Anyone have Crazy In-laws?

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Faustina2001

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My Inlaws are crazy, They think I am evil and should never have married their son. They pretend to like me when my husband is around , but if he leaves the room they start digging in on my life saying im not rising the kids right, and I dont take care of my husband. I generally just sit quietly and ignore them, but lately its getting harder because they are trying to get inbetween us they tell my husband stuff I supposedly said but i didnt so we are argueing more lately about stuff that never happened. Any Ideas on how i should approach this?
 
You and your husband should be polite but keep a safe distance from them.
 
Faustina2001 said:
we are argueing more lately about stuff that never happened. Any Ideas on how i should approach this?
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Then the problem is with your husband (marriage) not your crazy in-laws. They wouldn’t pull that garbage if your husband didn’t allow it/refused to believe their nonsense.

You need to have a nice long, rational talk with your husband about how to approach the issue since it is obviously affecting your marriage. He needs to be part of the solution.**
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On a more practical note, can you use one of those tiny tape (or digital) recorders to let him hear what happens when he is NOT around? Hard to argue with cold hard facts.**
 
First of all, your inlaws are created in the image and likeness of God. They deserve respect as do all human beings.

It does sound as if you could benefit from seeing a good Catholic counselor, to assist you in dealing with situations and learning how to disagree in a charitable manner.

In counseling, you and your husband can learn how to develop adult relationships with his parents, and if need be, to set charitable boundries about the amount of time you visit your inlaws.
 
My Short answer is yes.

My Moderate answer is yes, and I have received spiritual counseling on this matter several times. Each time being asked why I continue to allow myself to be put into the same position with them… So while I have to respect them as my neighbors (relationship-wise), I do not have associate with them.
 
When we marry, we marry not just a spouse, but also the spouse’s family.

If the prospective spouse’s family are not people we want for our own family, then a better choice of spouse would be prudent. This, of course, is much better to settle prior to marriage.

Once married, there are fewer options. It is not usually possible to request that your spouse procure a new family.

The safest way to deal with this challenge, is simply not to marry. No crazy in-laws then.

My own choice was to play it safe, and remain single. After 35 years of living alone, it is a choice I have not regretted.
 
You could move away. Thats what we did. We like being 3 states apart 😃
 
Magickman said:
When we marry, we marry not just a spouse, but also the spouse’s family.

If the prospective spouse’s family are not people we want for our own family, then a better choice of spouse would be prudent. This, of course, is much better to settle prior to marriage.

The safest way to deal with this challenge, is simply not to marry. No crazy in-laws then.
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I disagree. The Bible tells us that a man must leave his Mother and Father and cleave to his wife.

This can be a struggle though. I’m in just such a situation. It’s very unhealthy for us to be too involved with my in-laws.

You are going to need to stand up for yourself. At one point, I was left in the room with my two SIL while hubby went out with the other men… I flatly stated to them, after listening to their ridicule for me for a few minutes… that if they could say those things to me, they should be able to say them to me in front of my husband. I’d like to say that was the only time I had to “confront” them, but sadly it’s an ongoing battle.

You and your husband need to be on the same page. If he takes their side in everything you’re in for a life of pain and argument. Start with him. You can’t change the in-laws… You can only voice how their talking makes you feel and that should be done with your husband. They’ll continue to do what they want to despite how it makes you feel. Choose less time with them, if possible.

in Christ
Steph
 
the ball is in your husband’s court, he is the one who has to tell them he will not tolerate their negative comments in his presence, and ask them firmly to leave when they start in that vein, and let them know they cannot be part of your family life if they continue. If he is not willing to do this, I agree with FW, it is time for marriage counselling (or reading back issues of Ladies Home Journal “Can this Marriage be Saved”)
 
Mine live in the UK thank God. My MIL is crazy…really. She gets angry is a birthday card is a day late. Told my DH to take the baby and go back to England when DD #1 was born. Was angry that dinner was not on the table at 5pm the day after I got out of the hospital from having a baby (who was sick and in the ICU) I was sick too from an infection. Once she gave me a necklace with a charm that looked like an eye and told me she was watching me!!! these are just a few stories. What changed the scenario was DH defending me. noe 11 years later I have a decent relationship with these people. So it is possible. But your husband needs to defend you here.
Hey these people can help train you in virtue!!!😉
 
