAF screenname)
David L - M41 (not a CAF screenname)
Kevin F - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Danny W - M38 (not a CAF screenname)
Rosanna - F38 (not a CAF screenname)
Jason S - M37 (not a CAF screenname)
Mortal Man - M38
jivany - M26
AveSantaMaria - F23
all of AveSantaMaria’s single friends (names not given)
geezerbob - M69
Doorbell - M
AlexaD - F24
JPUSC - M22
Roza - F41
passivesquid - M20
TraderTif - F27
CWBetts - M37
Magickman - M50s
Bataar -
lenni - F18
fled -
Condottiero - M
mhuff1 - F30
CliffJumper - M
Kasenka - F21
BlueRain -
Gabi81 - F
george4072 - M16
kesa82 - M40
truthseeker22 - F28
emily789 - F20ish
fannypanny - F18
roxylu - F21
BenM - M21
hmm - F19
kristleful - F23
laariii2 - F
Rose71 - F
shubr0om - F
blue_skies - F22

and all others who are not mentioned**

I am praying for each of us by (screen)name as often as possible.

I am praying that God will make each of us ready for our future spouse (and them ready for us), lead us to each other, and to pour out grace upon us to give us strength and hope while we’re waiting. :heaven:

Thank you to all who are joining in prayer for these intentions. If I’ve missed anyone, or if anyone would like to be added to this list, please post here or send me a PM … same applies to anyone who is on the list and wants to be removed (I certainly don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable!).

May Our Lord bless these intentions, and may the Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph intercede for us.

 

[OnAMission]

Amen. To the original poster, thanks for putting this topic on the map. To all the other posters, thanks for your two cents. I was just browsing around when I saw this string, and it hit home for me, so I had to register. A few years ago, I let the woman of my dreams slip right through my hands and have felt hopeless since. Now, I just turned 34, and this string has given me new hope, especially knowing that there are still unmarried 30-somethings out there. Now the work begins…

P.S. Morwenna, please add me to your prayer list. Thanks and God bless.

 

[zaramarie81]

Amen. To the original poster, thanks for putting this topic on the map. To all the other posters, thanks for your two cents. I was just browsing around when I saw this string, and it hit home for me, so I had to register. A few years ago, I let the woman of my dreams slip right through my hands and have felt hopeless since. Now, I just turned 34, and this string has given me new hope, especially knowing that there are still unmarried 30-somethings out there. Now the work begins…

P.S. Morwenna, please add me to your prayer list. Thanks and God bless.

Welcome, OnAMission. I completely relate to that sense of regret. It has been a long struggle for me to let go of my own regret in regards to a past relationship. The day we realize there is still hope for the future, and God can still do great things in our lives, is a good day.

 

[maesoph]

Harmony:

I had nothing but horrible dating experiences for several years (going back a while now)… I got stood up once and on the long lonely drive home I official QUIT dating and painfully faced the fact that I would never get married… Well, about a year later and one blind date, I knew instantly this was the one. Been married 20 years, four wonderful children and an overall family life that far exceeds anything I could have imagined. I didn’t read the entire post and don’t know your age, but maintain your integrity first and foremost.

 

[maesoph]

Harmony:

I forgot to mention… I go to Catholic Men’s Fellowship stuff constantly and listen to GOBS of MP3’s and I can tell you that there is a plague of 30 somethings out there that are doing things by-the-book and not finding any takers. That’s just sad. Unfortunately, you are not alone.

 

[Morwenna]

Hi everyone

Hope that everyone had an enjoyable weekend! Here is an updated list for those who are praying:
**