petitfleur said:
Mine live in the UK thank God. My MIL is crazy…really. She gets angry is a birthday card is a day late. Told my DH to take the baby and go back to England when DD #1 was born. Was angry that dinner was not on the table at 5pm the day after I got out of the hospital from having a baby (who was sick and in the ICU) I was sick too from an infection. Once she gave me a necklace with a charm that looked like an eye and told me she was watching me!!! these are just a few stories. What changed the scenario was DH defending me. noe 11 years later I have a decent relationship with these people. So it is possible. But your husband needs to defend you here.
Hey these people can help train you in virtue!!!😉
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Wow Definitely helps with virtue i’d say:) My Inlaws live 150 miles away but stop in unannounced alot. Although my Husband actually put a stop to that thankfully. We cant afford to move lol but when we can i am sure we will. Thank you all for your advice and comments:) Hopefully we will ork things out. A recorder is a good idea i’ll have to try that. Thanks
 
Faustina2001 said:
they tell my husband stuff I supposedly said but i didnt so we are argueing more lately about stuff that never happened.
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This is a trust issue. Does he trust you or his family more? If the answer is your family, marriage counseling is in order. If it’s you, then the arguing has to stop and he needs to defend you.

If he doesn’t trust you, there will never be peace in your marriage.

You need to get this resolved, you can’t let this simmer.
 
These in-laws sound like they are really crazy (just like mine) and it sounds like you are different as compared to them. It took me many years to realize that “misery loves company” - my in-laws wanted to drag me down to their level. Because I was “different” as compared to them, they assumed I thought I was “better.” They were so jealous and took every opportunity to test my standards and judgment.

No matter what you do, please stay true to yourself. Do not stoop to their level and do not trust them. Make your husband a priority in your life, then what can they possibly say about you? As long as you are treating their son/brother/cousin like the most important thing in your life, what can they really complain about that would actually matter to you?
 
My mother-in-law is crazy. The state of Kentucky backs me up on this one.

That said, I spent time with her being kind and loving. We even moved here to look after her.

Now on the few occasions when DW will complain to MIL about me, MIL takes MY side.😃

I do not know if just trying to meet them halfway will work, but if not then you and hubby gotta do something.
 
My in-laws are all certifiably nuts, MIL, FIL, and SIL. Thankfully, my husband’s parents live one state away, however, his sister lives in the same city as we do.

We would love to distance ourselves from his family but we are raising my SIL’s daughter because she isn’t able to provide a stable home.

We have had our niece for five years now, since she was 8. We keep telling ourselves only 5 more years til she turns 18. We are halfway there. As we do not, and never will, have custody of our niece, we have all too much contact with the in-laws and SIL.

Our niece, however, has turned out to be a wonderful girl and we love her very much.🙂
 
When we marry, we marry not just a spouse, but also the spouse’s family.
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If the prospective spouse’s family are not people we want for our own family, then a better choice of spouse would be prudent. This, of course, is much better to settle prior to marriage
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I disagree - It says this in Genesis and the it is repeated AGAIN in Matthew: that a man cleaves himself from his mother and father and clings to his wife.

My in-laws are psychopaths. They lied to my stepdaughter repeatedly about us and ended up adopting her as that was what she wanted. She has come to realize maybe she didn’t understand but those are the decisions we make as children. I still love her and we will have her whole adult life to get to know each other and some weekends here and there.

As for my MIL she tried to stop the wedding by talking to both the priest and the deacon. They both told her it wasn’t her church it was God’s. When that failed and she cornered them both thye basically just repeated themselves and told her she needed some help.

Oh yeah, and my MIL has also tried to turn things physical with me. She also insulted my mother who is a very tolerant Christian woman, although not Catholic.

In the end, our relationship came to a really good turning point about a month before the wedding when my dh, then fiance, did some soul searching and realized that he had a made a committment to me. We had tried counseling with the IL’s, etc. They believed we were the ones with the psych issues and not them so it had gotten pretty extreme. I was even accused of abusing my stepdaughter. This has been debunked by her greatgrandmother who brought her to the wedding (this is my MIL’s step-mother who my MIL also accused of abuse). My dh then went to the priest at the Parish that we trust and discussed and the priest agreed 100%. My dh now treats his own mother after 30 years of abuse as she does not exist and therefore cannot hurt either of us anymore. Because of that our relationship is stronger. Because of that loyalty he showed me I need to remember every day that my husband truly cleaved himself and that I owe him everything I am and that two must truly become one. In that kind of giving relationship - it can’t fail.

God bless,
 
Thanks again everyone, I had my husband read some ofthe replies and i think we are actually starting to work on our problems. AME thanks for your comment I agree I am not like them at all and I have every intention to not stupe to there level. I pray for them everyday. Hopefully soon they will realize im not bad.
 
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