Harmony1988 - M20
beckers - F28
ladylinguist - F23
Norseman82 - M
chevalier - M25
Gisella - F
Sierrah - F
JustinL - M
Felicity in TX - F26
azgirl - F35
Cosmo23 - M
lampstand
Morwenna - F39
Alan - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Trevor - M36 (not a CAF screenname)
bookish - F
CarolAnnSFO - F
agapewolf - F33
Lady Bug - F
Taya (Ambrose) - M23-27
unixfudotnet - M29
catherine m - F34
macian - F23
LSK - F52
Belgarion - M19
Archus - M20
Lady James - F42
DL82 - M26
valient Lucy - F24
Wyatt - M20
nef - F20
GraceDK - F26
Leopard3
Kirsty33 - F20
Ankabaranka_87 - F21
John AH - M29
BCven86 - M22
FanofB16 - M30
Andrew Hinkley - M30
MarcoPolo - M33
lottied - F19
Darleen - F (not a CAFscreenname)
Holly3278 - F26
outcast - M16
Epistemes - M
epsummer - F23
Philena - F45
DAPDN - M20
iluvmybabies - F
Ashlyn - F19 (not a CAF screenname)
Cait - F21 (not a CAF screenname)
Justlookingny - F37
Alison - F21
cqdcqdmgy - M30
DanteAlighieri - M
Podo2005 (Zachary) - M27
EstaM - F
zaramarie81 - F
Maria1212 - F32
Southern86 - M22
TLDenmark - M28
LisaForLife - F37
Vinnie L - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Ron G - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori L - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Maite H - F37 (not a CAF screenname)
Bryan B - M40 (not a CAF screenname)
Jenny L - F35 (not a CAF screenname)
Jackie M - F62 (not a CAF screenname)
Lori J - F27 (not a CAF screenname)
David L - M41 (not a CAF screenname)
Kevin F - M39 (not a CAF screenname)
Danny W - M38 (not a CAF screenname)
Rosanna - F38 (not a CAF screenname)
Jason S - M37 (not a CAF screenname)
Mortal Man - M38
jivany - M26
AveSantaMaria - F23
all of AveSantaMaria’s single friends (names not given)
geezerbob - M69
Doorbell - M
AlexaD - F24
JPUSC - M22
Roza - F41
passivesquid - M20
TraderTif - F27
CWBetts - M37
Magickman - M50s
Bataar -
lenni - F18
fled -
Condottiero - M
mhuff1 - F30
CliffJumper - M
Kasenka - F21
BlueRain -
Gabi81 - F
george4072 - M16
kesa82 - M40
truthseeker22 - F28
emily789 - F20ish
fannypanny - F18
roxylu - F21
BenM - M21
hmm - F19
kristleful - F23
laariii2 - F
Rose71 - F
shubr0om - F
blue_skies - F22
OnAMission - M34

and all others who are not mentioned**

I am praying for each of us by (screen)name as often as possible.

I am praying that God will make each of us ready for our future spouse (and them ready for us), lead us to each other, and to pour out grace upon us to give us strength and hope while we’re waiting. :heaven:

Thank you to all who are joining in prayer for these intentions. If I’ve missed anyone, or if anyone would like to be added to this list, please post here or send me a PM … same applies to anyone who is on the list and wants to be removed (I certainly don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable!).

May Our Lord bless these intentions, and may the Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph intercede for us.

 

[Sierrah]

Hi everyone

I am praying for each of us by (screen)name as often as possible.

I am praying that God will make each of us ready for our future spouse (and them ready for us), lead us to each other, and to pour out grace upon us to give us strength and hope while we’re waiting. :heaven:

Thank you to all who are joining in prayer for these intentions. If I’ve missed anyone, or if anyone would like to be added to this list, please post here or send me a PM … same applies to anyone who is on the list and wants to be removed (I certainly don’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable!).

May Our Lord bless these intentions, and may the Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph intercede for us.



Thanks again Morwenna for continuing to update the list.

 

[DL82]

Yes, thanks for the list, and thank you all for your prayers. My attempt to contact my ex again has ended up with us as friends, still talking, still getting to know eachother again, and still not entirely trusting on either side. In short, still in need of lots of prayer. It’s been an awesome experience though, and has led us both to realise how much growing we still need to do in the Lord.

Please continue to pray that we will have the opportunity to do that growing together.

Thank you all, and thanks to St Jude, St Valentine and St Raphael!

 

[Trishie]

God bless all who have posted on this thread.

God grant blessed friendships to those who feel they won’t ever get married, and that good people find each other to form happy and holy marriages